Bombadil lays bombshell that bastes Bree Cheese

By Alavar the Aliteration-happy

OLD FOREST - In light of the recent allegations against the allegedly homicidal Bree Cheese, Tom Bombadil has come forward with additional information that may damn Cheese owner Sgt. Grump even further.

"I wouldn't acuse Sgt. Grump of murder,
But recent events have left me feeling torn,
Yet long have I heard many suggestive whispers,
Regarding Eldarion, son of Aragorn!"

Eldarion Aragornson was a star prospect for the Merry Fellows during the first three years of the team's existence. During his first full season, Aragornson hit 32 homeruns while driving in 91 RBI, including several crushing blows during the season against the Bree Cheese. Yet before the '06 campaign began, Aragornson was found in dead in his Old Forest appartment. It was hushed up at the time, but in light of the recent allegations against Grump regarding the death of Beleg Orctrembler, Bombadil has come forward.

"We didn't know what it was that made him die,
At first we thought he was victim of disease,
But no answers were found after searching both low and high,
And in his mouth we found a piece... of brie cheese."

After two such allegations, fans and team owners alike find themselves questioning just how long these murders will have to continue before league commissioner Solonor Rasereth will take action against Sgt. Grump. Rasereth has also found himself facing heavy criticism lately, because of a botched MVP announcement. Will Rasereth's hesitation be the final nail in his own coffin?

Old Forest spokesperson Bolbab the Stutterer voiced his opinion on the matter soon after Tom Bombadil made this announcement: "I've met Sgt. Grump on more than three dozen occasions, and while he is quite frankly a bit creepy, I absolutely believe he is innocent of the charges lofted against him. On the other hand, Bree is the Mordor of the North, and certain sections of Bree are worse than anything this side of Mount Doom. I have no doubt that Grump has homicidal fans out there who may have deathly intent toward Bree's rivals. In my opinion, this is the work of a fan! (Or maybe Deagol Fishslapper, that guy is a flippin' lunatic!"

In other Old Forest news, Merry Fellows assistant GM Dirk Pleasant has recently become ill after visiting Moira following the now-legendary trade for Petunia Gamgee, the Merry Fellows starting second baseman. When asked what was ailing him, Pleasant responded, "I am happy with my new team manager BranMorda. I have no further comment." When it was pointed out to him that he doesn't play for BranMorda, Pleasant merely repeated himself and left. There is no further word on his current condition.

Posted at October 16, 2004 11:42 AM | more from Old Forest