Old Forest

Old Forest News and Notes
Old Forest Merry Fellows

November 19, 2015

Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard Selected May's Best Batter

Tuesday, June 1st, 2032 Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard battered Shire Conference pitchers all May and wound up taking home the Batter of the Month Award. "I've been around Tolkien Baseball long enough to know you really have to work hard day in...

November 02, 2015

SC Best Hitter Trophy Goes to *Hubbard

Saturday, May 1st, 2032 Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard battered Shire Conference pitchers all April and wound up taking home the Batter of the Month Award. "I've been around Tolkien Baseball long enough to know you really have to work hard day in...

October 29, 2015

*Hubbard of Old Forest Player of the Week

Monday, April 26th, 2032 The Shire Conference has chosen Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard of the Old Forest Merry Fellows as Player of the Week. What a week *Hubbard had. She hit .400 (8-for-20) with 4 home runs, 10 RBIs and 9 runs...

*Hubbard Gets #300

Friday, April 23rd, 2032 Old Forest Merry Fellows slugging right fielder Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard swatted her way to the 300 home run mark today as the Merry Fellows fell to the Misty Mountain 14-8. For her part, *Hubbard chipped in 2...

October 22, 2015

Injury Takes Toll, Wart Wolfgobber Out

Sunday, April 11th, 2032 Old Forest fans held their breath as Wart Wolfgobber left yesterday's Fairies-Merry Fellows contest with an injury. After the game, the team's medical staff said that the 35-year-old left fielder had suffered a fractured finger while...

Merry Fellows Designated Hitter Hawks Hurt

Friday, April 9th, 2032 Wayne Hawks at first refused to leave today's Bree-Old Forest game after he suffered a sprained wrist while colliding with a player at a base. But his manager convinced him not to be foolish. "I want...

August 13, 2015

Star 3B Signs Extension with Old Forest

Tuesday, November 11th, 2031 Celaugorn Ironworker probably doesn't have his best years ahead of him, but he will surely contribute a lot to the Merry Fellows effort. Old Forest locked him up for an additional 4 years at a rate...

July 30, 2015

Wyrms Heading to Two Towers Series

Friday, October 10th, 2031 The Return of the King Series hopes remain strong for the Minas Ithil Wyrms organization. The team tonight eliminated the Old Forest Merry Fellows with a 6-5 win, to capture the Fellowship Series 4-2. "We're rolling...

July 23, 2015

Merry Fellows Win Tight Shire Conference Elf Division Race

Wednesday, September 24th, 2031 While it remains to be seen what the playoffs will bring for the Old Forest Merry Fellows, the club has taken the first step of clinching the Shire Conference Elf Division title. "It's exactly where we...

June 11, 2015

Old Forest's Wolfgobber Snags June Batting Title

Tuesday, July 1st, 2031 Seasoned by several years of professional experience, 34-year-old Wart Wolfgobber put together a solid offensive month for Old Forest and was crowned June's top batter in the Shire Conference. He batted .321 with 12 home runs,...

May 21, 2015

Hit #2000 for Merry Fellows Ironworker

Wednesday, May 28th, 2031 For Celaugorn Ironworker, it was a red-letter day. The Old Forest Merry Fellows third baseman slapped his 2000th career hit. That his team defeated the Moria Miners, 7-6, made it even sweeter. His manager paid tribute...

Merry Fellows Lose Celain Gadrienduil

Tuesday, May 27th, 2031 After the end of today's game between Old Forest and Moria, Celain Gadrienduil skipped the clubhouse and headed straight for the doctor's office. After he was removed from the game as a precaution after throwing a...

May 18, 2015

Wolfgobber Launches Number 300

Monday, May 19th, 2031 Old Forest left fielder Wart Wolfgobber blasted himself into an elite group of baseball players. Today he joined the exclusive 300 home run club in the Merry Fellows 10-7 loss to the Lake Town Archers. "As...

May 14, 2015

Old Forest's Hawks Down with Injury

Friday, May 16th, 2031 Watching Wayne Hawks getting helped off the field today at Elrod Stadium at Finrod Field, fans of the Old Forest Merry Fellows feared the worst. The news wasn't quite as bad as initially feared, but the...

April 20, 2015

SC's #1 Player, Ploughman of Old Forest

Monday, April 7th, 2031 Camelia Ploughman has been in a real groove lately. The 26-year-old Old Forest Merry Fellows catcher nabbed Shire Conference Player of the Week honors today after beating up on opposing pitchers all last week. Ploughman's hot...

April 08, 2015

Old Forest Merry Fellows: Strange News Season Preview (7/26)

Strange News from Bree - Every year, local newspaper Strange News From Bree prints a special edition featuring full-page previews of all 24 SGCBL teams, plus overall predictions for the Shire and Mordor Conferences. We present here the issue in...

Last year: 91-71 (1st in the Elf Division, won Fellowship Series 4-0, lost Two Towers Series 4-0)
Major arrivals: 3B Wonai the Drooler
Major departures: none

What you see is what you get, and what you saw last year is what you continue to get. This is not a team that relies on finesse. This is a team that wallops the ball, and most of their pitchers throw about two pitches for a bunch of strikeouts, and it got them to the playoffs last year, so all right then. There’s very little difference between the 2030 Fellows and this year’s roster, so you should expect very similar results.


Well, all right, the Merry Fellows rely on ONE great pitcher. Gundabald “The Big Gun” Headstrong only has two real pitches, but when those pitches are a 103-MPH fastball and one of the game’s best curves, that’s enough. It’s certainly sufficed for Headstrong, who’s made six straight All-Star Games.

Beyond that, things aren’t anything special. Ragn Gaun was an average pitcher who got great in a contract year, grabbed a big paycheck and went back to being average. Logan Orctearer and Marcho Black are just on the far side of usable. They... don’t really have a fifth starter. Closer Phaillia Sil-Gal has been filling in for them.


It’s a lot better with Sil-Gal not starting, that’s for sure. The closer has always been good, but reported to camp this year in finer form than ever. He’ll have more strikeouts than innings this year, no question.

Things are pretty solid beyond that too, with four-time All-Star Celain Garienduil filling in solidly as closer for Sil-Gal, Ribur Eartharm and Pim Oretooth being the same kind of two-pitch strikeout artists Merry Fellows GM Tom Bombadil loves so much, and steady performances from Alan Foster and Andrew Ciccone. The Fellows could probably use one more decent arm in the pen, especially if Sil-Gal starts again, but they’re not as bad off as a lot of teams.


The Merry Fellows don’t have one of the best catchers in the game. They have two of the best catchers in the game. And while the media has repeatedly implored Bombadil to deal Camelia Ploughman for one of the league’s many strong first basemen and let Elle-Rhonda Hubbard work behind the plate, the current system seem to work out fine for all concerned.

Hubbard is the marquee name here, a slugger who can hold her own against practically anyone in the league. Ploughman is a big hitter as well, and the Fellows have doubled up on third basemen. Funky Ironworker will record his 2000th hit some time in April, and all of those hits will have been for Old Forest. He’s joined by Weathertop veteran Wonai the Drooler, a two-time All-Star who strikes out way too much but does everything else just fine. Wonai can TECHNICALLY play second base, which is good because Old Forest doesn’t have a lot of time for actual middle infielders.


Now, this is the unit that makes the team run. Wart Wolfgobbler is breaking down gradually, but when he’s healthy he gives this team a jolt of power. Toifur Armorbender was 2029’s Rookie of the Year; he was a little disappointing last year, but he’ll recover. Wayne Hawks, alleged LF and actual DH, is probably better than either of ‘em. Speedy contact hitter Rasman Elong’s approach is unusual for this squad, but odds are this is the year he gets into the starting lineup. This probably isn't the best outfield in the game, but it’s right up there.


My prediction is, they’ll probably bash it out. I mean, this is a team that could almost definitely benefit from filling in a couple more holes. Then again, their ramshackle style is one of the things the fans love, and it’s not as though they have the cash to make a big play. Several of the Merry Fellows’ better players are on the wrong side of 30, but they should hold up okay for a couple years and win about 90 again this season.

March 26, 2015

Old Forest Fired up over Signing of 3B the Drooler

Wednesday, January 8th, 2031 The euphoria surrounding a big name deal can sometimes overshadow the deal itself. Occasionally a team will mortgage its future to make a big splash, though no one in Old Forest was worried about that today...

January 19, 2015

Star SP Signs Extension with Old Forest

Sunday, October 20th, 2030 Old Forest fans celebrated as word of a signing became reality. Gundabald Headstrong won't be pulling up stakes anytime soon, as he has signed a 8-year extension at a pay rate of $12,625,000 per annum. Since...

January 05, 2015

Career Over for Cele Lumsden

Tuesday, September 17th, 2030 Old Forest center fielder Cele Lumsden has suffered a concussion according to team doctors and will have to retire from baseball at the age of 31. The career-ending injury occurred in yesterday's Merry Fellows-Marauders game at...

December 09, 2014

Ploughman Wins SC Player of the Week

Monday, August 5th, 2030 One of the league's most exciting young players, Camelia Ploughman of the Old Forest Merry Fellows earned herself Shire Conference Player of the Week honors with a standout performance in last week's games. For the week...

December 01, 2014

Lumsden Picked SC Player of the Week

Monday, July 22nd, 2030 Today the Shire Conference announced the Player of the Week Award. This week's honoree is Old Forest's talented center fielder Cele Lumsden. When he steps into the batter's box, it's usually a bad omen for pitchers....

November 03, 2014

Ironworker Big Deal in Old Forest: Hits for Cycle

Tuesday, May 28th, 2030 "To hit for the cycle" is one of the rarest of feats in a baseball game. This occurs when a player hits a single, double, triple and home run in the same game, getting every type...

September 22, 2014

Update: Wolfgobber Out 3 Months

Wednesday, March 6th, 2030 Wart Wolfgobber could soon be placed on the disabled list. The Old Forest right fielder told reporters that he expects to be "out of commission" for 3 months because of a bruised kneecap. He hasn't played...

August 04, 2014

Old Forest Fired up over Signing of MR Ciccone

Monday, December 17th, 2029 The Old Forest Merry Fellows have called a press conference later today to announce the signing of reliever Andrew Ciccone to a 2-year, $12,200,000 contract. Both Ciccone and the Merry Fellows are said to be very...

July 17, 2014

SC's Best Rookie Acclaimed

Monday, November 12th, 2029 Today the Shire Conference announced the winner of the 2029 Frodo Rookie Award. The top-ranked rookie was the talented Old Forest center fielder Toifur Armorbender. The 28-year-old Merry Fellows newcomer took the trophy by hitting .288...

June 02, 2014

SC Premier Player Picked

Monday, September 10th, 2029 Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard demonstrated her potential to be a star in the game last week and today she took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Old Forest first baseman wreaked havoc on opposing...

May 15, 2014

Hawks Week's #1 Player

Monday, August 6th, 2029 There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Wayne Hawks, the Old Forest designated hitter, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid...

May 01, 2014

Shire Conference Selects Best Performer

Monday, July 9th, 2029 Wart Wolfgobber is respected by most Old Forest Merry Fellows fans for his no-frills style of play. The 32-year-old right fielder went about his business with vigor last week to grab the Shire Conference Player of...

April 17, 2014

Hawks Claims SC Batter of the Month Award

Sunday, July 1st, 2029 Snap, crackle and pop! In June, Wayne Hawks snapped up the Shire Conference Batter of the Month trophy by cracking 26 hits and popping 12 home runs. For the month he hit a solid .351 with...

April 07, 2014

Player of the Week: Old Forest's Armorbender

Monday, June 11th, 2029 27-year-old Toifur Armorbender sent shock waves through Tolkien Baseball last week with an eye-popping performance that brought him the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. A newcomer to the league, Armorbender made the establishment sit...

3 Home Runs for Armorbender

Thursday, June 7th, 2029 Toifur Armorbender was sending souvenirs to the sun gods all game long in the Old Forest 11-5 triumph over Dagorlad, launching not one, not two, but three home runs into the stands. Nobody who was at...

March 13, 2014

SC Names Best Player

Monday, April 30th, 2029 There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Toifur Armorbender, the Old Forest center fielder, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid...

November 26, 2013

SC's #1 Batter Announced

Friday, September 1st, 2028 When Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard stepped up to the plate in August, she did it with confidence and today she was honored with the Shire Conference Batter of the Month award. The young Old Forest first baseman posted...

November 11, 2013

Wolfgobber Garners SC Batter of the Month Award

Tuesday, August 1st, 2028 Wart Wolfgobber battered Shire Conference pitchers all July and wound up taking home the Batter of the Month Award. "I've been around Tolkien Baseball long enough to know you really have to work hard day in...

October 31, 2013

Beardtwister SC's Best of the Week

Monday, July 17th, 2028 Old Forest fans have something to crow about today as Old Forest second baseman Rusil Beardtwister nabbed the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award for his performance over the last seven days. "I know there...

Big Day for Beardtwister: Swats 6 Hits

Wednesday, July 12th, 2028 Old Forest second baseman Rusil Beardtwister went 6-for-6 today and paced the Merry Fellows to a 12-2 victory over the Ravenhill Darkwings at The Ballpark at Helms Deep. Rusil Beardtwister singled in the 1st, singled in...

October 22, 2013

*Hubbard Wins Best Bat Award in June

Saturday, July 1st, 2028 Nobody was better with the bat in June! Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard caught everyone's attention with some hot hitting and today she came away with the Batter of the Month award. Old Forest's catcher put together a solid...

October 15, 2013

More Injury Problems For Old Forest's Gundabald Headstrong

Tuesday, June 13th, 2028 Just when it looked like Gundabald Headstrong would soon return to the Old Forest Merry Fellows, the starting pitcher suffered yet another setback in his recovery from a herniated disc. According to his doctors, treatment was...

October 07, 2013

Shire Conference Announces Best Starter

Thursday, June 1st, 2028 Capping off a whirlwind month in which he went 6-0 with a 1.69 ERA, Ragn Gaun was selected as May's Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month today. Reporters caught up with the elated Old Forest starter...

October 03, 2013

Wolfgobber Red-Hot, SC Player of the Week

Monday, May 29th, 2028 According to the voters, Wart Wolfgobber of the Old Forest Merry Fellows had the best week of all Shire Conference hitters as he was named this week's Player of the Week. The left fielder's accomplishments include...

September 09, 2013

Wolfgobber Takes Home SC Top Batter Award

Monday, May 1st, 2028 Wart Wolfgobber battered Shire Conference pitchers all April and wound up taking home the Batter of the Month Award. "I've been around Tolkien Baseball long enough to know you really have to work hard day in...

Tandir Nabs SC Weekly Award

There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Arwowyn Tandir, the Old Forest right fielder, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid his team, but also...

September 05, 2013

SC Honors Old Forest Left Fielder

Monday, April 24th, 2028 There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Wart Wolfgobber, the Old Forest left fielder, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid...

July 15, 2013

Bywater, Old Forest Agree to Deal

Wednesday, December 1st, 2027 The general manager of the Bywater Bounders has signed off on a trade for Old Forest's 26-year-old first baseman Dagan Geomli. To complete the deal, the Bounders will send 32-year-old third baseman Minto Mulhall to the...

May 06, 2013

SC Awards Player of the Week

Monday, August 2nd, 2027 Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard has the tools to stick in this league for many years. The 23-year-old catcher of the Old Forest Merry Fellows had a pretty hot bat in the Shire Conference over the past seven days...

SC's Best Batter Picked

Sunday, August 1st, 2027 Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard really smoked the ball in July on her way to Batter of the Month honors in the Shire Conference. The Old Forest catcher hit .419 with 8 home runs, 22 RBIs and 18 runs...

April 25, 2013

SC Awards Player of the Week Trophy

Monday, July 12th, 2027 Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard demonstrated her potential to be a star in the game last week and today she took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Old Forest catcher wreaked havoc on opposing pitchers...

March 28, 2013

Barrage of Hits Gets Ironworker SC Award

Monday, June 21st, 2027 This week's Player of the Week was Celaugorn Ironworker of the Old Forest Merry Fellows. He battered Shire Conference pitching for 13 hits in 24 at-bats, 2 home runs and 6 RBIs while hitting .542 and...

March 14, 2013

Star of the Week Picked in SC

Monday, May 31st, 2027 One of the league's most exciting young players, Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard of the Old Forest Merry Fellows earned herself Shire Conference Player of the Week honors with a standout performance in last week's games. For the week...

February 25, 2013

Geomli Big Deal in Old Forest: Hits for Cycle

Monday, April 19th, 2027 The big buzz in the baseball world is about Dagan Geomli's performance today at Shire Greens Stadium against Moria. Geomli had 4 hits en route to hitting for the cycle, leading the charge for the Old...

January 17, 2013

$12,500,000 Lands MR Goldsplitter for Merry Fellows

Wednesday, January 6th, 2027 30-year-old reliever Noisur Goldsplitter has inked a deal with Old Forest. Many baseball people question whether he is really worth $12,500,000 over 3 years. However, the team thinks that Goldsplitter will be a solid contributor this...

December 20, 2012

Hall of Fame Welcomes Back Starting Pitcher

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2026 The Baseball Writers Association put the crowning touch on Frodo Chubb's outstanding baseball career back in 2020. They put the great mound superstar in the Tolkien Baseball Hall of Fame that day, but he wasn't finished....

November 26, 2012

Time's Up: Chubb to Retire

Saturday, September 12th, 2026 The Old Forest Merry Fellows will have to find a new reliever next year as veteran Frodo Chubb is set to retire at the end of the 2026 campaign. Chubb, age 43, is ready for retirement....

November 19, 2012

Hawks Grabs SC Best Batter Award for August

Tuesday, September 1st, 2026 Hot-hitting designated hitter Wayne Hawks of the Old Forest Merry Fellows really pounded opposing pitchers in August and collected Shire Conference Batter of the Month honors. He hit .336 with 14 home runs and 41 RBIs...

November 01, 2012

*Hubbard Captures SC Batter of Month Award

Saturday, August 1st, 2026 July was an outstanding month for Old Forest catcher Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard and it was capped off today with the announcement that she was named the winner of the Shire Conference Batter of the Month award. *Hubbard...

October 29, 2012

*Hubbard's Strong Week Earns SC Trophy

Monday, July 27th, 2026 Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard demonstrated her potential to be a star in the game last week and today she took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Old Forest catcher wreaked havoc on opposing pitchers...

June 21, 2012

Old Forest Wins Lottery for CL Foster

Thursday, December 4th, 2025: Old Forest fans are justifiably excited today as the team unveiled their latest acquisition in Alan Foster. The 28-year-old is a big money player and will certainly have an immediate impact on the organization. Some estimates...

June 18, 2012

Star LF Wolfgobber Signs for 9 years

Sunday, November 30th, 2025: The Old Forest Merry Fellows have finished a deal with All Star-caliber left fielder Wart Wolfgobber that will extend his stay in Old Forest at least 9 years and will pay out $174,000,000. In his career...

Star SS Signs Extension with Old Forest

Friday, November 28th, 2025: Fans hailed the signing of Celaugorn Ironworker today as the Old Forest Merry Fellows shortstop came to terms with the club. Set to make $50,000,000 over the upcoming 6 years, Ironworker signed primarily out of loyalty...

June 04, 2012

Tinonduil Rakes in Frodo Rookie Award

Sunday, November 2nd, 2025: The Shire Conference Frodo Rookie Award has been given to Elol Tinonduil of the Old Forest Merry Fellows. In the 2025 season the 26-year-old center fielder played in 85 games, recording a .359 batting average with...

May 14, 2012

Wingnutt Says Goodbye in Old Forest

Sunday, September 21st, 2025: Thor Wingnutt of Old Forest is throwing in the towel and will retire at the end of the season. Wingnutt has a lifetime .253 average with 1552 hits, 271 doubles, 38 triples, 147 home runs and...

Tinonduil Receives Injury Update

Sunday, September 21st, 2025: The medical report is in: the injury that has kept Old Forest center fielder Elol Tinonduil out of action since 09/18/2025 will sideline him for another 3 months. The 26-year-old Tinonduil, who has a partially torn...

May 10, 2012

Tinonduil Week's Top Player

Monday, September 15th, 2025: There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Elol Tinonduil, the Old Forest center fielder, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid...

March 26, 2012

$7,800,000 Lands SP the Devastator for Merry Fellows

Tuesday, July 1st, 2025: Vruudish the Devastator and Old Forest put the finishing touches on a $2,600,000-a-year deal that will keep the 25-year-old in a Old Forest uniform for 3 years. Team officials reportedly held their breath at the last...

