I suppose you want to know who the heck is writing this crap. (If not, then you need to see someone about that clicking About Me links compulsion of yours.) Well, you’re in luck! I’m not only gonna tell you about me, I’m going to proceed to embarrass almost everyone that’s ever met me (and some who haven’t). Let’s begin, shan’t we?
Solonor Rasreth: Half man. Half elf. All geek.
OK, start with the name? What are you? Indian? African? What kind of name is ‘Solonor Rasreth’ anyway? You’re not some kinda terrorist are you? Hey! You’re not Canadian, I hope!
Solonor was born in the control room of what is now WKIT-FM in Bangor, Maine, in the early 1980’s.
“Did you see that? Four 18’s!”
Brian Matthews was only mildly impressed. He was busy…what with perfecting his “hey there!” radio DJ voice and all…
“Cool. What’ll ya call him?”
Well, since he was going to have been raised by his elven single mom (yes, liberal thinking even then), he needed something more on the elvish side of the family. Something with meaning. Something that required much thinking. So, I threw a dart into the elf chapter of the Deities and Demigods book and settled on Solonor, from Solonor Thelandira, the elven god of hunting, archery, and survival in wild and harsh places.
“Solonor Rasreth,” I said.
Naturally, with the ultimate score in Strength, Intelligence, Wisdom and Charisma, he would be the leader…an expert fighter, skilled with the bow…a wizard, master of magical forces…a cleric, holy and wise. Yes. He would be a three-class character–fighter/mage/cleric.
Of course, I chose as his patron deity, Aerdrie Faenya, goddess of the air, weather and birds. That’s right. From the beginning, Solonor has been for the birds…
Who are you? Lester Norton, International Fan of History (and you wonder why I use my character’s name?) Being from Maine, all through high school I pronounced and spelled it ‘Lestah’…
When were you hatched? 1962, about three months before the Cuban Missile Crisis…no connection…really…
Where? Bangor, Maine (not officially part of Canada, but close enough for Americans).
Where do you infest now? Apopka, Florida…just north of the cultural center of the universe–Orlando.
Why did you move? It’s frickin’ freezin’ up there, Mr. Bigglesworth!
How did you create this thing? At first, with Evrsoft’s 1stPage for the main site and Blogger for the blog, but now with Notepad and Movable Type.
Why? All shall be made clear shortly. Or not. What am I? Psychic?
What do you do? By day, I am a computer geek, working for a national software company that caters to evil multinational oil companies and their foul offspring–convenience stores. By night, I’m just a computer geek.
A Thousand Points of Fright
It takes a village to raise a geek. I would not be the me I be without the following contributors to my psyche. I started to say, “Don’t hold it against them,” but screw ’em! It’s all their fault!
Charmian: We all enjoyed her 18 charismas (nudge, nudge, wink, wink…say no more, say no more). Charmian was a thief–and a damned good one. She stole my heart (awwwwww…) Charmian represents the wicked (but not too wicked, but you never know exactly how wicked, but…you get the idea) side of her creator.
Whiny the Elder: He’s like a son to me. Possessor of the fastest wit I have ever seen (trust me, I am not just saying that). He can cut you down fifteen ways before you even say, “Hey…” Fortunately for me, I have “Curtain Boy” to hold over him. Mwahaha.
Pepperkat: She’s like a daughter to me. How can something so cute be so eeeevil? (Just kidding, sweetie…sweetie? What are you doing with those scissors? Um…RUN AWAY!)
Ric the Schmuck: Ya see, there was this guy with a long and mighty sword…except he was always tripping over it and running into trouble and stuff…even though he was really the long, lost Emperor of Coranth… It’s complicated. These days he can be found telling hopeful young humans, “No, we don’t have any damn Zip Zaps!”
Domino: Cleric of Athena. She made Xena, Princess Warrior, look like Princess Barbie. Her creator should be praised for being the only guy to seriously try to play a female character. We point and laugh instead. We’re just insecure. *snicker*
Ooshka: Okay, so he’s got a tail. Why are you looking at his butt anyway? Cheeky monkey.
Sgt. Grump: The only survivor of an evil Air Force experiment involving nuclear weapons, role-playing games, North Dakota winters and overexposure to bad puns. He is still looking for the perfect job to use all three of his specialties at once–nuclear weapons, archaeology and COBOL programming.
