March 08, 2003
Blog Terror Plot Revealed!
After extensive research, Robyn and I have uncovered a plot so cunning that you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
I warned you about the Dave Barry threat. I told you that he would soon overtake poor Gretchen in the Blogrolling Top 100 and that soon we would all be ground 'neath the boot heels of his manic tomfoolery.
Little did I know how far the conspiracy went...
While I focused on that upstart, the al-Qaeda of Blogdom™ has been scheming all along to dethrone the Princess of the Blogiverse™ from her lofty perch. Their plan was nearly flawless: distract the masses with a flashy celebrity blogger while the heads of the Axis of Blogger Evil™ slowly crept up from behind to snatch her hard-won crown.
And just who are the ringleaders of this nefarious scheme?
Michele. So evil she brazenly admits it! Add that to the fact that she tortures her own people... she's definitely Iraq.
Dave Barry. Short. Liar. Somewhere on his site there has to be nukes disguised as giant cheetos. Korea.
Wil Wheaton. Fanatical religious followers. The only position left for me to put him... He's Iran.
What really surprised me, though, was the exposure of Christine as the Osama bin Laden of this villainy. "Not my Spork Queen!" I thought. But the evidence is too damning to ignore:
- She's from Texas. (According to Robyn, that's all the evidence required.)
- SxSW is in Austin.
- Christine is at SxSW!
- Hackers broke into the University of Texas database.
- Search warrants were served in Austin AND Houston.
- Christine is from Houston.
Case closed.
Now, I have to wonder about Houston-ite Laurence. Did he show up as Number Two on my referral list by accident? And what about Jack? Or the rest of the H-Town Bloggers, for that matter? I swear there's a guy with horns on that page... [update: Their evil HQ has moved to http://www.htownblogs.com/.]
Linking al-Qaeda to Iraq was easy. Just one word: SPORK!
Or is this and this just a coincidence? I call it the chatter of terrorists. And, as Korea pointed out, they have the media on their side.
Look what they've done already!
wKenShow is closed. Surrealy bloggers are living out of the back seat of D's car. Hoopty is gone (don't click on the link unless you want to see Night of the Living Pop-ups). Dick has lost his monkey powers. Even the Queen quit for a time.
So, what are we to do? Lock our doors? Seal off our windows with duct tape and plastic sheeting? Yes, well, that's a good start. But it's even more important that we remain vigilant. Pass this poster around. Make sure everyone knows who's on it. (Oh no! et tu Statia?)
This is happening right under our noses, people! The threat is not going away just because I jump up and down like a loon and scream about it. It takes all of us, together, raising our voices in a cacophony of lunacy to finally defeat blog terror.
Remember, if you don't panic, the terrorists win. Do it for the children.™
Oh my god,I hate you so much.
I cannot stop laughing.
It will be your fault when the Feds knock on my door.
If only someone had devised an early blogging color-coded terrah alert system!
HA! Love it.
Uh oh, I just realized I'm housing a terrorist! Hmm, I don't love it as much anymore...
Yea, but he's not part of the Evil Axis of Blogging. I'd say you're safe with him, Gretchen.
I didn't do it! I didn't do anything! The techno aspect of my brain is turning to mush as I work in the legal field. I didn't do anything! Us Spork Posse members need to stick together!
By the way, that's My Mike (tm) with those horns on on the OLD H-Town blog site. We've moved, by the way. http://www.htownblogs.com ...
I am innocent!
you two have way too much time on your hands. WW, definitely. Dave Barry, he's a WW2. But me? Hell, Michele has even admitted it. But me? Man, I have the princess blogrolled 3 times, I'm not guilty of anything. You're goin' down old man, you're goin' doooooooooooooown.
Good work uncovering this evil plot! Someone needed to do it! I've even convinced my husband to alert his readers that something's afoot.
Yeah, I'm #2 because it's a terrorist plot. Right. I'm Amish bin Luddite.
I knew it! Your admission will make it easier on you during the military tribunal... maybe. At the very least, you can give SOMEBODY some points in the ATS Dead Pool!
Solly where do us tourbus driver types fit into the terrahsphere? This blogroll war thing kinda reminds me of a song...I'd sell my soul for the ole Blogroll.
Thank you, comment spammers. Thank you to hell.
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