Old Forest Relief Star Selected Best Pitcher

Tuesday, July 1st, 2025: It doesn't happen often, but it did in June. A reliever, Celain Gadrienduil, is the recipient of the Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month award. The Merry Fellows bullpen ace starred with 7 saves in 12...

March 22, 2012

SC Awards Player of the Week Trophy

Monday, June 23rd, 2025: Old Forest Merry Fellows fans are celebrating Giol the Horrible's selection as Shire Conference Player of the Week. the Horrible put up some serious numbers over the past seven days as he cracked 7 hits in...

February 23, 2012

Four-bagger Feast: Earilmarion Slugs 3 for Old Forest

Friday, May 9th, 2025: Regardless of where you stand on the "hardest thing to do in sports" argument, one thing everyone can agree on, is that hitting three home runs in one game is quite an amazing feat. That's exactly...

February 16, 2012

SC Best Hitter Award to Old Forest's Shaia Sáwen

Thursday, May 1st, 2025: April's Batter of the Month has been chosen by the Shire Conference. This month's trophy was awarded to the Old Forest designated hitter, Shaia Sáwen. He starred by hitting .426 with a .518 on-base percentage, totaled...

February 13, 2012

Sáwen Week's #1 Player

Monday, April 28th, 2025: 27-year-old Shaia Sáwen sent shock waves through Tolkien Baseball last week with an eye-popping performance that brought him the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. A newcomer to the league, Sáwen made the establishment sit...

February 09, 2012

Update: Delarosa Out 4 Months

Saturday, April 19th, 2025: Rosetta Delarosa will have to wait a while longer. The Old Forest reliever was informed this afternoon that she will miss another 4 months with a torn labrum. The injury has kept him off the field...

February 02, 2012

SC Votes Merry Fellows Wolfgobber Top Player

Monday, April 7th, 2025: His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing Wart Wolfgobber was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Old Forest Merry Fellows left fielder hit .450...

January 16, 2012

Veteran Lomadriendir, Old Forest Complete Deal

Tuesday, February 25th, 2025: The euphoria surrounding a big name deal can sometimes overshadow the deal itself. Occasionally a team will mortgage its future to make a big splash, though no one in Old Forest was worried about that today...

January 12, 2012

Aging CF Agrees to Pact with Merry Fellows

Tuesday, February 18th, 2025: Thurlla Norà and Old Forest have reached an understanding in which the 40-year-old veteran will make $10,600,000 over 2 years. It was more than his ability that landed Norà in Old Forest, noted club management. Norà...

January 02, 2012

Old Forest Announces Deal for Veteran CL

Tuesday, January 14th, 2025: As speculation mounted into the morning, rumors over a final agreement between Rosetta Delarosa and Old Forest became a reality, with the star opting for a $20,330,000 deal over 3 years....

October 31, 2011

Chubb Signs for 5 years

Thursday, September 5th, 2024: The Merry Fellows inked a deal with 41-year-old Frodo Chubb today signaling that it not only wanted him on the field but in the clubhouse. Publicly, Frodo Chubb has spoken highly of Old Forest, so the...

October 17, 2011

SC Star of the Week Chosen

Monday, August 12th, 2024: At the age of 27, Wart Wolfgobber might have some potential he hasn't realized yet -- if his success at the plate last week is any indication. The Old Forest right fielder put up some exceptional...

October 10, 2011

Great Week for Old Forest's Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard

Monday, July 29th, 2024: One of the league's most exciting young players, Elle-Rhonda *Hubbard of the Old Forest Merry Fellows earned herself Shire Conference Player of the Week honors with a standout performance in last week's games. For the week...

September 26, 2011

Chubb Wins Best SC Pitcher

Monday, July 1st, 2024: As Frodo Chubb hoisted up the Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month trophy for June, rumors have already begun to swirl about whether he will leave Old Forest once his contract is up at the end...

September 05, 2011

Wolfgobber of Old Forest Crowned Best Player

Monday, May 27th, 2024: His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing Wart Wolfgobber was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Old Forest Merry Fellows right fielder hit .423...

May 19, 2011

Chubb Wins Number 300

Wednesday, August 30th, 2023: His goal at twenty was to win twenty games one year, pitch until he was thirty, win the league pennant and to make some money. Well, Frodo Chubb did something even better -- the 40-year-old Old...

May 05, 2011

Week's Best Player: Old Forest's Wolfgobber

Monday, August 14th, 2023: Wart Wolfgobber is respected by most Old Forest Merry Fellows fans for his no-frills style of play. The 26-year-old right fielder went about his business with vigor last week to grab the Shire Conference Player of...

April 29, 2011

Renato Morales Calls it a Career

Saturday, August 5th, 2023: Renato Morales made it official today: This season will be the last for the Old Forest starting pitcher. The 37-year-old Morales has a career record of 188-112 and has fanned 2071 batters in 2675.1 innings with...

April 25, 2011

Shire Conference's Best Batter Announced

Monday, July 31st, 2023: One of the league's most exciting young players, Cele Lumsden of the Old Forest Merry Fellows earned himself Shire Conference Player of the Week honors with a standout performance in last week's games. For the week...

April 14, 2011

Merry Fellows Gil-Gawen Wins SC Award

Monday, July 10th, 2023: There's nothing like being in the prime of your baseball career -- and playing like it. Just ask Legailf Gil-Gawen, the Old Forest designated hitter, who swung a sweet bat all week to not only aid...

April 07, 2011

Chubb Top SC Starter in June

Saturday, July 1st, 2023: Despite the number of years he's been in the league, Frodo Chubb still gets excited when he puts together a quality stretch like he had in June. The 40-year-old starter for Old Forest was named Shire...

March 07, 2011

Red-Hot Proudfoot SC Player of the Week

Monday, May 1st, 2023: Olo Proudfoot of the Old Forest Merry Fellows had a super week and today was voted the Player of the Week by the Shire Conference. The 25-year-old second baseman put up a .481 average with a...

January 24, 2011

Old Forest Inks Caverncutter to $970,000 Deal

Saturday, February 4th, 2023: 31-year-old reliever Halildur Caverncutter has inked a deal with Old Forest. Many baseball people question whether he is really worth $970,000 over 1 year. However, the team thinks that Caverncutter will be a solid contributor this...

Veteran Ayo, Old Forest Complete Deal

Saturday, February 4th, 2023: Kenton Ayo took the Merry Fellows up on their lucrative $2,090,000 deal today, ending speculation on which baseball metropolis he would call home next year. But the signing came at too high a price, say longtime...

December 16, 2010

Sjors Cheeseslicer Inducted into Hall Of Fame

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022: Sjors Cheeseslicer was the King of the Hill for many seasons in the Tolkien Baseball, retiring from baseball at age 40. Today the splendid hurler is standing even taller. Today he was inducted into the Hall...

November 29, 2010

This Week's Star Player is Lumsden

Monday, September 26th, 2022: 23-year-old Cele Lumsden sent shock waves through Tolkien Baseball last week with an eye-popping performance that brought him the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. A newcomer to the league, Lumsden made the establishment sit...

November 18, 2010

Merry Fellows Lose L. Rhond *Hubbard

Thursday, September 15th, 2022: The Old Forest Merry Fellows were dealt a severe blow when L. Rhond *Hubbard was hurt running the bases recently in a game against the Carrock Bears. After the game, the team trainer reported *Hubbard might...

November 12, 2010

Proudfoot Week's Best Player

Monday, September 5th, 2022: So far in his young career, Olo Proudfoot has kept a low profile, but after his performance at the plate last week, he attracted the notice of the rest of the Shire Conference in a big...

November 01, 2010

Banks Holds Old Forest Hitless, Loses Game

Saturday, August 13th, 2022: It's hard to believe, but the unbelievable happened today. Dinodas Banks of the Rivendell Royals was certainly the King of the Hill today in the Shire Conference. He really did a number on the Old Forest...

October 26, 2010

Star of the Week Honored in SC

Monday, August 1st, 2022: One of the league's most exciting young players, Wart Wolfgobber of the Old Forest Merry Fellows earned himself Shire Conference Player of the Week honors with a standout performance in last week's games. For the week...

October 21, 2010

*Hubbard Tags Wyrms for 6 Hits

Sunday, July 24th, 2022: During a player's career, there are days that stand out and this day was definitely special! L. Rhond *Hubbard went 6 for 7 against the Minas Ithil Wyrms at Silmarillion Cellular Field and the Merry Fellows...

October 11, 2010

Theriot Fires No-Hitter

Friday, July 1st, 2022: Charles Theriot of the Merry Fellows was standing behind the mound when the scoreboard caught his eye, confirming what he already knew... he was one out from a no-hitter. He froze... for a couple of seconds...

August 26, 2010

Old Forest 3B *Hubbard Will Miss 4 Weeks

Friday, April 22nd, 2022: "It was kinda freaky. Hopefully, I'll be back in the lineup soon," said a dejected L. Rhond *Hubbard after injuring himself in a game against Minas Tirith. The Old Forest manager told reporters, "He will miss...

August 09, 2010

League Suspends Earthcrawler and Deneadur for Brawl

Tuesday, March 8th, 2022: Yesterday at Elrod Stadium at Finrod Field Vrsugar Earthcrawler and Denaumir Deneadur lost their tempers and now they will have a few days off to cool down. The league office has suspended Minas Tirith's Vrsugar Earthcrawler...

July 26, 2010

Veteran Deneadur, Old Forest Complete Deal

Wednesday, January 26th, 2022: Sportswriters, fans and team officials watched today as 40-year-old starting pitcher Denaumir Deneadur committed to a $41,740,000, 3-year deal with the Old Forest organization. Some openly worry that despite his talent, Deneadur is too old to...

Old Forest Fired up over Signing of CL Grilgol

Thursday, January 6th, 2022: The Merry Fellows today announced that they have come to terms with Haleodur Grilgol, a 37-year-old closer they've been scouting for a while. Grilgol will earn $5,980,000 a year over 3 years and is expected to...

May 17, 2010

Merry Fellows Cele "Trapper" Lumsden Wins SC Award

Monday, August 23rd, 2021: So far in his young career, Cele Lumsden has kept a low profile, but after his performance at the plate last week, he attracted the notice of the rest of the Shire Conference in a big...

May 10, 2010

Bad News for Merry Fellows, *Hubbard Injured

Wednesday, August 4th, 2021: Old Forest fans will be disappointed to learn that L. Rhond *Hubbard suffered a strained hamstring while colliding with a player at a base in today's game. After the doctor informed the Old Forest Merry Fellows...

April 20, 2010

Star SS Signs Extension with Old Forest

Saturday, July 10th, 2021: The Merry Fellows inked a deal with 26-year-old Celaugorn Ironworker today signaling that it not only wanted him on the field but in the clubhouse. Publicly, Celaugorn Ironworker has spoken highly of Old Forest, so the...

April 15, 2010

June's SC Batter of Month Award Announced

Thursday, July 1st, 2021: Hot-hitting left fielder Wart Wolfgobber of the Old Forest Merry Fellows really pounded opposing pitchers in June and collected Shire Conference Batter of the Month honors. He hit .383 with 9 home runs and 33 RBIs...

April 12, 2010

Hit #2000 for Merry Fellows Boartooth

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021: Cinquefoil Boartooth of the Old Forest Merry Fellows collected career hit number 2000 against the Erebor Eagles today. The 38-year-old designated hitter went 2 for 4 in a 8-5 Old Forest victory at Shire Greens Stadium....

March 29, 2010

Star SP Signs Extension with Old Forest

Saturday, May 29th, 2021: Old Forest fans celebrated as word of a signing became reality. Frodo Chubb won't be pulling up stakes anytime soon, as he has signed a 3-year extension at a pay rate of $18,966,666 per annum. He...

Cheeseslicer Finalizes Contract Extension with Old Forest

Saturday, May 29th, 2021: Happy times in Old Forest as the Merry Fellows and star starting pitcher Sjors Cheeseslicer put the finishing touches on a $7,530,000 contract extension that will keep the 39-year-old in town 3 years longer. The signing...

March 15, 2010

*Hubbard Crowned Top SC Hitter in April

Saturday, May 1st, 2021: L. Rhond *Hubbard of the Old Forest Merry Fellows had a field day with Shire Conference pitchers last month and was crowned the Batter of the Month as a result. During April he compiled a .369...

March 11, 2010

SC Player of the Week, *Hubbard of Old Forest

Monday, April 26th, 2021: L. Rhond *Hubbard demonstrated his potential to be a star in the game last week and today he took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Old Forest third baseman wreaked havoc on...

February 15, 2010

Veteran Bridger Signs 2-Year Deal

Thursday, February 11th, 2021: The Old Forest Merry Fellows presented a battle-hardened Elanor Bridger to the local press corps today as their latest signing. The 37-year-old reliever sealed a 2-year deal worth $6,960,000 mere hours before the formal introduction. During...

January 01, 2010

Chubb Latest HOF Legend

Friday, October 30th, 2020: What does it take to make the baseball Hall of Fame? Well, whatever it is, Frodo Chubb has it. He was inducted into the Tolkien Baseball Hall of Fame today. Retiring at age 38, Chubb had...

December 17, 2009

Old Forest Wins Lottery for SP Mejias

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020: Sportswriters questioned the wisdom of the freshly signed pact between David Mejias and Old Forest today. The deal, set at a $11,200,000 price tag, will run for 4 years. On the face of it, all is...

December 07, 2009

Chubb Wins Number 250

Tuesday, September 8th, 2020: Merry Fellows ace Frodo Chubb reeled in his 250th career victory by beating the Minas Tirith Titans 3-1 at Elrod Stadium at Finrod Field. In his historic win, he notched 6 strikeouts in 8 innings, yielded...

November 16, 2009

Axebeater Sticks it to SC Pitchers

Monday, August 3rd, 2020: At the age of 28, Gollilmer Axebeater might have some potential he hasn't realized yet -- if his success at the plate last week is any indication. The Old Forest catcher put up some exceptional numbers...

November 02, 2009

Old Forest Starting Pitcher Out

Thursday, July 2nd, 2020: The Old Forest Merry Fellows were dealt a severe blow when Sjors Cheeseslicer was hurt throwing a pitch recently in a game against the Moria Miners. After the game, the team trainer reported Cheeseslicer might have...

September 14, 2009

SC Presents Player of the Week Trophy

Monday, April 6th, 2020: L. Rhond *Hubbard demonstrated his potential to be a star in the game last week and today he took home the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The Old Forest third baseman wreaked havoc on...

$3,900,000 Lands MR Preposterous for Merry Fellows

Wednesday, April 1st, 2020: Fans in Old Forest ushered in Hieronymous Preposterous today as their new reliever. The 35-year-old came to terms with the Merry Fellows and will be hauling in $1,950,000 a year over 2 years....

July 25, 2009

Merry Fellows On the Move

OLD FOREST - Fresh off their recent ROTK Series victory, the Merry Fellows have already begun gearing up for the 2020 campaign, and the message of the moment is "build for the future, although nothing rhymes with future." With veterans...

#1 Pitcher Trophy Won by Merry Fellows Chubb

Frodo Chubb of the Old Forest Merry Fellows might be an old man, but he can still pitch with the best of them. Today the 37-year-old hurler snagged the Shire Conference Gandalf Pitcher Award honors for his outstanding 2019 performance....

Old Forest, Dunharrow Agree to Trade

Old Forest has worked out terms of a deal to send 34-year old second baseman Mim Marblerage and 24-year old left fielder Nuurt Forgehead to Dunharrow for 25-year old reliever Figor Cowstitcher, 22-year old minor league shortstop Giol the Horrible...

Sandybanks and Veslay Swapped

Newspapers in Old Forest and Erebor reported that the Merry Fellows have reached a deal sending 37-year old starting pitcher Todo Sandybanks, 20-year old minor league center fielder Arweadriel Earil-Gambor and a 3rd round draft pick to the Eagles for...

July 17, 2009

Old Forest Defeats Dunharrow

Today the Old Forest Merry Fellows won the 2019 Return of the King Series with a 10-5 victory over the Dunharrow Devils at Shire Greens Stadium. They won the series 4-3 and it was 3rd time the victors have won...

Merry Fellows Win Shire Conference Title

For the fifth time, the Old Forest Merry Fellows have won the right to call themselves the Shire Conference champs. They won it using the same weapon that have always brought the team success: pitching. Specifically, starter Frodo 'Bubbha' Chubb...

June 01, 2009

SC Player of the Week Goes to Bramble of Old Forest

Fosco Bramble had a week for the ages as he romped to the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award. The happy-go-lucky 35-year-old still plays ball like a kid, mashing and slashing as he goes. The Old Forest Merry Fellows...

May 21, 2009

*Hubbard Career Ended by Major Injury

It looked bad when it happened during the game. Then, later on, one could tell from the grim faces in the Old Forest clubhouse that the team had lost El-Rond *Hubbard to a serious injury. *Hubbard, in fact, had sustained...

May 11, 2009

$$$ Keeps Superstar Chubb in Old Forest

The Merry Fellows inked a deal with 36-year-old Frodo Chubb today signaling that it not only wanted him on the field but in the clubhouse. Publicly, Frodo Chubb has spoken highly of Old Forest, so the extension wasn't a total...

May 04, 2009

Best Starter Chosen by Shire Conference

It was a very good month for Frodo Chubb in June. The 36-year-old veteran starter for the Old Forest Merry Fellows outpitched everybody -- young and old -- to claim the Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month award earlier today....

April 20, 2009

Marblerage Named SC Batter of the Month

Though his face is weathered and his hands are calloused, Mim Marblerage can still get it done in Tolkien Baseball. In fact, the 34-year-old second baseman for Old Forest was named the Shire Conference Batter of the Month today after...

April 09, 2009

Star of the Week Awarded in SC

At the age of 34, Mim Marblerage might have some potential he hasn't realized yet -- if his success at the plate last week is any indication. The Old Forest second baseman put up some exceptional numbers the past seven...

April 06, 2009

Cheeseslicer Claims 200th Victory

What would you do after you had just won your 200th game? Run around Elrod Stadium doing cartwheels, jumping for joy and waving to the crowd? Well, maybe you and I would do that, but not Sjors Cheeseslicer -- that's...

*Hubbard Brings Home SC Batter of Month Honor

Old Forest right fielder El-Rond *Hubbard took home the Shire Conference Batter of the Month Trophy for April. He put up some solid numbers, including a .429 batting average and .496 on-base percentage with 45 hits, 9 home runs, 27...

March 26, 2009

Week's Top Player: Old Forest's *Hubbard

His hard work and hustle paid off this week. The hard-working and hard-playing El-Rond *Hubbard was rewarded with the Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The scrappy Old Forest Merry Fellows right fielder hit .542 while collecting 13 hits...

March 16, 2009

Old Forest's Ibañez to Miss Season

Old Forest reliever Marcos Ibañez could miss the remainder of the season because of a torn bicep muscle. He exited yesterday's Bucklebury game after injuring himself while throwing a pitch. The original diagnosis said Ibañez would be out 11 months....

February 26, 2009

Merry Fellows Negotiate $13,000,000 Deal with Skymantle

Old Forest's signing of Nimue Skymantle was met with mixed reactions today as the 31-year-old starting pitcher was introduced to the media. Some experts consider him overpaid at $4,333,333 a year for 3 years, while others insist that Skymantle is...

$11,300,000 Lands MR Grudgesmith for Merry Fellows

Merry Fellows officials hailed the signing of Mugnar Grudgesmith as "an integral piece to our championship puzzle," though fans were somewhat more reserved about the signing. Grudgesmith will pocket $11,300,000 over 3 years. Taking the hill 275 times in his...

February 23, 2009

MR Radagast Agrees to $2,350,000 Offer from Old Forest

Old Forest has come to an agreement with hard working reliever Gleogwyn Radagast which will keep the 36-year-old in town for 2 years and pay out $4,700,000. Old Forest fans, although somewhat skeptical of his age, figure to be pleased...

MR Oretooth, Old Forest Reach $7,100,000 Pact

The Old Forest Merry Fellows presented 34-year-old veteran Nebur Oretooth to the media today as they finalized a $2,366,666-a-year deal that brings the reliever to town for 3 years. Oretooth has a reputation as one of the smartest guys in...

February 05, 2009

Old Forest, Dunharrow Trade Players

Newspapers in Old Forest and Dunharrow reported that the Merry Fellows have reached a deal sending 36-year old closer Boremir Boreagrin and a 4th round draft pick to the Devils for 33-year old right fielder Juan Daum and 22-year old...

December 18, 2008

Superstar Sandybanks Stays in Old Forest

The Old Forest Merry Fellows have finalized a deal with All Star-caliber starting pitcher Todo Sandybanks that will extend his stay in Old Forest at least 3 years and will pay out $52,600,000. In the 2018 season Sandybanks has recorded...

