Security Not a Concern for Disaster

by Ghazlakh the Abominable

DAGORLAD - In a tightly worded press release, Dagorlad management announced they will do nothing in regards to a rumored assassin. "Dagorlad will do nothing about a rumored assassin," the release stated. "Any person not authorized by the Dagorlad management found upon the premises will be eaten by Dizze, the Dagorlad carnivorous mascot."

Dagorlad's security has been tested over the years. Two years ago Gamilas Eowil-Galad tackled a fan who had jumped onto the field of play. Later Dagorlad management would not confirm that the fan was put in the custody of the first Dagorlad mascot, Dizzy, who subsequently ate him. Dagorlad law enforcement officials also declined comment, but did offer Chianti to go with a nice fava bean hotdish.

Ten years ago, a rogue wizard Ronny "Red Wizard" Redd, who was later found to be a rogue, had attempted to steal home plate from the field as part of a clandestine pyramid scheme in real estate. Redd was found the next morning hanging from a flagpole in left center field where his cloak had become entangled. He was in fine health if a bit red in the face. He served five years in Mordor's mines.

Twelve years ago a rumored tunnel had been built under the field with trap doors placed at the warning track by those hoping to catch the record-breaking 75th consecutive fly-out to right field by Filbert "Nutty" Gjalke, a member of the old MEOBL Dagorlad Concussions. Before the game started, fifteen hobbits, two elves, sixteen dwarves, and one Dutch Elm rotted ent were arrested in the tunnels. Police at the time said if the hobbits hadn't decided to have their elevenses, the plan would have worked. "We smelled the bacon and smoking tobacco while lining the field for the pre-game concussive activities."

Posted at October 21, 2004 05:44 PM | more from Dagorlad