News from Moria

from The Mithril Post
headline news and notes from Moria

SPORTS

Great Week for Moria
The Miners just get better and better after a 6 win week against Mirkwood, Carrock, Gondolin, and Bucklebury. The only loss in this week's series went to the Gondolin Griffins, who ended a long losing streak with a 3-2 victory over Moria. Attendees of the Gondolin-Moria game said it was a close win. "That game was tight," said Gondolin resident Meriolin Merian. "It was really a great game." Gangrene Toebleeder, an ardent fan of the Miners seemed pleased with the game despite the loss. "Both teams played their bleedin' 'earts out. So [the Miners] lost a bitty, but they rearranged plenty o' smiles along the way. Field was sparklin' with Gondolin pearly whites. Ain't nothing to be ashamed of there," said Toebleeder. This weeks highlights include: Catcher Marcho Tussle hit a homerun in the 10th against Mirkwood; Farin Beardsnapper pitched a 6-hit shutout against Gondolin; Haleth Bright Blade batted an RBI single in the 9th against Gondolin; Gabzog the Obtuse hit a homerun in the 13th against Bucklebury. General Manager Dirk Pleasant expressed his glee over this week's wins by saying, "Woo! Go us!" before retreating into the rambling chasms of his tortured mind. Moria's owner and former stand-in manager, Brandelion of Lethargy, was unavailable for comment.

Brandelion Locked In Tower: Commissioner Says "Enough"
A press release issued by the offices of the Commissioner stated that Moria Miners owner Brandelion of Lethargy has been placed in a tower "for her own protection," due to her increasingly erratic and reclusive behavior. Brandelion's behavior is hinted to have adversely affected the welfare of players and staff within the Miners organization. When asked if Brandelion would be returning to the league soon, Commissioner Rasreth sighed, shook his head sadly, and retreated to his office without comment.

The Commissioner's decision to lock Bran away follows a strange series of staff changes within the Miners organization. When PR manager Heodwyn of the Soft Voice resigned without explanation, team members were quick to assume the cause was the hiring of General Manager, Dirk Pleasant. Healers have certified that Pleasant's mental state is, at best, unstable. "I have no idea what [Bran] was thinking, hiring Dirk Pleasant," said Moria veteran Roignar Shieldcrusher. "That man is clearly un-sane. We don't need papers to prove it. Though, if you need papers, we've got them. He's certified." Shieldcrusher is one of a growing majority who believe Heodwyn left the Miners organization because of Bran's poor choices in management. None have forgotten their harrowing experiences under the icy tyrant, BranMorda. "After the [expletive referring to BranMorda], the prospect of dealing with yet another raving lunatic of a manager was a little hard to take," said starting pitcher Farin beardsnapper. Roignar Shieldcrusher nodded in agreement with his team mate. "I don't mean to bite the hand that feeds me," said Shieldcrusher, "But I'm having a hard time understanding where that woman [Bran] is coming from. No wonder Heodwyn left us."

Moria's players unanimously agreed with the Commissioner's decision to give Bran 'time out.' Gathered in the team's locker room, the players offered their opinions about the future of Moria. "Now, we love Bran--don't go printing us 'on record' that we don't," said Sim Hornblower. "We all want her to come back...eventually. After a nice, long rest. We all think the Commish made the right decision." Camellia Baggins, well-known throughout the league as Brandelion's "Darling" pet player, added her thoughts. "She's swell, you know, when she's not in one of her 'moods'. Her moods are a little bit scary," said Baggins, shuddering. "We just want her to get the help she needs." As for the team's future under the leadership of Dirk Pleasant, Nosil Ringrender said, "So far his decisions concerning batting order and pitching rotation have been sound, and really, I don't think the guy would hurt a midge. But...we'll see. The incoherent babbling, and the spittle is, well, unsettling."

Posted at November 8, 2004 10:37 PM | more from Moria