December 11, 2008

SC Selects Chubb August's Best Pitcher

Veteran Frodo Chubb put together quite a successful stretch in August for the Old Forest Merry Fellows, earning himself the Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month award. Chubb racked up a 5-0 record in 6 starts, posting a 1.36 ERA...

November 28, 2008

Major Trade Includes Sandybanks and Ala'Niel

In a big move for both teams, the Dunharrow Devils are sending 35-year old starting pitcher Todo Sandybanks, 34-year old third baseman Fosco Bramble and 22-year old minor league starting pitcher Phanseen Tinàlindë to the Old Forest Merry Fellows for...

November 17, 2008

Merry Fellows Chubb Tosses Masterpiece

In a standout performance July 6 at Shire Greens Stadium, Merry Fellows pitcher Frodo Chubb blanked the Minas Ithil Wyrms 1-0. He limited them to 1 hit and posted 10 strikeouts and 1 walk to gain the win for Old...

November 13, 2008

$1,420,000 Lands SP the Cunning for Merry Fellows

Old Forest came to terms with veteran starting pitcher Baldrick the Cunning on July 5, locking up the 35-year-old to a $1,420,000, 1-year deal. This year the Cunning has a 2-4 mark in 8 starts with a 5.89 ERA. He...

November 10, 2008

Old Forest, Rivendell Deal Made

35-year old starting pitcher Bugrin Spinner and 19-year old minor league center fielder Aragorn Radeothor will now be playing for the Rivendell Royals and 32-year old catcher Amadis Xiquena and 19-year old center fielder Gakak the Wretched will be suiting...

Merry Fellows Starter Wins SC Pitching Award

Sjors Cheeseslicer took home the Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month honors in June. After all these years playing ball, the 36-year-old veteran still enjoys the game as though he'd just broken camp for the first time a month ago....

November 06, 2008

Old Forest Re-Signs Cheeseslicer to Extension

Sjors Cheeseslicer probably doesn't have his best years ahead of him, but he will surely contribute a lot to the Merry Fellows effort. Old Forest locked him up for an additional 3 years at a rate of $15,300,000 per. Currently...

October 30, 2008

Merry Fellows Trade Roth to Bounders for Forgehead

Old Forest and Bywater have agreed to a trade today. 33-year old center fielder Peromer Moraman, 29-year old second baseman Beleg Roth and $8,324,074 in cash will go to the Bounders. In exchange the Merry Fellows will receive 34-year old...

October 20, 2008

May's Top Hurler is Cheeseslicer

Sjors Cheeseslicer's been around the league long enough to appreciate the honor he received today. After going 6-1 in May, the 36-year-old Old Forest hurler has been named Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month. He fanned 41 in 49.1 innings,...

*Hubbard Gets SC Batter of the Month Trophy

Old Forest's El-Rond *Hubbard had a productive May and topped it off by winning the Batter of the Month citation from the Shire Conference. The 22-year-old left fielder stood out at the plate with a .343 batting average, 6 home...

October 07, 2008

Old Forest Loses Ala'Niel for Year

The season is apparently over for Yvestil Ala'Niel. The Old Forest Merry Fellows medical staff informed the club that the starting pitcher will be out at least 13 months with a torn back muscle. Ala'Niel was hurt in the game...

September 18, 2008

Moraman Sidelined for 7 Weeks

Peromer Moraman had to leave the Merry Fellows game against Bucklebury after suffering a herniated disc while making a defensive play. He will be out of the lineup at least 7 weeks. He told reporters, "I just felt a sharp...

September 03, 2008

Eagles, Merry Fellows Swap Players

The Eagles and the Merry Fellows finalized a deal this afternoon. Erebor has traded for 33-year old starting pitcher Rulina Veslay and 28-year old reliever Voilin Gwaimir and in return Old Forest will receive 35-year old starting pitcher Bugrin Spinner....

August 28, 2008

Theriot Signs $6,000,000 Pact with Old Forest

The Merry Fellows and Charles Theriot appeared before the Old Forest media today as the two sides emerged from marathon contract talks. Theriot, a starting pitcher, is poised to make $6,000,000 over 2 years. Lifetime Theriot has chalked up 24...

RF Gamwich Makes $1,500,000 in New Old Forest Pact

Old Forest fans were pleased with the signing of Drogo Gamwich today. The 33-year-old inked a 2-year, $3,000,000 deal with the Merry Fellows. Though his numbers don't jump out at you, Gamwich does fill a void for Old Forest, according...

August 14, 2008

Ala'Niel Grabs SC Gandalf Pitcher Award

There's less room in Yvestil Ala'Niel's trophy case today after she brought home the 2017 Shire Conference Gandalf Pitcher Award. The talented Old Forest Merry Fellows star finished the year 22-6 with a 2.27 ERA. She struck out 275 in...

July 21, 2008

Chubb Tames Lake Town for #200

History was made September 8 at Shire Greens Stadium - Frodo Chubb won game #200 to seal his name in the record books. The Old Forest ace downed the Lake Town Archers 8-3 to gain entrance into the elite 200...

July 17, 2008

Old Forest Starter Named SC's #1 Pitcher

This month the Shire Conference spotlight fell on pitcher Sjors Cheeseslicer of the Old Forest Merry Fellows. What a August he had! A fine 4-0 won-lost record, 0.61 ERA, 6 starts, 44.1 innings pitched and 41 strikeouts -- good enough...

July 07, 2008

Ala'Niel Fashions Shutout Against Weathertop

OLD FOREST - The Weathertop Witch Kings struggled at the plate on August 12 against Merry Fellows hurler Yvestil Ala'Niel, who shackled them on 1 hit while hurling a complete game 17-0 shutout. "What can you say? We didn't hit...

July 03, 2008

Devils Trade Orebearer to Merry Fellows for Elrithor

DUNHARROW - The Dunharrow Devils have finalized a deal with the Old Forest Merry Fellows for the services of 34-year old second baseman Eolf Elrithor, 25-year old minor league center fielder Goli Hammerarm, a 1st round draft pick and a...

May 29, 2008

SC Presents Player of the Week Trophy

It was announced today that Old Forest shortstop Beleg Roth snagged the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award for his outstanding play last week. He posted a .345 batting average as he collected 10 hits, 4 home runs and...

May 19, 2008

Boartooth Tags Number 300

OLD FOREST - At Shire Greens Stadium Cinquefoil Boartooth smashed his 300th career home run in a game against Carrock on May 9. The 34-year-old first baseman had a hand in the Old Forest Merry Fellows 10-1 victory with 2...

May 12, 2008

*Hubbard Snags SC Batting Honor in April

It was a good month for Old Forest Merry Fellows left fielder El-Rond *Hubbard, April's Shire Conference Batter of the Month. *Hubbard starred by hitting .396 with a .454 on-base percentage. He totaled 42 hits in 106 at-bats, 12 home...

Old Forest and Wingnutt Make Deal

OLD FOREST - The latest news from the SION reporters following the Old Forest Merry Fellows is that an agreement has been reached with Thor Wingnutt to continue as their catcher for another 4 years. Wingnutt has a .257 average...

May 05, 2008

Great Week for Old Forest's Left Fielder

It's always a thrill for fans of the team and students of the game alike, when a superstar in the making shows what he's got. El-Rond *Hubbard, the Old Forest Merry Fellows 21-year-old left fielder, put himself in the spotlight...

April 21, 2008

Old Forest Signs Ala'Niel for 4 Years

OLD FOREST - A $53,120,000 package keeping Yvestil Ala'Niel a member of the Merry Fellows has been accepted by the player and her agent. Ala'Niel will earn $13,280,000 annually over the next 4 years. In her career Ala'Niel has fanned...

March 30, 2008

Top SC Rookie Trophy Taken by *Hubbard

The Shire Conference Frodo Rookie Award honoree has been picked for 2016 and the winner was Old Forest designated hitter El-Rond *Hubbard. The talented Merry Fellows designated hitter took the trophy by hitting .310 in 156 games this season and...

Gandalf Pitcher Award Winner Announced

When Sjors Cheeseslicer takes the hill, there's a good chance for a Old Forest victory. At least that's the way it was this past season. He excelled with a 22-7 mark and 2.03 ERA in 34 starts, tossed 265.2 innings,...

March 20, 2008

Old Forest 2016 Return of the King Series Champions

OLD FOREST - It was a clash of the two best teams in the Tolkien Baseball -- the Old Forest Merry Fellows and the Misty Mountain Hops -- and when the dust cleared on the diamond -- the Merry Fellows...

March 17, 2008

Old Forest Crowned Shire Champs

BYWATER - The Bounders put up their own quality staff of hurlers, but they couldn't match the brilliant pitching show put on by the Old Forest Merry Fellows. Old Forest won the Two Towers Series, taking their 3rd Shire Conference...

March 10, 2008

Elrithor Touches All the Bases, Hits Cycle

OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows Eolf Elrithor had one of the best days of his career on September 26, when he hit for the cycle and paved the way for the Old Forest 8-1 win over the Rivendell Royals....

February 25, 2008

SC's #1 Player, *Hubbard of Old Forest

El-Rond *Hubbard finds himself in the Shire Conference spotlight today after his impossible-to-ignore performance last week. He carried the Old Forest Merry Fellows on his shoulders, earning Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The 20-year-old hit .393 (11-28) with...

*Hubbard Picked SC's Premier Rookie

One of the Shire Conference's brightest newcomers, El-Rond *Hubbard was at the head of his class in August as he picked up the Rookie of the Month honors. The 20-year-old Old Forest designated hitter batted .315 with 9 home runs...

February 07, 2008

Merry Fellows Hurler Named July's Top Starter

In July Old Forest starter Sjors Cheeseslicer mystified Shire Conference hitters and carried off the Pitcher of the Month honors by chalking up a 5-0 record in 5 starts. The 34-year-old Cheeseslicer added 43 strikeouts in 40.1 innings and 9...

December 20, 2007

Cheeseslicer Earns SC Top Pitcher Trophy

The Shire Conference announced today that Sjors Cheeseslicer has been chosen the league's Pitcher of the Month. The Old Forest starter had everything working for him last month as he glided to a 3-1 record. In April Cheeseslicer chalked up...

December 17, 2007

Merry Fellows Get Shutout Win Over Bounders

OLD FOREST - In an outstanding mound performance on April 22, Frodo Chubb of the Old Forest Merry Fellows scuttled the Bywater Bounders 9-0 on a 1-hit shutout, ringing up 14 strikeouts and giving up 1 walk. "He's got great...

December 13, 2007

CL Boreagrin Opts for Extension

OLD FOREST - Flanked by team officials and his agent, Boremir Boreagrin announced that he'd agreed to terms with the Merry Fellows on April 14. Officials declined to specify a salary publicly, but in private say the figure is $5,220,000...

December 10, 2007

Devils deal with Merry Fellows

OLD FOREST - Word came today from the Old Forest GM of a trade between the Merry Fellows and the Dunharrow Devils. In this multi-player deal, Old Forest will swap Fosco Bramble, Robert Lauzon, Paul Fite and $1 million for...

October 22, 2007

Player of the Week: Boartooth of the Merry Fellows

The Shire Conference has chosen Cinquefoil Boartooth of the Old Forest Merry Fellows as Player of the Week. What a week Boartooth had. He hit .526 (10-19) with 3 home runs, 6 RBIs and 7 runs scored. So far this...

October 11, 2007

SC's Top Hitter Selected

Cinquefoil Boartooth of the Old Forest Merry Fellows swung a mean bat for the last 30 days and was acclaimed the Shire Conference Batter of the Month for August. The red-hot first baseman slapped out a .402 batting average, 6...

September 06, 2007

Gwildur Booms 3 HRs Versus Archers!

OLD FOREST - Old Forest first baseman Imredoc Gwildur sensed he was going to have a good game at the plate, but he underestimated just a little bit. Prior to the game, Gwildur predicted he would hit a home run...

August 20, 2007

Ala'Niel SC's #1 Pitcher in May

The Pitcher of the Month Award has been selected and the Shire Conference honor went to Old Forest hurler, Yvestil Ala'Niel. For her excellent outings in May she has been named the league's top pitcher. During the month, Ala'Niel was...

Bramble Red-Hot, SC Player of the Week

This week Fosco Bramble, shortstop for the Old Forest Merry Fellows, slashed, mashed and bashed his way to the Shire Conference Player of the Week trophy. Bramble put up a .536 average as he pounded out 15 hits, 3 home...

July 26, 2007

Cheeseslicer Winner, Whitewashes Marauders

OLD FOREST - "I had everything working for me out there. I used every one of my pitches, hit both sides of the plate really well and felt like I could do whatever I wanted." With stuff like that, it...

May 04, 2007

Player of the Week: Old Forest First Baseman

This week's Player of the Week was Cinquefoil Boartooth of the Old Forest Merry Fellows. His award-winning bat ambushed Shire Conference pitching for 12 hits in 23 at-bats, 3 home runs, and 7 RBIs while hitting .522 and scoring 5...

Imredoc Gwildur ends speculation; signs with Old Forest

OLD FOREST - In what local scribes are hailing as huge, the Merry Fellows inked a $25,900,000 deal with first baseman Imredoc Gwildur on July 29. Despite his lengthy injury, team officials expect Gwildur to fill an important role on...

April 26, 2007

Week's Premier Performer Honored by SC

It was announced today that Old Forest first baseman Cinquefoil Boartooth was selected the Shire Conference Player of the Week Award for his superb play last week. All week long the Old Forest first baseman was a certified hitting machine...

April 16, 2007

SC's #1 Player is Chubb

Frodo Chubb capped off a phenomenal week on the hill by nailing down Shire Conference Player of the Week honors today. The 31-year-old Merry Fellows hurler tossed a total of 13 innings last week, collecting 2 wins, 14 strikeouts and...

April 14, 2007

Frodo Chubb blackmails manager into complete games streak

OLD FOREST - It began innocently enough early on the fifth of June, when Frodo Chubb spoke with team manager Kigush Eyeslobberer before a start against the Rivendell Royals. And now, almost a month later, it continues - Frodo Chubb...

April 12, 2007

Old Forest's Bramble Snaps Up Player of the Week

Fosco Bramble finds himself in the Shire Conference spotlight today after his impossible-to-ignore performance last week. He carried the Old Forest Merry Fellows on his shoulders, earning Shire Conference Player of the Week honors. The 30-year-old hit .522 (12-23) with...

March 29, 2007

Most Recent Shire Conference Pitcher of the Month Award Goes to Old Forest's Chubb

OLD FOREST - In May Old Forest starter Frodo Chubb mesmerized hitters with an array of effective pitches. The newly anointed Pitcher of the Month unleashed some serious firepower, going 5-0 in 6 games started in that time. Chubb held...

March 26, 2007

Cheeseslicer of Merry Fellows Fires No-Hitter Against Bucklebury

OLD FOREST - Sjors Cheeseslicer was untouchable on May 26, displaying a perfect sense for pitching against the Bucklebury Fairies. He did not allow a single hit, fanning 12, while walking 1, entering the record books. In 2014 Cheeseslicer has...

March 22, 2007

Goat Riders conspiracy dominates league

via Merry Fellows Gazette MIDDLE EARTH - A rash string of mysterious incidents have recently dominated Tolkien Baseball, leaving some to believe that a conspiracy of "goat riders" is afoot. The mysterious "goat riders" appears to be a secret organization...

March 01, 2007

Hubbard of Old Forest Gets Feather in His Cap: SC Player of the Week Honors

OLD FOREST - What a week it was for Alrond *Hubbard! The Old Forest third baseman took Shire Conference Player of the Week honors after tearing up the league with a .423 batting average in his recent games. *Hubbard registered...

Merry Fellows Ink Catcher Wingnutt to Contract Extension

OLD FOREST - Old Forest officials and Thor Wingnutt shook hands on a $18,000,000 deal on April 2. The extension will keep Wingnutt from becoming a free agent for at least 3 years....

February 13, 2007

Moraman Lands $5,300,000 Yearly Deal with Old Forest

OLD FOREST - Old Forest officials presented Peromer Moraman to the media this afternoon as their latest signing. The 29-year-old will make $5,300,000 a year over the course of his 4-year deal. Peromer Moraman has a career .240 batting average...

Old Forest, Starting Pitcher Gaum Come to Terms

OLD FOREST - Merry Fellows officials confirmed today that they have inked a deal with Gollogrin Gaum. The 37-year-old starting pitcher will net $14,900,000 a year, and will call Old Forest home for 2 years. Over his career in 333...

Old Forest Inks Star Reliever to $3,000,000 Deal

OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows today announced the signing of reliever Paul Fite. The deal is worth an estimated $3,000,000 covering 2 years. Fite has accumulated a 16-28 lifetime record. He has 308 strikeouts in 315.1 IP and made...

February 11, 2007

2013 Aragorn MVP's announced

MIDDLE EARTH - The winners of the 2013 Aragorn Most Valuable Player awards for the Shire and Mordor Conferences have been determined by ballot of the owners. In the Shire Conference, Sjors 'Truly' Cheeseslicer of Old Forest becomes the 2nd...

February 08, 2007

Old Forest trades Merumli

OLD FOREST - Veteran infielder, Perauman Merumli, is being shipped back to the Mordor Conference where he spent the first 7 years of his career with the Isengard Raiders. Merumli, 33, was traded to the Dunharrow Devils in exchange for...

February 04, 2007

SP Chubb Extends Stay with Merry Fellows

OLD FOREST - Merry Fellows inked a deal with 31-year-old Frodo Chubb today signaling that it not only wanted him on the field but in the clubhouse. Publicly, Frodo Chubb has spoken highly of Old Forest so the extension wasn't...

January 29, 2007

SC Gandalf Pitcher Award Winner Announced: Old Forest's Sjors Cheeseslicer Takes Prize

Sjors Cheeseslicer was really special this season. When he was on the mound for Old Forest, there was magic in the ballpark. He started 37 games, logged 301 innings, and conjured up 24 victories with just 9 defeats. Cheeseslicer disposed...

January 27, 2007

Conference Champions Crowned

Old Forest wins 2nd straight Shire title Old Forest won its 2nd straight Shire Conference championship trophy by defeating the Wilderland Wargs in 6 games in the Two Towers Series. In Game 1, Frodo Chubb and Lintegurth Musiceye squared off...

January 16, 2007

Merry Fellows coax Elvywyn out of retirement

OLD FOREST - Myrtai Elvywyn, the power-hitting first baseman who retired at the start of the 2012 season, is coming back for one last swing of the bat. "Silk Sheets" says he isn't in it for the money, though the...

December 25, 2006

SC Player of the Week Pick--Old Forest Second Baseman Silvermaster

What a week it was for Sifur Silvermaster! The Old Forest second baseman took Shire Conference Player of the Week honors after tearing up the league with a .423 batting average in his recent games. Silvermaster registered 11 hits in...

December 04, 2006

Shire Conference Presents Gollauman Gandilhil of Old Forest Player of the Week Trophy

There was no one hotter in the Shire Conference last week, as Gollauman Gandilhil attacked enemy pitching with a vengeance. The 30-year-old Old Forest Merry Fellows right fielder batted .560, rapping out 14 hits, including 2 doubles and 1 home...

November 20, 2006

Elfprodder of Merry Fellows Hits for the Cycle Against Minas Ithil!

OLD FOREST - "How sweet it is when the sweet part of the bat makes contact with the baseball. It's music to my ears." That is how Hudash Elfprodder, the Old Forest left fielder, described what happened in June 3rd's...

November 06, 2006

Old Forest's Chubb Sizzles in Shutout Win over Lake Town

LAKE TOWN - "My pitching coach told me before the game just to bear down and focus. He said no one was going to hit me if I'm throwing a good breaking ball with good location." And that's what Frodo...

October 13, 2006

Grailas traded to Old Forest

MISTY MTN - Team officials for Misty Mountain announced a deal that will send ace pitcher, Gwomer "The Hoard" Grailas, to Old Forest. In exchange, the Merry Fellows give up the original Merry Fellow--their 1st pick of 2003, Rognash Kidneyslammer--and...

September 14, 2006

2012 Elrond Managers

The Elrond Manager of the Year awards were given out at a ceremony today. Winning the award in the Shire Conference is Kigush Eyeslobberer of Old Forest. He piloted his team to 1st place in the Elf Division and on...

Chubb (OF) and Amblestar (MM) win Gandalf Pitcher Award

The Shire Conference Gandalf Pitcher Award winner was announced today, with Old Forest's southpaw Frodo Chubb taking home the desired trophy. He certainly earned it, he struck fear into hitters all year long. This season Chubb compiled an ERA of...

September 12, 2006

Old Forest Crowned Shire Champs!

