Moria

The Mithril Post
Moria Miners


October 20, 2014

*the Runner Takes SC's Best Bat Trophy

Wednesday, May 1st, 2030 Moria catcher Farmak *the Runner took home the Shire Conference Batter of the Month Trophy for April. He put up some solid numbers, including a .375 batting average and .426 on-base percentage with 36 hits, 10...

October 16, 2014

Miners Moss Has 16 Ks

Sunday, April 28th, 2030 fireballing right-hander Porto Moss of the Moria Miners was something to behold at Dol Guldur Stadium. He fanned 66 Dragons en route to a 3-1 victory. Moss shackled Dol Guldur on 32 hits and gave up...

October 06, 2014

SC's Top Player, *the Runner of Moria

Monday, April 8th, 2030 This week's Player of the Week was Farmak *the Runner of the Moria Miners. His big bat waylaid Shire Conference pitching for 12 hits in 23 at-bats, 5 home runs and 13 RBIs while hitting .522...

May 30, 2014

August's SC Top Pitcher is Miners Mu

Saturday, September 1st, 2029 Last month was a very successful month for Aroborn Mu of Moria. So successful that he has been honored as the Pitcher of the Month in the Shire Conference. Mu shut down league hitters in fine...

March 20, 2014

Darkwings, Miners Close Deal

Monday, April 30th, 2029 Trade winds have been blowing through Ravenhill. This time, a deal has materialized between the Darkwings and Miners. According to sources inside the organization, Ravenhill will ship 28-year-old center fielder Malin Roadapple, 29-year-old third baseman Minto...

December 09, 2013

Moss Spins 15-K Game

Monday, September 18th, 2028 Porto Moss of the Moria Miners really put on a pitching clinic today at Bree-Land Ballpark as he struck out 15 Bree Cheese in a 5-2 victory. Moss was simply magnificent as he held the Cheese...

December 05, 2013

Moss Brilliant, Fans 15

Thursday, September 14th, 2028 It was a very special game for Porto Moss today at Dunharrow Field in Moria. He had the perfect delivery. The good fastball. The nasty curve. The batters mumbling and muttering when they swung and missed....

November 12, 2013

Moria Left Fielder Nets SC Award

Monday, August 7th, 2028 His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing Gignar Demoneater was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Moria Miners left fielder hit .476 while collecting...

Going, Going, Gone! the Seer Hits 3 Homers

Saturday, August 5th, 2028 Suuol the Seer showed some power today as he launched three balls into the seats against the Bucklebury Fairies and sparked the Miners to a 13-2 victory. For the day he collected 3 hits in 5...

November 11, 2013

SC Honors July's #1 Pitcher

Tuesday, August 1st, 2028 Veteran Porto Moss put together quite a successful stretch in July for the Moria Miners, earning himself the Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month award. Moss racked up a 7-0 record in 7 starts, posting a...

October 28, 2013

*the Runner Earns SC Player of the Week

Monday, July 10th, 2028 24-year-old Farmak *the Runner sent shock waves through Tolkien Baseball last week with an eye-popping performance that brought him the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. A newcomer to the league, *the Runner made the...

*Jack Honored by SGCBL Hall of Fame

Monday, July 3rd, 2028 The Tolkien Baseball Hall of Fame honors those players who are the best at their position, those special individuals whose skills make them unforgettable in the eyes of baseball fans everywhere. Another such player was recognized...

September 12, 2013

Moss Brilliant, Fans 15

Thursday, May 4th, 2028 What a game Porto Moss threw today at Khazad-dum Stadium! He really had the Misty Mountain batters swinging and missing. Moss sat down 15 hitters on strikes and whipped the Hops 8-1. He allowed 3 hits...

September 02, 2013

Moria Beats Minas Tirith 9-3, Moss Ks 16

Thursday, April 13th, 2028 What a game Porto Moss threw today at Khazad-dum Stadium! He really had the Minas Tirith batters swinging and missing. Moss sat down 16 hitters on strikes and whipped the Titans 9-3. He allowed 4 hits...

August 29, 2013

Moria Loses Elváril, Out 6-7 Months

Saturday, April 8th, 2028 Since 04/05/2028, when he suffered a ruptured bicep tendon, Arwuma Elváril has been waiting. Waiting to hear how badly he injured himself during that day's game. Today word came down from the doctors that the Moria...

June 24, 2013

*Trollbasher Named SC Aragorn MVP

A banner year for Minas Ithil catcher, Brutus *Trollbasher, was capped off with his first Shire Conference MVP award. In a season that saw his team win 120 games, last year's Frodo Rookie Award winner slugged 44 HR and drove...

#1 Pitcher Trophy Won by Miners Moss

Monday, November 15th, 2027 The Moria Miners have a rising superstar or maybe even a budding Hall-of-Famer in the making. It's Porto Moss, this year's Shire Conference Gandalf Pitcher Award selection. This blossoming hurler wowed fans, peers and sportswriters with...

June 20, 2013

The Miners Are Ultimate Fantasy Baseball Association Champions!

Friday, November 5th, 2027 In a fairytale year the Moria Miners capped a perfect season with the Ultimate Fantasy Baseball Association title, defeating the Diagon Alley Wizards 10-3 to take the series 4-0. The Miners manager said he told the...

June 17, 2013

Miners Take Title

Saturday, October 30th, 2027 "It was two outs in the last inning of the 2027 Return of the King Series and my heart is pounding. When the last out was made, a grand feeling came over me. We were the...

May 27, 2013

Miners Gladrierà SC Hitter of the Week

Monday, September 13th, 2027 This week's top performer in the Shire Conference was first baseman Nose Gladrierà of the Moria Miners. He lashed out a .478 average and was voted the Player of the Week. Over the last week Gladrierà...

May 09, 2013

Player of the Week: the Seer of the Miners

Monday, August 9th, 2027 Suuol the Seer did nothing to hurt his value as an upcoming free agent last week, making contact with the ball at every opportunity and reeling in the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The...

May 06, 2013

Moss Earns SC Top Pitcher Trophy

Sunday, August 1st, 2027 Porto Moss's been around the league long enough to appreciate the honor he received today. After going 5-0 in July, the 26-year-old Moria hurler has been named Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month. He fanned 50...

April 04, 2013

Shire Conference Announces Best Starter

Thursday, July 1st, 2027 Porto Moss's been around the league long enough to appreciate the honor he received today. After going 5-0 in June, the 26-year-old Moria hurler has been named Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month. He fanned 60...

SC Top Batter Trophy Won by Gladrierà

Thursday, July 1st, 2027 The Batter of the Month honoree for June in the Shire Conference is Moria Miners first baseman Nose Gladrierà. He showed no mercy as he finished the month with a .333 batting average, 9 home runs,...

March 18, 2013

Moss Snags SC Top Hurler Trophy

Tuesday, June 1st, 2027 Which Shire Conference hurler dominated in the month of May? According to the voters who decide the Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month award, it was Porto Moss of the Moria Miners. He put together a...

Moria's Gladrierà Bags SC Batting Award

Tuesday, June 1st, 2027 Seasoned by several years of professional experience, 29-year-old Nose Gladrierà put together a solid offensive month for Moria and was crowned May's top batter in the Shire Conference. He batted .373 with 8 home runs, 29...

March 11, 2013

Moss Fans 16 Fairies

Monday, May 17th, 2027 Porto Moss of the Moria Miners struck out an amazing 16 batters today at The Fairie Dome and whipped the Bucklebury Fairies 6-1. Moss allowed 3 hits and gave up 2 walks in a sensational mound...

March 01, 2013

April's Top Hurler is Moss

Saturday, May 1st, 2027 The Pitcher of the Month Award in April has been selected and the Shire Conference honor went to Moria hurler, Porto Moss. For his excellent performance he has been named the league's top pitcher. During the...

SC's #1 Batter Chosen

Saturday, May 1st, 2027 Seasoned by several years of professional experience, 28-year-old Gignar Demoneater put together a solid offensive month for Moria and was crowned April's top batter in the Shire Conference. He batted .347 with 7 home runs, 20...

January 14, 2013

It's Official: 2B Nadrieldor Signs with Miners

Wednesday, December 30th, 2026 The Miners and Elroborn Nadrieldor reached an accord earlier today which brings the second baseman to town for 6 years. Nadrieldor will pocket $54,000,000 total and is widely expected to contribute significantly to the club's playoff...

November 08, 2012

Throatscarer Gives Up, Suffers Setback and Retires

Tuesday, August 11th, 2026 Tough news out of Moria for Guukar Throatscarer, 25-year-old reliever for the Miners. According to a team spokesman, "Throatscarer suffered a potential career-ending injury during a workout yesterday." It was another devastating setback for Throatscarer, who...

October 22, 2012

Update: Muddyfoot Out 4-5 Months

Sunday, July 12th, 2026 Bingo Muddyfoot could soon be placed on the disabled list. The Moria left fielder told reporters that he expects to be "out of commission" for 4-5 months because of a torn labrum. He hasn't played since...

September 17, 2012

Nose Gladrierà Captures SC Award

Monday, May 4th, 2026 28-year-old first baseman Nose Gladrierà of the Moria Miners is the talk of the Shire Conference for putting on a torrid hitting display last week and claiming the Player of the Week Award. Gladrierà rapped out...

August 16, 2012

Miners Trade Orebinder to Giants for Wilthryth

Monday, April 20th, 2026 The Miners and Giants pulled the trigger on a deal that will see 23-year-old minor league reliever Gorolbo Orebinder and 24-year-old second baseman Legadrielith Anulinde head to Andelain in exchange for 23-year-old shortstop Lirlei Wilthryth. A...

August 09, 2012

Week's Best Player: Moria's Muddyfoot

Monday, April 13th, 2026 His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing Bingo Muddyfoot was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Moria Miners left fielder hit .455 while collecting...

That's All She Wrote: Career Over for Dryadpoker

Wednesday, April 8th, 2026 The expression on his face said it all when shortstop Marquis Dryadpoker was talking to reporters at a special press conference today. He was carefully examined by specialists the past couple of days, and after several...

May 03, 2012

SC Star of the Week Honored

At the age of 28, Justin Bats might have some potential he hasn't realized yet -- if his success at the plate last week is any indication. The Moria third baseman put up some exceptional numbers the past seven days...

April 26, 2012

Old Forest Stops Bats's Hit Streak

Sunday, August 17th, 2025: Miners third baseman Justin Bats and his hot bat finally met their match today, ending his 25-game hitting string. The Merry Fellows held Bats hitless in 3 at-bats and also whipped Moria 5-3 at Khazad-dum Stadium....

April 23, 2012

Muddyfoot Selected Top Performer in SC

Monday, August 11th, 2025: 27-year-old Bingo Muddyfoot sent shock waves through Tolkien Baseball last week with an eye-popping performance that brought him the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. A newcomer to the league, Muddyfoot made the establishment sit...

April 12, 2012

Rivendell-Moria Swap: Banks for Spleencrusher

Monday, July 28th, 2025: In a move that has left many fans wondering, the Rivendell Royals have traded 24-year-old starting pitcher Dinodas Banks to the Moria Miners. In return, the Royals receive 25-year-old minor league right fielder Umbrak Spleencrusher. Over...

April 09, 2012

Week's #1 Player: Moria's Demoneater

Monday, July 28th, 2025: Gignar Demoneater is respected by most Moria Miners fans for his no-frills style of play. The 27-year-old left fielder went about his business with vigor last week to grab the Shire Conference Player of the Week...

April 05, 2012

Injured Mulhall Out 6 Weeks

Saturday, July 19th, 2025: The medical report is in: the injury that has kept Moria left fielder Rose Mulhall out of action since 07/15/2025 will sideline her for another 6 weeks. The 24-year-old Mulhall, who has a sprained thumb, said...

Livertrembler and Oathrender Suspended for Free-for-All

Friday, July 18th, 2025: Muugak Livertrembler of the Dagorlad Disaster and Resil Oathrender of the Moria Miners got into a wrestling match yesterday at Dagorlad Memorial Stadium and now must pay the consequences for violating league rules. They have both...

March 26, 2012

SC Choice for Batter of the Month is Gladrierà

Tuesday, July 1st, 2025: The premier hitter in the Shire Conference in June was Moria first baseman Nose Gladrierà. For his standout play, he was voted the Batter of the Month. Gladrierà was selected after batting .340, hitting 11 home...

March 19, 2012

SC Awards Best Batter Prize to Gladrierà

Monday, June 16th, 2025: At the age of 27, Nose Gladrierà might have some potential he hasn't realized yet -- if his success at the plate last week is any indication. The Moria first baseman put up some exceptional numbers...

February 16, 2012

Moss Named Top SC Hurler

Thursday, May 1st, 2025: The Pitcher of the Month has been picked and the Shire Conference trophy went to Moria hurler Porto Moss for his strong performance in April. During the month, Moss was impressive with a 1.61 ERA and...

