Silvan Moves to Gondolin

by Rufus Took of Sackville

GONDOLIN - If a tree falls at a Silvan Rangers home game, would it make a sound? It is a paradox that has baffled philosophers since the dawn of the first age of Middle Earth. The only certainty is that the falling tree would NOT hurt any baseball fans... Baseball fans rarely attend Silvan Ranger home games. Team manager and owner Al DiSanto announced today that "Due to the lack of fan interest, and the lameness of the team logo and name, the Silvan Rangers will relocate in time for the 2006 season. This is also part of our new strategy of confusing the rest of the league." The official went on to say the team will play its home games in the city of Gondolin and will be known as the Gondolin Griffons. Games will be played at the brand new Silmarillion Cellular Field, which looks exactly like the "Old Ballpark" where the team used to play.

Despite the apparent low fan interest, the announcement has caused an uproar among residents of the Silvan area. "Oh no, they're taking our soccer team away," said one distraught fan. "Does this mean Lake Town won't play away games here any more," asked another.

Mr. DiSanto faced some harsh questions about the logistics of the team's move this afternoon, and he seemed to have no good answer for questions such as: "Will Gondolin being the 'Hidden City' hurt attendance?" and "Wasn't Gondolin from the First Age of Middle Earth?" Mr. DiSanto could only respond by calling the reporter who asked the question "an obsessive fan who still lives in his mom's basement and needs to get a life."

Meanwhile, residents of Gondolin are ecstatic that their city is now home to a baseball team. "When do they play Mirkwood?" and "Does this mean if a tree falls here it won't hurt anyone?" were the most often heard questions. With crazed fans like these, maybe even the team once known as the Rangers, now known as the Griffons, can fly high once again.

Posted at May 29, 2004 08:43 AM | more from Minas Ithil