OLD FOREST - The Old Forest Merry Fellows outlasted the Cheese to take the Shire Two Towers Series and their 2nd conference championship trophy. It took 7 games for Bombadil's squad to make it, but they will be back in...

September 11, 2006

Old Forest sweeps Lake Town

LAKE TOWN - Before a packed house of 60,000 Archer fans, the Old Forest Merry Fellows finished off a sweep of Lake Town on October 8 with a 8-4 win. The Merry Fellows won games 1 and 2 on the...

September 08, 2006

Old Forest cruises to 1st division title

OLD FOREST - The Old Forest Merry Fellows came out of the gate swinging and never looked back. They easily took their first Elf Division title, 13.5 games ahead of the Mirkwood Marauders. Mirkwood won the last 4 and...

September 07, 2006

Pitcher of the Month award winners announced

Sjors Cheeseslicer couldn't have pitched much better than he did in September, and the Shire Conference thought so as well, naming the right-hander Pitcher of the Month. His record of 5-0 in 6 was among the leagues best this month....

August 31, 2006

Frodo Chubb blanks Bree with a 1-hitter

OLD FOREST - Great days are rare. But not for Old Forest's southpaw Frodo Chubb. Bree found out the hard way on September 15 that he is among the leagues top pitchers, getting just one hit. It's his 4th shutout...

August 14, 2006

Yvestil Ala'Niel shuts out Rivendell on one hit

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's left-hander Yvestil Ala'Niel is a great pitcher. And on August 8 she once again showed her stuff, blanking Rivendell on just one hit. It's her 3rd shutout this season, and the 3rd time she has...

August 07, 2006

Hudash Elfprodder on fire, laces five hits

DUNHARROW - Hudash Elfprodder punished Dunharrow's pitching on July 26, collecting five hits in 7 AB. That definitely helped Old Forest, they won the game 15 to 12. Number 1 in the 2nd inning, a shot estimated at 437 feet,...

Yvestil Ala'Niel blanks Grey Havens with a 2-hitter

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's left-hander Yvestil Ala'Niel is clearly one of the best pitchers in the game. Grey Havens found out the hard way on July 24, getting just 2 hits. Ala'Niel 2nd shutout this season was a masterpiece,...

August 05, 2006

Trade shakes up 3 teams

OLD FOREST - Trades between the Merry Fellows, Devils and Raiders has juggled the lineups and pitching staffs of all three teams. In a series of moves before the July 31 trading deadline, Old Forest has engineered deals with Isengard...

Trade shakes up 3 teams

OLD FOREST - Trades between the Merry Fellows, Devils and Raiders has juggled the lineups and pitching staffs of all three teams. In a series of moves before the July 31 trading deadline, Old Forest has engineered deals with Isengard...

July 31, 2006

Old Forest's Megilwen severely injured, out for season

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's right-hander Eralqua Megilwen experienced probably the worst case scenario for a pitcher, a season ending injury. After pitching in the 5th inning of the game against Dol Guldur on July 15, Megilwen complained about serious...

July 20, 2006

Bucklebury trade with Old Forest

OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows announced another deal today involving the Bucklebury Fairies. The Fairies, looking to restock their minors, are getting Till Silentmallet, a 21-year-old 1B prospect from Old Forest in exchange for Gamaithor Elylith, Boriam Celebrin and...

Old Forest trades with Devils

OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows continued their mid-season dealings with a trade that would send Gandilgol Eowül, Thoma Thugast, Mororon Meriawyn and Nark Silverbinder to Dunharrow in exchange for Fosco Bramble, Kegan Ogrehammer and $5 million. Eowül, known as...

July 19, 2006

Old Forest, Minas Ithil make deal

OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows announced a deal with Minas Ithil today that would send Tina Legàl, Sauron the Evil, Jr., and their 2nd round draft pick to the Wyrms for Sifur Silvermaster. Silvermaster, 30, is a power-hitting infielder...

July 06, 2006

Fabur Beardcutter shuts out Minas Ithil on one hit

OLD FOREST - Fabur Beardcutter took the mound on May 27 and never left. And Minas Ithil hitters couldn't touch him at all. Old Forest's right-hander gave up just one hit in his 1st shutout of the season. He now...

June 26, 2006

Ala'Niel and Muddyfoot win Player of the Week award

The Shire Conference's best player of the week was Old Forest's Yvestil Ala'Niel, who wins the award for the 1st time in her career. Ala'Niel was overpowering all week long, going 2-0 with an ERA of 1.06. Along the way...

Megilwen and Cloudskin receive April Pitcher of the Month award

Eralqua Megilwen couldn't have pitched much better than he did in April, and the Shire Conference thought so as well, naming the right-hander Pitcher of the Month. His ERA of just 0.78 helped him to a 3-0 record in April....

June 22, 2006

Player of the Week honors go to Cheeseslicer and Velom

The Shire Conference Player of the Week award goes to Sjors Cheeseslicer, one of Old Forest's best starting pitchers. Cheeseslicer was overpowering all week long, going 2-0 with an ERA of 2.08. Along the way he struck out 20 in...

May 01, 2006

Elfprodder (OF) and Long Cleve (GH) win P.O.W. award

Old Forest's leftfielder Hudash Elfprodder had some reason to celebrate, as the league named him the Shire Conference Player of the Week. Elfprodder helped his team with an average of .444 and 12 RBI in 27 at bats. The Mordor...

April 24, 2006

Player of the Week honors go to Cheeseslicer and Imrilron

The Shire Conference's best player of the week was Old Forest's Sjors Cheeseslicer, who wins the award for the 1st time in his career. Sjors went 2-0 with an ERA of 1.59, while fanning 16 in 17 innings of work....

April 10, 2006

Sjors Cheeseslicer quiets Wilderland bats with shutout

OLD FOREST - Sjors Cheeseslicer took the mound on August 2 and never left. And Wilderland hitters couldn't touch him at all. Old Forest's right-hander gave up just 2 hits in his 2nd shutout of the season. He now has...

March 30, 2006

Dagorlad's Leguden wins Player of the Week award

The Shire Conference's best player of the week was Old Forest's Thor Wingnutt, who wins the award for the 1st time in his career. Thor was on fire, hitting .429 with 2 HR and 10 RBI. It's the 3rd time...

February 27, 2006

Eralqua Megilwen (OF) will miss 5 weeks

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's right-hander Eralqua Megilwen suffered a severe injury on May 11 and will be out for at least 5 weeks. In the 4th of the game against Bucklebury he experienced pain in his throwing arm and...

February 20, 2006

Goramir traded to Merry Fellows

MINAS TIRITH - His offensive production having slowed, Minas Tirith decided not to wait around for the original Titan to retire before getting something for him. They traded the 33-year-old future Hall-of-Famer to Old Forest in exchange for 27-year-old third...

Misty Mountain's Bloodaxe wins Player of the Week award

The Shire Conference's best player of the week was Old Forest's Hudash Elfprodder, who wins the award for the 2nd time in his career. In 29 at bats he hit .586 with 4 HR and 11 RBI. Hudash has gone...

February 16, 2006

Old Forest's Hudash Elfprodder hits for the cycle

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's leftfielder Hudash Elfprodder accomplished a difficult feat in a game against Bywater on April 23, hitting for the cycle to improve his career batting average to .264! A double off Ulor Témir in the 2nd...

February 02, 2006

Rockback sent to Bywater

OLD FOREST - Future Hall-of-Fame catcher, Rafur "Rocky" Rockback, was traded by the Merry Fellows to Bywater in a deal that sent the 4-time All-Star to the Bounders along with reliever Kenton Ayo. In exchange, Bywater gives up minor league...

January 25, 2006

More Bree Housecleaning

BREE - The Cheese have decided it's "out with the old, in with the new" as they entered into another trade, this time with Old Forest. They sent outfielder, Noilin Ringcrusher, and reliever, Dejath "Taco" Belarà, to the Merry Fellows...

January 16, 2006

Batter of the Month award winners announced

The Batter of the Month award in the Shire Conference goes to Old Forest's Hudash Elfprodder this time, as the leftfielder displayed the best offensive perfomance in his league. He had an on base percentage of .347 and hit .307,...

January 05, 2006

Chubb (OF) and Aenoa (MM) win P.O.W. award

It's the 2nd time that the Shire Conference Player of the Week award goes to Old Forest's pitcher Frodo Chubb. Chubb was overpowering all week long, going 2-0 with an ERA of 2.25. Along the way he struck out 13...

December 08, 2005

Rohan's Silverglove wins Player of the Week award

It's the 3rd time that the Shire Conference Player of the Week award goes to Old Forest's rightfielder Gollauman Gandilhil. Gollauman pounded opposing pitchers, hitting .619 with 2 HR and 7 RBI while slugging 1.095. Gollauman is hitting .310 this...

November 28, 2005

Chubb and Long Cleve receive Pitcher of the Month award

The best month of June in the Shire Conference certainly had Old Forest's lefty Frodo Chubb, earning him the Pitcher of the Month award. He had an ERA of just 0.49 in 55.2 innings of work in which he struck...

November 24, 2005

Chubb and Elfdrinker win Player of the Week award

Old Forest's pitcher Frodo Chubb had some reason to celebrate, as the league named him the Shire Conference Player of the Week. Frodo went 2-0 with an ERA of 0.00, while fanning 11 in 16.1 innings of work. He hurled...

November 21, 2005

Old Forest's Cheeseslicer out for 7 weeks

OLD FOREST - Old Forest is without its right-hander Sjors Cheeseslicer for at least 7 weeks. He injured himself while throwing a pitch to Grimli Goramir in a game against Minas Tirith on June 16. His face showed signs of...

November 18, 2005

Frodo Chubb fires 2-hitter against Bucklebury

BUCKLEBURY - Frodo Chubb had some fun again. Bucklebury hitters did not. Old Forest's left-hander gave up just 2 hits in his 1st shutout of the season on June 9. He now has 2 career shutouts in 167 games started....

November 10, 2005

Old Forest's Kidneyslammer out for 6 weeks

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's shortstop Rognash Kidneyslammer will miss at least 6 weeks after he got hurt seriously while running hard toward second base in a game on May 29. He began limping and then fell down, causing a...

October 27, 2005

Grey Havens' *Starsley wins Player of the Week award

It's the 1st time that the Shire Conference Player of the Week award goes to Old Forest's shortstop Rognash Kidneyslammer. Rognash pounded opposing pitchers, hitting .387 with 2 HR and 6 RBI while slugging .742. Begrin *Starsley wins his 5th...

October 20, 2005

Dead Marshes' Elvywyn wins Player of the Week award

The Shire Conference Player of the Week award goes to Relin Rockmaster, Old Forest's starting designated hitter. In 23 at bats he hit .565 with 3 HR and 6 RBI. It's the 5th time that the Mordor Conference Player of...

Relin Rockmaster slams 3 HR

OLD FOREST - Hitting a homerun is fine, but hitting three of them in one game is something special. Old Forest's designated hitter Relin Rockmaster accomplished that feat in a 4-1 win over Moria on April 12. A 408 foot...

October 17, 2005

Meet the Merry Fellows

via the Old Forest Press OLD FOREST - With opening day of the 2010 season literally only hours away, the sports department here at the Old Forest Press have decided that an extensive profile of the championship team would be...

Joining the team is four-time All Star Rafur Rockback, who was acquired in the off season. Although only 32 years of age, Rockback is the old man on the team. In 7 years of play, "Rocky" has averaged 30 homeruns a season, along with more than 100 RBI, while sporting a career batting average of .284 and OBP of .384. Rockback should be a drastic upgrade at the catcher's position over last year's duo of Ugbag Blacktooth and Thor Wingnutt. Wingnutt, 22, will return as the backup catcher for the 2010 campaign.

The Merry Fellows currently have an abundance of infield talent. The starting first baseman, and team captain is 27-year-old Cinquefoil "Homer King" Boartooth. Boartooth, 27, is beginning his fourth season with the Merry Fellows, and is coming off a career year in 2009 where he batted .267 while blasting 40 homers and 103 RBI while walking 92 times and stealing 17 bases.

At second is 24-year-old Petunia Gamgee, who has been a Merry Fellow ever since she was traded to the team from Moria in 2007. Gamgee underachieved last year, batting .278 with only 12 homers and 76 RBI. However, the team is expecting an offensive surge from her in 2010, especially after batting .326 along with 10 homers and 41 RBI in her final 313 at bats of the 2009 season (including a .371 post season AVG in 62 at bats).

Playing shortstop is the original Merry Fellow, Rognash Kidneyslammer. Kidneyslammer, 27, finally met his potential last season after batting .256 with 29 doubles, 9 triples, 18 homeruns, 76 RBI, 101 runs scored, and 32 steals - all from the leadoff spot. Kidneyslammer also drew 94 walks and batted .320 with 13 RBI in the post season.

At third is the underachieving Gamaithor Elylith, 25. Elylith has perhaps the best eye of any player in the game, but unfortunately has lacked the ability to consistantly make contact. Last year, Elylith lost his starting job after batting just .163, but with 18 homers and 41 RBI in 392 at bats. In spite of having only 392 at bats, Elylith drew 71 walks - only 11 fewer than Shaglakh the Devastator, who was 10th in the Conference (and had 515 at bats). Elylith has worked on improving his contact and will begin the season as the starter.

Also in the infield mix is 27-year-old super sub Eolf Elrithor. Elrithor was instrumental in the Merry Fellows post season drive last year, batting .294 with a .350 OBP, along with 30 doubles, 13 homeruns, 83 RBI, and 25 steals. Elrithor will be the primary backup at all four infield positions for the Merry Fellows in 2010, but will be poised to step in for any starter who may get injured. It would also be a mistake to forget Alrond Hubbard, a 22-year-old infield prospect who could be starting for the team right now, but will begin the year in the minors.

Starting in left field is 26-year-old Hudash "Rolling Thunder" Elfprodder. Elfprodder had a down season in 2009. He batted .263 with only 22 homeruns and 91 RBI after missing almost a month of action with a broken finger. Elfprodder is looking to return to form in 2010, as he has the potential to slam 50 homeruns a year. While Elfprodder was the regular cleanup hitter in 2009, the Merry Fellows offense is so loaded at the moment that he has been relegated to the 8th spot in the batting order.

In center field is 25-year-old youngster Peromer Moraman, who was acquired from Dead Marshes in a mid-season trade last year. Moraman worked hard in the off-season to improve his contact, and is looking to improve upon a .216 batting average and .333 OBP. Moraman was 9th in the league in steals last year with 50, in spite of having only 385 at bats.

Starting in right field is the 2009's Team MVP, Gollauman Gandilhil. The "Hit Machine" was acquired from Dol Guldur during the middle of the 2009 season, and went on to put up huge numbers for the Merry Fellows. In 81 games with the team, Gandilhil batted .341 with 16 homers and 64 RBI. He won back-to-back Player of the Month Awards for July and August.

Finally, the Merry Fellows boast one of the best designated hitters in the game, in 26-year-old star Relin Rockmaster. Rockmaster was acquired from Dunharrow mid-season last year after the Disaster couldn't afford his contract demands. After joining Old Forest, the young slugger batted .286 with 17 homeruns and 69 RBI, along with a .372 OBP. He also won the Bilbo Playoff MVP award after batting .325 with 12 doubles, 4 homers, and 18 RBI.

All around, these players comprise the most dangerous offense in Tolkien Baseball, and should challenge a variety of team offensive records in the 2010 season.

But have we mentioned that the Merry Fellows also have great pitching?

The Rotation:
Topping the rotation is 27-year-old ace Frodo Chubb. "Bubbha" won 17 games last year for the Merry Fellows with an ERA of 3.29 and 216 k's in 229.2 innings pitched. Chubb has won 16 games or more each year for the last three seasons and is looking to have his first 20-win season this year.

In the two slot is 27-year-old righty Sjors Cheeseslicer, who was acquired mid-season from Dol Guldur. Cheeseslicer went 12-14 last year (7-6 as a Merry Fellow) with a 3.64 ERA.

The third Merry Fellow starter is 27-year-old Bifur Snowlegs. Snowlegs was also acquired in the Dol Goldur trade and went 14-9 (7-3 as a Merry Fellow) last year with a 3.45 ERA.

Starting in the fourth rotation spot is 28-year-old Eralqua Megilwen. Megliwen was acquired in the off season trade that also sent the Merry Fellows Rafur Rockback. Megilwen went 11-13 last year with a 4.74 ERA. Old Forest is hoping to see an improvement in his ERA.

Finally, the fifth starter for the Merry Fellows is 27-year-old RotK hero Gromwakh the Masher. Last year, the Masher (who was acquired from Dagolord) went 9-13 (5-6 for the Merry Fellows) with a 4.37 ERA. However, he became an indespensible asset for the Merry Fellows once the post season began. He threw in 5 games for 16.2 innings worth of work, allowing only 2 earned runs in the process for a post season ERA of 1.08. The Masher also won the deciding Game Seven of the RotK Series while making an emergency start.

The Bullpen:
The area of greatest turnover between the 2009 and 2010 season is the bullpen. The Merry Fellows will be sporting four new faces here, comprising of more than half of their total changes. Gone is ace closer Wuurg Wolfwalker, a Merry Fellow since 2004. Also gone is Tathor Legàndil, a 39-year-old star reliever who retired after achieving his dream of winning a World Championship.

New to the team include 27-year-old Haleodriel Grilbo, the first former Bree Cheese to ever be traded to Old Forest. Grilbo is effectively wild - while lacking control, he makes up for it with pure stuff and movement. Also joining the team is 26-year-old Galulas Elvörà, an ex-Merry Fellow taken in the 17th round of the inaugural draft. Elvörà is perhaps the riskiest reliever on the team, having ERAs of 6, 6.23, and 5.93 in his last three minor league stops.

The Merry Fellows also added 27-year-old Kenton Ayo, acquired in a blockbuster trade with Dunharrow. Ayo has a career 3.48 ERA, along with 15 saves in the 2009 campaign. Ayo will be primarily used in the setup capacity along with the demonic force of nature known as Sauron the Evil, Jr. Sauron the Lesser was acquired from Dagolord during the 2009 campaign and posted a 3.93 ERA in his first season with the Merry Fellows. Sauron was also a clutch pitcher in the post season, accumulating a 1.80 ERA in 7 appearances.

Also new to the team is 28-year-old closer Boremir Boreagrin, acquired before the start of the season from Dead Marshes. Boreagrin has yet to prove himself in the Major Leagues, but he is already being trusted by team manager Kigush Eyeslobberer to close the ballgames.

Finally, returning to the Merry Fellows for perhaps his final season is strikeout legend Boriam Celebrin. Celebrin, 27, has been with the Merry Fellows since the Tolkien League's inaugural season. He struck out an absurd 414 batters in the 2005 campaign, but after a torn bicep during the 2006 season, Celebrin lost his strikeout ability and eventually, his job in the Merry Fellows rotation. Celebrin remains the career leader in strikeouts, although he should be eclipsed sometime in the next two years. After losing his job as a starter during the 2009 campaign, Celebrin still managed to win 11 games, marking the 4th time in his career that he has won in double digits. He will be used mostly as a spot starter and in long relief.

The Merry Fellows may win a second championship, or they may disappoint. Regardless, they are young and talented enough to compete for years to come. It may also be relevant to note this: the Merry Fellows will remain intact as they are for at least two seasons, and they should remain together for many years even beyond that.

October 09, 2005

Merry Fellows poised to defend crown

by Gilburdor Ethylanidel OLD FOREST - After a surprise post season run that resulted in an unexpected championship, the Old Forest Merry Fellows have become prepared to defend their title for the 2010 season through a variety of trades and...

September 23, 2005

Gondolin Trades Rockback

GONDOLIN - In a move that shocked fans, the Griffons traded popular catcher, Rafur Rockback, to the Old Forest Merry Fellows today. Rockback, 31, is an icon for the league, and his departure left many Gondolin fans wondering about the...

September 20, 2005

Merry Fellows crowned League Champs!

NUMENOR - It was a thrilling, 7-game series between the Old Forest Merry Fellows and the reigning champs, the Numenor Kings. In the end, the Merry Fellows had just enough gas in the tank (and enough surprises up their sleeves)...

September 19, 2005

Old Forest is Shire Champ!

OLD FOREST - The wild card Merry Fellows became the Shire Conference champions for the first time when they defeated the Mirkwood Marauders in 7 games. In Game 1, Old Forest's original player, Rognash Kidneyslammer, laced a single to left,...

September 18, 2005

Old Forest wins Fellowship Series

OLD FOREST - The Old Forest Merry Fellows are going to the Shire Conference championships for the first time in their history. They defeated the Lake Town Archers, 6-5, in 12 innings in Game 5 of their series to advance...

