Fairies Shocked As Manager Quits

By Peroido Baggins
Bucklebury Times

BUCKLEBURY - A shocked Bucklebury team received stunning news just moments before the start of the new season. Team manager, Xade, has decided to leave the team, reportedly for his own safety.

"I's quits!" Xade shouted at reporters from the window of his tower apartment. "Whats with the recent hit on Orctrembler and that creepy BranMorda, I's thinks its time for this bird to flys. I's needs to goes backs to somewheres safer... I hears Mordor is nice this time of year."

Upon hearing the news, team owner xade (the other one), hurried to his office, and the following was allegedly overheard: "Oh god, why has this happened!! He was gunna take us to the playoffs. Now we're screwed..."

When it was suggested that xade take over managerial duties, he replied, "What's that? Me? No, you don't understand. I'm a screw-up. A fraud. I don't belong here. Well, I know that some teams have a DH. Sometimes people 'Hit for the cycle'. I know that everything is Bree's fault, and that everyone hates something called the 'Yang-keys'... Hey... is that someone at the door?"

Later, at the official news conference announcing the manager's departure, xade had this to say:

"Xade and I have come to a very agreeable agreement. He's going to break his promise to take the Fairies to victory in order to save is own skin, and I'm going to suppress the rage I'm feeling right now. I feel that this is a very positive stepping stone for the Fairies. We still got Minto. And he's gunna be a star. A star I tells ya! 2007 is gunna be a great year for the Fairies! We're gunna be hitting those... round things. And our... um... round thing throwers are gunna be throwing their round things so the guy can catch it... and... Oh my god, we're so screwed! I'm a fraud! I don't even know... Hey what's that smell, smells kinda like chloro...hmpmmpmhpmhmm..."

With that, the press conference was over, and xade was dragged away by his PR Ogres. A second Press release was put out, but all it contained were cheesy lines like:

"2007 - Got Fairie?" and "2007 - Revenge of the Fairies"

Following those slogans was a crudely drawn picture of a stick figure holding a cup with the words "2007 - year of the Fairie."

I don't think we will be getting anything more out of the Bucklebury board at the moment. But I will keep you all up to date on how this plays out. Perhaps it will be a good thing for the Fairies. Perhaps not. I'm sure time will tell.

Posted at October 18, 2004 11:28 AM | more from Bucklebury