Brie Killer Strikes Again!

By Lobelia Hardbottle, MESN
MORIA - The deceased body of formidable Moria Miners team manager, BranMorda, has been found in the silence of Balin's tomb. Investigators on the scene uncovered no signs of forced entry, no marks on the body or evidence of malintent. Authorities were about to chalk up her death as a freak occurrence when medical examiner Maeglin Tasartir stepped forward with a startling discovery. "She had something lodged in her throat, which I assumed to be, perhaps, a piece of apple. It is not uncommon for exceptionally evil women to die in this fashion," said Tasartir. "Upon closer inspection, however, the object that deprived her of life-giving air turned out to be a piece of cheese. Brie cheese, to be exact."

Moria owner, Brandelion of Lethargy, has chosen to take refuge in the labyrinthine halls of Moria. She was last seen dodging reporters as she disappeared into the long dark of the mines. "She looked terrible," remarked Catcher Roignar Shieldcrusher. "I've never seen her look so pale, and with her hair all a mess. Her hands were trembling, and she kept mumbling something about 'the dark cheese,' but that's all I could make out. Tell the truth, I think our fair Brandelion may be joining ole' Dirk Pleasant in the Sanitarium, soon." Moria's PR staff had no available comment.

The demise of BranMorda follows the shocking alleged murders of Hops manager, Smahsh Ehn'Bahsh, and former Titans player, Beleg Orctrembler, in which a single piece of brie cheese was found. The news also comes just days after former Merry Fellows manager Tom Bombadil has stepped forward about the mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of Eldarion Aragornson, who was also found dead after choking on a piece of Bree cheese, last season. And fearing for his safety, Bucklebury manager, Xade, has left the Fairies in the inexperienced hands of their owner, xade.

It seems that members of the league are unwilling to discuss the recent death. Commissioner Rasreth has declined comment at this time, pending further investigation, and the only word that has come from representatives of the Bree Cheese organization is "preposterous." Conicidentally, this is the name of a Bree minor leaguer, Hieronymous Preposterous, a reliever for the class A Staddle Gouda. Preposterous is being questioned by authorities.

Posted at October 20, 2004 09:38 AM | more from Moria