September 15, 2005

Batter of the Month award winners announced

The Shire Conference Batter of the Month award goes to Relin Rockmaster, Old Forest's starting second baseman. He had an on base percentage of .455 and hit .353, while driving in 36 runs. His season numbers are: .283 AVG, 165...

September 01, 2005

Weathertop's Goldfist named Batter of the Month

The Shire Conference's best player of the month was Old Forest's Gollauman Gandilhil, who wins the award for the 2nd time in his career. He hit .363 with 29 RBI and slugged .598 in 102 at bats. His season features...

August 15, 2005

Red hot Gandilhil and Imrilron win Batter of the Month award

The Batter of the Month award in the Shire Conference goes to Old Forest's Gollauman Gandilhil this time, as the rightfielder displayed the best offensive perfomance in his league. Gandilhil helped his team with an average of .353 and 23...

Gandilhil (OF) and Mulder (ROH) win P.O.W. award

The Player of the Week award in the Shire Conference goes to Old Forest's Gollauman Gandilhil this time, as the rightfielder displayed the best offensive perfomance in his league. He hit .464 with 8 RBI and slugged 1.000 in 28...

August 08, 2005

Old Forest's Rockmaster wins Player of the Week award

Relin Rockmaster wins his 2nd Player of the Week award. Shire Conference pitchers couldn't figure out how to retire this guy all week long. Relin was on fire, hitting .542 with 1 HR and 5 RBI. He hit in every...

July 30, 2005

Old Forest and Dol Guldur in big trade

OLD FOREST - Riding into the All-Star break with a lead in the Shire Conference Wild Card race, the Merry Fellows have been shopping around several players, including staff ace Faraborn Elrum recently. Today they struck a deal with Dol...

"Cougar" Elrum, 30, is a 2-time All-Star and won the Gwaihir Reliever Award 2 years in a row (2006-2007). He is 4th in career saves with 194. He was Dol Guldur's 2nd pick in 2003 and was traded to Old Forest in 2005 in another deal that involved Gandihil. The Merry Fellows converted him into a starter this season, and in 17 games he is 5-6 with a 3.42 ERA.

Eowil-Galad, 31, is a superstar slugger and the holder of the record for most HR in a season (61 in 2008). He was traded from Dagorlad to Old Forest just a couple of weeks ago and has been struggling at the plate. Currently, he is hitting .204 with 12 HR and 44 RBI.

"Smokey" Loamsdown, 23, was Old Forest's 1st pick in 2004. The young lefthander has yet to show off the potential of his blazing fastball, going 8-21 in 45 starts over 4 seasons before being sent to the bullpen this year.

Silverbiter, 20, was this year's 1st round draft choice for the Merry Fellows. A strong pull hitter, he was hitting .308 with 17 HR and 48 RBI for the AA Mount Doom Merrymen.

Gandihil, 26, was Old Forest's 3rd pick in 2004 and was traded to Dol Guldur in April of 2005. After a couple of solid if unspectacular seasons, he has burst forth as one of the league's premiere hitters with a .346 batting average.

Cheeseslicer, 27, knocked around the Dragons' farm system for 5 seasons before getting a chance to start for the big club in 2008. He went 12-19 with a 3.70 ERA in 36 starts. This year, he is 5-8 with a 3.17 ERA.

Snowlegs, 27, was Dol Guldur's 1st pick in 2005. He entered the starting rotation in 2006, meeting with little success. His record after 3 years was 16-42. This year, however, he has blossomed, going 7-6 with a 2.70 ERA.

July 25, 2005

Rockmaster traded to Old Forest

DUNHARROW - Second baseman, Relin Rockmaster, was sent to the Old Forest Merry Fellows for veteran outfielder, Higor Elfdrinker, and a pair of minor leaguers after contract talks with the young infielder came to a halt. Rockmaster, 25, whose contract...

July 21, 2005

Disaster Trade Eowil-Galad

DAGORLAD - The Dagorlad Disaster have traded long-time slugging star, Gamilas Eowil-Galad to the Old Forest Merry Fellows. Gamilas, 31, holds the league record for most HR in a season with 61 in 2008. He is one of only 3...

July 11, 2005

Boartooth and Serith win Player of the Week award

Cinquefoil Boartooth from Old Forest wins his 1st Player of the Week award for putting up the best numbers this week in the Shire Conference. Boartooth helped his team with an average of .435 and 11 RBI in 23 at...

July 10, 2005

Uruk-hai deal Elfdrinker to Old Forest

DEAD MARSHES - The Uruk-hai have traded 2-time All-Star and Legolas outfielder, Higor Elfdrinker, to Old Forest. Elfdrinker, 34, is in the last year of his $11 million contract. He was the first player drafted by Dead Marshes in the...

May 16, 2005

Hilin Goldarm shuts out Bucklebury on 2 hits

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's right-hander Hilin Goldarm is clearly one of the best pitchers in the game. Bucklebury found out the hard way, getting just 2 hits on September 12. Goldarm's 2nd shutout this season was a masterpiece, as...

April 25, 2005

Ugbag Blacktooth stars with cycle against Minas Tirith

OLD FOREST - Old Forest's catcher Ugbag Blacktooth once again displayed his tremendous ability to make contact with that little white ball. He tore up Minas Tirith's pitching staff with a 4 hit performance on August 5. A pitch from...

April 21, 2005

Elrum, Merry Fellows Reach Agreement

OLD FOREST - After heavy negotiations, the Merry Fellows have come to terms with All-Star closer, Faraborn "Cougar" Elrum. At $30 million over 2 years, the deal will make him the highest paid relief pitcher in the league. Elrum, 29,...

February 02, 2005

Shire HR Leader Calls It Quits

OLD FOREST - Power-hitting outfielder, Elrond "L-Train" Hubbard, has informed Merry Fellows management that he wants out of his contract. After leading the Shire Conference in homers with 48 last season, the 2006 Frodo Rookie award winner and All-Star has...

December 16, 2004

Hops Make Blockbuster Deal with Old Forest

OLD FOREST - For the second time in his career, the league's premiere hitter, 5-time All-Star, Isilborn Imrilron, is packing his bags and moving to another team. The Merry Fellows agreed to terms with the Misty Mountain Hops just before...

December 07, 2004

Moria-Old Forest make big pitcher swap

OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows announced the re-acquisition of strikeout artist, Ligor Fistslammer, in a 3-for-3 deal that sends relievers Bamli Anvildelver, Soseen Isadriel and Suukak Nosecrawler to Moria in exchange for Fistslammer, Virgil Proudstaff and Tathor Legàndil. The...

Fistslammer, 33, has bounced around a lot in his short career in the league. Signed as the 1st pick of the Dagorlad Disaster, he was on fire in 2003, throwing a no-hitter and striking out 242 batters before an elbow injury in July cut his season short. The next season, he set the Mordor Conference record for strikeouts with 308, and signed a $45 million deal with Old Forest to start 2005. But while his strikeouts kept piling up, so did his walks. He was never a consistent winner with the Merry Fellows and was traded to Moria at the start of 2007. He returns to Old Forest to try and help them keep up with Mirkwood in the Wild Card race.

Virgil "Stilletto" Proudstaff, was the host of the ill-conceived "Who Wants to Manage a Baseball Team?" game show at Bucklebury before being traded to Moria in May. After that, he had an abysmal June with the Miners, going 0-3 in 6 starts with a 9.10 ERA! He has already given up 23 HR in just 17 games this year.

Tathor Legàndil, 36, has been a workhorse for the Miners out of the bullpen. He pitched 104 games in 2005-2006, picking up 58 saves. This season, he is 3-2 with 11 saves and a 4.81 ERA.

For their part, Moria gets Bamli "Animal" Anvildelver (1-2, 4.28 in 29 games), Soseen "Red" Isadriel (5-5, 6.82 in 11 starts and 7 relief appearances), and Suukak "The Dunce" Nosecrawler. Nosecrawler, 30, was picked up by Old Forest in the off-season for $4.5 million per year for the next 3 years. He represented the Merry Fellows in this year's All-Star Game, having appeared in 21 games and earning a 1-1 record with a 1.72 ERA. Nosecrawler has only given up 1 HR all year.

November 06, 2004

Diary of Samsneed, The Alternate Ending

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times Yesterday the editors of the OFT published the final installment of Samsneed's journal. However it should be noted that soon after it was submitted, an alternate version also appeared in our mail, addressed...

I headed toward it, and called out an ambiguous "hey, you!" The man stepped foward. He was wearing street clothes, but upon his head was a Moira cap.

"I been waitin' fer ya," he said coyly, looking up at the night sky with a sense of wonder. "Such pretty lights!" he said.

"I'm just killing time," I said as I threw back a slug of scotch. "DeepHelm said to look for you."

"It's about time," he replied. "Name's Hornblower. Ya answers ain't what ya tink dey are. Ya need to look for the Pusspekt."

"I have the suspects," I replied. "They'll be here soon."

"No! Dey ain't it! I mean, dey is, but dey ain't! You need to look for Pusspekt!"

"Yeah, whatever. Thanks for the info." I turned and left, headed back to the House of Grump. But before I got there, I caught a whiff of the sweet perfume of ancient dust, death, and decay. It smelled like Moria. Without turning around, I spoke.

"You here for the meeting, doll?" I asked.

"What else would I be here for, your good looks?" Brandelion, Queen of Lethargy replied.

"Your sarcasm is colder than my heart," I said, "but sarcasm isn't the only part of you that's cold."

"What does that mean?" she asked, her dewey eyes blinking at me in innocence.

"Come in and find out." I walked into Grump's abode, and before me were the two dozen team owners of the SGCBL, including commissioner Solonor Rasreth. Some looked tired, others looked distraught, even more looked scared - of Grump specifically, but a fair share were intentionally staying away from that psycho Bombadil, too.

"I'm glad you're all here," I said. "It's time to put this murder mystery to an end."

"So you caught the killers?" Brandelion said. I arched an eyebrow. "The killer, I mean!"

"Oh, I caught them alright, doll. Let's go down the series of unfortunate events, shall we?" I began pacing around the room, stopping only occasionally to take another swig of my whiskey. "It all began a dark, March evening when Beleg Orctrembler sat down for his evening ritual - cheese and wine. Bree cheese, to be exact." Everyone gasped.

"So it was Grump!" Minas Tirith owner Kapstar said.

"Not so fast!" I replied. "No, it wasn't Grump. But let's look at the facts, shall we? Orctrembler wasn't panning out, was he? No, he wasn't doing well at all. He'd only batted .257 his first time in the bigs, and you couldn't wait for him to develop, could you? But he was blocking the way, and you owed his old man money from gambling. So you killed him yourself, in cold blood, because with him gone you could concentrate on your new pet, Reaver Elfheim!"

"That's a freakin' lie!" Kapstar replied.

"Oh, it's a lie alright! A lie from your own, sinful mouth, you killer!" I replied. "But no, that was just the beginning! Next thing you know, Bombadil over here is announcing that his pet project, Aragornson, was found dead in the same way!"

"But I did find him that way, in the cold clear light of day!" Bombadil sang.

"No report was ever filed about his death!" I said. "And why would you have waited so long? No, Aragornson's not dead! He's just disappeared, playing in some bizarre league somewhere else, for all I know! But you saw an opportunity to cover the disgrace of his disappearance, and you took it!"

"That's a freakin' lie!" Bombadil said, with no merry left in his voice.

"But it didn't stop there," I continued. "Scott, owner of the Misty Mountain team wasn't a happy man! Oh no," I said. "His team wasn't playing up to par. But that wasn't all. The team manager, Smahsh Ehn'Bahsh had been having affairs not just with Scott's spouse but with those of all the players under his command! And it had to stop, didn't it Scott? It had to end, so you killed him! And then you put 'brie' cheese in his throat to make it look like Grump was responsible!"

"Nuh uh!" Scott replied angrily.

"But that wasn't enough for you psychos, either! Moria manager BranMorda died soon thereafter, again with bree cheese found in her mouth!"

"Grump killed her!" Brandelion sobbed. "He's an evil man!"

"If only!" I said angrily. "No, Grump didn't kill her! You hated BranMorda! She broke your team's spirit! She drove Dirk Pleasant crazier than an orc in a flowery field at noon! Then, she forced your friend and lover Xade into quitting the league via her evil, terrible form of intimidation!"

"He's not my lover!" Brandelion replied, looking angry.

"Oh, but he is! And BranMorda is your daughter! Grown to old age via magic, and twisted by evil in the process! You were scared and ashamed, so you used magic to turn a piece of bree cheese deadly! BranMorda choked and died!"

"But what about the cheese-engraved boot!?" Xade asked in protest.

"It was a sham! A mockery!" I said. "Sure, there was an imprint, if anyone bothered to look! And sure, Grump had a boot planted in his closet when he wasn't looking... but it was a fake! Bree cheese doesn't have air pockets! And why would Grump have a cheese emblem in his possession that wasn't Bree? He wouldn't! It would be like advertising for the enemy!"

"Aha!" Grump said. "I knew I didn't own any boots! I don't even use footwear!"

"That's a freakin' lie!" Xade and Brandelion said together at the same moment.

"But it didn't stop there, did it? DeepHelm was on to you! He knew that the guilt reached the upper echelons of the league, and he was a threat to Tolkien Baseball as we all know it! Not to mention everyone's hatred of Grump. He was right, you're all jealous of him! So, when DeepHelm was going to expose the true culprits you had him killed, too! But it wasn't just Kapstar, Rasreth, xade, or Bran, no it was an entire division of owners! It was Ejen, who sicced a warg on him! It was DeBuG, who shot him with an arrow! It was Xade, again, who drugged him with fairy dust!"

A chorus of "that's not true," "no I didn't," "I'll sue you for this," and others rang out from the accused.

"Grump killed him!" Scott said. "It was Bree!"

"You wish!" I said. "But you made a fatal mistake! You used brie cheese rather than bree cheese when you planted your false evidence!"

"...huh?" Xade said.

"Brie cheese is a soft farmhouse cheese made of unpasteurized cow's milk!" I said. "Bree cheese is an 'Old Shire' mild port wine cheese made of 90% pasturized cow's milk and 10% unpasturized goat's milk! You messed up! Used the wrong brand of cheese! Then, Dirk Pleasant was about to bring me up to date when he was killed!

"Now the question is, who orchestrated this conspiracy, and why?" I continued. "Obviously there's a lot of hate for Grump. But what would lead so many of you to act so homicidally? Why would you do it? The answer is Rasreth! He clearly orchestrated it all"

"That's a freakin' lie!" Rasreth spat at me.

"It's not! Only someone with your pull, your connections, could tie this all up so handily! Clearly, Mr. Rasreth, you are the one who started it! You even planted those boots in Grump's closet! And now, someone must account for the deaths!"

"Well," a strange voice said behind me, "not all the deaths!" Brandelion grew pale and Xade gasped fainted, while the rest of the owners in the room appeared shocked. But I wasn't shocked. I was too drunk to be shocked. And I recognized the voice immediately.

"Dirk Pleasant!" I said, without turning. "So, you're too crazy to die, eh?"

"And BranMorda," an icy woman's voice said. I turned and sure enough, Pleasant and BranMorda stood behind me, more alive than anyone had thought possible.

"Care to explain?" I asked.

"No." BranMorda replied.

"Sure!" Pleasant said, tittering crazily. "When BranMorda here drove me crazy, I wasn't just insane, I was also crazy in love! With BranMorda! And if anyone here knows anything, it's that you never start a land war in Eastern Mordor, and also, you can't kill someone with true love! As to who killed me..."

"I know, I know, it was the owners," I said. "It was Rasreth."

"Well... no..." Pleasant continued.

"No, we really didn't kill anyone," Ejen said.

"We're innocent!" Scott replied.

"Well... uhm... *cough* most of us are..." Brandelion said as Xade began to come to.

"Bran!" Solonor scolded. "You know better!"

"So, care to defend yourself as to your motives, doll?" I asked.

"I didn't want her dead--I just wanted her...out of the picture." Brandelion said, tears streaking down her cheeks. "I didn't know it would come to this, honest. it was Xade's idea. we were at a restaurant one night, eating canoli when i just started crying, and then it all came out, about how she beat me, and whipped me, and she took away my birthday, and she threatened Solly! she said she had plans, big plans, to take over the league, and that pesky brother of mine would be the first to go--i told all this to Xade, and then he, well, he...he was just trying to help me, you see? he told me not to worry; everything would be alright. i didn't know what he meant by it so i asked him, what do you mean by that? and he said, 'I'll take care of everything.' next week, i got a note from him asking me to meet him in Laketown by the brown canoe--he said to come alone, so i did. that's when he gave me the piece of...the piece of..." Brandelion sobbed, "...the piece of CHEESE!

"that's right--i got the cheese from Xade," she continued. "he enchanted it himself--he said to give it to her when no one else was around. he said no one would ever pin it back on me. he said everything would be fine! i didn't meant to kill her! i swear! i just thought it was going to knock her out, or make her happy, or, or..." then she began crying hysterically. Obviously this doll, with looks to kill, wasn't in her right mind. I thought to myself, time to call in the guys with butterfly nets!

"Bran," Solonor said. "When this is over, you're going to evil therapy!"

"You're all going," I replied. "To the slammer! One way or the other, I've got all the evidence I need. I've got confessions, I've got motives, and Grump is entirely innocent!"

"But they really didn't do it!" Dirk Pleasant responded. "It was the people from the shiny lights!"

"Sorry pal, I only know Common," I said. "I don't speak Crazy!"

Pleasant persisted. "Look, if you arrest the people you've named, the SGCBL will collapse! Think of the millions of people who will lose their greatest love in life, baseball!"

"You're talkin' to the wrong guy, buddy!" I replied. "I don't care if half the league's profits for the year went to crippled orphans suffering from a debilitating brain disease!"

"But wait," Solonor said. "I can't believe I'm suggesting this, but... what if half the leagus' profits for the year went to.... Samsneed the Ranger?"

"A bribe? You're going to bribe me? (Note I said 'going to,' not 'trying to')!"

"So it would work?" Bombadil asked.

"I only have two loves in this world," I replied. "Alcohol and money. Not necessarily in that order. In fact, money is my third middle name!"

"Do you even have a last name?" Brandelion asked.

"That's not the point," I said.

"Now we just need to find a patsy," Pleasant said. At that moment we looked outside and saw some crazy elf wandering around, shirtless, half painted in blue. I hate elves. You can't trust 'em! They're a bunch of tree hugging, trecherous bastards!

"Allow me," BranMorda said. She walked outside, more confident than a salesman in a room full of compulsive shoppers.

Five minutes later, we had our patsy.


So, now that that's been resolved, I'm just going to finish up this, the final entry of my journal. But it won't be the one I send in, oh no. This one gets thrown away, as soon as I finish it. No, I'm done with the sleuthing for a while. I think I might take me a long vacation in the Shire! And then maybe buy a baseball team.

So who really killed those players? Where did Aragornson disappear to? Who are the myserious "men of the lights?"

I don't care! I'm rich, bi-yatch!

The End

November 05, 2004

Diary of Samsneed, Part 7

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times This is part VII of the series of publications by detective Samsneed, heroic legendary amazingly awesome ranger of justice. In part VI, Samsneed promised a resolution to Middle Earth murders BREE - I...

November 04, 2004

Diary of Samsneed, Part 6

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times This is part VI (of VII) of the ongoing series of publications by detective Samsneed, ranger at large. In part V the legendary detective came upon DeepHelm in his dying moment, revealing perhaps...

I didn't bother knocking. I burst straight into his home. Grump was sitting in the living room, holding a slice of cheese in one hand, and a glass of wine in the other. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a movement, but by the time I turned all I caught was the rustling of a black curtain that separated the living room from what appeared to be a closet.

"Grump!" I shouted, "it's time to owe up, baby! I've got questions only you can answer!" To his credit he remained calm, seated in his chair. It's as though he knew I was coming.

"Ask away," he said.

"Did you know DeepHelm?" I asked, cutting to the chase.

"Uh, maybe," he said coyly. "Seen him around lately?"

"You know I haven't," I said. "You know he's dead!"

"...I did?"

"You did. And you better play it straight," I said. "But I'll tell you this - I don't think you're responsible for the murders! I think you're a scapegoat, and I want to know who would do this to you? Who would kill and then blame you?"

"I don't know, they hate me!" Grump snapped. "They all hate me! They can't stand my success! Jealousy! Pure jealousy! They can't match my success so they want to destroy me! ... Or it could be that I forgot to send them all birthday cards for the last four years. Maybe the guilty party is Solonor Rasreth, maybe Bombadil, I don't know!" he said. "Or maybe it was Pvt. Meanie, who won't talk to me about the murders! Or Aragornson! Is he really dead? Or BranMorda's butler!"

