Halflingbasher Retaliates

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle
Old Forest Gazette

Old Forest - Facing the risk of fines from his team, Pork Halflingbasher has broken his silence and chosen to retaliate to a comment made by Double A teammate Drogo Loamsdown. Two weeks ago the halfling pitcher Loamsdown said, "I get along fine with these guys, except maybe for Pork Halflingbasher. That guy's an ass." Since then unrest has rocked the Double A team.

"I resent that little punk," Halflingbasher said. "I am who I am. My name comes from my great grandfather, Oarik the Halfling Basher who killed 62 of the little buggers in a skirmish from more than 100 years ago! All he had was a club! A club... and a dream!"

However, while unapologetic for his family's violent past, Halflingbasher does promise to make ammends for the future. "I'll try not to beat up on Loamsdown too much," he said. "He's valuable to the team. So, from now on, I want my nickname to be "Halfling Lover."

The team is not amused by Halflingbasher's attitude toward his little teammates. "Loamsdown is the future of our rotation," owner Tom Bombadil said. "As far as I'm concerned, Halflingbasher will be fined $500 and is now up for trade. If anyone is interested, they know my number."

Last season at A ball Halflingbasher hit .314 with 20 homeruns, 98 RBI, and 23 stolen bases. This year at AA he is hitting .301 with 2 homeruns and 8 RBI in 19 games.

Posted at September 29, 2003 10:36 AM | more from Old Forest