November 28, 2011

Welk SC's Top Hitter for 2024

Wednesday, November 6th, 2024: Gandeodoc Welk of the Moria Miners proved that you can step out of the shadows and onto the stage if you've got the talent and the drive to hone your skills. Hard work, long hours and...

November 07, 2011

300 Home Runs for Brandewyn of Rohan

Sunday, September 22nd, 2024: Moria second baseman Brandewyn of Rohan blasted herself into an elite group of baseball players. Today she joined the exclusive 300 home run club in the Miners 11-10 loss to the Bree Cheese. "As soon as...

October 27, 2011

Red-Hot Welk SC Player of the Week

Monday, September 2nd, 2024: His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing Gandeodoc Welk was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Moria Miners center fielder hit .448 while collecting...

October 24, 2011

Gladrierà Wins SC Player of the Week

Monday, August 26th, 2024: There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Nose Gladrierà, the Moria first baseman, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid his...

October 17, 2011

Rose Mulhall Out for 4-5 Months

Wednesday, August 7th, 2024: The Moria Miners were dealt a severe blow when Rose Mulhall was hurt making a defensive play recently in a game against the Carrock Bears. After the game, the team trainer reported Mulhall might have to...

October 03, 2011

Mulhall: Big Hit in the Shire Conference

Monday, July 15th, 2024: Rose Mulhall has the tools to stick in this league for many years. The 23-year-old right fielder of the Moria Miners had a pretty fair bat in the Shire Conference over the past seven days and...

September 26, 2011

Welk Takes SC's Best Bat Trophy

Monday, July 1st, 2024: Snap, crackle and pop! In June, Gandeodoc Welk snapped up the Shire Conference Batter of the Month trophy by cracking 40 hits and popping 9 home runs. For the month he hit a solid .331 with...

September 19, 2011

Great Week for Moria's Suuol the Seer

Monday, June 24th, 2024: It's always a thrill for fans of the team and students of the game alike when a superstar in the making shows what he's got. Suuol the Seer, the Moria Miners 25-year-old first baseman, put himself...

Star SP Signs Pact with Miners

Thursday, June 20th, 2024: Nalok the Drooler might be greedy, but there's no disputing his talent. The hotshot starting pitcher will pocket $77,000,000 after re-signing with the Miners earlier today, and will hang around another 7 years. Some more financially...

September 12, 2011

SC Player of the Week Chosen

Monday, June 10th, 2024: At the age of 26, Nose Gladrierà might have some potential he hasn't realized yet -- if his success at the plate last week is any indication. The Moria first baseman put up some exceptional numbers...

Dunharrow Snaps Welk's Streak at 24

Tuesday, June 4th, 2024: The Devils stopped Gandeodoc Welk's 24-game hitting streak today at Khazad-dum Stadium, but they didn't stop the Miners. They fell to Moria by a score of 7-5. Welk didn't get a hit in 4 at-bats. Currently...

September 08, 2011

Gandeodoc Welk Winner in May

Saturday, June 1st, 2024: The most recent Shire Conference Batter of the Month trophy was awarded to center fielder Gandeodoc Welk of the Moria Miners. In May he stood head and shoulders above all other batters by hitting .440 with...

September 01, 2011

Bucklebury-Moria Fight Results in Suspensions

Thursday, May 16th, 2024: Gromgob Gaulf of the Bucklebury Fairies and Tanta Buckland of the Moria Miners got into a wrestling match yesterday at The Fairie Dome and now must pay the consequences for violating league rules. They have both...

Marquis Dryadpoker Will Miss 8 Months

Wednesday, May 15th, 2024: "I'm frustrated right now," said Moria shortstop Marquis Dryadpoker. "I can't help this team by sitting on the bench or in the training room." Unfortunately for the Miners, that's where he will be spending 8 months....

Minas Ithil-Moria Deal Confirmed

Monday, May 13th, 2024: The Minas Ithil Wyrms have made a deal sending 25-year-old closer Gogul Sarilmir to the Moria Miners for 24-year-old reliever Tanta Bracegirdle. Both sides are said to be pleased with the way the trade worked out....

August 25, 2011

Mulhall Takes Best Bat Trophy in April

Wednesday, May 1st, 2024: One of the more consistent batters in April, Moria right fielder Rose Mulhall grabbed Shire Conference Batter of the Month honors by hitting .404 with 42 hits in 104 at-bats. She racked up 12 home runs...

August 22, 2011

Welk Caps Great Week

Monday, April 29th, 2024: At the age of 27, Gandeodoc Welk might have some potential he hasn't realized yet -- if his success at the plate last week is any indication. The Moria center fielder put up some exceptional numbers...

August 15, 2011

Star 2B Signs Pact with Miners

Saturday, April 13th, 2024: Moria fans celebrated as word of a signing became reality. Brandewyn of Rohan won't be pulling up stakes anytime soon, as she has signed a 2-year extension at a pay rate of $14,095,000 per annum. Since...

August 11, 2011

Moria First Baseman Nets SC Award

Monday, April 8th, 2024: There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Nose Gladrierà, the Moria first baseman, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid his...

August 08, 2011

Elváril Signs for 3 years

Tuesday, March 19th, 2024: Happy times in Moria as the Miners and star closer Arwuma Elváril put the finishing touches on a $25,800,000 contract extension that will keep the 26-year-old in town 3 years longer. The signing is great news...

July 28, 2011

Star 1B Signs Pact with Miners

Wednesday, February 21st, 2024: The Moria Miners have finished a deal with All Star-caliber first baseman Nose Gladrierà that will extend his stay in Moria at least 8 years and will pay out $80,000,000. In his career Gladrierà is hitting...

June 02, 2011

Gladrierà Tops SC with .355 Average

Sunday, October 1st, 2023: The Shire Conference season came to a close with Nose Gladrierà on top with a league-leading .355 batting average. The 26-year-old Moria first baseman swung the bat well the entire season. He concluded the year with...

Brandewyn of Rohan to Miss 7-8 Months

Wednesday, September 27th, 2023: The Moria Miners were dealt a severe blow when Brandewyn of Rohan was hurt running the bases recently in a game against the Bree Cheese. After the game, the team trainer reported of Rohan might have...

May 26, 2011

SC Player of the Week Selected

Monday, September 18th, 2023: There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Nose Gladrierà, the Moria first baseman, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid his...

Miners CF Mulhall Out

Tuesday, September 12th, 2023: The Moria Miners were dealt a severe blow when Rose Mulhall was hurt throwing the ball recently in a game against the Bucklebury Fairies. After the game, the team trainer reported Mulhall might have to spend...

May 19, 2011

Miners Welk Suffers Injury

Friday, September 1st, 2023: The Moria Miners were dealt a severe blow when Gandeodoc Welk was hurt running the bases recently in a game against the Minas Tirith Titans. After the game, the team trainer reported Welk might have to...

April 29, 2011

Star MR Signs Pact with Miners

Saturday, August 5th, 2023: The Miners inked a deal with 26-year-old Elas Barras today signaling that it not only wanted him on the field but in the clubhouse. Publicly, Elas Barras has spoken highly of Moria, so the extension wasn't...

April 07, 2011

Gladrierà Wins SC Player of the Week Prize

Monday, July 3rd, 2023: One of the league's most exciting young players, Nose Gladrierà of the Moria Miners earned himself Shire Conference Player of the Week honors with a standout performance in last week's games. For the week the 25-year-old...

April 04, 2011

*Jack Wins SC Player of the Week

Monday, June 26th, 2023: A battle-tested Splinter *Jack declared war on opposing pitchers last week, attacking the ball like the well-schooled veteran he is. Today the 33-year-old Moria catcher collected the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. He wrapped...

April 01, 2011

This Week's Star Player is Welk

Monday, June 19th, 2023: There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Gandeodoc Welk, the Moria center fielder, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid his...

March 07, 2011

League Suspends Kendrick and Willowbottom for Fisticuffs

Saturday, April 29th, 2023: Chukky Kendrick of Minas Morgul and Esmerelda Willowbottom of Moria have been sanctioned by the league office for causing the ruckus at Sylvan Cove yesterday. Both players have been given 7-game suspensions for instigating the fight...

February 28, 2011

Isiclya Belurion Will Miss 4 Months

Sunday, April 16th, 2023: Medical officials from the Moria Miners reported that the club's 35-year-old starting pitcher, Isiclya Belurion, suffered a bone spur in her elbow in yesterday's matchup against the Bucklebury Fairies while throwing a pitch. Belurion is expected...

February 17, 2011

Gladrierà Selected Player of the Week

Monday, April 10th, 2023: One of the league's most exciting young players, Nose Gladrierà of the Moria Miners earned himself Shire Conference Player of the Week honors with a standout performance in last week's games. For the week the 25-year-old...

November 04, 2010

the Seer Selected SC Player of the Week

Monday, August 22nd, 2022: Suuol the Seer demonstrated his potential to be a star in the game last week and today he took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Moria first baseman wreaked havoc on opposing...

October 28, 2010

Dryadpoker Touches All the Bases, Hits for Cycle

Thursday, August 4th, 2022: Marquis Dryadpoker of Moria helped his team in a big way today, hitting for the cycle in their 13-4 win against the Erebor Eagles. His 4 hits, 3 runs batted in and 3 runs runs led...

October 11, 2010

Demoneater Garners SC Batter of the Month Award

Friday, July 1st, 2022: When Gignar Demoneater stepped up to the plate in June, he did it with confidence and today he was honored with the Shire Conference Batter of the Month award. The young Moria left fielder posted a...

September 13, 2010

Miners Isiclya Belurion Hurt

Tuesday, May 24th, 2022: Isiclya Belurion of the Moria Miners was injured in today's game against Mirkwood and had to be helped off the field by the trainers. The initial diagnosis is shoulder inflammation and she is expected to be...

August 30, 2010

Week's Top Performer Honored by SC

Monday, May 2nd, 2022: Suuol the Seer has the tools to stick in this league for many years. The 23-year-old first baseman of the Moria Miners had a pretty fair bat in the Shire Conference over the past seven days...

Moria First Baseman SC's Best Batter in April

Sunday, May 1st, 2022: The Batter of the Month honoree for April in the Shire Conference is Moria Miners first baseman Suuol the Seer. He showed no mercy as he finished the month with a .337 batting average, 13 home...

July 19, 2010

Moria Announces Deal for Veteran SP

Saturday, January 1st, 2022: Team insiders were tight-lipped prior to today's deal that brought 34-year-old starting pitcher Isiclya Belurion to Moria. Belurion is considered one of the league's A-list players and certainly will enhance any chances the Miners have to...

July 12, 2010

Elril-gambor Injured in Freak Off-Field Accident

Monday, December 6th, 2021: The Moria Miners will have to do without Sarkla Elril-gambor for 4 months. The 33-year-old starting pitcher was injured throwing batting practice for a Little League game and sustained radial nerve compression. Her career totals show...

June 03, 2010

Brandewyn of Rohan Player of the Week

Monday, September 27th, 2021: There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Brandewyn of Rohan, the Moria third baseman, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid...

May 27, 2010

League Suspends Belaril and Barras for Fisticuffs

Saturday, September 11th, 2021: After an intense confrontation, both the Witch Kings Phanseen Belaril and the Miners Elas Barras were handed their punishments today. The league commissioner's office issued suspensions for an on-the-field conflict that occurred at a recent Weathertop-Moria...

April 29, 2010

Shaglakh the Devastator Out for 5-6 Weeks

Thursday, July 29th, 2021: The Moria Miners will lose the services of right fielder Shaglakh the Devastator after he sustained an oblique strain while colliding with a player at a base in today's game against the Bucklebury Fairies. "I'll get...

Trade: Tendertush for Tendertush

Monday, July 26th, 2021: After a week of negotiations, the Hops and Miners have come to terms on a deal that will send 24-year-old reliever Bodo Tendertush to Moria for 22-year-old minor league reliever Berliac Tendertush. This season Tendertush has...

April 26, 2010

Miners Ship Tendertush To Hops

Monday, July 19th, 2021: The Miners announced today that they have sent 24-year-old reliever Bodo Tendertush to the Hops in exchange for a 3rd round draft pick. To date this year Tendertush has fashioned a 2.22 ERA over 48.2 innings...

April 15, 2010

Brandewyn of Rohan Out for 4 Weeks

Friday, July 2nd, 2021: The Miners received bad news this morning. Brandewyn of Rohan will miss 4 weeks due to a separated shoulder. In the Moria-Minas Ithil game she sustained the injury while colliding with a player at a base....

April 05, 2010

SC Star of the Week Chosen

Monday, June 14th, 2021: At the age of 32, Brandewyn of Rohan might have some potential she hasn't realized yet -- if her success at the plate last week is any indication. The Moria third baseman put up some exceptional...

