Bombadil Steps Down From Managerial Post
By Moleare Kragnar
OLD FOREST - Tom Bombadil has single-handedly crafted the Merry Fellows into contenders in the Shire Conference, and after four years as the team's owner, general manager, and manager, Bombadil has decided to step down from his managerial post. In the process, the Merry Fellows announced that legendary reserve infielder and fan favorite Kigush Eyeslobberer will be released from active play for the team and become their new manager.
"It's certainly an honor," Eyeslobberer said during the press conference. "Well, to be honest I still want to play, but I know that my abilities have declined. I'm looking forward to remaining on in this capacity."
Eyeslobberer, known as "Kig-Gob" by the fans and "Cap" by his fellow players, was one of the original Merry Fellows. He was chosen in the 21st round of the inaugural draft. In 404 games in the major leagues, Eyeslobberer has a career .277 batting average while hitting 35 homeruns and driving in 150 RBI. His best season came in 2005, in which he batted .305 while hitting 14 homeruns and driving in 56 RBI in only 347 at bats.
"That was a great year. I truly wish we'd made the post season, because big things would've happened - I know it," Eyeslobberer said.
He was rewarded with a two year, two million dollar contract. However, he hasn't played up to par since then, batting only .213 last season. Due to the team's pressing need for a talented backup middle infielder, Bombadil chose to both release him and promote him at the same time.
This is not the first managerial post held by Eyeslobberer. Before the Tolkien League formed, he was the owner and manager of the Mudhole Muckmakers of the Misty Mountain Association (MMA). In nine years as the star player and manager, Eyeslobberer batted .332 with 268 homeruns, 984 RBI, and 177 steals while leading the Muckmakers to seven winning seasons and three league titles.
Ultimately, Eyeslobberer is happy to remain with the team, and hopes to coach there for years to come. "This is a dream come true," he said. "I just hope we win!"
Assistant GM Dirk Pleasant Commited
One month after a visit to Moria, Merry Fellows Assistant General Manager Dirk Pleasant has been committed to the Shire Asylum of the Loons. Old Forest owner and GM Tom Bombadil has refused to comment on the cause, but there is heavy speculation that Pleasant may have had a traumatic experience while in Moria. Sources inside the asylum say that he keeps talking about "BranMorda," and refuses to say anything else.