Cableman: Survivor of the back woods of North Carolina and their “Benefit Mud Bogs in Polecat Hollow,” Cableman emerged (like Swamp Thing) as a misunderstood crusader for justice…and proper wiring.
JustAGirl: There is no reason to say anything about her. She’s just a…well, you know.
InVitro: Besides having a nasty nickname, this guy’s just a right-wing extremist, posing as a guitar player. Ignore him. He’s dead anyway.
Ejen: I sometimes feel like this guy’s a brother or something. Wait. No. Closer than a brother. More like a brother-in-law…yeah, that’s it. If he and his nutty wife (whom we shall call “Snowgirl”) hadn’t been around, my kids might never have turned out the way they did. Curse them.
Not-So-Red Menace: She used to be just a Pest, then she grew into a full-blown Menace. Lately, she’s been this blonde chick. I know, I know. It’s hard to keep up. It could be worse. Somehow. We just don’t want to imagine it…
Why 50 Questions? Because everyone else is doing it, and because it’s only half as many as “100 Things About Me”…
1. Your name spelled backwards.
Retsel. There’s a secret code that I did when I was a kid. You take the last two letters of the word and put them first, then spell the rest of the word backwards. Under that scheme, my name is “Ertsel Ontron”. I like it.
2. Where were your parents born?
My dad was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and grew up in the Chickamauga, Fort Oglethorpe, Ringgold, Georgia area. My mom was born in Bangor, Maine. So, we got the Civil War every day…not!
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
STGThumb, a little freebie thumbnail maker.
4. What’s your favorite restaurant?
Do I have to pick? I like all kinds of food…PR’s Taco Palace has great blackened chicken fajitas…Kobe Japanese Steakhouse…the local Chinese restaurant…Bubbalou’s Bodacious BBQ…excuse me…I’m feeling peckish…
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Our pool? Well, not since May or June. Don’t know why. Just haven’t.
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yes. I always played the dad, for some reason.
7. How many kids do you want?
Two. What a coincidence!
8. Type of music you dislike most?
I know it’s been years, but disco still sucks. I can’t stand pop music that’s made with the sole purpose of getting prepubescent girls to buy it. It’s almost as bad as the crappy pop country that’s out there. Is there anything worse than someone so embarrassed by the musical style they chose to play that they pretend it’s pop, yet celebrate it as country, because they couldn’t cut it in the regular pop scene?
9. Are you registered to vote?
If you don’t vote, you can’t complain, and I’m a complainer.
10. Do you have cable?
Yeah, baby! And cable modem! W00t!
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Nope. Snowmobiles are cooler…get it? Cooler? uh-haaa…
12. Ever prank call anybody?
What’s your number?
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Since when is it illegal to park left-wheel-to-curb in a freakin’ parking lot? Huh? And what moron made that rule?
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
I doubt it. Never say never.
15. Furthest place you ever traveled.
16. Do you have a garden?
Is that where you grow stuff…in dirt…on purpose? No.
17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
I haven’t read the comics since Bloom County died. That, and The Far Side are my favorites, though I was a Peanuts fan.
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
“Jose, can you see
Any bed bugs on me…”
Yep, I still got it.
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Morning showers. If I do it at night, my hair’s all whacky in the morning!
20. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
Eww, we slowed down on movies the past couple of months…um, did see ‘Tuck Everlasting’ recently. That was pretty good.
21. Favorite pizza topping?
You’re really into limiting my options, aren’t you? I like pizza with all the goup on it. Supremo. If I gotta pick one, it would be Canadian bacon.
22. Chips or popcorn?
Depends on where we at. Movies = popcorn. No butter. Everything else gets tortilla chips and salsa or sour cream and onion potato chips.
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
This is one of those ones I should change like Scott did, eh? So, in answer to “What’s your favorite color?” I say, “Blue…no, yellow….aaaaaaaaaaaa….”
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
Not as such, no.
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah….wait…. ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…whew! That was funny! Thanks.
26. Orange Juice or apple?
Orange with lotsa pulp.
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
The Mrs, Whiny and I went Chinese Thursday night. Pepperkat was at Girl Scouts. (She doesn’t like Chinese anyway. Don’t give me that look.)
28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Pure milk chocolate. Lindt makes yummy chocolate.
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Not for at least a year. Had them at my dad’s place before he died.
31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Oh, yeah, baby! You’re lookin’ at a Master Debater…um…don’t say that out loud. Okay? In truth, I won lots of debate trophies and such. Geek alert! Geek alert! But I got baseball and softball ones, too. Really. I’m not lying. (Don’t give me that look.)
