The Mithril Post, vol. 10

headline news and notes from Moria

SOFT VOICE BATS FOR PGL -- BRANDELION PITCHES FIT

Local Shirriffs were called to a disturbance at the offices of the Moria Miners, Trewsday, in which an outraged Brandelion of Lethargy tore apart several metal filing cabinets with her bare hands and summoned a host of dangerous minions from the Underworld. Shirriffs were unable to contain the foul creatures and Brandelion, though none were hurt in the scrap.

The Queen's rage has been attributed to the news that former Moria Miners PR Manager Heodwyn Soft Voice, who quit the Miners organization last season, is now working for SGCBL rival The Pan-Galactic League. It has been said that Soft Voice and Brandelion parted on less-than-friendly terms. No official word has been issued by the Miners regarding this recent spate. Soft Voice was contacted at her PGL office, though she declined comment for this publication.

KHAZAD-DUM STADIUM ADDS SPENDY SEATS, NEW TURF FOR CLEATS

An age-weathered Khazad-dum Stadium received a much needed facelift this off season in the form of 10,000 additional seats, new paint, and a fresh planting of enchanted turf. According to the wizard in charge of the enchantment, Olorin the Wise, the turf was designed to instantly heal any rips or tears, scuffs, or slides incurred during game play. "Players will still experience the grass as they've always done," said Olorin. "The key difference is that now, once the player has moved along, the grass will mend itself, leaving a consistently level playing field behind."

The renovations were ordered and approved by team owner, Brandelion of Lethargy. "I hadn't actually set foot in that...place," said Brandelion. "Until I went with Dirk to examine the outfield for his lost marbles. I was surprised to learn, when we arrived, that he hadn't taken me to the toilet of a brothel crackhouse. [laughs] So I ordered some work to be done. The crackwhores are still there, but they have been freshly painted to match the decor, and they've been asked to stay off the new grass."

Posted at February 18, 2005 10:13 AM | more from Moria