April 01, 2010

Sarkla Elril-gambor out 10-11 Months With Injury

Sunday, June 6th, 2021: Moria Miners starting pitcher Sarkla Elril-gambor suffered a partially torn ulnar collateral ligament during a recent game with the Ravenhill Darkwings and will miss 10-11 months. Elril-gambor told BNN, "I hurt it throwing a pitch. I'm...

Shaglakh the Devastator Hurt, Out 5 Weeks

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021: Shaglakh the Devastator of the Moria Miners could be headed for the disabled list after suffering torn ankle ligaments in a game against the Dead Marshes Uruk-hai. He is expected to miss at least 5 weeks....

March 22, 2010

Thunderarrow Gets Number 2000

Tuesday, May 11th, 2021: The box score from yesterday's game will show that Moria beat the Bree Cheese, 9-0. It will also show that first baseman Bifur Thunderarrow went 2-for-5 for the Miners. It will not show, however, that Thunderarrow...

March 04, 2010

*Jack Wins SC Player of the Week Honors

Monday, April 12th, 2021: His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing Splinter *Jack was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Moria Miners catcher hit .500 while collecting 11...

January 02, 2010

Gwaihir Relievers Announced

The league officially announced the winners of the 2020 Gwaihir Reliever awards in a press release today. The Gwaihir goes to the best relief pitcher based on a formula that awards points for Saves and Wins and subtracts points for...

December 03, 2009

*Jack Takes SC's Best Bat Trophy

Tuesday, September 1st, 2020: Splinter *Jack battered Shire Conference pitchers all August and wound up taking home the Batter of the Month Award. "I've been around Tolkien Baseball long enough to know you really have to work hard day in...

November 23, 2009

It's Official: CL Toothbelly Signs with Miners

Tuesday, August 11th, 2020: Migan Toothbelly and Moria put the finishing touches on a $6,100,000-a-year deal that will keep the 29-year-old in a Moria uniform for 5 years. Team officials reportedly held their breath at the last moment, since Toothbelly...

November 19, 2009

Shire Conference Picks Top Performer

Monday, August 10th, 2020: His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing Splinter *Jack was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Moria Miners catcher hit .526 while collecting 10...

November 16, 2009

Moria, Lake Town Agree to Swap

Monday, July 27th, 2020: Sometimes a change of scenery can be a beneficial to a baseball player. That is the hope in Moria and Lake Town as the teams came to an agreement today which sends 22-year-old reliever Arweowyn Eläthien,...

November 09, 2009

Red-Hot the Seer SC Player of the Week

Monday, July 20th, 2020: Suuol the Seer demonstrated his potential to be a star in the game last week and today he took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Moria first baseman wreaked havoc on opposing...

Veteran Elvàwen Re-ups in Moria

Thursday, July 9th, 2020: Moria management got a shot in the arm today as Galealbo Elvàwen announced he would re-sign with the organization at a rate of $7,000,000 per year. While some have questioned hiring a 37-year-old man, most fans...

November 04, 2009

SP Buckland Makes Dream Debut For Moria

24 year-old left-hander Tanta Buckland is turning her Major League debut as a starting pitcher into the first of hopefully many memorable events to come in her career. Avoiding a loss in her first game, she consequently put a brilliant...

October 08, 2009

Sarkla Elril-gambor Sidelined for 10 Months

Wednesday, May 20th, 2020: The Moria Miners were dealt a severe blow when Sarkla Elril-gambor was hurt throwing a pitch recently in a game against the Mirkwood Marauders. After the game, the team trainer reported Elril-gambor might have to spend...

October 05, 2009

Homer #300 for Moria's Thunderarrow

Tuesday, May 12th, 2020: There was a big sigh of relief by Bifur Thunderarrow after he hit his 300th career homer. The Moria first baseman told BNN, "Whew. I'm glad it's over...now I can go back to just playing baseball."...

September 14, 2009

Moria's Shaglakh the Devastator Gets 2000th Hit

Saturday, April 4th, 2020: "It would have been a lot nicer if my 2000th hit had won the game," said Shaglakh the Devastator after the Moria Miners had been tripped up by the Minas Tirith Titans, 6-3, spoiling his big...

September 03, 2009

Miners Mejias Suffers Injury

Saturday, March 21st, 2020: The Moria Miners were dealt a severe blow when David Mejias was hurt throwing a pitch recently in a game against the Bucklebury Fairies. After the game, the team trainer reported Mejias might have to spend...

August 31, 2009

Fareomer Signs for 3 years

Friday, March 13th, 2020: Team officials triumphantly announced that the Miners and superstar left fielder Vruugak Fareomer have closed a deal that keeps the 26-year-old in a Moria uniform for another 3 years. Fareomer will earn $44,520,000 as part of...

June 11, 2009

SC Announces Best Batter Award

Brandewyn of Rohan battered Shire Conference pitchers all August and wound up taking home the Batter of the Month Award. "I've been around Tolkien Baseball long enough to know you really have to work hard day in and day out...

May 28, 2009

Season Ends for Splinter *Jack of Moria

The Moria Miners got some bad news when the team learned that Splinter *Jack was likely to be out for 8 months after he injured himself running the bases in today's game against the Minas Tirith Titans. A round of...

SC Honors *Jack, Best Hitter in July

Splinter *Jack battered Shire Conference pitchers all July and wound up taking home the Batter of the Month Award. "I've been around Tolkien Baseball long enough to know you really have to work hard day in and day out to...

May 21, 2009

Shire Conference's Best Batter Named

There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Splinter *Jack, the Moria catcher, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid his team, but also pick up...

May 11, 2009

SC Player of the Week Goes to the Devastator of Moria

The 36-year-old Moria Miners right fielder might not have the spring he had in his step years ago, but the "old man" can still play the game. Shaglakh the Devastator has been a reliable ballplayer, one who has worked hard...

March 16, 2009

Injury Sidelines Mejias For Year

Doctors in Moria said David Mejias may not play anymore this year. The Miners starting pitcher received bone chips in his elbow during a game against the Minas Ithil Wyrms and will be out for at least 13 months. Club...

March 06, 2009

Veteran Baggins, Moria Complete Deal

Moria Miners fans welcomed Camellia Baggins into the fold, as the veteran announced she'd reached an agreement with Moria brass. Some were critical of the move, insisting that you shouldn't invest $4,600,000 in a 38-year-old hobbit, no matter how good...

March 03, 2009

Moria, Erebor Make Trade

The Moria Miners announced a deal with the Eagles today, sending 32-year old starting pitcher Theodorus Tumbletoe and a 2nd round draft pick to Erebor for 31-year old starting pitcher David Mejias and a 1st round draft pick. It had...

March 01, 2009

Miners-Stars Trade: Rockrender for Demoneater

A trade between Moria and Grey Havens was made official this morning. The Miners have sent 31-year old shortstop Gibur Rockrender to the Stars in exchange for 20-year old minor league right fielder Gignar Demoneater. Rockrender has chalked up a...

February 13, 2009

Miners, Hops Confirm Swap

Fans in Moria woke up this morning to learn that their team had traded 34-year old starting pitcher Quinn Ladygrass to the Misty Mountain Hops. In return, the Miners will receive a 1st round draft pick. In her career Ladygrass...

January 21, 2009

Royals advance to next round

The Rivendell Royals are headed to their first Shire Conference Championships after besting the Miners in 5 games. After getting shut out by Moria's Quinn Ladygrass in Game 1, Rivendell stepped up to win the next 4 games. A big...

January 19, 2009

2018 Fellowship Series Preview

The playoffs are here! And Middle Earth Sports Network (MESN) has the scoop. In the Shire Conference, it's Bywater vs. Bree and Moria vs. Rivendell. Bywater is the defending SGCBL champ, and they come into the postseason winning their 5th...

January 05, 2009

Year Over for Miners *Jack

Moria catcher Splinter *Jack could miss the remainder of the season because of a damaged meniscus. He exited the September 12 Bywater game after injuring himself while running the bases. The original diagnosis said *Jack would be out 4 weeks....

December 18, 2008

Lithlad 2018 League Championship Series Champions

Lithlad did well in regular season play, but they did even better in the postseason -- they won the whole shebang, finishing off the Tuna Casseroles in the League Championship Series 4-3 to claim the crown for the 3rd time....

December 11, 2008

Vruugak Fareomer Winner in Shire Conference

When Vruugak Fareomer stepped up to the plate in August, he did it with confidence and today he was honored with the Shire Conference Batter of the Month award. The young Moria left fielder posted a .343 batting average with...

December 08, 2008

Veteran Re-Signs with Miners

Happy times in Moria as the Miners and star right fielder Shaglakh the Devastator put the finishing touches on a $10,000,000 contract extension that will keep the 35-year-old in town 2 years longer. The signing is great news for Moria...

December 01, 2008

Brandewyn of Rohan Signs for 6 years

The Moria Miners have finalized a deal with All Star-caliber third baseman Brandewyn of Rohan that will extend her stay in Moria at least 6 years and will pay out $79,800,000. Brandewyn is hitting .277 in 2018 with 15 home...

November 28, 2008

SC Star of the Week Honored

Vruugak Fareomer demonstrated his potential to be a star in the game last week and today he took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Moria left fielder wreaked havoc on opposing pitchers last week, pounding them...

Dol Guldur, Moria Announce Big Swap

The general manager of the Dol Guldur Dragons has made it official: The Dragons have acquired the services of 33-year old starting pitcher Tubur Trollsnapper from the Moria Miners in exchange for 21-year old minor league closer Arwuma Elváril, 31-year...

October 20, 2008

Moria Shortstop Hurt

Moria fans will be disappointed to learn that Gibur Rockrender developed a torn calf muscle while running the bases in the May 30 game. After the doctor informed the Moria Miners manager that Rockrender was expected to miss 3 months,...

October 02, 2008

Cheese Chill Thunderarrow's Hot Streak

The Moria Miners lost to the Bree Cheese 4-0 April 24 at Bree-Land Ballpark, but perhaps the bigger news was the end of Bifur Thunderarrow's 24-game hitting streak. "We felt if we could slow down Thunderarrow, we would win the...

September 29, 2008

The Devastator Goes Cycling

Shaglakh the Devastator of the Moria Miners touched all the bases April 18 at Khazad-dum Stadium in the 14-2 victory over Bywater, hitting for the cycle. He teed off on Bounders pitching for a single, double, triple and a home...

September 18, 2008

Moria's of Khazad-dum Sidelined for Season

The news is bad in Moria. The Miners have lost the services of left fielder Foli of Khazad-dum for the rest of the season due to a torn back muscle. of Khazad-dum was injured in a recent game with the...

September 01, 2008

Miners-Slayers Deal: Denihil for Draft Pick

It was announced today that the Slayers and Miners came to agreement on a trade. Moria will get a 1st round draft pick and Minas Morgul will pick up 22-year old catcher Friagorn Denihil in return. "I'm not surprised by...

August 24, 2008

Moria, Erebor Trade Players

The Moria Miners have finalized a deal with the Erebor Eagles for the services of 22-year old catcher Friagorn Denihil and 22-year old minor league starting pitcher Progdish Orcmaker. In exchange, the Eagles will receive 23-year old starting pitcher Molin...

Miners Deal Tinàlindë to Uruk-hai for Tinàlindë

The Miners and Uruk-hai confirmed this afternoon that a trade had been agreed upon. In the deal, Moria will get 22-year old minor league right fielder Gamodoc Tinàlindë, while Dead Marshes will receive 24-year old minor league closer Gameodriel Tinàlindë....

August 21, 2008

Goldanvil involved in Bree Pony scandal

via Khazad-dum Enquirer MORIA - Former Moria outfielder, Dasin Goldanvil, is rumored to have been spotted in a stolen home video of socialite, Bree Pony. Recently, Bree Pony, whose existence allegedly is the result of a romantic night at...

August 14, 2008

SC Announces #1 Batter Award

Splinter *Jack of the Moria Miners proved that you can step out of the shadows and onto the stage if you've got the talent and the drive to hone your skills. Hard work, long hours and a tireless resolve paid...

July 31, 2008

Shaglakh the Devastator Wins 2017 SC Batting Title

The Shire Conference batting race ended with Moria's Shaglakh the Devastator on top with a .366 average. The Miners right fielder was officially named the winner today. For the season he totaled 222 hits, 17 home runs with 68 RBIs...

July 17, 2008

Moria Shortstop Nabs SC Weekly Award

Gibur Rockrender more than did his part for the Moria Miners over the last seven days and earned Shire Conference Player of the Week honors in the process. The club's shortstop logged an impressive .480 average, drove in 7 runs,...

July 03, 2008

Brandewyn of Rohan Sticks It to SC Pitchers

At the age of 28, Brandewyn of Rohan might have some potential she hasn't realized yet -- if her success at the plate last week is any indication. The Moria third baseman put up some exceptional numbers the past seven...

June 12, 2008

Ladygrass Stands Out, Choice for Best Pitcher

There's no doubt that Miners starter Quinn Ladygrass earned her Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month award. She left absolutely no room for doubt as she mowed her way through the opposition in June. During the month Ladygrass was 5-0...

