Devils shock (and are shocked by) free agent market

via Dunharrow Free Press
DUNHARROW - Coming off back to back last place finishes, Dunharrow GM jmr knew the time had come to act.

"I knew the time had come to act," jmr stated during a press conference. "The citizens of Dunharrow deserved better than we've given them, and when they're not happy, they can be a little scary."

So Dunharrow, with over $65 million worth of cap space to play with, leapt into the free agent market. Offers were put out to most all of the big names in the hopes of landing a big fish or two. However, after a few key signings started to trickle in, that's when Dunharrow received a nasty suprise.

"After Christof Worm agreed to play for us, I had to withdraw most of the other offers I'd extended. After all, there is a salary cap and I can't have all the players sign with Dunharrow. But when I went to make the call, I was accosted."

Seized from behind, gagged, and locked in a closet, jmr was unable to contact his potential free agent signings to let them know that he no longer had the cap room necessary to sign them. For months his cries went unheard and he was left with the knowledge that his offeres were just sitting out there, looking spectacularly appealing.

Once a day, a meal of bread and water was slid under the door. Just enough to sustain life, but hardly sufficient. Once considered among the most beautiful people in all of Middle Earth, jmr has now been left haggard by malnutrition. And one by one, all of the offers extended by Dunharrow were accepted and the payroll ballooned.

"It's not that I'm upset with any of the players I've signed. Far from it. I am just generally adverse to being locked in a closet. But let me promise you this, mystery assailant. I will track you down and extract my revenge. And my revenge will be most fierce. Just really, really fierce. And vengeful. Super vengeful."

And so what started out as just another offseason ended up nightmare for one GM and a glorious one for many, many new Dunharrow players.

Posted at February 14, 2007 05:40 PM | more from Dunharrow