Out of Context: Celebrity Gossip with Juicedawn Peatfingers

by Juicedawn Peatfingers

MORIA - Good gossip is a hot commodity in Moria, where news travels fast. This week, the hottest rumors surround the temperamental owner and stand-in manager of the Moria Miners, Brandelion of Lethargy. A close informant tells me that Brandelion and a certain Dwarf Division team owner have been 'canoodling' in their off-time. No word on whether the rumors are true, but that would explain why we haven't seen much of her around the halls of Moria, lately! Inside sources confirm she has been seen around the mines with a 'dodgy, shady looking character with a strong taste for drink.' A high-class dame with a back-alley sewer rat? Shame, shame, Brandelion! You should take better pains not to be seen if you want to hide your misbehavior from that high-level twin of yours!

Personal life aside, Brandelion's been stirring up scintillating gossip on the playing field. Aides in the Miners organization report that Bran gave her team an acid-tongued talking to after a disappointing show against Bywater and Rivendell. No word on what the full, scathing speech was about, though sources say she reportedly called several of the players "retards" and stormed out of the locker room with all the panache of a well-trained drama queen. Temper, temper! I can't imagine that kind of behavior will do much for team morale.

So, what next from 'Bizarro Bran-o', Moria's reigning Queen of Distemper? Sky's the limit, I'm sure. Or, should I say, high-apple-pie-in-the-sky's the limit? Tune in next week for the dish on what's what and who's who in the baseball world. Until then, peace, love, annnnnd Gossip! mwah!

Posted at October 29, 2004 09:14 AM | more from Moria