"Did BranMorda even have a butler?" I asked. "And what about Brandelion and Xade? Do you know more about them?"

"I've heard rumors that there was offspring... Terrible offspring..." Grump replied.

"And what about Rasreth," I asked. "How's your relationship with the Commissioner?" Grump stiffled, and without turning his head his eyes darted toward the black curtain.

"Solonor is great!," he said loudly. "A truly wonderful human being! A magnificent man! His presence is a gift to Middle Earth! His every word enlightens us all!" I arched an eyebrow, and Grump began to speak much more quietly. "He's the biggest freakin' jerk you'd ever have the misfortune of meeting! And NEVER mention 'mugwump' to him!"

I began to walk slowly toward the dark curtain. There was something going on, something Grump was hiding from me! I jumped in front of the curtain like a kid about to win hide-and-go-seek, ripped it open, and found none other than...

"Solonor Rasreth himself," I said. I'd expected to have to travel to Isenguard to find him, but there he was, hiding in the closet in the cold, hard flesh!

"I didn't do it!" he said, calmly.

"Then who did?" I asked.

"You've been publishing your diary in the Old Forest Times?" Rasreth asked.

"Every single week," I said, appreciatively patting my fattened wallet.

"Well," Rasreth continued, "right now, the Commissioner's Office is cooperating fully with law enforcement officials in Minas Tirith, Caradhras, Bree and - where possible - Moria. We prefer not to speculate during an ongoing investigation. I have no comment officially," he said. "However, given the methods used by the murderer or murderers, it would be foolish not to suspect someone with access to the Butterburr Cheese Factory. However, we do not wish to point any fingers."

"What about your sister and Xade? I bet you have no comment about that, huh?"

"I'd rather not comment on the affairs of my evil, errr, twin sister," he replied. "But I think I might have to put the Queen away somewhere for her own saftey!"

"And what about Grump over there? Surely you must have some thoughts on his guilt!" Grump sprang up from his chair and ran toward me, looking frightened.

"Don't let him fool you!" he said. "Rasreth should be suspected! But I think the REAL evil behind the murders is- Mrs. Rasreth!"

"Shut up!" Solonor said. But Grump continued.

"The Rasreth's would do it for simple pleasure! Abuse, torment, and torture! They live for it!" he said.

"So, your blaming your 'friend' Solonor, eh? I certainly wouldn't push it that far," I lied. "I doubt the Rasreths were involved. What do you think, Solonor?"

"Off the record, I believe that it's a conspiracy of the other owners! That jerk Grump is not the most likeable member of our community of team owners. It would be easy for someone who wanted to throw off suspicion to pin the blame on Grump! So stop blaming me for it, idiot!"

"Not so fast," I said. "I think it's more than just a couple of jealous owners! I think that there are several high ranking officials within the SGCBL who may be responsible for some of the murders. Do you know who they are? Do you know what their motive would be? Did you play a part in it? Tell me or I'll hurt you!" Rasreth remained calm.

"I think this interview is over," he said.

"This isn't an interview," I responded, throwing back a trademark slug of ale. "And there is no 'off the record!' I'm no journalist, I'm a private eye!"

"D'oh!" Rasreth exclaimed.

"No, I'll tell you what I think," I said. "I believe that Grump here may have had a hand it in after all! Why else would he be so quick to blame his friend here?"

"I'm just... just so stressed!" Grump replied. "It wasn't me, it was Aragornson, or BranMorda's butler!"

"Then what do you have to say about this!" I say, as I step into the closet and produce a pair of boots.

"Those are just boots," Grump replied.

"Boots, eh? When I talked to Queen Brandelion, she mentioned imprints of boots found next to the corpse of BranMorda! These boots, I believe!"

"They could be any boots," Grump said. "How can you pin something stupid like that on me?"

"It was the cheese, Grump," I said. "In the imprint of the boot was a square with holes. Cheese has holes, Grump. And if we overturn the boot, we'll find.... cheese."

And I was right. On the threaded rubber underside of the boot was a square imprint with holes at various points. The boots were a perfect match.

"But anyone could own boots like that! I'm not the only one with a vested interest in cheese, you know!" I laughed and pointed toward the impression on the back heel. It read These one-of-a-kind boots were made especially for Sgt. Grump. Grump flipped out like a fish thrust out of water onto the dry shore of reality!

"I'm innocent! Innocent!" he began shouting.

"Hey Solonor, it looks like there may be a new team opening pretty soon," I said. "Maybe two, judging on how things play out with your twin sister. And wherever she's gonna be put away, you may be accompanying her there, my friend" I said. "Here's what you're going to do. You're going to cooperate fully. You're going to call all the relevant owners who are a part of this mess, and they're going to meet me here in an hour. And then, we'll get to the bottom of this. I believe I know who's responsible!"

And with that I calmly stepped outside and left the House of Grump.

...to be concluded...

October 30, 2004

Diary of Samsneed, Part 5

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times This is part V (of VII) of the ongoing series of publications by detective Samsneed, ranger at large. In part IV, our heroic detective duped madman Dirk Pleasant into revealing telling information regarding...

It was the last line that got to me. I read it, and again, until it dawned upon me. Of course! Who else could possibly know as much as DeepHelm?! And who else could he be, but Sgt. Grump?!!

I sprang forth and ran, quick as I could, to the alleyway near the bar. He'd be waiting for me there. It was early evening - I had slept throughout the entire day. I only hoped it wasn't too late.

It was dark in the alley, like a thick blanket thrown over a lantern. I was immediately overpowered by the aroma of cheese - dank, disgusting cheese! As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw a two-wheeled horse cart toppled over on the ground, but with no horse! There was, however, something large covered by a canvas in the cart! And whatever it was, it stank of cheese! It was the clear origin of the cheese in question!

Without pause - well, ok, I stopped to throw back a shot of vodka - I yanked off the canvas. There lay a large wheel of cheese. And not just any cheese, it was Brie Cheese! It was almost five feet in diameter and three feet thick. Next to it was a wooden bucket in the cart.

I crept cautiously toward the bucket. I'd seen my share of scary flicks, and it didn't take some brain scientist to know that something was going to jump out at me! Perhaps it would be the disembowed yet still living head of Dirk Pleasant! Or bugs - lots, and lots of bugs! But no, I discovered upon arrival that it was full of slightly-larger-than-bite-sized chunks of more brie cheese... then, behind the bucket, sticking out of the giant cheese wheel, I saw a foot! A bare, animal-like foot that was in more need of a pedicure than I was of alcohol counseling and therapy!

"YAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" I shrieked, and ran out of the alley. Upon regaining my senses, I took a deep breath and returned.

I began to circle around the cart, looking at the cheese wheel. After a few moments I came to a hand, sticking out of it! The hand was missing several fingers. I continue my circle around and then spot ... DeepHelm's giant helmet! I bent forth and after a few moments, I noticed the heavy, labored breathing from within. He was hurt, but still alive!

"Aha! And so we meet again, DeepHelm!" I shout. "Or should I call you ... Sgt. Grump!"

Like a priest in front of a stripper, I tore the cheese away as though it was articles of loose clothing, and pull of his helmet. Before me was the ugliest face I'd ever had the misfortune of seeing. It was like Thomar the Ugly had gotten into a fistfight with Domas the Big-Fisted and lost in a brutal, bloody way. It appeared to be an orc's face - or a dwarf's. (What? They all look the same to me!) Then I realized the truth - it must've been one of those half-breed "dworcs!" The face was misshapen and covered with scars. Even the scars had scars. The creature opened an eye, struggled to focus, and finally, struggling for breath, it gasped:

"con-spircy .... da sign .... proof .... under .... da giant .... 'C' ----"

"I don't know who you think you're fooling, punk!" I yelled. "I know you're Grump, and I know you did the murders with your own black digit-missing hand!"

Its body convulsed; its foot knocked the bucket off the cart, spilling the chunks of cheese on the ground. DeepHelm had stopped breathing. I knew then, that I was wrong. He wasn't Grump.

"No!" I yelled. "Not again!" I pounded the cheese-littered ground with my clenched fists, yelling "why God why?!"

I decided then to search the body. As I cleared the cheese from around DeepHelm's corpse, I discovered an arrow had penetrated his chest, and that his clothing had been torn by some kind of animal teeth! I decided to roll him over, and upon doing so I noticed something shimmering off his clothing. Upon inspection, it was revealed to be a sprinkling of... fairy dust!

One thing was for sure... it wasn't suicide. I knew then that I had to cut to the chase! Rasreth and Grump had to be confronted! One or the other knew DeepHelm, and one or the other had to be, in some way or another (why do I keep saying that?) responsible for the murder!

...to be continued...

October 29, 2004

Diary of Samsneed, Part 4

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times This is part IV of the ongoing series of publications by detective Samsneed, ranger at large. In part II, our legendary detective encountered DeepHelm himself in a dark alleyway of Bree, learning a...

"Please, don't kill me!" I begged. "I have a wife! Two wives! And children! Lots of children!" I began to blubber, at which point Pleasant's aim strayed minutely to my right. I knew that was my chance, and after I'd finished emptying my bladder I began to convulse like a cheese addict suffering from withdrawal!

"...what...what's wrong with him?" Pleasant asked. Frankelm the bartender shrugged.

"Alcohol dependancy?" Frankhelm suggested. It was at that moment that I sprang forth, knocking Frankhelm out of my way as I dived behind the bar for saftey.

"You'll never shoot me from behind here," I yelled out. "The joke's on you, Pleasant!"

"I... I just wanted to talk," Pleasant replied.

"I don't know what you're trying to sell," I said, "but I'm not buying! No sir, it's return to sender from me, buddy!"

"About the case, about BranMorda!" Pleasant said, but I ignored his protests. He was insane, crazy like a loon driven insane by other loons who forced him out of their looney group of loons!

"She did things to me," he said, his voice wracked with emotion. "She hurt me! She was crazy and I would've killed her if they didn't get to her first!" I still wasn't buying, but I had to milk the information out of him if I could, so I swallowed my fear and decided to play mouse to his game of cat.

"They? Who's they? Did the Bree Killer have an accomplice?"

"You're missing the big picture," he said, his emotions swinging from wretched to angry. His voice tittered, and I wondered where the butterfly nets were. "There is no Bree Killer! It's really an entire UCK!" The crowd of barflies gasped, and after a few deep breaths I ventured my head above the counter.

Pleasant was standing in the middle of the room, his face purple. "An entire uck? What is uck," I asked. "Tell me!" I sprang over the counter and grabbed him by the collar. I began shaking him. "Don't play games with me," I yelled as his eyes rolled back into his head. That was when I realized he wasn't breathing! His body shivered once, and he toppled over. I opened his mouth, and inside I found... a single piece of cheese. Bree cheese, to be exact.

Later, the onlookers failed to give a solid description of what had happened. One moment he had been ranting and raving, the next moment there was a breeze, a rustle of some kind, and his face began turning purple.

Who killed him? And why wasn't I able to stop it? Was I losing my edge? While I contemplated all this, I changed into a spare outfit - I always carried one in case of situations like these - and began a night of intense drinking. I sat stoically at the bar, throwing back shot, after shot, after shot. Before long I had passed out in my stool.

When I woke in the morning, there was a newspaper before me. An ad was circled. It was DeepHelm! He wanted to meet me again! And what's more, there was a long note, written in short hand, in the ancient languages of kings ... the language I had grown up learning, writing, and speaking! If only I could still read it!

I concentrated, threw back a shot of rum, and worked my way through the note. What I found was shocking indeed!

to be continued...

October 27, 2004

Diary of Samsneed, Part 3

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times This is part III of the ongoing series of publications by detective Samsneed, ranger at large. In part II, the plot thickened as Samsneed learned that the Moria Murderer had cheese-imprinted boots, and...

"What do you know about the murders!" I asked, shaking my clenched fist before his face for emphasis. I meant business!

"Dey wuz deadly," DeepHelm responded.

"What does that mean?" I yelled.

"It means dey wuz deadly!" he yelled back. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Thugs like DeepHelm were a dime two dozen here in Bree. Heck, if you threw an apple out your window it would hit two thugs and a block of cheese before it hit the ground. I had to get rough.

"Tell me something, you little fairy fodder, have you ever had your fingers broken before?"

"A whole buncha times," he responded slyly. "I usta have twelve anna half of dem, but you can see I only have seven anna haff now. Why would you ask dat?" His innocent response gave me pause, but only for long enough to realize that I had a flask of schnapps in my coat pocket. I needed to get back on my game, and fast, or lives were in danger. I whipped out the flask and threw back a shot, and while the sweet, searing schnapps burned past my charred, broken heart, I got back on track.

"Because if you don't tell me what I want to know, I'm going to break them in half. Again." The little fella jumped out of fear or revulsion, or maybe a twisted combination of both. I knew I had to press the attack quickly. "You think you know things, huh? Well, tell me something short-round, what do Brandelion and Xade have in common, eh? Tell me that!"

"Ok!" he responded. "Dey are both failed wizards. Dey wents ta wizard shool t'gether, and had good grades, but then some sorta incident happened. I don' know 'xactly wat all da details was, but it involved some goats, an oliphaunt, a dozen giant hobbits (carney types, ya know), an' a magical sex toy. Dere famblys were shamed for 3 generations. Da whole t'ing was covered up by someone way up in power. I'm afraid ta inquire more into it."

Very interesting. So they knew each other early on, eh? This had to mean something. BranMorda, manager of Brandelion's Moira Miners, had somehow scared Xade into quitting the league! Maybe there was more to that than meets-the-eye!

"Power, eh? What do you know about power, you foul smelling little punk! You wanna talk about power? Tell me about Solonor Rasreth!" I was trying hard to intimidate him into the truth, but strangely enough he got a wistful look on his face, like a baby in a bikini fitting room.

"Solonor Rasreth...now dat is one odd bird," he said. "I don't t'ink 'e knows 'nuff ta come in outta da rain. Once I sees him standin' in a big pool o' mud, upta his knees, he was. He had dis fishin' pole- and was castin' it onto da dry land. Den he'd reel it in an' cast agin. I watched him fer almos' an hour. Just kept doin' it- over an' over. I finally asked him wat he was doin'. He looked at me and said 'Mugwump'. An' then he went back to castin' and ignored me after dat."

So he knows Rasreth! I stored that nugget of information away, like an orc would store his love for his mother in a deep, dark, secret place that no one knew existed, not even the orc in question! ...do orcs even have mothers?

"You're all talk, buddy!" I said roughly, refocusing "All you have is speculation! Tell me what you really know!"

"Hey, hey! I knows t'ings. I have access to beings in high places. An' low places. An' places in da middle. An' places in between da high places and da middle places. An' places in between low places and da middle places. An' places in between da places in between da low places and da middle-to-low places. An'- ... An'... I'm confoosed. Wat was da question agin?"

"I...I'm not sure myself," I said honestly. He was more confusing than an algebra question, and twice as hard to understand. "And Sgt. Grump? What do you know about Sgt. Grump?"

"Who?" he asked. "Never heard of 'im. Seriously. I know nuttin' 'bout no grumpy guy. Who said I did? Dey was lyin'! Nice weather, huh? Oh- lookit dat pretty rat!"

There was definitely a rat, alright! And I have to say, it was freaking huge! It was twice as big as the average Bree dog, and it was scavaging through the alleyway trash as desperately as a drunk tipping the bottle for his last sip of... his last sip of...

I lost all concentration then, and threw back another drink of schnapps. When I regained my concentration I saw that DeepHelm was slowly edging away from me. I grabbed him by the shoulder like a cliff diver would grab on to the last rock hold available before he took the final plunge!

"Not so fast, I have a few more questions. I heard through the grapevine something you said about missing players. Not dead, just missing. What did you mean by that?"

"Go lookit da league's list of free agents. Sort dem by age. All da players 'cept one under da age of 25 have disappeared. Somebody's been kidnappin' 'em I tells ya! Probably sellin' 'em into slavery. Or maybe makin' stew outta dem. Dat remind me- I'm hungry. Gotta go!"

And before I could say "My dear, it would seem as though I have spilled my flask all over the harsh concrete of this dark allyway, oh what ever shall I do," he had skittered off into the dark like a Dwarf fleeing daylight. I drew my arrow and fired a shot, but it was hopeless, and I missed him by a wider margin than Mirkwood's projected 2006 win-loss record compared to Mirkwood's real win-loss record!

Things were getting complicated, but I had learned at least a few things since I started the case. First, Xade and Brandelion had a link. Second, Solonor Rasreth knows who DeepHelm is. Third, DeepHelm pretends not to know who Sgt. Grump is! And fourth... fourth...

I needed a drink like a SGCBL player needs a bodyguard, and I went to the Beer and Boar for a quick round of Samsneed Specials. I didn't notice at that moment, but had I only paid a bit closer attention, I would've seen the day's paper, and its' headlines, which were shouting out at me louder than a Dwarf Rock Concert for the hard-of-hearing. They read:

Bywater Bans Dairy!

Riots Ensue after Moira Mixup

Hops Ownership Refuses to Name New Manager

Dirk Pleasant Escapes from Asylum

I was so desperate for a hard drink that I didn't even notice at first the utter silence that greeted me upon entering the bar. I walked up to the bartender, as ignorant as a religious fanatic at an atheism conference.

"I'll take a scotch on the rocks, hold the rocks," I told him. He mouthed a response that looked like he said look atmay. "What?" I asked. He mouthed it again. Then, I heard the voice behind me. The voice was as crazy as the theory of relativity, and that's saying something!

"I think he's trying to warn you about me," he said.

I turned around. And standing before me, weapons drawn, was Dirk Pleasant, insane assistant GM of the Old Forest Merry Fellows!

Things were getting hot in the Cheese City.

Imrilron earns new nickname

by Kandabur Mauerer OLD FOREST - Merry Fellows team captain and star left fielder, Isilborn Imrilron, has been given a new nickname after anihilating the Bree Cheese in a recent series in Old Forest. The Merry Fellows went 3-1...

One journalist pointed out to Imrilion that due to the recent string of killings by the Bree Cheese Strangler, he may be targeted for his good play against the team. At that point, Imrilion appeared nervous and hastily ended the interview.

"I uh, I'm uh, not worried about that... I uh, have to go."

Rumor out of the Old Forest camp suggests that Imrilion may use part of his hefty 20 million-a-year salary to hire extra protection for the duration of his new nickname.

Legithraviel Responds to Nickname Bandits
Fans during the 2006 campaign remember Tavus Legithraviel for his stretches of dominant play. During the course of the year, the ace pitcher went 18-11 while striking out 204 in 234.2 innings pitched. Fans had nicknamed him "The Reason," and expectations were high for a playoff appearance. Then, the Merry Fellows clinched the Wild Card and were soon knocked out by Mirkwood in only five games, and it seemed as though "The Reason" had more than one meaning, as Legithraviel's poor performance was directly the reason for the Merry Fellows defeat. In two games started, Legithraviel went 0-2 with a 17.47 ERA in only 5.2 innings thrown. "I just didn't have it," Legithraviel said after the second crushing defeat. "I'm sorry. I choked." The nickname stuck, and soon thereafter members of the Old Forest fanatical were calling him "Choker." Five starts into the '07 campaign, Legithraviel no longer appreciates the nickname. "Ok, so I screwed up. Mirkwood was my daddy. But I pitched well against them this year, and I think I should be given a different nickname. It's annoying!"

Legithraviel is so frustrated by the boos and cat-calls that have greeted him this season that he has considered demanding a trade. "I want to play here my whole career, but can't they just lay off for a while? I'm 3-1! I have a good ERA! Seriously, what do I have to do?"

This journalist would suggest that a solution is simple. Next time, don't choke.

October 22, 2004

Diary of Samsneed, Part 2

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times This is part II of the ongoing series of publications by detective Samsneed, ranger at large. In part I, Samsneed took on a job investigating the ongoing murder scandal of SGCBL players and...

"You gotta pull yourself together," I said, sitting down on my desk. "I'll help ya, but I need the facts, and I don't mean the popular opinion, I mean the facts of the case! Why don't you tell me what happened, doll."

Brandelion had already composed herself by the time I got through my speil, although that rosey-red flush was still as gone as a deadbeat dad who owes child support.

"I hired BranMorda to run my team," she said. "She was really able to get the players behind her, even the unruly ones."

"Was she good," I asked.

"I would dare say she would've led us to the pennant! Then two days ago she was found dead in Balin's tomb." She began sobbing again. "Our team is heartbroken and we don't know who did it! All I know is she was found with Bree cheese lodged in her throat!"

