Free Gold, Free Cheese

By Azzog the Thug

BREE - Bartleby Butterburr, Public Relations Director for the Bree Cheese, today announced that this season's annual Free Gold Day will be held on May 18th. Traditionally, the Cheese have held Free Gold Day in late September or early October. This season, however, the date was moved forward to coincide with the opening of the new Butterburr Cheese Factory on the outskirts of Bree. The new Butterburr Cheese Factory will be the largest cheese-producing plant in Middle Earth. According to Bartholomew Butterburr, the Chief of Operations, the plant will initially produce a lenghty list* of varieties. Other cheeses will be added to the product line once the the plant is fully staffed and functional. The all-day opening celebrations at the plant will include free cheese and entertainment by the ever-popular Butterburr Bazouki Band.

Not everyone is thrilled by the opening of this plant. Sunflower Peacemeadow, a spokesman for "Hobbits For Nature" have announced their intention to protest at the event. "That terrible plant will destroy our beautiful countryside! Why, that giant illuminated 'Cheese' sign can be seen all the way to Hobbiton on a clear night! And the stench from the Limburger processing line is enough to ruin a hobbit's appetite for half a day!"

The Butterburr Cheese Factory is owned by the Butterburr family, who also own the Bree Cheese Baseball Club, and Prancing Pony Inns- the largest and most-widespread hostelry chain in Mdidle Earth. No one in the family would comment on the allegations.

*Cheeses to be produced include: Red Leicester, Tilsit, Caerphilly, Bel Paese, Red Windsor, Stilton, Ementhal, Gruyere, Norweigan Jarlsburg, Lipta, Lancashire, White Stilton, Danish Brew, Double Goucester, Cheshire, Dorset Bluveny, Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port alut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson, Camenbert, Gouda, Edam, Case Ness, Smoked Austrian, Japanese Sage Darby, Wensleydale, Greek Feta, Gorgonzola, Parmesan, Mozarella, Paper Cramer, Danish Bimbo, Czech sheep's milk, Venezuelan Beaver Cheese, Cheddar, Illchester, and Limburger.

Posted at October 24, 2004 05:42 PM | more from Bree