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Rohan Reacts

Rohan
By Kurmazh the Atrocious

ROHAN - In recent events, several players and even a manager have turned up dead, apparently victims of cheese poisoning. Management and players of Rohan were contacted to get their reactions. We spoke with Fosco Baggins (no relation to the Bag End Bagginses) and celebrated skipper of the RoughRiders on his thoughts. "Well, Im not one for cheese, escpecially that brie (expletive deleted)," he said. The dimunitve manager had no other comments and spit some tabbacco juice onto the ground and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

We also caught up with team captain, Rafur "Rocky" Rockback, and asked for his take on these recent events. "Cheese poisoning? (incoherent grumbles)...silliest thing I ever heard...(incoherent grumbling)....silly Shire Conference.....(incoherent grumbling)...next thing you know they'll be instituting the DH here in the Mordor," he said. At which point the grizzled signal caller stormed off back into the RoughRider dressing room.

For a more eloquent response, we contacted superstar pitcher Legeron Iseomer for a comment. He said, "I don't know, it's all very suspicious if you ask me. I think I am going to just avoid cheese altogether until the league resolves this issue."

We also managed to arrange for a conference with Elowin Eomer, spokesman for the team owners, the Rohan Ranchers Association, and General Manager of the RoughRiders. "Currently, we understand that the league has hired the services of an investigator, and we believe that this is the proper course of action. The last thing we want to do is come to any conclusions as to why this is happening without all the facts."

When approached, a RoughRiders fan had this to say on the subject: "This is just (expletive deleted), whoever is doing this has no respect for the game and should have his (expletive deleted)(expletive deleted), and then I would like to (expletive deleted) him in the (expletive deleted)! But, hey, they haven't gotten any of the RoughRiders! GO ROUGHRIDERS!"

The Rohirrim will continue to play ball as usual, but no doubt with just a little anxiety to see this issue resolved.

Posted at October 21, 2004 01:55 PM | more from Ravenhill