Elvenking Berates Players

By Everard Grenthumb from Dwaling

MIRKWOOD - Manager Thranduil Elvenking has been riding the high from winning the Return of the King Series last season, but seems to be having trouble getting the team to live up to their potential. They are currently tied for 1st place in the Elf Division with their rivals from Old Forest. But that's not the whole story. The Marauders are playing 14 games below their potential. After last weeks losses to the Cheese (they split 2-2) Elvenking exploded in the locker room at the two young starting pitchers, Denaumir 'Iceball' Deneadur (9-9) and Gwelf 'Guns' Goriborn (10-6). Both Pitchers are reportedly due for extensive arbitration awards, going from the league minimum to an estimated $4.2 Million each.

"Deneadur has the most amazing fastball you've ever seen." stated Catcher Curt 'The Bat' Ballscarer in a recent interview, to which he added, "But sometimes he can get a little off, and if you are crowding the plate he'll plug ya." Last season Deneadur was second in K's with 314 and looks to be on pace to get there again, but he is struggling to keep the games under control. He is also 2nd in the Shire Conference in Hit Batsmen with 14. His last 5 games he has 4 No Decisions, and 1 Loss, and he has only pitched 29.2 innings total in those games and given up 17 Earned Runs.

Elvenking got right up in the Wraith's face and totally berated him in front of the entire team. "If you think you have some kind of protected status because you can strike out half the batters you face, you better wake up or you'll find yourself down on the Taur e-Ndaedelos Woods AAA Team faster than you can throw that 108 mph fastball of yours!!" Some members of the team reported feeling an icy chill envelope the lockerroom.

Goriborn (who is actually doing well this season, 2.93 ERA, 6 Complete Games, and 2 Shutouts) was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. His loss to the Cheese is what set Elvenking off, and he was threatened with being made a Spot Starter as soon as veteran Pitcher Geadriel 'Dark Light' Gamialf returns from his Torn Bicep Muscle injury in about a week.

Other players who were just trying to keep out of the line of fire got some words also. 1B Valin 'Dinger' Graniteslinger was told that his swing resembled that of an old lady Hobbit with a rake in the garden. CF Celealob 'Celebrity' Celaum was told he couldn't find first base if an Ent placed him on it. And CL Disin 'The Hatchet' Axesmith was told that since he already had 7 Blown Saves that maybe he would prefer to be a Mop-up Reliever instead.

As everyone knows the Mirkwood fans are a fickle bunch. They won't tolerate not winning their division this year and Elvenking knows that if he suffers the initial humiliation of coming in second after winning the Return of the King Series last season, he very well may also suffer the added humiliation of being replaced.

Posted at August 11, 2004 09:18 AM | more from Mirkwood