March 24, 2008

2016 Elrond Managers of the Year

MIDDLE EARTH - Today the league announced its selections for the 2016 Elrond Manager of the Year trophy in both the Shire and Mordor Conferences. In the Shire, Moria's GM, Sir Jools, took home the award after having improved his...

February 28, 2008

Great Week for Moria's Bifur Thunderarrow

When it came to hitting the baseball, Bifur Thunderarrow had few peers in the Shire Conference this past week. The talented first baseman for Moria tagged opposing pitchers for a .440 average and was voted the Player of the Week...

February 18, 2008

Moria's *Jack Snaps Up Player of the Week

This week's Player of the Week was Splinter *Jack of the Moria Miners. His big bat belted and blasted Shire Conference pitching for 9 hits in 16 at-bats, 4 home runs, and 8 RBIs while hitting .563 and scoring 6...

February 14, 2008

Moria Retains Bell

MORIA - The Miners inked a deal with 32-year-old Katie Bell today signaling that it not only wanted her on the field but in the clubhouse. Publicly, Katie Bell has spoken highly of Moria, so the extension wasn't a total...

February 11, 2008

Thunderarrow Wins SC Player of the Week Prize

Bifur Thunderarrow punched, poked and pummeled the baseball last week and today he garnered a majority of the votes for the Shire Conference Player of the Week award. The Moria Miners first baseman slashed out a .407 average with 11...

February 03, 2008

Erebor-Moria Deal: Fareomer for Liverdicer Jr.

EREBOR - The Erebor Eagles have parted ways with 23-year old left fielder Vruugak Fareomer, 26-year old minor league third baseman Paol Toemasher and 20-year old minor league right fielder Rowan Fields, sending him to the Moria Miners for 21-year...

January 31, 2008

Superstar Elril-gambor Stays in Moria

MORIA - At a midafternoon press conference on July 14, Moria Miners officials flanked Sarkla Elril-gambor and announced they had reached an extension with the 28-year-old reliever. Terms include a $34,400,000 salary distributed over 8 years. This year Elril-gambor has...

January 09, 2008

Slayers Deal Steelshaper to Miners for Elderflower

MINAS MORGUL - The rumor has been going on for a while now, but today it was made official. The Minas Morgul Slayers sent 31-year old reliever Nark Steelshaper to the Moria Miners for 29-year old closer Elasta Elderflower. Officials...

December 31, 2007

the Devastator Will Miss 5 Weeks

MORIA - The Moria Miners will have to make do without Shaglakh the Devastator for 5 weeks. He suffered a torn groin muscle while running the bases in the game on May 22nd against the Carrock Bears. His teammates, understandably,...

December 20, 2007

Thunderarrow Top Hitter in SC in April

Seasoned by several years of professional experience, Bifur Thunderarrow put together a solid offensive month for Moria and was crowned April's top batter in the Shire Conference. He batted .361 with 9 home runs, 31 RBIs and 15 runs scored....

December 17, 2007

Shire Conference Names Top Player

There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Foli of Khazad-dum, the Moria left fielder, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid his team, but also...

October 18, 2007

*the Shriek Chosen #1 Player

Morag *the Shriek went on a week-long hitting spree against Shire Conference pitchers and captured the Player of the Week honors. The Moria third baseman battered the opposition for 11 hits, 3 home runs, 11 RBIs and scored 6 runs....

September 27, 2007

Thunderarrow Selected SC Player of the Week

Bifur Thunderarrow punched, poked and pummeled the baseball last week and today he garnered a majority of the votes for the Shire Conference Player of the Week award. The Moria Miners first baseman slashed out a .480 average with 12...

September 23, 2007

Big Deal: Undomiel for Bell

MORIA - The Moria Miners and Minas Morgul Slayers have finalized a huge trade involving 31-year old reliever Deallyra Undomiel for the Miners and 31-year old reliever Katie Bell for the Slayers. "Deals like this are hard to get settled,"...

September 06, 2007

Tumbletoe Grabs SC Top Pitcher Trophy

The Pitcher of the Month Award has been announced and the Shire Conference winner is Moria hurler, Theodorus Tumbletoe. For his fine efforts in June he has been named the league's #1 pitcher. During the month, Tumbletoe excelled with a...

September 03, 2007

Shire Conference Player of the Week Selected

It was a week to remember for Shaglakh the Devastator. After wrapping up a torrid week at the plate, the Moria Miners right fielder was named the Shire Conference Player of the Week. the Devastator collected 14 hits in 22...

August 20, 2007

Great Day for *the Shriek! 6 Hits!

MORIA - Morag *the Shriek really did a number on the Titans in the Moria 7-5 victory on May 27. Not just anyone can get 6 hits in 6 at-bats. But Morag *the Shriek did just that today for the...

August 06, 2007

The Devastator SC Outstanding Batter of the Month

Shaglakh the Devastator of the Miners hit .374 in April with 4 home runs, 23 RBIs and 16 runs scored to capture a majority of votes for the Shire Conference Batter of the Month trophy. The 32-year-old is in the...

August 02, 2007

Week's Top Performer Honored by SC

There was no one hotter in the Shire Conference last week as Shaglakh the Devastator attacked enemy pitching with a vengeance to collect the Player of the Week Award. The 32-year-old Moria right fielder batted .440 with 11 hits in...

July 27, 2007

Infield Riot at Moria

MORIA - In the latest lost game versus Old Forest, the spectators witnessed an unusual scene involving Moria's short stop Gibur Rockrender and 3B woman Brandewyn of Rohan. It has been known for some time Rockrender and Of Rohan have...

July 16, 2007

Mariner Suffers Major Injury, Career Over

MORIA - The expression on her face said it all when center fielder Lelyan Mariner was injured in a game against Wilderland. You could tell that this was no minor injury. Mariner was examined quickly by the team doctor and...

July 10, 2007

Moria set to run for Dwarf Division Title

via Miners Press Service MORIA - Moria will be championing the title this season with pretty much the same team. Veteran power hitter Githrarith (37) was the only one to be released, leaving the DH spot open to slugger Morag...

April 02, 2007

Khazad-dum Stadium moves to Dimrill Dale

MORIA - Reporters were surprised this Sunday when they were summoned to gather not in the gloom of Balin's Tomb, but on the peaceful grounds of the Dimrill Dale between the Eastern gates of Moria and Lothlorien. PR Spokeswoman, Heodwyn...

March 15, 2007

Shire Conference League Choice for Batter of the Month is Moria Third Baseman *the Shriek

Morag *the Shriek will never forget April 2014. Today she was voted Shire Conference Batter of the Month. More important for Moria, she posted a .345 average along with 9 homers and 26 RBI. *the Shriek also collected 2 doubles,...

March 12, 2007

Third Baseman Morag the Shriek of Moria Records .393 Average, Selected Shire Conference Player of the Week

MORIA - Morag *the Shriek made quite a splash in the Shire Conference this past week. The Moria Miners third baseman drilled opposing pitchers for 11 hits--5 for extra bases--in 28 at-bats and rolled up a 1.366 OPS figure. Those...

February 03, 2007

Left Fielder Branchwielder Signs $1,050,000 Pact with Moria

MORIA - Moria and Waldur Branchwielder have reached an agreement bringing the 31-year-old to the Miners at a price of $1,050,000 over 1 year. In a career spanning 857 games, Branchwielder has batted .265 with 862 hits in 3249 at-bats...

January 31, 2007

Moria-Ravenhill Deal

MORIA - In a trade agreed to by the parties near the end of the season, the Darkwings and Miners have swapped players. Ravenhill will get OF Denaigol 'Hitman' Denaihir, SP Feanor Greycloak and minor league OF Masin Oathworker. Moria...

Denaihir had an excellent year for the resurging Miners team, hitting .281 with 28 HR and 109 RBI and being named to the Shire All-Star team. Meanwhile, Greycloak's performance was spotty. While his record was 8-10 with a 4.18 ERA, he hurled a shutout, and 12 of his 23 starts were considered Quality Starts. The 22-year-old Oathworker was Moria's 1st round draft pick in 2010 and hit .290 for AAA Long Cleve.

On Ravenhill's side of the deal, Shaglakh, known as the "Fox", is known more for his fielding and speed than his bat, winning the 2012 Legolas in RF, but he hit .333 last season. Anstlammer has always been an excellent pitcher until this season. Moria is betting that his 9-13 record and 4.11 ERA were a bump in the road. Up until this season, Andrack had never had a losing season or an ERA above 4. And Brandewyn of Rohan is a solid young utility infielder.

January 29, 2007

Moria Shortstop Gibur Rockrender Nabs 2013 SC Sam Gamgee Batter

Gibur Rockrender of the Moria Miners enjoyed a gourmet season at the dish in 2013. He put up a .307 average, collected 38 home runs, 95 RBI, and, perhaps most important, the Shire Conference Sam Gamgee Batter. He also tallied...

December 18, 2006

Moria-Rivendell Swap Pitchers

MORIA - The Miners GM announced a deal with the Royals that swaps their starting pitcher, Denaumir 'Iceball' Deneadur, along with a minor league reliever and some cash for Rivendell's James Gilbertson. Deneadur, 32, is still one of the hardest...

November 20, 2006

Pacing the Moria Attack, Third Baseman *the Shriek Takes SC Batter of the Month Honors

Hot-hitting third baseman Morag *the Shriek of the Moria Miners really pounded opposing pitchers in May. She hit .396, smashed 11 home runs, accounted for 26 RBI, and scored 23 times to collect SC Batter of the Month honors. Morag...

November 09, 2006

Miners Third Baseman Morag *the Shriek Selected SC Player of the Week

Morag *the Shriek has been in a real groove lately. The 28-year-old Moria Miners third baseman nabbed Shire Conference Player of the Week honors today, after beating up on opposing pitchers last week. *the Shriek's hot streak featured 9 hits--5...

November 06, 2006

Galealbo Elvàwen of the Moria Miners Garners Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month Award

The Moria Miners owe Galealbo Elvàwen a lot for his performance this past month. One of the league's more dominant starters in April, Elvàwen tore the opposition to ribbons, posting an ERA of 1.54 with 46 Ks in 46.2 innings....

October 02, 2006

Moria Recruits Rohan GM

by Lobelia Hardbottle, MESN KHAZAD-DUM - The monstrous sounds of something unseen, straining against heavy irons greets the assembled press as the slender, neatly-dressed, newly re-hired PR Manager, Heodwyn Soft-Voice, signals for quiet. "On behalf of the Moria Miners and...

A spattering of shocked applause ensues while a youngish looking human steps up to an ornately-carved, Dwarven-style podium.

"Hello, I'm Jools." The crowd immediately erupts into questions.

"Jools, with all the rumors of corporal punishment in the Miners organization, are you nervous to begin working for Queen Brandelion and her famous whip?"

The new GM takes the question in stride. "Well, I'm glad you ask, because it's time we change this barbaric treatment. The new regime will have the women getting spanked instead of whipped. Also, responsibilities will change: The Queen takes care of the men, and the GM will care for the women."

It is obvious that the assembled reporters, long accustomed to Queen Brandelion's outrageous temper, do not buy it.

"Jools, tell us why you chose to work for Moria after leading a successful team like Rohan?"

"Well, in two words: the money."

"Jools, Jools! What do you think of former Miners pitcher Francisco Xiques's continuing refusal to change his name and race to something Tolkienien?"

A clever spark flashes in the new GM's eye. "Ah, yes, based on the information available on the issue, we intend to invite parties to inform on a wide bandwidth basis the persons and proper authorities on this delicate issue."

"What do you think of the slogan disgruntled fans have started shouting at games, saying Moria has 'the best worst players with great talent'?"

The GM's brow is momentarily furrowed. "I think it came into existence when the previous manager, failing to attract fans through results, wanted to boost fan interest by presenting Moria as a sort of freak show, and then the fans came up with that slogan. Of course, we're looking to revert that image by turning Moria into a top-notch baseball machine."

"Jools, have you met with Queen Brandelion? What's she like in person? Were you frightened?"

The new GM answers with a slow, knowing smile, winks, and then raises a hand to wave. "No further questions, thank you."

An excited babble of questions erupts as Jools exits through a side-door. Heodwyn Soft-Voice promptly steps up to the podium, thanks all for coming, and directs reporters to a complimentary buffet of bat juice and cookies. Queen Brandelion Half-Elven, conspicuously absent at the press release, was unavailable for comment.

August 14, 2006

Weathertop's Gollailob wins Player of the Week award

Morag *the Shriek from Moria wins her 4th Player of the Week award for putting up the best numbers this week in the Shire Conference. In 19 at bats she hit .526 with 2 HR and 5 RBI. Weathertop's rightfielder...

August 06, 2006

Big Minas Morgul-Moria Trade

MINAS MORGUL - The Slayers and Miners announced a major deal that shakes up the Mordor Conference wild card leaders and, Moria officials hope, give the Khazad-dum squad a boost. Minas Morgul sends three pitchers to Moria--Quinn Ladygrass, Galealbo Elvàwen,...

