Miner Manager Found Alive!

from The Mithril Post
headline news and notes from Moria

NEWS

BranMorda Not Dead!
MORIA - Former Moria Miners manager BranMorda shocked and terrified thousands this week after rising from her grave. Witnesses fled at what they thought was a restless apparation come back to seek revenge; but revenge was not on BranMorda's agenda. "I must bathe," she simply stated, and walked past terrified onlookers as if nothing had happened.

The news of BranMorda's return from the dead was met with shrieking and gaunt faces within the Miners organization. A team of reputable healers were called immediately to adminster to BranMorda. After several tests, healers confirmed that BranMorda really really is alive, though convincing team management of her vitality was a difficult task. "We were not at all sure what to think," said PR manager Heodwyn Soft Voice. "Of course, we were shocked to see her--horrified, even--because it is not everyday that one who has passed into other realms re-joins the living. We were concerned about the status of her health, and made the arrangements for healers to meet with her right away."

Turns out, BranMorda is absolutely fine after her month-long stay underground. Healers are now saying that she wasn't even dead in the first place. "I don't understand what happend," said Constable Pat Lackey, who signed the document certifying BranMorda's death. "We checked her for all vital signs, and she had none. No heartbeat; nothing." BranMorda provided a simple answer to the mystery. "I have no heart," she said coldly.

No official word has been issued by Brandelion of Lethargy, yet, though inside sources say the sometimes unstable team owner screamed, then fainted upon hearing the news of BranMorda's return. "They were very close," said Heodwyn Soft Voice. "Bran was understandably shaken to see her old friend BranMorda, again." When asked if BranMorda will be re-joining the Moria Miners as general manager, Heodwyn hesitated. "...The subject will be discussed at greater length once Brandelion and BranMorda have had a chance to recover from this harrowing ordeal. For now, the Miners will continue under the management of Brandelion as before."

Dwarf Rock Concert To Aid Bridge Reconstruction
Activist rockers The Stonebeards have signed a deal with representatives of the Moria Miners for use of the Khazad-dum Stadium this week. The group plans to present a concert to benefit the Bridge of Khazad-dum reconstruction project, and will be touted as Bridge Aid. Said charismatic lead singer, Mono, "This is a chance for us to use our dizzying wealth and fame to make a difference. We heard about the collapse of the project and the resulting deaths following the Moria riots, and we knew as a band that this would be a good opportunity to simultaneously rally the good hearts of Moria to action and breathe new life into a worthy cause. We also have a new record due out in Forelithe that we'd like fans to buy. Er, listen to."

Miners PR manager, Heodwyn Soft Voice, encourages attendees of the now legendary 20 Astron game to take their game ticket stubs to the concert for a 10% discount off admission price. "We are confident the concert will be an enjoyable experience for all, and will help to heal the wounds that the terrible game of 20 Astron left us with," said Heodwyn.

The concert is scheduled for 5 Thrimidge (S.R.). Proceeds will benefit the Coalition for a Better Moria.

Posted at October 31, 2004 06:44 AM | more from Moria