Renegade Ents Maim Old Forest Prospects

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle
Old Forest Gazette

ENT FOREST - Minor league players from the Old Forest system are complaining about the location of the Double A affiliate, the Ent Forest Antelopes. During the 2004 season a rash string of injuries occurred there, and the players injured are claiming they were hurt at the hand of Entfolk. "They're downright nasty," second baseman Gandemer Gamama said. "I don't know why, but I was just hanging out in the forest after a game one day when this big thing comes out and grabbed me by my arm! Next thing I know he's swinging me around and I had a torn tricep muscle!"

Longlimb, an ancient Ent, acknowledges that it happened, but clearly stated that Gamama was responsible for his injuries. "I bet he'll think twice before setting my favorite grove on fire again," Longlimb said.

Also hurt was Areom Anil-Garion, whose kneecap was broken by an Entfolk when he was caught cutting down a tree for the purposes of building a bonfire. "And I thought that playing Single-A-Ball in North Mordor was bad, but this is hell!" Anil-Garion said. "They should really consider moving the team, they're gonna cripple our players if they don't!"

When asked about the situation, Tom Bombadil said that options were being considered. "I can understand why they feel they way they do, Sitting in hospital beds feeling lots of gloom, We're considering our options through and through, We might move the team to the base of Mount Doom."

Merry Fellows are Much Changed
With the many moves made by the Merry Fellows this off season, fans and the team alike are buzzing with anticipation for the next season. "They're gonna win it all!" said Anjuri Thredonoli, 129. "I want my dad to buy me season tickets!"

Players have also been getting excited. Ace pitcher Boriam "The White Wizard" Celebrin thinks that he and new acquisition Tavus Legithraviel can both win 20 games with an improved offense. "It's going to be about fear and intimidation," Celebrin said. "I struck out 301 batters last year. Tavus struck out what, 250? I think all we need is to get a little more out of Aragorson and our offense is going to be huge. Another starting pitcher would be nice too."

Celebrin's desire for a third ace to accompany he and Legithraviel may come true, as rumors have it that owner/manager Tom Bombadil isn't done wheeling and dealing. As of this morning the Merry Fellows are the top bidders for 31-year-old strikeout king, Ligor "Joker" Fistslammer, who struck out 308 batters in just 200.2 innings last year. While exact amounts remain unknown, sources say the deal is for well over 10 million a year - possibly as much as 15.

Also new to the team is 30-year-old CF Seathor Radithor, who signed a 3 year 33 million dollar deal. Radithor hit 37 homeruns and drove in 89 RBI while batting .282 and stealing 19 bases last year. He should be a huge upgrade over Thuror Nündel who proved to be disappointing in his second full season as the Merry Fellow's starting center fielder.

Another addition to the club is 20-year-old catcher Juan Almeida, acquired in a deal with Dol Guldur for last year's starting left fielder Haleogrin Grolas. Almeida hit 14 homeruns in 417 at bats last year at the age of 19. Grolas showed disappointment in being traded from Old Forest. "You never get tired of the songs," Grolas said. "It's always nice when Mr. Bombadil sings something specifically for you, too. To be honest I'd hoped I'd retire here, but at least I'm going somewhere where they could use me."

Old Forest is additionally interested in upgrading at first base and may pursue All Star third baseman Gobur Foetooth before the pre-season begins. All told, there may be as many as six new starting position players, as well as an almost entirely new rotation. Regardless, Bombadil has made the off season interesting in Old Forest and has left many fans and journalists wondering how it will carry into the new season.

Getting to know your players
This week's featured player: Boriam Celebrin.

Formerly nicknamed "Kid K," Celebrin has grown up since his first pitch with the Merry Fellows during their inaugrual season. His first year he was either hit or miss - striking out a then-record 271 batters while going 6-15 with a 5.26 ERA. In 2004 Celebrin improved on his game. He dropped his ERA nearly an entire run - it was 4.34 last year. He won 11 more games - 17 total for the 69 win Merry Fellows, and struck out 301 batters while missing more than a month of action due to a freak play that broke his cheekbone.

Celebrin was also accused of wizardry during the season due to his habbit of talking to the baseball before he throws his pitches. However he laughs at those claims. "I'm no wizard, I just yell at the ball sometimes. I say 'break damn you, break' and sometimes it does." However the speculation of his magical abilities have continued to grow, especially during the last month of the season when he won six of his last seven decisions and struck out 84 batters. Likewise, he has begun growing a long beard. Strangely, the beard is white, and has earned Celebrin his new nickname 'The White Wizard,' or 'Whitey' for short. Anonymous players are calling for Celebrin to be inspected by Commissioner Solonor, and a new rumor states the Celebrin is not 22, but in fact is nearly 1,000 years old. "They can do that if they want, but hey I'm not a wizard," Celebrin said. "And really, even if I was, if they let a Balrog play in this league, why not a wizard?"

Posted at January 8, 2004 05:34 PM | more from Old Forest