July 31, 2006

5-hit performance by Moria's Morag *the Shriek

MORIA - Morag *the Shriek is among the best pure hitters in the game, but his 5 hit performance on July 13 seemed to surprise even himself. In the 1st inning he belted a double off Issth Elilmalad. Number 2...

Moria's Tookes out for the season

MORIA - Moria's right-hander Robert Tookes experienced probably the worst case scenario for a pitcher, a season ending injury. After pitching in the 1st inning of the game against Lothlorien on July 10, Tookes complained about serious pain in his...

March 20, 2006

Moria's *the Shriek wins Player of the Week award

The Player of the Week award in the Shire Conference goes to Moria's Morag *the Shriek this time, as the third baseman displayed the best offensive perfomance in her league. Morag pounded opposing pitchers, hitting .500 with 2 HR and...

Moria's Norà out for 7 weeks

MORIA - Moria's players were scared when they had to watch Thurlla Norà suffer a serious injury when she dove for a ball in the game against Bywater. She collapsed in pain and was helped off the field. Norà will...

March 09, 2006

Deneadur (MRA) and Fimir (GH) win monthly pitcher award

Moria's Denaumir Deneadur had a terrific May, and it earned him the Shire Conference Pitcher of the month award. He struck out 47 hitters in his 5 starts, putting together a record of 4-0 while pitching 47 innings. His ERA...

March 06, 2006

Moria's *the Shriek wins Player of the Week award

The Shire Conference Player of the Week award goes to Morag *the Shriek, Moria's starting third baseman. *the Shriek helped his team with an average of .440 and 11 RBI in 25 at bats. His season numbers are: .274 AVG,...

February 04, 2006

Last "Beardy Boy" leaves Moria

MORIA - Tiran Beardstroker, the last of the so-called "Beardy Boys", was traded to Mirkwood this week for outfielder Denaigol Denaihir and pitcher Sormina Glyrion. Beardstroker, 30, was often associated with another pitcher from Moria, Farin Beardsnapper, who retired in...

November 18, 2005

Minas Morgul's Chubb wins Player of the Week award

Moria's centerfielder Moran Alcarin had some reason to celebrate, as the league named him the Shire Conference Player of the Week. Alcarin helped his team with an average of .467 and 10 RBI in 30 at bats. He hit in...

October 31, 2005

Guviel and Hammershaker win P.O.W. award

Moria's second baseman Sorthor Guviel had some reason to celebrate, as the league named him the Shire Conference Player of the Week. Sorthor was on fire, hitting .455 with 0 HR and 6 RBI. It's the 2nd time that the...

October 15, 2005

Deneadur Traded to Moria

BUCKLEBURY - Fans of the Fairies were baffled as the team announced the trade of fireballer, Denaumir "Iceball" Deneadur, to Moria for a 2011 draft pick. Deneadur has been a key part of the Bucklebury starting rotation since his acquisition...

September 28, 2005

Moria GM Pleasant sacked

BALIN'S TOMB -- Dirk Pleasant, General Manager of the Moria Miners, has been asked to step down for undisclosed reasons. "Dirk Pleasant will no longer manage the Moria Miners," a spokesperson said at an impromptu press conference. Pleasant, who has...

September 08, 2005

Camellia Baggins quiets Carrock bats with shutout

CARROCK - Camellia Baggins took the mound on September 18 and never left. And Carrock hitters couldn't touch her at all. Moria's right-hander gave up just 2 hits in her 1st shutout of the season. She now has 2 career...

August 18, 2005

Moria's the Hated severely injured

MORIA - Moria's ace Bagdreg the Hated suffered a severe injury on August 7 and will be out for at least 5 weeks. In the 1st of the game against Bucklebury he experienced pain in his throwing arm and had...

August 08, 2005

Lothlorien's Grumpus the Grumpest wins Player of the Week award

The Shire Conference's best player of the week of July 11 was Moria's Morag the Shriek, who wins the award for the 1st time in her career. Morag went 8 for 17 (.471), while hitting 2 HR and collecting 4...

July 18, 2005

Camellia Baggins (MRA) will miss 4-5 weeks

MORIA - Moria's ace Camellia Baggins suffered a severe injury on May 31 and will be out for at least 4-5 weeks. In the 4th of the game against Rivendell she experienced pain in her throwing arm and had to...

June 29, 2005

Gabzog retires to work for charity

MORIA - All-Star third baseman, Gabzog the Obtuse, announced that he will retire to more fully devote his time to working for The Midgewater Hope Foundation, a non-profit organization formed to raise awareness of Midgwater Rickets, a devastating life-threatening disease...

June 14, 2005

Miners Change Minors; Adopt Slogan

BALIN'S TOMB -- A spokesdwarf for the Miners announced several changes within the organization, including new place names and mascots for Moria's three minor league teams. According to PR spokesdwarf, Nuli Hengehammer, the minor league teams will now be...

June 03, 2005

Minas Morgul starts working on bullpen

Minas Morgul is trying to work on their biggest weakness that reared it's ugly head after a couple injuries to key players. To that end, the Slayers are trying to fix the situation. They've completed two offseason trades. The...

Miners and Slayers Trade

MORIA - The Miners sent a pair of pitchers to Minas Morgul in exchange for 1B-OF Earon Denima. Paul Tuller, 28, and Prarg Halflingslobbr, 27, will be joining the dryads for 2009. Tuller has been a reliever in the Moria...

May 12, 2005

Shatai Githrarith punishes Bywater with five hits

MORIA - Moria's designated hitter Shatai Githrarith accomplished a difficult feat in a 8-7 win over Bywater on September 7, drilling five hits to improve his career batting average to .265! His 2nd hit, off Losur Oathsplitter in the 4th...

April 20, 2005

Miners Deal Legithraviel to Rohan

MORIA - In a quick move by Miners owner, Queen Brandelion of Lethargy, Moria has traded newly acquired pitcher Tavus Legithraviel to Rohan in exchange for relievers Kimra Elràlith and Prarg Halflingslobbr. Earlier, she had puzzled pundits scratching their heads...

February 18, 2005

The Mithril Post, vol. 10

headline news and notes from Moria SOFT VOICE BATS FOR PGL -- BRANDELION PITCHES FIT Local Shirriffs were called to a disturbance at the offices of the Moria Miners, Trewsday, in which an outraged Brandelion of Lethargy tore apart several...

December 17, 2004

The Mithril Post, vol.9

headline news and notes from Moria PGL Scrap Sparks Homecoming Tantrum Some say no news is good news, but we at the Mithril Post say "[somedwarvenexpletivetypecatchphrase]" to that! After suffering weeks of silence while the Miners allegedly evil owner, Brandelion...

"What the [eXpletive] is that!?!?!?" No one in the crowd dared to look at the scrap of paper she pointed at with a death-bringing finger and ready-to-snap eyes. A trembling aide stooped to retrieve the scrap from the ground, and with a grave, ashen face, informed the crowd that it was a ticket stub from a Pan-Galactic League baseball game.

Brandelion, in true Bran form, bust out the fireworks and lit into a string of dark curses, turning innocent bystanders into a range of reptilian creatures from newts to toads, while fearful aides ducked for cover. After several minutes of mayhem, Bran screamed for the heads of those responsible for the ticket and vowed to weed out any PGL fans living within the halls of Moria, claiming she would "make them pay." Bran then excused herself to the few witnesses still standing, and entered the seclusion of her offices, from which she has not yet emerged.


Minor Change of Uniform For the Miners
Mere minutes after her return from the Ivory Tower, Brandelion of Lethargy sent a memo throughout the Miners Organization declaring the official undergarment of the team would henceforth be the thong. In Bran's words, "I have personally tested the garment, and find it to be the most breathable and freedom-giving form of underpant there is." This follows a questionable rumor circulating the league involving lembas cream, which is often used to treat rather serious and sordid sundry diseases that are not fit for printing. (The Mithril Post is a family news source.) In her memo, Bran states that she hopes the thong will "help ease the lembas cream problem in the locker rooms and promote better morale." General Manager, Dirk Pleasant, endorsed the decision last Trewsday during an impromptu press conference. "I'm not just wearing one thong," Pleasant tittered madly, "I'm wearing three!" Reporters were then subjected to proof of Pleasant's three thongs when he spontaneously dropped his pants and turned his hairy ass upon the unwitting crowd.

December 07, 2004

Moria-Old Forest make big pitcher swap

OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows announced the re-acquisition of strikeout artist, Ligor Fistslammer, in a 3-for-3 deal that sends relievers Bamli Anvildelver, Soseen Isadriel and Suukak Nosecrawler to Moria in exchange for Fistslammer, Virgil Proudstaff and Tathor Legàndil. The...

Fistslammer, 33, has bounced around a lot in his short career in the league. Signed as the 1st pick of the Dagorlad Disaster, he was on fire in 2003, throwing a no-hitter and striking out 242 batters before an elbow injury in July cut his season short. The next season, he set the Mordor Conference record for strikeouts with 308, and signed a $45 million deal with Old Forest to start 2005. But while his strikeouts kept piling up, so did his walks. He was never a consistent winner with the Merry Fellows and was traded to Moria at the start of 2007. He returns to Old Forest to try and help them keep up with Mirkwood in the Wild Card race.

Virgil "Stilletto" Proudstaff, was the host of the ill-conceived "Who Wants to Manage a Baseball Team?" game show at Bucklebury before being traded to Moria in May. After that, he had an abysmal June with the Miners, going 0-3 in 6 starts with a 9.10 ERA! He has already given up 23 HR in just 17 games this year.

Tathor Legàndil, 36, has been a workhorse for the Miners out of the bullpen. He pitched 104 games in 2005-2006, picking up 58 saves. This season, he is 3-2 with 11 saves and a 4.81 ERA.

For their part, Moria gets Bamli "Animal" Anvildelver (1-2, 4.28 in 29 games), Soseen "Red" Isadriel (5-5, 6.82 in 11 starts and 7 relief appearances), and Suukak "The Dunce" Nosecrawler. Nosecrawler, 30, was picked up by Old Forest in the off-season for $4.5 million per year for the next 3 years. He represented the Merry Fellows in this year's All-Star Game, having appeared in 21 games and earning a 1-1 record with a 1.72 ERA. Nosecrawler has only given up 1 HR all year.

November 08, 2004

News from Moria

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria SPORTS Great Week for Moria The Miners just get better and better after a 6 win week against Mirkwood, Carrock, Gondolin, and Bucklebury. The only loss in this week's...

The Commissioner's decision to lock Bran away follows a strange series of staff changes within the Miners organization. When PR manager Heodwyn of the Soft Voice resigned without explanation, team members were quick to assume the cause was the hiring of General Manager, Dirk Pleasant. Healers have certified that Pleasant's mental state is, at best, unstable. "I have no idea what [Bran] was thinking, hiring Dirk Pleasant," said Moria veteran Roignar Shieldcrusher. "That man is clearly un-sane. We don't need papers to prove it. Though, if you need papers, we've got them. He's certified." Shieldcrusher is one of a growing majority who believe Heodwyn left the Miners organization because of Bran's poor choices in management. None have forgotten their harrowing experiences under the icy tyrant, BranMorda. "After the [expletive referring to BranMorda], the prospect of dealing with yet another raving lunatic of a manager was a little hard to take," said starting pitcher Farin beardsnapper. Roignar Shieldcrusher nodded in agreement with his team mate. "I don't mean to bite the hand that feeds me," said Shieldcrusher, "But I'm having a hard time understanding where that woman [Bran] is coming from. No wonder Heodwyn left us."

Moria's players unanimously agreed with the Commissioner's decision to give Bran 'time out.' Gathered in the team's locker room, the players offered their opinions about the future of Moria. "Now, we love Bran--don't go printing us 'on record' that we don't," said Sim Hornblower. "We all want her to come back...eventually. After a nice, long rest. We all think the Commish made the right decision." Camellia Baggins, well-known throughout the league as Brandelion's "Darling" pet player, added her thoughts. "She's swell, you know, when she's not in one of her 'moods'. Her moods are a little bit scary," said Baggins, shuddering. "We just want her to get the help she needs." As for the team's future under the leadership of Dirk Pleasant, Nosil Ringrender said, "So far his decisions concerning batting order and pitching rotation have been sound, and really, I don't think the guy would hurt a midge. But...we'll see. The incoherent babbling, and the spittle is, well, unsettling."

November 07, 2004

League Takes Over Miners

MORIA - League officials announced today that control of the Moria Miners will be temporarily placed in the hands of the Commissioner. In a statement from the league office, Commissioner Rasreth said that Queen Brandelion of Lethargy, having been...

November 05, 2004

Moria Hires New Manager

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria SPORTS Moria Hires New Manager This week the Miners welcome a new General Manager, Dirk Pleasant. Pleasant, who spent some time in the Sanitorium after a visit with BranMorda,...

