Baseball family arrested for gruesome acts!

MIDDLE EARTH - After weeks of investigation, authorities announced the arrest of 24 SGCBL players on murder charges--all of them members of the same family. Taken into custody yesterday, the Grue clan is suspected of killing and eating hundreds of victims in the past few years, as investigators traced a pattern of missing persons and reports of "horrible gurgling noises" in the night that apparently followed these Grues from one baseball town to the next.

Almost immediately after their capture, however, all 24 of them managed to escape. Officials will not comment on the circumstances surrounding the getaway, but it is believed that the Grues unexpectedly revealed "slavering fangs" and "razor-sharp claws" and fled.

The Grues joined the league in 2003, and despite their notable lack of baseball skills, they have been a fixture of the minor league circuit for the past 10 seasons. At times, it seemed almost as if team owners were using them as "throw ins" for one-sided trades and deals involving money. None of the owners would comment on the record. Off the record, more than one team official commented that the Grues seemed to be holding them in some sort of spell. As one person put it, "Whenever I saw those horrible red eyes, I just left the room."

SGCBL officials, including Commissioner Solonor Rasreth, held an emergency press conference today to address the situation. They urged citizens to remain calm and assured the public that the authorities would re-capture the Grues. They reiterated that none of the alleged victims was taken during the day or when traveling with a companion, and they urged all fans to continue to come to the ballpark.

However, they ended the press conference with the following warning to anyone traveling alone at night:

"Remember: When there is a new moon and the night is pitch black, you are likely to be eaten by a Grue."

Posted at November 9, 2006 07:30 AM | more from League News