Frodo Chubb blackmails manager into complete games streak

OLD FOREST - It began innocently enough early on the fifth of June, when Frodo Chubb spoke with team manager Kigush Eyeslobberer before a start against the Rivendell Royals. And now, almost a month later, it continues - Frodo Chubb has thrown four consecutive complete games.

"Some people might attribute it to my work ethic," Chubb said. "Others might say it's because I'm talented enough to do the job. The reality of it is, I have ... let's just say, compromising pictures of Kigush, so he's agreed to let me pitch until I'm ready to stop."

Fans of the Merry Fellows can hardly argue with the results. In his last four starts, Chubb has gone 3-1 with 9 earned runs allowed in 36 innings of work. Chubb has improved his seasonal record to 11-3 and has dropped his ERA below 2.

"What can I say?" Eyeslobberer asked the press. "He's an incredibly talented pitcher, probably the best I've ever seen. He just keeps winning, consistently, every single year. Not to mention that embarrassing picture he has of me ... er, never mind."

Chubb has taken his pitching to a new level this season. After 16 starts, he has 7 complete games - a 43% rate - and he has somehow improved upon his totals last year, where he averaged a fantastic 8.1 innings per start. After 16 games this season, Chubb is averaging 8.2 innings.

"It's not that I distrust our relief core," Chubb said. "It's more that I wouldn't count on them to hit water if they fell out of an effing boat. That's not 'distrust,' is it?"

Although Chubb has created animosity among the players in the bullpen, nobody dares confront the staff ace on the matter. However, manager Kigush Eyeslobberer was quick to silence any concerns about arm injury due to overuse.

"Who asked that? Who asked that?" Eyeslobberer screamed as he jumped on top of the interview table. "I won't have no bad luck like that in this clubhouse! I'll kill you! If you ever say anything again about Chubb getting injured, I'll rip your sodding guts out and wear them around my neck like an ornament! Do you hear me? Do you?!?! Punk!!!!"

Posted at April 14, 2007 09:13 AM | more from Old Forest