Good Week For Miners
The Moria Miners won 4 out of 5 this week against Wilderland and Mirkwood, with a 4-hit shoutout by pitcher Bagdreg the Hated. In the same series, Sorthor Guviel scored on a catcher's error in the 9th. This follows a decent week in which the Miners won 5 out of 7 against Minas Tirith, Lake Town, and Bywater, with a noted RBI single in the 10th inning by up-and-coming talent, Haleth Bright Blade. Team management attributes the recent success to several trades and roster changes within the organization. "Talent and toenails," said unsane new manager, Dirk Pleasant. "Lots come in, lots go out. Shed them like skin. Lotsa good stuff in the Miners. We feed them cheese! [maniacal tittering]" Among the new talent on the team is flamboyant starting pitcher Virgil "Stilletto" Proudstaff, formerly of Bucklebury. "Oh, these Miners are fab-o!" Proudstaff shrieked girlishly to reporters, just before playing Mirkwood. "I'm giving several of the girls make-overs after tonight's game! It'll be super!"

Heodwyn Leaves Miners
After a closed meeting with team owner, Brandelion of Lethargy, Heodwyn Soft Voice announced her plans to leave the Miners. "I have always loved the Miners," Heodwyn said, "but it is time for me to move on." Heodwyn cited no reason for her sudden departure, though she assured players that she will remain a fan. "Over the years, I have grown so close to so many of the players, managers, and staff within the Miners organization. I have seen the strength of this team. It pains me to leave my friends. However, I will keep fond memories of them in my heart." Inside sources say Heodwyn's departure may have something to do with Bran's decision to hire the certifiably insane Dirk Pleasant, though none are able to confirm the rumor. Brandelion was contacted for comment, but declined.

November 02, 2004

Miner Manager to Join Nazgul

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria SPORTS BranMorda To Join Nine The recently declared-alive BranMorda will not be resuming her place at the helm of the Moria Miners this season, though it was expected she...

Brandelion of Lethargy, close friend and confidant of BranMorda, was unavailable for comment, though sources say she has not stopped crying for days and refuses to come out of her rooms. Sources within the Miners organization assume Bran’s tears are related to BranMorda’s decision to leave Moria.

NEWS

Bridge Collapses After Rock Concert
With heavy hearts, representatives of The Coalition For a Better Moria announce that construction on the Bridge of Khazad-dum reconstruction project will come to a close, after above-ground soundwaves caused the Bridge to topple, once again. Ironically, the Bridge is reported to have collapsed during the performance of "Trewsday, Bloody Trewsday," a song written by dwarf rock group The Stonebeards about the 20 Astron Miners game that lead to the rioting and crowd violence that caused the sound waves that brought the Bridge construction project down, killing four. Though none were hurt in this second Bridge disaster, The Coalition is calling it quits. "We just can't go on like this," said Fisil Zirak. "It's just so…depressing, to see the Bridge go up, and then come right back down again."

The Stonebeards offered a full apology to The Coalition, promising to 'set things right, again.' Lead singer Mono is expected to award Coalition leader Fisil Zirak with a check at a ceremony next week, which will be the sum total of proceeds from the benefit concert Bridge Aid. Mono hopes the money will be enough to help Zirak go for a third try. "The Bridge is important to us as a race," said Mono. "We Dwarves in Moria need to stand up and say, 'No more!' We won't let bad acoustics get in our way." When asked if the money will help Zirak to try again at rebuilding the Bridge, Zirak smiled. "While my sorrow over the Bridge project can not fully be expressed, a check such as Mono's may help to soften the blow. Of course, whether we begin the project again depends on how soft that cushioning check is."

October 31, 2004

Miner Manager Found Alive!

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria NEWS BranMorda Not Dead! MORIA - Former Moria Miners manager BranMorda shocked and terrified thousands this week after rising from her grave. Witnesses fled at what they thought was...

The news of BranMorda's return from the dead was met with shrieking and gaunt faces within the Miners organization. A team of reputable healers were called immediately to adminster to BranMorda. After several tests, healers confirmed that BranMorda really really is alive, though convincing team management of her vitality was a difficult task. "We were not at all sure what to think," said PR manager Heodwyn Soft Voice. "Of course, we were shocked to see her--horrified, even--because it is not everyday that one who has passed into other realms re-joins the living. We were concerned about the status of her health, and made the arrangements for healers to meet with her right away."

Turns out, BranMorda is absolutely fine after her month-long stay underground. Healers are now saying that she wasn't even dead in the first place. "I don't understand what happend," said Constable Pat Lackey, who signed the document certifying BranMorda's death. "We checked her for all vital signs, and she had none. No heartbeat; nothing." BranMorda provided a simple answer to the mystery. "I have no heart," she said coldly.

No official word has been issued by Brandelion of Lethargy, yet, though inside sources say the sometimes unstable team owner screamed, then fainted upon hearing the news of BranMorda's return. "They were very close," said Heodwyn Soft Voice. "Bran was understandably shaken to see her old friend BranMorda, again." When asked if BranMorda will be re-joining the Moria Miners as general manager, Heodwyn hesitated. "...The subject will be discussed at greater length once Brandelion and BranMorda have had a chance to recover from this harrowing ordeal. For now, the Miners will continue under the management of Brandelion as before."

Dwarf Rock Concert To Aid Bridge Reconstruction
Activist rockers The Stonebeards have signed a deal with representatives of the Moria Miners for use of the Khazad-dum Stadium this week. The group plans to present a concert to benefit the Bridge of Khazad-dum reconstruction project, and will be touted as Bridge Aid. Said charismatic lead singer, Mono, "This is a chance for us to use our dizzying wealth and fame to make a difference. We heard about the collapse of the project and the resulting deaths following the Moria riots, and we knew as a band that this would be a good opportunity to simultaneously rally the good hearts of Moria to action and breathe new life into a worthy cause. We also have a new record due out in Forelithe that we'd like fans to buy. Er, listen to."

Miners PR manager, Heodwyn Soft Voice, encourages attendees of the now legendary 20 Astron game to take their game ticket stubs to the concert for a 10% discount off admission price. "We are confident the concert will be an enjoyable experience for all, and will help to heal the wounds that the terrible game of 20 Astron left us with," said Heodwyn.

The concert is scheduled for 5 Thrimidge (S.R.). Proceeds will benefit the Coalition for a Better Moria.

October 29, 2004

Naming Ceremony Has Player Pointing Fingers

by Lobelia Hardbottle, MESN MORIA - It is a bright, clear day on the patio of Evenstarbucks where I've met Francisco Xiques for a cup of joe. Squinting in the sunlight is the self-proclaimed up-and-coming star of Moria's pitching...

"It all started with the Naming Ceremony," Xiques says, referring to the recent ceremony held in Moria in which reclusive wizard Olorin the Wise gave new Middle Earth-based names to several players on the Miners roster. "These guys I looked up to in the bigs for hanging onto their names, their heritage, started signing up to have all of that taken away. I didn't get it; you know? So I started asking around. 'Hey, Don,' I says to Guglielmo. 'What's up with this?' And Don said, 'I gotta do what I gotta do.' That's all he said. And then I asked my old friend, Pablo, what's going on? He wouldn't give me an answer. I mean, me and Pablo were real tight, you know--we could tell each other anything. He was that kind of friend—or so I thought.

"Then, I find out Pablo's going to sign up for the Naming Ceremony. I says to him, I says, 'Pablo, you're going to give up your family name? What about your heritage? What about where you're from?' And he says, 'I just wanna do what's right for the team.' He was already playing for the bigs at that time, and I was still AAA. I didn't know what was really going on, until I got the chance to move up to the bigs. Then I knew--those guys didn't want to give up their names, their identities. The brass pressured them to."

Xiques pauses to spit angrily on the sidewalk. "The brass?" I ask, confused about this anachronistic reference. Xiques continues, nodding. "Yeah. The brass. The managers, and such. When I got promoted to the major leagues, they took me in a little room and closed the door behind us. I thought they were going to give me a talking to about what an honor it is to play for the Miners, and what to expect, but they didn't. Instead, they told me that changing my name and race to some 'Tolkien' thing would be 'the best thing for the team.' They said if I didn't, I might be responsible for our luck turning sour. I thought, 'What the [expletive]!' Who are they to tell me who to be? Like, my family name, my heritage, it ain't good enough to play on this ball team. That's racism. I decided to make a complaint, and wrote a letter to the owner about it. A reply came back right away. I was excited; I thought I was really going to make a difference.

"And then I met with her,” Xiques pauses to let this sink in. “Brandelion of Lethargy. Now there’s a ball o’ wax. First of all, we couldn’t meet like normal people at a normal time, or anything. It had to be in Balin’s tomb at midnight—if you ever been in Balin’s tomb at midnight, you’ll know; it’s real creepy. I was herded in by a bunch of 'security' guys in long, hooded black capes. They didn't talk or anything, just sorta...screeched. Made my blood run cold. The way they handled me, it made me feel like a, uh, a criminal, or…dinner. No respect, you know? It was the weirdest situation I’d ever been in.

“Then I saw her: tall, blonde, beautiful, in this long, shiny dress thing, but, like my mother always says, you can't trust the packaging. She asked me to sit down, so I did. She smiled and made nice about things. Something about her set me on edge, though. Finally, I says 'Look, let's just get to the point, alright?' She didn't like that too much. She stopped smiling. I mean, that smile just dropped off her face and hit the ground. She said, 'You're new here, Francisco, so I'll allow you the momentary slip. In the future, you would be wise to keep your attitude in check for the duration of your career at Moria.' That’s when I lost my cool. I started in about what racist bigots they all are, and before long, I was pinned to my chair; paralyzed. Trapped, you know? And then she had her way with me."

"She had her way with you?" I say, a bit louder than necessary. Xiques's face colors three shades of red. "No, not like that. I don't mean that. I mean, she started using her mind powers or something on me. She kept talking, and talking, and the more she talked, the more she made sense. Suddenly, I was thinking I wanted to change my name and race. It began to seem like a good idea."

Xiques grows pensive at this point. He plays with the mysterious paper band around his sterofoam coffee cup. Why is that paper band there? To what purpose? My mind wanders to the eternal coffee-cup question, getting lost in the labyrinthine twists and turns of reason and madness…it’s a piece of paper! Paper! Why? Xiques gently taps my arm. “Yo, earth to Lobelia?” he says. I feel embarrassed by my moment of inattention, but Xiques seems amused. “I know how it is,” he says with a grin. “I don’t understand that little band of paper, neither. Why the [expletive] is it there?” We share a hearty laugh, the kind that turns heads in a small but crowded coffeehouse. With all of Evenstarbucks staring at us, now, I turn our talk back to the interview.

Xiques has no trouble picking up where he left off. "They let me go, after that. I went back to my room to think. I mean, I knew at the heart of me that what they'd told me wasn't right, but I had all these conflicting messages in my head. I felt drained. But after a while, I got it together," Xiques sits bolt upright in his chair, slamming his fist on the table. "I decided right then and there I was going to take this to the Commissioner, to the public, to everyone--Moria is full of bigots, and their team owner is a mind-melding, manipulative vixen. I lost all respect for her from that day forward. And, I tell you what," says Xiques, speaking in hushed, dangerous tones. "It's not just the team management. Since I've come to Middle Earth, I've been treated like a second-class citizen. Not just because I'm a human from another dimension--if you're not a Dwarf in Moria, you're nothing."

My head reeling from these stunning accusations, I press Xiques to explain his position further. "I see it all the time," he says, waving his hands wildly. "Elves, Hobbits, the races of men--they're passed up for promotions, overlooked, forgotten. Why do you think I was in the minor leagues so long? I got more talent than anyone in this league, but I wasn't called up because of my name. Not until this 'Naming Ceremony' came along, when they thought they could change me into what they wanted.

“Look at the roster,” he continues. “Out of 25 players, 9 are dwarves. And 9 more are thinking about becoming dwarves. There’s no way you could tell me that ain’t racism; if I agreed to go through the Naming Ceremony, I’d probably become a dwarf, too. Now that’s something to think about.”

Xiques sits back in his chair. He wears a tortured expression. Could there really be racism in Moria? And, what would the Commissioner have to say about all this? I quickly wrap things up with Xiques and make for the offices of Commissioner Rasreth.

It isn’t easy getting in to see the Commissioner. His office is swarming with a mob of angry players waiting to file complaints about a certain pet dragon running loose in the Grey Havens. I can see it will be no easy task gaining an audience with the big guy. As instructed by a bored receptionist, I take a number and wait.

Hours tick by. I have now missed supper, and it looks like I’ll miss second supper, too, when my number is finally called. The door to Solonor Rasreth’s office swings open with trepidation, as if even a door could be reluctant to answer Xiques’s allegations. But inside, Commissioner Rasreth is all smiles.