32. Are you a good cook?
Not bad. I make wicked spaghetti sauce.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Yes, and I can set the time on the VCR, too!
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
Never. I avoid them like the pestilence they are.
35. Sprite or 7-up?
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Ya want fries with that?
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Oooh, a toughie. Must have been some kind of cold medicine.
38. Ever throw up in public?
Not that I remember…or that they have pictures of…
Update! I have been reminded of a certain ferry ride to Vinalhaven…the sea giveth, and the sea taketh away…
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Since I already found true love, I’ll take the cash.
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time.
41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Actually, I needed to do that to get support for my Juno account just last month. Oh…you mean one of those 900 numbers…
42. Can ex’s be friends?
Never had one, so I don’t know.
43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Nope. Wanna see?
45. What message is on your answering machine?
“You’ve reached xxx-xxxx. We are unavailable. Please, leave a message at the tone.”
46. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Either the Church Lady or Samurai Tailor.
47. What was the name of your first pet?
Rex, the dog. That was way, way back. After that, we had to contend with my mother’s vicious poodle, Mitzi, and a German police/Labrador mix that was as big as a horse, called Sparky. He used to run around the yard at breakneck speed, knocking kids over for fun. Not that we encouraged him or anything…
48. What is in your purse?
In my manly wallet there’s a bazillion credit cards, library card, driver’s license, business cards, pictures, insurance cards, discount coupons, Costco card, notes and various coffee club cards…no actual money, though.
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Listen to music, read blogs… used to watch Baseball Tonight… stupid baseball.
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
I can’t think of anything that I am not grateful for! I have a great family, a roof, food, a job, computers… I’d better shut up, before I get struck by lightning.
And another thing…
I decided to add my Statement of Ideology from an earlier post.
So, here’s my official statement of ideology. Just for the record. Then, it’s back to monkeys, Revolver, toys and other meaningless dribble. If I lose any of ya, well, don’t let the door hit you on the ass…
I am a Christian, but not a fundamentalist. I don’t believe every word in the Bible is the literal truth. It was written by men, not once but several times, including translations. It’s impossible someone didn’t edit God’s words.
I believe when our country uses force, we’d better mean it. I am not a pacifist. But I don’t believe in attacking without trying to avoid it, and the last people I trust to tell me the truth are the ones drooling to try out their new war toys.
I am heterosexual, but not a homophobe. Homosexual people are (guess what) people! I wish sexual preference were not a political calling card. But I want there to come a time when they don’t have to fight for their basic rights.
I do eat meat, but I shouldn’t. Not because it’s evil, but because it’s bad for me. PETA is one of the nuttiest groups in the country. But I like puppies and kitties and squirrels and stuff. I could never shoot one. Even if it did this.
I think it’s o.k. to own a gun, but why the hell is it so important that you can’t wait until your background is checked? “It’s huntin’ season, Merle, guess I gotta go buy me a rifle for this afternoon.” Plan ahead, people.
I don’t believe abortion is always the right thing to do, but it’s a woman’s right to decide what to do with her body. Life can only begin at conception in a theological sense. Physically, the fetus can’t survive without the mother. Theological questions should never be within the control of anyone but you or me. The same people that push for less government are usually the ones that want to legislate morality.
Capital punishment is wrong. Unless we can come up with an iron-clad method of proving 100% of the time that we are killing the right person, I don’t want to roll the dice that I’m never going to be on the receiving end of that injustice (and I’m not even poor or black). There are evil people out there that deserve the death penalty. I’d rather lock a thousand of them in a dungeon than kill one innocent person using the rubber stamp of a government. But by dungeon I don’t mean rock star pads, either.
Freedom of speech is one of the most cherished rights we have. Any hindrance put on the press is a burden too tough to bear. But it is the responsibility of the free press to use its powers wisely. Check your facts, lazy asses.
I like all kinds of music, including old country tunes, but I can’t stand blatantly commercial acts. American Idol was evil. Britney Spears is not evil, but her music is foul.
Video games never killed anyone.
Jerry Falwell is evil.
Pat Robertson is right behind him.
George Bush is an idiot.
So is Jesse Jackson.
Islam is not evil. It’s extreme followers are.
I am a Red Sox fan. But I don’t hate the Yankees….um…wait, yes I do.