Old Forest Makes Big Trades

by Hagkar Haracias

OLD FOREST - A 93-69 record and a first-ever playoff appearance may satisfy many teams, but Tom Bombadil won't rest until he wins a pennant. It came to no one's surprise when he took the first step toward competing next year by unloading three expensive players. "Mr. Bombadil loved Ligor Fistslammer, and felt a great attachment to Sorthor Guviel," said Merry Fellows spokeswoman Leela Boartooth. "However, we must remember that baseball is about more than attachment to players, and he felt it would improve the team drastically if he traded them and first baseman Myrtai Elvywyn."

The Merry Fellows traded Myrtai Elvywyn to Minas Morgul for reliever Tagnash Nosehammer and outfielders Vorthor Tinarawen and Thuror Nündel. Elvywyn slugged 36 homeruns last year, but is rumored to have caused problems in the clubhouse. Unnamed sources claim that Elvywyn allegedly instigated several fights with Old Forest players while also ruthlessly hitting on their wives and girlfriends. He could not be reached for comment. Nündel begins his second term with Old Forest. He was the starting center fielder in the team's inaugural season, leading the league in triples. His sophomore season was a disappointment, and he was released before the 2005 season. Nündel was excited to return. "My first time here, they weren't very big winners," he said. "Since they dealt me, they turned it around. I'm looking forward to contributing in whatever way Mr. Bombadil decries."

The Merry Fellows also traded fan favorite pitcher Ligor "Joker" Fistslammer and star second baseman Sorthor Guviel to the Moira Miners for young second baseman Petunia "Pet" Gamgee. Fistslammer won 12 games last year while striking out 286 batters, but was due to make 15 million in 2007, which Old Forest needed to clear to make moves on free agents. Manager Bombadil made the following statement about the trade:

"Oh the great lady Bran is wonderful indeed,
Her baseball mind is even greater than believed,
I have to give her credit for the trade you see,
'for it pained her to give up Petula Gamgee!"

Along with the 21 year-old Gamgee, the Merry Fellows plan on promoting 24-year-old first baseman Cinquefoil Boartooth, the first ever Ferisher to play in the major leagues. Boartooth, a homerun king in his native realm, will anchor an Old Forest infield that also consists of 24-year-old shortstop Rognash Kidneyslammer, 22-year-old third baseman Gamaithor Elylith, and 22-year-old catcher Bombur "The Bomber" Granitebrow. Moira's new owner Bran showed some sadness over dealing Gamgee to the Merry Fellows. "I've spoken with the team, and they wanted me to tell the fans that 'Pet' Gamgee has been a real treat to play with, these last years," said Bran. "Though we are sad to see her go, we know that her career has limitless potential in the fields of Old Forest."

All told, the Merry Fellows saved about 23 million dollars, which Bombadil plans on using to lure in additional free agents during the off season. It's still early into the off season schedule, and Bombadil has just begun improving his team.

Posted at October 6, 2004 05:47 PM | more from Old Forest