“It is a pleasure to meet with you again, Lobelia,” says the jolly half-elf. I get down to business right away, filling him in on Xiques’s position. The Commissioner frowns momentarily. “As we have always said, managing a league that is filled with members of various ethnic groups is a challenge. As long as there are elves and orcs, goblins and dwarves, there will be those who manage to upset the applecart.” The Commissioner breaks into a warming smile, and pushes a pamphlet across his desk. “The League continues to promote racial harmony through its educational efforts, especially the ‘Really Big Brothers and Sisters’ program." The pamphlet shows two grinning Uruk-hai holding frightened Hobbits high above their heads.

Not at all thwarted by the pamphlet, I cut right to the chase. “Is Brandelion of Lethargy a mind-melding, manipulative vixen?”

“No comment,” Rasreth says firmly. Frustrated by his lack of response, I ask, “As her twin, can you tell us about her character?” The half-elf chuckles to himself, saying, “Yes, she certainly is one.” He is obviously pleased with his little joke, and continues to chuckle for some time until he halts suddenly and continues with stone-dead determination. “Seriously, the family has been concerned for quite some time that the stress of running a major league team so soon after returning from her harrowing escape might be too much. It's bad enough that she got mixed up with BranMorda, but now she's taken to secluding herself in the depths of Moria for long stretches of time. Her mental state is a private matter for the family, and we will handle it,” says Rasreth, speaking as her concerned twin. “However, if her erratic behavior starts to negatively impact the league, I won't hesitate to step in and deal with it; Commissioner-to-Owner, not brother-to-sister. Nepotism has no place in this league.” By the gleam of unwavering conviction in his eye, I know he is serious.

I ask, “Do you approve of the Naming Ceremony in Moria that started all this discontent?” Rasreth shook his head. “It is a common initiation ritual for players on any team to take on a
'game’ name, shedding whatever strange moniker they started with in life. I see nothing wrong with it. Some teams carry it a bit far, adding unnecessary hoopla to the whole thing,” said Rasreth. “But the League has no interest in the social affairs of a team.”

The Commissioner informs me that Naming Ceremonies are common practice for teams within the SGCBL; almost every team has done it. But have there been other players who took offense to the ritual? “Not that I know of,” says Rasreth. Could it be that Xiques stands alone?

“Well, Commissioner,” I say, keenly aware of the rumbling of my supper-missing tummy, and his answer-missing responses. “What does the league plan to do about the allegations of racism in Moria?”

“I believe I’ve already answered that,” he says. “No you didn’t,” I point out. “Yes, I did,” he says, again pushing the Really Big Brothers and Sisters pamphlet toward me. “A pamphlet? Are you going to give Xiques a pamphlet?”

Commissioner Rasreth seems to consider for a moment, before simply saying, “Mugwump.” I can see the interview is over; just like his evil twin, the Commissioner has managed to skirt the issue at hand and has left Xiques to deal with racism on his own.

Though I knew my efforts would be in vain, I contacted the Miners organization for official comment. Just as I expected, Brandelion refused all comment. In a last-ditch attempt, I contacted several players on the Miners roster for anyone willing to collaborate Xiques’s story; sadly, none answered.

It appears Xiques does, indeed, stand alone.

Out of Context: Celebrity Gossip with Juicedawn Peatfingers

by Juicedawn Peatfingers MORIA - Good gossip is a hot commodity in Moria, where news travels fast. This week, the hottest rumors surround the temperamental owner and stand-in manager of the Moria Miners, Brandelion of Lethargy. A close informant...

Personal life aside, Brandelion's been stirring up scintillating gossip on the playing field. Aides in the Miners organization report that Bran gave her team an acid-tongued talking to after a disappointing show against Bywater and Rivendell. No word on what the full, scathing speech was about, though sources say she reportedly called several of the players "retards" and stormed out of the locker room with all the panache of a well-trained drama queen. Temper, temper! I can't imagine that kind of behavior will do much for team morale.

So, what next from 'Bizarro Bran-o', Moria's reigning Queen of Distemper? Sky's the limit, I'm sure. Or, should I say, high-apple-pie-in-the-sky's the limit? Tune in next week for the dish on what's what and who's who in the baseball world. Until then, peace, love, annnnnd Gossip! mwah!

October 28, 2004

Rioting in Moria Caused Bridge Collapse

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria NEWS Sounds of Rioting Cause Khazad-dum Collapse It has been confirmed that the rumbling noise heard by witnesses just before the collapse of the Bridge of Khazad-dum restoration project...

Reporters had a brief opportunity to question Brandelion of Lethargy, owner of the Miners franchise, before she disappeared into the shadows. Bran expressed little sympathy for the situation, and denied all blame. "Look. We're a ball team. We play baseball. We offer promotions so people will come and watch us play baseball. That's what we did; it's not my fault the fans didn't like what we gave them. What do you want me to do? We didn't kill a bunch of folk and burn down local businesses. It is certainly not our fault a few slobbering idiots acted like the idiots they are and started knocking teeth out." A group of fans listening to her statement, which included the pacifist protestors, the Idiot Orcslobberer family of Barad-dur, immediately took offense to her comment. The group emitted a tapestry of foul language that has now joined Mayor Dwalin's finely-crafted curses from last week's election debates, hovering above the Pass of Carapace; thankfully, the crowd was content to curse and refrained from a fresh wave of violence.

Following Bran's comment and the backlash against it, Moria's PR manager, Heodwyn Soft Voice, issued a statement of apology. "The Moria Miners, management, players, and staff, deeply regret the loss of life that has occurred due to the rioting of the Mirkwood vs. Moria game of 20 Astron. We offer our most sincere apologies to the families and friends of the victims, as well as our heartfelt sympathy. We feel your loss, and weep beside you. We are taking steps to heal the effects of this shared tragedy in Moria. Restitution will be given to the area businesses that were looted during the riot. The Miners will also help make amends for the destruction of the Bridge of Khazad-dum restoration project. We apologize to our fans for the unfortunate mix-up, and tell them: the Miners value you. We will take care of you. Together, we can make Moria a better place. Please continue to support your home team."

Coalition Won't Give Up On Bridge--Plans to Continue Restoration
Construction on the Bridge of Khazad-dum restoration project had only just begun when the rioting at Khazad-dum Stadium brought it all crashing down. "It was terrible," said Fisil Zirak. "With four people dead, and everything in ruin, I wasn't sure we would go on." After watching all his work and careful planning fall to ruin, Zirak was understandably discouraged. Zirak and the Coalition for a Better Moria had been funded by a government grant--funding that was immediately withdrawn in the wake of the tragedy. "Without the grants, we had no way of continuing the project," said Zirak. "Then, like a miracle, word of the rioting got round to me. I knew, then, that the cause of all the destruction was the sound waves from the rioting, and my heartbroken weeping ceased. I met with Mayor Dwalin immediately, and managed to convince him to reinstate our funding."

An excited Zirak called together the surviving Khazad-dum crew and announced that construction would begin again with new vigor. Opponents of the restoration project expressed disappointment and anger. Said Grim Thrushknocker, "The fools are at it again, squandering money on a hopeless cause, when Moria's in such a state of destruction [following the riots.] Fools, they are! It was some kind of clever fabrication on their [the Coalition's] part to say that everything came crashing down because of 'sound waves.' The truth is, the Bridge crumbled because it is not meant to be rebuilt--it is a sign, directly from our forefathers that this project is madness. There are more important things to take care of in Moria, right now, like all the little dwarvelings without shoes, the women without adequate beard-trimmers." Thrushknocker went on to claim that the Coalition's funding has come from ill-begotten means. "Makes me sick, it does, that our government is making bargains with thieves. I know for a fact that Mayor Dwalin made a deal with Fisil Zirak--in exchange for government funding, which is taxpayer money straight from the pockets of the folk of Moria, I might add, Zirak gave the Mayor an artifact of rare value; an artifact of great importance to the dwarven peoples, something that should never have been in the hands of that bloody Zirak. I'll let you go ahead and guess what it was.”

Though Thrushknocker refused to name the artifact, anonymous sources point to the Arkenstone of Lonely Mountain, which came up missing last month under mysterious circumstances.

When asked about the Arkenstone, Mayor Dwalin grew defensive. "Preposterous claims! You'll find no Arkenstone here," the Mayor stated. "This administration has a history of frowning upon the removal of artifacts from the public domain into the hands of private collectors. At present time, an investigative task force being headed by my Chief Advisors Oin and Gloin. I am confident in their abilities, and have every reason to believe they will bring the Arkenstone thief to justice." The Mayor continued on to deny the allegations made by Thrushknocker about the source of the project's funding. "The request for funding from the Coalition for a Better Moria was carefully reviewed, and awarded on merit. I feel that the Coalition has done good work for our peoples in the past, and the restoration of the Bridge of Khazad-dum is no exception." Fisil Zirak offered no comment on Thrushknocker’s allegations against him.

Construction on the Bridge is expected to resume tomorrow.

OBITUARIES

Kobur Dryadsnogger, friend to all free folk, died of complications after being trampled in the Moria riots. Dryadsnogger was seen 'talking closely' with a lovely young Dryad at the time. The family sincerely wishes to speak with the Dryad; we would like to know his precious last words. Interment at Thorin Oaks Cemetery, 1:00p.m. 25 Astron.

Labur Durinsfolk went down fighting in the riots of Moria, defending his shop against looters. Survived by his teeth, and a wife, Karin. Interment at Thorin Oaks Cemetery, 3:00p.m. 25 Astron.

Jull Elf-friend, beloved by all, was torn limb from limb by rioters. Her appendages will be sent to four different factions of Elves where they will be buried under Elven soil, in honor of the friendships forged with those damned foreigners. Never trust an elf!

Milonna of Khazad-dum has returned to the halls of her fathers. May she rest in peace. Interment at Thorin Oaks Cemetery, 12:00 noon, 26 Astron


CLASSIFIEDS

Editor's note: The Mithril Post expresses sympathy for those who lost family and friends in the Moria riots. To help restore morale in Moria, we offer free classified ads for the next issue of The Post. Contact the Editor to place your ad: pm Elijah_4EVR and ask for Merry.

October 27, 2004

Riots in Moria after Promotion Day Mixup

by by Hargolas Wood-Elf MORIA - It began as another day of glorious baseball within the halls of Moria on 20 Astron (S.R.), but it ended in blood, with as many as two dozen deaths after a promotional mixup...

Orchorror was the first fan in line that day, having begun waiting since before the game on the previous day, also against the Mirkwood Mauraders. He claims that the Moria staff had misled him, and that he actually heard the jingling of gold from within the stadium on the morning of the notorious event. However he, and the other fans were shocked when Moria staff handed them their Orc helms - some of which had been clearly used. "It would've been one thing to have merely found gashes and breaks in the leather," said Moria resident Hogli son of Hoir, "but I actually had an Orc head still attached to the damned helmet! How am I supposed to give that to my young ones!"

The resulting riot is unquestioningly the worst in Middle Earth history. At least two dozen people have been killed, with another three hundred wounded. A blaze was set in eastern Moria, and at this hour it still rages. Yet while some looting continues, most of the thousand-plus rioters have been arrested by the ten-thousand plus soldiers and rangers dispached by King Aragorn of Minas Tirith.

Team Public Relations Manager Heodwyn Soft Voice claims that the person responsible for the mixup was PR spokeshobbit, Morning Glory Boffins, who failed to fill out the proper forms while at the Commissioner's Office. According to Soft Voice, the mix-up occurred due to a crush Boffins has on Queen Brandelion's twin brother and Commissioner of the SGCBL, Solonor Rasreth, which caused her to become inattentive while filling out the promotion day forms.

Although she was reluctant to admit it when questioned by the press, Boffins eventually acknowledged her feelings in a private interview. "It's just uh, well, he's cute and has power and I couldn't help myself because I am uh, very attracted to his uh, well he just seems to, you know, exude this confidence that well, I haven't, you know..." said Boffins during the interview.

According to inside sources, Queen Brandelion of Lethargy was seen visibly gagging when word of the cause of the mix-up got back to her. Before a Press Conference was to occur, while a camera owned by yours-truly was unknowingly turned on, Queen Brandelion admitted her plans on sacking Boffins, not for the form mix-up (and the loss of lives that resulted in the mistake) but for her "appalling romantic attachment" to Commissioner Rasreth. "Disgusting!" Queen Brandelion said. "Absolutely utterly disgusting! She will be sacked for this, I assure you! I can't tolerate anyone in my organization who has such bizarre, abnormal tastes. Morning Glory Boffins should have her head thoroughly examined! He's got warts on his butt, for goodness sake! He drools! How could anyone be attracted to that? He's an aberration of nature." she then realized that the 'camera' was on, and changed her tone.

"That camera is on?" she asked. "Uh, Ms. Boffins will be leaving the Miners due to a history of certain discrepancies in her performance as PR spokeshobbit, with this recent mistake being only a small part. Though we wish her well, we have no room in the organization for this margin of error, and must let her go."

