Green Bodies in Dredged Marshes--Retiring Loki--Commissioner Points to Carrock
DEAD MARSHES – Loki scratches his head, looking over the latest body dredged from the marshes; he calls for the Commissioner. Tensions run high as members of the Uruk Hai organization make guesses as to what it is they are looking at.
It is no surprise that Uruk Hai team mates Lasil Ironmaster and Karin Grudgesmelter found bodies of the deceased while dredging the marshes for a missing artifact. Common knowledge tells us that the Marshes have been filled to the brim for years with the preserved corpses of those who fought against Sauron in the Last Alliance. Hence, the name: the DEAD Marshes. What Ironmaster and Grudgesmelter found, however, is enough to send even the stoutest of hearts into a fit of clammy shivers.
The bodies exhumed were neither human, nor elvish, nor dwarven, nor orcish—in fact, the bodies resemble no race found within Middle Earth at all, having greenish, scaly skin, no noses or features with which to smell, and long, tentacle-like appendages. Initial investigators to the scene, dispatched by the Laketown Gazette, have been dumbfounded. The question arises: where did these bodies come from? And who put them here?
Speculation is not easy to control. Before Uruk Hai owner Loki can issue a reassuring statement, the rumors begin flying.
“Mah guess isssit’s one o’ them Bree murder vik-tims we bin’ hearin’ about on that there fancy new talkie-ma-box,” says a voice in the crowd, in an accent not native to Middle Earth. It is difficult to trace where the comment came from, but the rumor is taken up quickly enough; soon the crowd is buzzing. Are these the bodies of missing Bree murder victims?
When Commissioner Rasreth arrives on the scene, accompanied by several Shirriffs from Buckland and Bree, the crowd falls into a hush. Not even a breath is heard as the confused and frightened citizens strain to hear Rasreth’s ruling. To their dismay, Rasreth orders the bodies removed “to a more appropriate setting for investigation,” inside The Fighting Uruk Hai offices. Under the urging of the Shirriffs, the crowd slowly disbands and filters home.
Inside the Uruk Hai Healers Hut, the Commissioner calls for back-up. A host of medical examiners of all races and walks of life descend upon the Healing Hut, ushered inside under the utmost secrecy. Only hours later do they emerge by the light of the waning moon, wearied and wary, to issue their conclusions.
All other reporters have given up the wait and have gone home to the roaring fires, warm dinners, and pleasant faces of their families; only I remain, well past second dinner and long since evening snack. I open my curly-leafed notebook, and start writing.
Commissioner Rasreth speaks first. “As you know, several strange beings have been found within the Marshes,” says Rasreth with a chuckle that jiggles his bowl-full-of-jolly tummy. “Of course, we are doing everything we can to identify these…creatures. Furthermore, we will keep the bodies in a safe locale until the …er, next of kin, can be contacted. If there are any kin to be contacted. And now, Loki, the owner of the Dead Marshes Uruk Hai will fill in any missing details and answer all questions.”
The reserved team owner seems to step forward reluctantly, shuffling a stack of papers, from which he begins to read. “At this time, Dead Marshes is declaring that these bodies were found inadvertently in the Marshes during the search for Durin's Gauntlet. This information had been previously withheld until the Commissioner and several medical authorities were given the chance to examine the bodies thoroughly,” Loki says, and then pauses—he reaches into a pocket for a handkerchief, and pats at the sweat on his brow. He clears his throat. “The Dead Marshes organization cannot provide any information concerning how the bodies ended up in the Marshes, or who put them there, although it is noted that several of the victims seem to have choked on pieces of an unidentifiable, now-decomposed item, likely a foodstuff. Commissioner Rasreth will offer more information on the foodstuff at this time.”
The Commissioner did not seem prepared to speak again, as Loki stepped aside, leaving Rasreth in the spotlight. “Um, well, fuh, um,” bumbled Rasreth, turning crimson from neck to pointy ears. He quickly gained composure, pointing to a Healer standing next to him. “Chief Medical Examiner Finduilus Tinuviel is positively the best elf to ask about the foodstuff,” said Rasreth, pulling the startled elf into the fore.
Finduilus Tinuviel spoke in a slow, grim tone. “The foodstuff, as mentioned by Loki, is now decomposed and unidentifiable.” The elf stepped back. Commissioner Rasreth fumbled with the chain of his pocket watch a moment, stroked his “goatee stylee” beard, and looked left, then right. When no one volunteered to step forward, the Commissioner grudgingly did so.
“This concludes our interview, and of course, we’ll issue any developments as they happen, so, until then, toodle-oo!” He spoke rapidly, already making for an exit. I stopped the Commissioner with one easy question.
“Did the mysterious foodstuff appear to be Bree cheese?”
The pained look on his face indicated that this was not what the Commissioner wanted to discuss. He sighed, before answering, “We just don’t know. It is decomposed beyond recognition.”
“And did the bodies seem to be…planted?”
Commissioner Rasreth blinked, looked around, and then smiled a toothy grin. “If you’re alleging that the mysterious green bodies are actually vegetables, then no, heh, heh, I’m afraid you are mistaken, Ms. Hardbottle. I assure you, this matter points to more than a Carrock.”
“Carrock? Do you mean ‘carrot’?”
Rasreth looked shady. “No further questions, please,” said the jolly half-elf, as he and his medical advisors spirited away, leaving Loki.
Turns out, the shy team manager had news of his own to tell. After shuffling the stack of papers once again, he read verbatim: “Team owner, manager and general manager Loki will be relinquishing his day-to-day managerial duties of the club to focus on business affairs. He will be replaced on an interim basis by Dead Marshes Bench Coach Regin the Smith. In a statement, Regin said ‘I appreciate the organization's recognition of my commitment to the players, and I hope we can continue with our winning ways so far this season. However, I am not interested in having this job permanently, and I suspect a new manager will be hired before the end of this season.’” Loki then folded the stack of papers very neatly, nodded politely, and disappeared into the offices of the Uruk Hai, before I could even ask the spritely little man if his resignation had anything to do with the mysterious green bodies.
Thus, the chaos in the Dead Marshes leaves us with nine mysterious beings and one retiring manager, the which Commissioner Rasreth inferred has something to do with “a Carrock.”