Cheese. Back to the cheese. Yeah, I had read about the death. I have to admit, I found the whole situation about as interesting as an orc performing a river dance, which is to say that I had more than my share of notes. And something smelled fishy, like a troll with a bathing phobia. Something wasn't right. I wasn't getting the whole truth.

"Tell me something, sweetheart," I said as I threw back a shot of vodka. "Is that really all you have for me? Did you see anyone suspisious in the area? Any strange noises?"

"They found a foot imprint outside the tomb," she replied, composed again. "It doesn't match that of anyone in Moira." I sat forward.

"Describe it!" I said, standing up. I was immediately hit by a wave of intoxicated dizziness and sat back down, but Bran didn't seem to notice my momentary slip.

"It has a strange logo on the bottom, sort of a square with holes drawn in it. Must be a certain brand of shoe that I'm not aware of."

A logo? A square with holes? Wait a second! Cheese!

"And Deephelm, he said something about a conspiracy between owners... involving Old Forest, Bywater, Mo-er, and uh, Misty Mountain." She didn't think I caught her little slip, but I'm like a 500 pound goalie in orc-hide, nothing gets past me. And who the heck is DeepHelm? Why do I keep hearing that name? The alarms it set off in my head couldn't have been louder if someone had just tried to bust into ... well, Helm's Deep! I had to find DeepHelm!

"You know where I can find him, sweethart?"

"No, I'm sorry. He just appears and disappears, as if out of the shadows..."

The shadows. It was a good start. I took a shot of Irish Cream.

"Keep in touch with me, dame. I'll get back to ya."

We left my office and I began to drunkenly roam the streets. I lit a cigarette and thought some more. There was too much swirling around in my mind, like a tornado in a china-shop. And it was all bad news. "Bad News" was my other middle name. A cheese-logoed bootprint. A murderous owner. Was he filled with rage, perhaps, because his team is about as good in the playoffs as a blind man in a shooting range? Because they play baseball like a boxer gifted with a crushing right hook but burdened with a glass jaw? And what was up with Bran? She was some broad, I'll give her that, but she's hiding something. I wonder if she's an elf?

It all took me back to The Case. Intrigue, mystery, a rising body-count, and a dame to kill for. My broken heart shuddered a little, and I moved on. Bree is a dangerous place at night, but not to a guy like me. I live for the darkness, for the thrill. A place like Bree is a pouder keg ready to go off, and I was the match, baby.

After about an hour, I began to sober up a little and headed for a bar. That was when I spotted the shadow, moving away from me in the alleyway. He was short, and he was running fast. I took off after him, bow drawn, arrow unquiverred. He moved well for a little guy, but no one knows the streets of Bree like I do. Well, except for Aragorn. And Demathorn. And uh, most of the rangers, but I had him this time! He cut left while I hopped a fence, and before you could say "ungodly morning hangover" I had him in a dead alley!

"No!" he shouted. "Dat ain't how it's s'posed to go!"

"Let me guess, I said slyly. "DeepHelm himself." I shoved him harshly against the wall. "You may not have good English skills, my little compadre, but you better talk, and you better make it fast because I think I'm sobering up!"

Would he talk? Would I get my answers? Would he turn on me and kill me dead as a doornail right there in that hidden alley in Bree?* Find out in the next chapter!

*I hope not, because if so, who the hell is writing this!?

October 21, 2004

From the diary of Samsneed: Ranger Investigator

By Moleare Kragnar Old Forest Times Note to readers: In the light of recent events involving the notorious murders of various players and managers of the SGCBL, certain parties of interest have chosen to hire a private detective to...

My name is Samsneed, son of Sherlock. I'm a Ranger. Rhymes with "danger." Which happens to be my middle name. On any given night I have three slugs in me - one bourbon, one scotch, and one a sleek arrow head lodged an inch away from my shallow, broken heart. Apparently there had been some killings lately, and all with one thing in common... cheese. Brie cheese. Too mild for my taste, but apparently sharp enough to pierce the shallow facade of civilization in a way that left our baseball stars dead and their fans with unanswered questions.

Who would want baseball players dead? Who would be nefarious enough to do the deed? Suddenly I had a revelation. An elf! Always an elf. Untrusworthy tree-hugging bastards! No, give me an orc any day - at least with an orc you know where you stand!

I had the assignment but I didn't really know where to start. There were too many questions, and not enough answers. I threw back another slug of bourbon and reviewed the facts as I knew them. Beleg Orctrembler had been a star for the Minas Tirith Titans. The kid was young, but he had a lot of potential - all snuffed out one morning when he was found dead. There were no distinguishable marks on his body. No knife or arrow wounds, not even a love mark! All they found was a single piece of brie cheese.

Then, less than a week later, that stiff Bombadil announced a cover up a year old. Eldarian Aragornson, son of the king himself, had died under mysterious conditions. No marks. No wounds. Only cheese - brie cheese - lodged in his mouth like a hungry rat in a pickle jar.

But then it gets worse. Not only are players getting targeted, but managers, too! BranMorda, manager of the Moira Miners was soon found dead in the same fashion as Aragornson!

Who could want these players dead? And why two players from the Elf Division? (Elf Division? Maybe they had it coming!) Obviously Sgt. Grump, owner of the Bree Cheese - and most hated man in all of middle earth! - is a suspect. But what about Solonor Rasreth? My nose doesn't lie and something about that man stinks worse than... well... stinks worse than moldly cheese. Of course, I'd been here before. I practically lived there, in fact, and my gut told me that it was never the one you suspect the most. In fact, it was always the one you suspect the least who is responsible! An orc, maybe?

I was weighing the options of the first suspect to interrogat-er, to interview when I heard rustling in the hallway. I looked to the door. At that exact moment, I saw the curvy outline of a dame filling my window like sunlight fills the opening of a cavern. She opened the door without knocking, and I sprang to my feet!

"Calm down, Ranger," she said sardonically. "If you were packing heat someone could've died." She was a classic doll. Blond, a flush of red in her cheeks, and legs that just didn't know when to quit. I would've called it love at first sight had my crippled, blackened heart still been capable of feeling anything but the heartburn that accompanies dinner at the ol' Beer and Boar Saloon.

"I am packing heat," I replied. "The heat of straight whiskey." I threw back another slug. "Care for a sip?"

"Not tonight," she said. "I'm here to offer you an assignment."

"Your luck couldn't be worse if you were sleeping in a cave next to a hungry ogre, doll. I'm already on an assignment."

Then, her eyes welled up, and the flush couldn't have escaped her quicker if it owed someone money and had to leave town. Like the crack of a bat she went from cool and in control to total meltdown. My empty, barely beating heart almost gave a damn.

"But you must help me!" she said. "I need you to investigate a murder!"

"Get in line, sweetheart, my plate is as full as a mouth full of cheese."

"That's exactly it," she replied. "It's my manager. She died of a mouth full of brie cheese!" The warning lights went off in my mind.

"Say, you're not talking about BranMorda, are you?" I asked.

"Yes," she pleaded, "and I must hire you to help find the murderer! Other lives may be in danger!"

And there it was... Brandelion, owner of Moira, was standing before me. It looks like things were gonna get a lot more interesting in Middle Earth...

...to be continued....

October 18, 2004

Bombadil Steps Down From Managerial Post

By Moleare Kragnar OLD FOREST - Tom Bombadil has single-handedly crafted the Merry Fellows into contenders in the Shire Conference, and after four years as the team's owner, general manager, and manager, Bombadil has decided to step down from...

"It's certainly an honor," Eyeslobberer said during the press conference. "Well, to be honest I still want to play, but I know that my abilities have declined. I'm looking forward to remaining on in this capacity."

Eyeslobberer, known as "Kig-Gob" by the fans and "Cap" by his fellow players, was one of the original Merry Fellows. He was chosen in the 21st round of the inaugural draft. In 404 games in the major leagues, Eyeslobberer has a career .277 batting average while hitting 35 homeruns and driving in 150 RBI. His best season came in 2005, in which he batted .305 while hitting 14 homeruns and driving in 56 RBI in only 347 at bats.

"That was a great year. I truly wish we'd made the post season, because big things would've happened - I know it," Eyeslobberer said.

He was rewarded with a two year, two million dollar contract. However, he hasn't played up to par since then, batting only .213 last season. Due to the team's pressing need for a talented backup middle infielder, Bombadil chose to both release him and promote him at the same time.

This is not the first managerial post held by Eyeslobberer. Before the Tolkien League formed, he was the owner and manager of the Mudhole Muckmakers of the Misty Mountain Association (MMA). In nine years as the star player and manager, Eyeslobberer batted .332 with 268 homeruns, 984 RBI, and 177 steals while leading the Muckmakers to seven winning seasons and three league titles.

Ultimately, Eyeslobberer is happy to remain with the team, and hopes to coach there for years to come. "This is a dream come true," he said. "I just hope we win!"

Assistant GM Dirk Pleasant Commited
One month after a visit to Moria, Merry Fellows Assistant General Manager Dirk Pleasant has been committed to the Shire Asylum of the Loons. Old Forest owner and GM Tom Bombadil has refused to comment on the cause, but there is heavy speculation that Pleasant may have had a traumatic experience while in Moria. Sources inside the asylum say that he keeps talking about "BranMorda," and refuses to say anything else.

October 16, 2004

Bombadil lays bombshell that bastes Bree Cheese

By Alavar the Aliteration-happy OLD FOREST - In light of the recent allegations against the allegedly homicidal Bree Cheese, Tom Bombadil has come forward with additional information that may damn Cheese owner Sgt. Grump even further. "I wouldn't acuse...

October 06, 2004

Old Forest Makes Big Trades

by Hagkar Haracias OLD FOREST - A 93-69 record and a first-ever playoff appearance may satisfy many teams, but Tom Bombadil won't rest until he wins a pennant. It came to no one's surprise when he took the first...

The Merry Fellows traded Myrtai Elvywyn to Minas Morgul for reliever Tagnash Nosehammer and outfielders Vorthor Tinarawen and Thuror Nündel. Elvywyn slugged 36 homeruns last year, but is rumored to have caused problems in the clubhouse. Unnamed sources claim that Elvywyn allegedly instigated several fights with Old Forest players while also ruthlessly hitting on their wives and girlfriends. He could not be reached for comment. Nündel begins his second term with Old Forest. He was the starting center fielder in the team's inaugural season, leading the league in triples. His sophomore season was a disappointment, and he was released before the 2005 season. Nündel was excited to return. "My first time here, they weren't very big winners," he said. "Since they dealt me, they turned it around. I'm looking forward to contributing in whatever way Mr. Bombadil decries."

The Merry Fellows also traded fan favorite pitcher Ligor "Joker" Fistslammer and star second baseman Sorthor Guviel to the Moira Miners for young second baseman Petunia "Pet" Gamgee. Fistslammer won 12 games last year while striking out 286 batters, but was due to make 15 million in 2007, which Old Forest needed to clear to make moves on free agents. Manager Bombadil made the following statement about the trade:

"Oh the great lady Bran is wonderful indeed,
Her baseball mind is even greater than believed,
I have to give her credit for the trade you see,
'for it pained her to give up Petula Gamgee!"

Along with the 21 year-old Gamgee, the Merry Fellows plan on promoting 24-year-old first baseman Cinquefoil Boartooth, the first ever Ferisher to play in the major leagues. Boartooth, a homerun king in his native realm, will anchor an Old Forest infield that also consists of 24-year-old shortstop Rognash Kidneyslammer, 22-year-old third baseman Gamaithor Elylith, and 22-year-old catcher Bombur "The Bomber" Granitebrow. Moira's new owner Bran showed some sadness over dealing Gamgee to the Merry Fellows. "I've spoken with the team, and they wanted me to tell the fans that 'Pet' Gamgee has been a real treat to play with, these last years," said Bran. "Though we are sad to see her go, we know that her career has limitless potential in the fields of Old Forest."

All told, the Merry Fellows saved about 23 million dollars, which Bombadil plans on using to lure in additional free agents during the off season. It's still early into the off season schedule, and Bombadil has just begun improving his team.

September 30, 2004

Bombadil pitches ad scheme

By Gagred the Phat OLD FOREST - A frumpled-looking Tom Bombadil announced to the press today his intentions to purchase Moira's available advertisement space. "I haven't been sleeping well. The stress of the off-season can be hell. Nothing is...

Bombadil then revealed the advertisement he hopes Moria will carry. It read, "Go Cubs, 2004 is THE year!"

"Who these Cubs are I do not know. But with our blessing, into bears they will grow. Bless them now while there's still time. Help me regain my sense of rhyme!"

To pay for the advertisement, Bombadil is willing to allow Moira to advertise for free in Shire Greens Field, home of the Merry Fellows. Also, Bombadil will officially recognize Moira's new owner as the single greatest woman in Tolkien history, and will compose a song about her unparallelled in its beauty and worth.

A spokesperson for the Moria Miners announced that Tom Bombadil’s offers are under consideration. Otho Sackville-Baggins, of Sackville Baggins & Sons Realty, had this to say:

"While we are pleased to have received an offer on the property so soon after listing, we felt it only fair to announce the pricing schedule to the entire league. We also took this time to consult with the reigning Queen of Lethargy and owner of the Moria Miners concerning her demands for the space."

Bran spoke candidly about her goals for the ad space. "I have chosen to list a set of demands for the space, rather than going with a traditional cash trade. I know what I want, and I want all that I can get. Competitive team owners are invited to make offers in addition to the demands I have set forth; and, it should be known, I am not above making a thieves bargain." The ad space will feature a billboard-like rotation. Blocks of time will be granted at the following prices:

1 week: an ode in honor of Bran, posted on forums
3 weeks: an ode in honor of Bran, posted on forums, plus free advertising for the Moria Miners at your clubhouse, (equivalent to one week's run)
Entire 2007 Season: an ode in honor of Bran, plus your collaboration on any taunting and pranking of Sgt. Grump for the length of the season. Absolute confidence and secrecy is required—the buyer must sign an oath in blood.

"Any offers that can top what I've set forth will be entertained," said Bran. "Any parties with a ready set of ideas for exploiting Grump will be seriously considered."

Sgt. Grump remained unavailable for comment.

August 09, 2004

Transdimensional Shift in Recruiting

By Kurmazh the Atrocious ROHAN - In recent news with the opening of the SGCBL on a transdimensional scale, rumors abound that Rohan Management has been involved in talks with an organization known as House Atreides in the interest...

August 07, 2004

Summerland Invasion

OLD FOREST - Merry Fellows team officials announced today the acquisition of several minor leaguers that could drastically alter the landscape of the SGCBL. Players from the realm of Summerland have shown up in the Old Forest minors, introducing...

July 31, 2004

Imrilron Sent to Old Forest!

WILDERLAND - In the middle of his best season ever, Isilborn Imrilron has been traded to the Old Forest Merry Fellows. Wilderland, feeling pressure from their burdensome payroll, decided to deal Imrilron and his $20 million contract in order...

June 07, 2004

Celebrin gets 1,000th K

BYWATER - Boriam "The White Wizard" Celebrin, the Old Forest strikeout king, hit another milestone on April 18 when he fanned his 1,000th batter, becoming the first player in league history to reach that goal. He came into the...

April 27, 2004

Bombadil Out for Blood

by Calimir the Stenchy OLD FOREST - Merry Fellows manager Tom Bombadil may be well known for his joyful disposition, but things have changed in recent weeks with the Merry Fellows. Bombadil's bombers have improved from their 69-93 record...

"Opponents like those are tough to face,
Losing to them causes difficulties in life,
That's why during this post season race,
I've decided to pull out my favorite butcher knife."

Restraining orders have been issued against Bombadil in both Carrock and Rivendell, but Bombadil is expected to manage during those games, even if he is allegedly homocidal. "I uh, don't think skip will kill anyone, REALLY," ace pitcher Borium Celebrin said. "I mean, maybe if we start losing, but nah."

Celebrin Strikes Out 400+
Six years ago in the amateur Orcish Baseball Association (OBA), a young Ligor "Joker" Fistslammer set the amateur Middle Earth baseball record for strike outs in a season with 383. Many thought that the record would never be surpassed, especially when the amateur leagues combined to form the Tolkein Baseball League and the playing level drastically improved. However they were all wrong, as Borium Celebrin has far surpassed the amateur record, striking out 406 with still one outing to go on the season. "I see part of my job as striking out 300 in a season," Celebrin said. "After that, it's just vanity. I guess I'm a vain person."

Celebrin accomplished his feat in 245.2 innings this year. Pundits speculate he will never again achieve such a number, although he is still only 23 years old. "Celebrin has thrown a lot of innings in his young career," pitching expert Dragar the Horrid said. "He might blow out his arm, or perhaps the Merry Fellows will permanently go to a 5 man rotation, but he'll probably never see 250 innings again, so I suspect his record will be safe, even from himself."

Ultimately Celebrin feels that his mark is worthless should the Merry Fellows fail to reach the post season. "I might have struck out a lot, but after winning 17 last year, I expected more of myself," Celebrin said. "If I had a better year, I think we'd already have clinched, so should we fail I blame no one but myself."

March 15, 2004

Old Forest Gets Bonemangler

GONDOR - Immediately after his performance in the All-Star Game, Condor ace Dolok "Boss" Bonemangler has been sent to Old Forest in a deal that could give the Merry Fellows the extra push they need in their playoff run....

January 14, 2004

Orcmaker Makes It Big

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette ISENGARD - After a long career of struggles, reliever Meli Orcmaker, 33, has finally found prosperity, inking a 3 year 36 million dollar deal with Isengard. "I'm just... I'm just overjoyed," Orcmaker said,...

He began his long and distinguished career at the age of 16 in the Misty Mountain Association (MMA), a low-level independant league in the shadows of The Misty Mountains - then a haven for orcs such as himslf. While one of the youngest players in the league, Orcmaker immediately made an impression. "I remember him," said former MMA player Timbur Dwarfslayer, 47. "He was a scrawny little punk back then, malnourished like many of us. But he had one hell of a breaking pitch."

In his rookie season Orcmaker was a starter, pitching in 22 games. He went 17-2 with a 1.77 ERA and struck out 203 batters. Orcmaker didn't stay in the MMA for long - his talent was so great that teams from the nearby Dwarven Baseball Affiliation League (DBAL) began scouting, which at the time was unheard of. "I thought I'd really made it big when they offered to pay me $20,000 a year just to play baseball," Orcmaker said.

By the time he was 19 years old, he'd taken the responsibility of dozens of his younger brothers while pitching in the DBAL. But it wasn't long before Orcmaker's first tragedy struck - a potentially career-ending arm injury in the middle of his second season with the Deep-Cave Dwellers. He'd started 17 games that year, going a phenominal 15-0 with an ERA of 1.35. "We'd been cruising in first place behind his golden arm," said Thror Axemaker, the manager of the Dwellers. "At that point we were something like 49-23. We truly loved him even if he was a damned orc! We'd nicknamed him 'Dwarfriend'. After we lost him we completely collapsed - I believe we finished that season with a 74-68 record. It was a terrible loss."

The team called Elven healers in to evaluate and possibly even cure Orcmaker's arm injury, but were given bad news from the outset. Orcmaker had suffered a complete rotator cuff tear, rendering his arm useless. Because of Orcmaker's nature, many common Elven healing techniques would not work and might have even killed him if attempted. However after three months without seeing any sort of improvement, Orcmaker decided to take the risk - the legendary Elven healer Oragolas performed the session. The healing session was a partial success - Orcmaker regained the use of his arm but had to rebuild his strength. Also Oragolas told the team that Orcmaker might never be able to start again. Disappointed, the team decided to cut their losses and released Orcmaker. He spent the next five years wandering from fringe league to fringe league, always on the verge of starvation. "That was when I got depressed," Orcmaker said. "I knew I could still pitch, I just had to find someone who'd really give me a chance. But no one would, and I almost died because I couldn't earn a living."

Then at the age of 26 Orcmaker began back where he started - Misty Mountain. He was discovered again, this time by the team Mudhole Muckmakers, then owned and managed by goblin Kigush Eyeslobberer, now a veteran in the SGCBL. "I remembered him from years before," Eyeslobberer said. "He was two years younger than me but he'd been a success in the league back before they'd even give me a second look. So I thought what the hell, and I gave him a shot."

In the league where Orcmaker had once been a star, commanding as much as $12,000 a season, he signed a one year deal with Eyeslobberer paying him $1,250. Orcmaker then found his niche - the bullpen. In his first season with the Muckmakers, Orcmaker appeared in 78 games, and had 29 saves in as many opportunities. He went 4-0 with a 1.45 ERA. Finally, Orcmaker had found a home. Over the next three seasons Orcmaker appeared in 320 games, saving 129 games with only 4 blown chances. He also spot started 12 games, going 8-2 in those appearances. His ERA during this period was a legendary 1.78 and Eyeslobberer tributes Orcmaker's rejuvinated arm to their two consecutive MMA Championship victories. At the start of his third season with the team, Orcmaker was again earning $14,000 a year. Then, again, the wheels came off.