When asked if she has any rancor toward her brother, she said, "My (twin) is a strong leader and does an excellent job as Commissioner. No, i don't have any complaints about him. Now, give me that camera. Hey! Come back here! You can run but you can't hide! Guards, get him! Get him!"

When asked to respond to the assertion that Boffins' crush on Rasreth was the ultimate cause, the Commissioner's Office said this:

"The Commissioner's Office regrets the apparent move being made by Moria's marketing department to blame the situation on someone else. Clearly, this is a matter for Moria management to work out.

"The League deeply regrets any loss of life associated with the riots and sends its condolences to the families of the victims of this tragic event."

There is no word on what legal action will be taken against the responsible members of the Moria baseball organization.

Roster Changes for Miners

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria SPORTS Roster Changes Give Players A Chance Recent changes on the Miners roster have made room for triple-A talent, this week. Reliever Camellia "Darling" Baggins was one of the...

Camellia Baggins is equally pleased to be on the Miners roster. "I'm a little nervous, I thinks. I'm out to prove my arm and contribute to the team, and I just can't waits to meet my new team mates. Theys all seems like a nice group of folks."

Francisco Xiques, an up-and-coming talent in the league, also expressed good feelings over his recent promotion. "I've got the Stuff," he said. "It's about time I had the chance to do something with it."

Moria's new second baseman, Sim Hornblower, was unavailable for direct comment, though other members of the team said he "smiled a smile as wide as the cracks of Mount Doom" upon hearing the news. All new additions to the roster are expected to play in this weeks games.

Free Gold Day Changed to Free Orc Helmet Day
In an article ran in the last edition of The Mithril Post, a spokeshobbit for the Miners announced 20 Astron as 'Free Gold Day' at Khazad-dum. However, a clerical error was made on the league promotion day forms; this month's promotion at Khazad-dum Stadium will be 'Free Orc Helmt Day'. An official apology was released by PR manager Heodwyn Soft Voice: "Though we won't be giving away free gold this month due to a clerical error, the Moria Miners will continue to delight fans with a Free Orc Helmet Day, 20 Astron (S.R.) The Miners sincerely apologize for the mix-up, and invite fans to come along for the fun. Please share this special day with us."

Mistake In Mithril Post, vol 2
The Editors of the Mithril Post would like to formally apologize to Ms. Heodwyn of the Soft Voice, PR manager for the Moria Miners. In a recent edition of The Post, Heodwyn's name was misspelled as 'Heodvild'. We thank Ms. Soft Voice for her understanding.

NEWS

Restoration of Bridge Topples; Kills 4
The controversial rebuilding of the Bridge of Khazad-dum came to a halt after two slabs of rock toppled and crushed bystanders, killing two protestors, and two bridge construction workers. Protestors and supporters alike rushed to uncover the trapped victims, but it was too late. "They were dead," wept Fisil Zirak, head of the Coalition For a Better Moria, the group responsible for the bridge restoration. "Two of our best stone workers, gone, and the bridge in ruins. What are we to do, now?"

A spokesdwarf for the group protesting the bridge restoration had a quick reply for Zirak. "Pack it up and go home," said Grim Thrushknocker. "The whole thing reeked before the bridge crashed, and now the stench only grows stronger. Two citizens--two ordinary, everyday citizens were killed by that taxpayer-money-eating monstrosity, when all they wanted to do was take a stand against the squandering of our precious resources. I say, pack it up, and go home. We don't need this kind of [expletive] in Moria."

Witnesses of the event report a 'rumbling' sound just before the slabs came down. While experts are uncertain about what brought the slabs down, the noise is unsettling. "The noise is unsettling," said Constable Pat Lackey. "We're investigatin' all possibilities, but we don't want to rule nothin' out at this time by naming this or that."

A full investigation has been launched into the cause of the collapse, and is expected to be released next week.


OBITUARIES
Gormath "Spit" Polish has moved into other realms. May his hands forever work the stones in the halls of his fathers. Interment at the Thorin Oaks Cemetary, 11:00 a.m., 19 Astron.

Krag Ringrender left us for the halls of his fathers, today. He will be joined in passing by his wife, Nin Ringrender. Apparently, the Bridge decided it was their time to go. Interment at the Thorin Oaks Cemetary at 9:00 a.m., 18 Astron.

The world mourns the loss of stonesmith Gloignar Stoneshaper today. His ashes will be placed at the foot of Lonely Mountain.


CLASSIFIEDS
Quality reproduction 'Lamps of the Valar' available. Many in stock, but going fast! Contact Gordo "Slim" Underhill, Bree

October 25, 2004

Miners Look to Name Changes to Improve Luck

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria Wizard Changes Names: Will It Change Luck? MORIA - A special naming ceremony was held for the Moria Miners last week at Khazad-dum Stadium. Several players on the active...

Among the players given new names was top prospect Moran Alcarin, formerly known as Edmundo Avila. Alcarin seemed delighted with his new name. "I had always felt like I didn't belong," said Alcarin. "The strange name, the funny accent--but after the ceremony, I feel like a new man. The level of comradeship on the team has soared to new heights since we all got our new names. I am proud to say, now, that I hail from Gondor. And my teammates love it, too."

Lonar of Moria, formerly Don Guglielmo, is certain team leaders have made the right decision. Lonar boasted confidently in typically Dwarven fashion, "There is no doubt in my mind that these names will change the tides for Moria. If we play well, which we will, this added armor of good luck will lead us to the play-offs."

Heodvild Soft Voice announced that with the success of the major league ceremony, similar ceremonies will be held for each of the Miners's minor league teams in the near future.

Free Gold Day at Khazad-dum!
A spokeshobbit for the Miners announced that the first of this seasons promotion days has been confirmed--Free Gold Day will be 20 Astron (S.R.) at Khazad-dum Stadium, sponsored by The Miming Miners Association of Moria. Said spokeshobbit Morning Glory Boffins, "Free gold will be distributed to lucky fans; don't worry, though! There will be no miming." Please join the Miners for this exciting event.


NEWS
Mayoral Race Tainted With Taunting
In one of the most polarized election years in the history of Moria, Mayor incumbent Dwalin, and Mayoral candidate Balin, have forsaken the issues and jumped right to taunting. The taunting, which included classic jibes such as "your mother was a hairless tart", and other unprintable subjects, began when Balin refused to bow to Dwalin at the beginning of a debate. Dwalin took offense to this breech of Dwarven courtesy, and let forth a stream of obscenities that still hovers above the Pass of Carapace. Confused analysts are scrambling to make sense of what this means. No official comment has come from either side of the race in light of this recent development.

CLASSIFIEDS

Quote:

Attn Samsneed- I need ta talk ta ya real urgent-like. Meet me at da las' place we talked. Same time, in two days from dis ad. Youse gotta be dere. I have Vital Infomation. Must talk before dey gets to me. DH.
P.S.- Bring my fingers wit' ya. I'd be mos' appreciative.

_________________
This space for rent
trade cash for ad space! game promotions, bragging rights, it's up to YOU! contact Middle Earth's premier realtors: Sackville-Baggins & Sons. 'If you can't buy Bag End, why not rent it?'

October 22, 2004

The Mithril Post

from The Mithril Post headline news and notes from Moria SPORTS Miners Win 5 After a dismal opening week, the Moria Miners have bounced back to win an unexpected 5 out of 7. Team leaders, players, and fans couldn't...

Moria Scrambles to Find New Management
Miners PR manager Heodwyn of the Soft Voice announced an opening for a new team manager. In a written request, distributed throughout Middle Earth, Heodwyn asks for one with 'prior managerial experience; must have excellent team leadership abilities and, for safety reasons, can not be lactose intolerant.' All interested parties need apply in person.

NEWS
Bridge of Khazad-dum Set To Be Rebuilt
What may seem foolhardy to some, is an heroic feat to others. A team of archeologists, architects, and general construction workers, comprised mostly of home-town Moria dwarves, began clearing wreckage to make way for the rebuilding of the Bridge of Khazad-dum, this week. Spectators have had mixed feelings. "While I can see the sense in rebuilding Moria, I don't see how we can justify this when the entrance to the mines is still littered with rotting goblin carcasses," said Moria resident, Noignar Fengus's Son.

OBITUARIES
Neanivar Orchammerer, loving wife and mother, has left this world. Survived by husband, Risil, and son, Kobur. She will be remembered for her distinguishing beard; the longest in all of Moria. Interment at the Thorin Oaks Cemetary at 1:00p.m.

BranMorda passed away in the quiet of Balin's Tomb. She will be missed by few.

CLASSIFIEDS
Quote:
Mathoms Sale--at the home of Camellia Brandybuck, Buckland. 24 Winterfilth, 8a.m. to elevensies

Quote:
Fisil Zirak--I know you took my Arkenstone, you bloody theif. Now the rest of Moria knows, too. Wallow in your shame.

_________________
This space for rent
trade cash for ad space! game promotions, bragging rights, it's up to YOU! contact Middle Earth's premier realtors: Sackville-Baggins & Sons. 'If you can't buy Bag End, why not rent it?'

October 20, 2004

Brie Killer Strikes Again!

By Lobelia Hardbottle, MESN MORIA - The deceased body of formidable Moria Miners team manager, BranMorda, has been found in the silence of Balin's tomb. Investigators on the scene uncovered no signs of forced entry, no marks on the...

October 12, 2004

Madness in Moria?

By Lobelia Hardbottle MORIA - The press huddle together in the gloom of Balin's Tomb after being summoned by team owner, Brandelion of Lethargy. Bran has offered no clues about the subject of the press conference, and representatives of...

We members of the press lean forward, pushing closer to the podium. A knife could easily cleave the tension in the room. After a pause, Brandelion continues. "The current, or shall I say, former management of the team were found to be inept; incompetent. They have been sacked. When I say sacked, I do not mean merely out of a job. I'll allow you to use your imaginations to fill in the blanks."

Not a sound comes from my colleagues, or I. The legendary long dark of Moria seems to close around us.

"They have been replaced. All of them. The coaching, the scouting, the managerial duties will now be maintained by this woman, and this woman alone. Esteemed guests, noble members of the press, I give to you BranMorda."

Only then do we see the woman who has stood quietly at Brandelion's right this whole time. She is draped in black, the darkest hues of purple, and wears a single, tear-shaped pendant on a silver crown. Her eyes are dismal and blank.

Around me, my colleagues squirm in their seats. Slowly, calculatedly, BranMorda takes the stand. After several long, empty minutes, she speaks.

"I relish the opportunity to whip this team," BranMorda states coldly.

"Whip this team into shape," Brandelion hastily interjects. Her interruption is met with only stony silence from BranMorda. "On that note, I'd like to express my gratitude that so many of you have been able to come today. I know you will speak favorably of the Miners new team manager, BranMorda. That's capital B-r-a-n- capital M-o-r-d-a."

"Questions!" I cried, waving my quill. "Will you answer a few questions?! Where does BranMorda hail from? What are her plans for the team?"

An explosion of questions erupted around me, but it was to no avail. Brandelion of Lethargy only raised one slender hand to silence us, and vanished into the dark with the formidable BranMorda.

Wild rumors and speculations immediately began to develop. Is BranMorda a relative of the High Queen of Lethargy? How did she find her way into such a rank of power within the league? Has Brandelion been possessed of an evil we dare not dream of? Later, I did my best to coax information from people connected to Moria, including Brandelion’s sig space realtors, Otho & Lotho Sackville-Baggins.

"We have no comment," said Lotho Sackville-Baggins. "We don't want nothing to do with this."

Team members, though still candid on other subjects, carefully avoided the issue. Newly named team leader Bagdreg the Hated was the only player willing to speak with me on the subject.

"We are happy with our new team manager BranMorda," Bagdreg said mechanically. "We have no further comment." This from a normally outspoken player, an orc who, it has been said, has a faster mouth than his pitching arm. It all seems too suspicious to me. This reporter asks, what is this madness in Moria? When will we know the real story?

September 24, 2004

Moria announces new team logo

MORIA - The Miners unveiled their new team uniforms of crimson and gold this week at a gala event in the Halls of Khazad-dum. The new uniforms bear a relief taken directly from the door of Moria, portraying golden...

Moria Gets New Owner

MORIA - Miz Dos, former owner of the Bucklebury Faeries, has returned to the SGCBL after a season-and-a-half away. In the 2005 season, she mysteriously disappeared (rumor has it that she was kidnapped by orcs during one of her...

November 11, 2003

Digging to the Bottom

By Grór Bloodyarm Moria Free Press MORIA - In what was to be the coming out party of the Moria Miners in this 2004 season, the team has instead found themselves in some familar territory--the bottom of the mineshaft--with...

October 01, 2003

Miners Fire Hitting Coach

By Grór Bloodyarm Moria Free Press MORIA - Early today team management met with William Herren with what appears to be a pink slip. With the Miners coming off a five game losing streak, dropping to the bottom of...