"I'd just saved game six against the Darkhill Wanderers," Orcmaker said. "We were one game away from our third straight title. Then I got word - a group of Rohan riders came across 274 of my brothers and massacred them. I left immediately to be with the family. They lost game 7 and then I decided it was time to take a break from baseball."

At age 29, Orcmaker quit the game for good to help attend to family needs. Orcmaker won't go into detail of that period of his life, although Rohan records show a series of orc skirmishes in the two years he was away from the game - including one that resulted in the death of 78 riders.

Then, in early December of 2002, Middle Earth baseball consolidated. Behind the diplomacy of Commissioner Solonor Rasreth and the hard work of 24 legendary owners, the Tolkien Baseball League formed, ready to begin operations by 2003. "I'd heard of the new league," Orcmaker said, "but I didn't have any interest in it. Anyway it was supposed to be a league of orcs, dwarfs, elves, hobbits, and men. Let's just say I didn't think it'd last."

He may not have been interested in the league, but the league was interested in him. He was selected by Palantir in the 31st round of the draft as the 729th pick. He was asked to report to the Spring Training facilities by February 14th. Orcmaker wasn't going to go, but then he found out how much a player made at the major league level. "Let's say my interests changed again," Orcmaker said.

Considered a longshot at best, Orcmaker pitched well in Spring Training but because of his age and injury history, failed to make the team. Palantir instead demoted him to AAA where he happily settled on a $40,000 salary. He earned every penny, pitching in 37 innings, going 4-1 with a 2.19 ERA and 4 saves. "It was a different level of competition," Orcmaker said. "Guys who were stars in the old leagues sometimes couldn't even crack a major league roster, and even some of the legendary guys were barely succeeding as starters."

Success was not a problem for Orcmaker, however, as he was promoted before the start of the 2004 season. Paladir had changed its location to Rohan, which did not prove to be a problem for the pitcher. "I made peace with them. It's a new age," Orcmaker said. In his rookie year at the age of 33, Orcmaker threw in 99 games for 102 innings pitched. He went 8-5 with a 4.41 ERA and striking out 91. "I thought I was rich making the league minimum. I sent almost all of it back to the family - finally my brothers are being fed well, I thought! Then, I guess Isengard saw something good in me - even better than my rookie record," he said. "Because when I got a call from their general manager, their offer was so generous I thought it was a prank."

But it wasn't. New Isengard owner Jeff Norton made a record-breaking offer to Orcmaker: $12,000,000 a year for 3 years. With only one season under his wings, Meli Orcmaker has become one of the richest players in the game today. "I don't know what they're expecting out of me, but I'll throw in every game if they ask. I'll start, I'll close, I'll pitch whenever they ask. These guys aren't just paying for me to feed my family; they're paying for me to feed every Orc back in the Misty Mountains!"

Days after signing his new contract, Orcmaker announced that following every season he would be giving $11,000,000 to malnourished and needy orcs who live in the Misty Mountains. The orcs are reportedly very pleased and may in fact proclaim Orcmaker a king after his playing days are over. "I just want to help," Orcmaker said. "I've worked hard to get to where I'm at." Anyone who has seen Orcmaker pitch or followed his career would not disagree.

January 08, 2004

Renegade Ents Maim Old Forest Prospects

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette ENT FOREST - Minor league players from the Old Forest system are complaining about the location of the Double A affiliate, the Ent Forest Antelopes. During the 2004 season a rash string of...

Merry Fellows are Much Changed
With the many moves made by the Merry Fellows this off season, fans and the team alike are buzzing with anticipation for the next season. "They're gonna win it all!" said Anjuri Thredonoli, 129. "I want my dad to buy me season tickets!"

Players have also been getting excited. Ace pitcher Boriam "The White Wizard" Celebrin thinks that he and new acquisition Tavus Legithraviel can both win 20 games with an improved offense. "It's going to be about fear and intimidation," Celebrin said. "I struck out 301 batters last year. Tavus struck out what, 250? I think all we need is to get a little more out of Aragorson and our offense is going to be huge. Another starting pitcher would be nice too."

Celebrin's desire for a third ace to accompany he and Legithraviel may come true, as rumors have it that owner/manager Tom Bombadil isn't done wheeling and dealing. As of this morning the Merry Fellows are the top bidders for 31-year-old strikeout king, Ligor "Joker" Fistslammer, who struck out 308 batters in just 200.2 innings last year. While exact amounts remain unknown, sources say the deal is for well over 10 million a year - possibly as much as 15.

Also new to the team is 30-year-old CF Seathor Radithor, who signed a 3 year 33 million dollar deal. Radithor hit 37 homeruns and drove in 89 RBI while batting .282 and stealing 19 bases last year. He should be a huge upgrade over Thuror Nündel who proved to be disappointing in his second full season as the Merry Fellow's starting center fielder.

Another addition to the club is 20-year-old catcher Juan Almeida, acquired in a deal with Dol Guldur for last year's starting left fielder Haleogrin Grolas. Almeida hit 14 homeruns in 417 at bats last year at the age of 19. Grolas showed disappointment in being traded from Old Forest. "You never get tired of the songs," Grolas said. "It's always nice when Mr. Bombadil sings something specifically for you, too. To be honest I'd hoped I'd retire here, but at least I'm going somewhere where they could use me."

Old Forest is additionally interested in upgrading at first base and may pursue All Star third baseman Gobur Foetooth before the pre-season begins. All told, there may be as many as six new starting position players, as well as an almost entirely new rotation. Regardless, Bombadil has made the off season interesting in Old Forest and has left many fans and journalists wondering how it will carry into the new season.

Getting to know your players
This week's featured player: Boriam Celebrin.

Formerly nicknamed "Kid K," Celebrin has grown up since his first pitch with the Merry Fellows during their inaugrual season. His first year he was either hit or miss - striking out a then-record 271 batters while going 6-15 with a 5.26 ERA. In 2004 Celebrin improved on his game. He dropped his ERA nearly an entire run - it was 4.34 last year. He won 11 more games - 17 total for the 69 win Merry Fellows, and struck out 301 batters while missing more than a month of action due to a freak play that broke his cheekbone.

Celebrin was also accused of wizardry during the season due to his habbit of talking to the baseball before he throws his pitches. However he laughs at those claims. "I'm no wizard, I just yell at the ball sometimes. I say 'break damn you, break' and sometimes it does." However the speculation of his magical abilities have continued to grow, especially during the last month of the season when he won six of his last seven decisions and struck out 84 batters. Likewise, he has begun growing a long beard. Strangely, the beard is white, and has earned Celebrin his new nickname 'The White Wizard,' or 'Whitey' for short. Anonymous players are calling for Celebrin to be inspected by Commissioner Solonor, and a new rumor states the Celebrin is not 22, but in fact is nearly 1,000 years old. "They can do that if they want, but hey I'm not a wizard," Celebrin said. "And really, even if I was, if they let a Balrog play in this league, why not a wizard?"

Old Forest Wheels and Deals

OLD FOREST - After 2 seasons, Tom Bombadil seems to be getting the hang of the art of the deal. The Merry Fellows have already made one of the biggest free agent deals this year, signing pitcher Tavus Legithraviel...

November 18, 2003

Merry Fellows Drastically Improve

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette OLD FOREST - Last season the Merry Fellows were the joke of the league, compiling a league-worst record of 49-113. After the season ended, manager Tom Bombadil promised improvement and then stupified the...

Aragornson Returns
The son of the King has been putting on a hitting clinic since his return to the majors a few weeks back. After spending the better part of two months in the minor leagues, Aragornson has returned to hit 10 homeruns and drive in 18 RBI. The 17-year-old outfielder's skills are only bound to improve with age. And astoundingly, Aragornson has hit 16 homeruns, but he's only tallied a total of 30 hits!

"Hitting the homer is important to my game," Aragornson said. "But you know, I really need to learn how to hit in general. When this season ends I will return home and study under my father. Next year, I promise to return a drastically improved hitter."

Loamsdown Wins First Game
The first pick of the '04 draft didn't spend long in the minors before pitching in his first game with the Merry Fellows. Loamsdown went 9-5 in the minors this year with 193 k's in 112.1 innings pitched. However, since his promotion he's faced hard luck, losing his first four decisions before finally beating Cirrith Ungol. One loss against Bywater saw Loamsdown throw a complete game, striking out 10 and allowing only two earned runs. For the time being Bombadil has said that he plans on keeping Loamsdown in the rotation, although if he starts to get beat around, he will likely be demoted before it effects his confidence.

November 08, 2003

Merry Fellows Make Deal For Future

OLD FOREST - Acknowledging that this is a building year for the team, the Old Forest crew has given up 2 of their major league pitchers in exchange for young talent. In a deal that sends Beama Belil-Gariand and...

October 09, 2003

Old Forest News and Notes

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette OLD FOREST - While playing under .500 ball, the Merry Fellows are challenging for the division. The team is only two games out of first and, with a successful week, could be reigning...

Grolas Unleashed
Old Forest fans are still astounded by Haleogrin Grolas's offensive output this past week. Grolas, who was acquired from Bywater, hit 7 homeruns in his past 7 games with 15 RBI, hitting a sweet .450 during the week. He also had 3 homeruns and 5 RBI in three games against his former team.

"I loved Bywater," Grolas said. "I wanted to retire there. I guess I'll have to settle for leaving homerun balls all over their outfield."

Grolas is batting .297 with 13 homeruns this season.

Aragornson Mystery Unravelled
Several weeks ago, this paper published a request to uncover the origins of young power hitter Eldarion Aragornson. After weeks with little success, the truth was discovered three days ago.

Aragornson is in fact royalty - the son of the great Aragorn, destroyer of Sauron and liberator of Middle Earth. The long-lived prince left his home more than a year ago with hopes to play in the major leagues, but has recently been demoted back to AA.

"I didn't want people to know," Aragornson said. "I don't want to be treated differently. I'm sure that's what will happen now."

The mystery was unravelled when a scribe from his father's kingdom reached the Old Forest Gazette looking for the wayward youth. Apparently Aragornson had left his home without his father's approval, and has in fact been told to return home.

"For the time being I'm not going anywhere," he said in response. "I have a good home with Mr. Bombadil, and frankly I think it's a great organization here. I will play until they drag me off the field, and even then I will fight."

Aragornson and the AA Ent Forest Antelopes play the Long Lake Waves this week.

September 29, 2003

Halflingbasher Retaliates

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette Old Forest - Facing the risk of fines from his team, Pork Halflingbasher has broken his silence and chosen to retaliate to a comment made by Double A teammate Drogo Loamsdown. Two weeks...

However, while unapologetic for his family's violent past, Halflingbasher does promise to make ammends for the future. "I'll try not to beat up on Loamsdown too much," he said. "He's valuable to the team. So, from now on, I want my nickname to be "Halfling Lover."

The team is not amused by Halflingbasher's attitude toward his little teammates. "Loamsdown is the future of our rotation," owner Tom Bombadil said. "As far as I'm concerned, Halflingbasher will be fined $500 and is now up for trade. If anyone is interested, they know my number."

Last season at A ball Halflingbasher hit .314 with 20 homeruns, 98 RBI, and 23 stolen bases. This year at AA he is hitting .301 with 2 homeruns and 8 RBI in 19 games.

September 22, 2003

Old Forest News and Notes

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette Boriam the White? Accusations flew in Old Forest this week after an unnamed opposition player stated his feelings that Boriam "Kid K" Celebrin was more than just a good pitcher. "He's a wizard,"...

Scandal is nothing new to the Merry Fellows. Last season the league imposed a singing ban on-field because of Tom Bombadil's merry croonings, and earlier this year mystery has arisen regarding Eldarion Aragornson's background. "A wizard?" Celebrin said. "Well I've been called yellow before, but never 'Boriam The Yellow!' Nah, I'm not a wizard. I just talk to the ball when I need a pitch. I say 'curve damn you curve,' and half the time it will."

Merry Fellows owner and manager Tom Bombadil laughed at the scandal, saying it was nothing but hot air from jealous players. "Of course he's good at outing the hitter, I'm just surprised no one's accused him of throwing the spitter!" Bombadil sang.

Merry Moves
The Merry Fellows entered the year with great expectations, but have yet to see any real improvement, starting the year 2-6. Bombadil has been busy between games, however, acquiring slugging shortstop Desmond Salvatore to be the new DH, as well as second baseman Imruthor Halomir and starting pitchers Gwiborn Gorom and Aragrin Anàr. Gorom may see a promotion to the majors within the next few weeks. He surprisngly went the duration of the off-season without recieving a single offer from any team, after having posted a 17-5 record with a 2.93 ERA in 2003. Anàr is another talented pitcher who went 14-5 with a 1.87 ERA at Triple A last season, striking out 269 in 178 innings. "Hopefully these new gents will help us along," Bombadil said. "By the end of the year I may be singing a very happy song."

Aragorson's mystery unravelled?
Earlier this week an unconfirmed source claimed that Eldarion Aragornson is, in fact, a young halfling who spent his youth in the Ent Forest, drinking Ent Draught until he became the strongest and tallest halfling in Middle Earth history. Aragornson denies the rumour as rampant speculation with no basis in fact. The $100,000 offer still stands until Aragornson's past comes unravelled.

September 17, 2003

Old Forest News and Notes

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette Celebrin nearly unhittable, still loses OLD FOREST - Boriam Celebrin has seen a lot of strange things in his time with the Merry Fellows. During his first year with Old Forest, Celebrin lead...

The Merry Fellows have started their season 2-4. They've shown some promise, but are still waiting for all players to contribute. Free agent 1B Vonus Tunnelsmelter began his first week hitting just .190, while leadoff hitter Rognash Kidneyslammer is only hitting .200. "It's still early," Tom Bombadil said. "If these guys aren't contributing by the end of the first month, we'll make our changes."

Thuror the Unstoppable?
Thuror Nündel spent the first five days of the season surpassing expectations, but will spend the next week warming the bench nursing a dislocated finger. Nündel, who lead the league in triples his rookie season, started out with 7 hits for his first 11 at bats, batting an impressive .636. The 22 year-old dwarf is disappointed with the injury, but expects to return and contribute. "It sucks. I want to hit more," Nündel said. "I could've been player of the frickin' week! Now I'm just a %*#% statistic!"

Aragornson plays Long Ball
Also missing a week of action will be 17-year-old right fielder Eldarion Aragornson who is only 3 for his first 19, but with 2 homeruns and 3 RBI. The club knew Aragornson wouldn't be known for his bat skill, so much as for his brute strength. Some speculate that he is the most potent power hitter to ever play the game, but obviously it is far too early to tell for sure.

Celebrin Breaks Strikeout Record

CIRITH UNGOL - Boriam "Kid K" Celebrin, last season's League strikeout king, has broken his own record. In a game at Cirith Ungol on April 6, the Merry Fellow hurler gunned down 18 Spiders, walking none. The former record...

September 12, 2003

Old Forest News and Notes

By Gormadoc Bracegirdle Old Forest Gazette OLD FOREST - The Merry Fellows continue to shake up their squad, acquiring relief pitcher Bamli Anvildelver for backup catcher Tim Pauli. Pauli started for Old Forest last season, batting .261 with 13...

One player who has displayed a great calming effect on the squad is enigmatic right fielder Eldarion Aragornson.

Who is Aragornson?
Last year, he appeared from the west, coming out of the setting sun. While young, he immediately displayed massive power, hitting balls in practice as far as 600 feet, unheard of from someone his age. Aragornson was only 16 at the time. Players, coaches, and journalists alike have sought answers to his origins. Some say he is actually much older than he claims. Others say he is actually younger. Some believe him to be the son of a king, others think he was a wandering vagrant. But they all agree, Aragornson can hit.

In 693 total at bats last season, Aragornson hit 83 homeruns - an average of one per 8.3 at bats. He also drove in 185 rbi, and while coaches believe that he can't regularly hit a major league pitch, they all agree that when he *does* hit it, it will go out of the park. We attempted to interview Aragornson for this article, but he remained as cryptic as ever when asked about his personal life. "I am here to play baseball. If you ask me any questions about who I am or where I come from, this interview is over. I just want to play the game."

For the record, the Old Forest Gazette is putting out a $100,000 reward to anyone who can provide Aragornson's background.

September 03, 2003

Bombadil Promises Improvement

Old Forest has no place to go but up! By Gormadoc Bracegirdle from Scary OLD FOREST - Tom Bombadil broke his media silence today, revealing changes and plans for the coming 2004 Merry Fellows season. "We sure weren't good last...

Bombadil revealed his great disappointment in last year's squad, but reflected that they were a young team with lots of room for improvement. At one point, he mentioned Old Forest's original team name. "We were going to be Bombadil's Bombers. I thought that'd be fun. But considering the way we 'bombed' this past year, it would've only made for a very bad pun," Bombadil sang merrily.

The Merry Fellows signed a variety of veterans as short term solutions to allow younger players the chance to develop. First, they signed 27-year-old catcher Kimvia Elrilas to a 3 year, 15 million dollar deal. Elrilas hit .309 with 6 homeruns and 76 RBI last season. They also signed Vonus Tunnelsmelter to a 2 year, 10 million dollar deal. Last season, the 32-year-old first baseman batted .293 and hit 21 homeruns. The Merry Fellows are hoping he will contribute some power and walks, as this past season they finished last in homeruns and OBP, as well as almost every other offensive category.

Starting at third base will be the 38-year-old veteran Sisin Silvertwister, who signed to a one year, 12 million dollar deal. Silvertwister had been seeking more years, but the sheer amount of money thrown at him by Bombadil won him over for a single season. "I wanted security," Silvertwister said. "But hey, 12 million for a single year buys you a lot of things, too." Silvertwister hit .278 with 28 homeruns and 101 RBI last season, while also drawing 91 walks. He is expected to bat third or in the cleanup spot.

Also signed were two starting pitchers. Erirag Bugsmasher signed to a 3 year, 12 million dollar deal. Last season, the underrated Bugsmasher went 7-9 with a respectable 3.69 ERA in 26 games. Joining him will be Vortai Tinalith, who signed for 3 years at 15 million. Tinalith went 10-9 last year with a 4.24 ERA.

Also rejoining the major league roster will be middle infielders Ralok Kidneybasher and Rognash Kidneyslammer. Last season, both floundered in the major leagues before facing demotion to A ball. Kidneyslammer was Old Forest's first pick in last year's draft. While showing a good eye, Kidneyslammer has yet to master major league pitching. He batted .316 with 23 homeruns at A ball last year.

Another young player getting a chance to start at the major league level is top prospect Eldarion Aragornson. The enigmatic right fielder has trouble making contact, but when he hits it, the ball tends not to come back down. Last year, Aragornson hit a total of 83 homeruns, while driving in 185 RBI. 72 of those homers came at the A ball level. At the major league level, Aragornson hit 11 homeruns in just 25 games. Of his 20 major league hits last year, 13 were for extra bases. However, he hit just .222 in limited appearances, and it is doubtful that he will bat even his weight over a full season.

While the Merry Fellows may improve, it is unlikely that they will succeed this coming season. Bombadil remains optimistic. "Sooner or later, we are bound to change our luck. I truly believe we won't always suck," he sang.

Time will tell.

July 15, 2003

Merry Fellows Shake Up Roster, Sign Extensions

OLD FOREST -Wasting no time, the manager of the Old Forest Merry Fellows, Tom Bombadil, took advantage of the Sept 1 roster expansion to clean house. 21 players were given their walking papers, dumped from all levels of the organization...

May 04, 2003

Merry Fellows Not So Merry

Old Forest - Inconsistency is the only consistent quality of the 2003 Merry Fellows, it seems. Just a week after breaking out of their 8-game losing streak with a 4-game winning streak, the team is back into an 0-for-9 slump....

April 22, 2003

Merry Fellows Have Little To Be Cheerful About

by Kurt Evans Old Forest - It is only two weeks into the new season and Merry Fellows owner Tom Bombadil is already prepared to make some changes. Arwarn Araman, the press spokesman for the team made the announcement. "We...

April 17, 2003

Team Slashes Ticket Prices

Old Forest - In an early effort to draw fan approval, the Old Forest Merry Fellows cut ticket prices in half today. New price for a seat at Shire Greens Stadium: $5. No word, yet, on whether those who have...

April 16, 2003

Merry Fellows By The Numbers

Split by Race, Team Names Captain by Kurt Evans Old Forest - Through a nation-wide press release, it was revealed today that Merry Fellows owner Tom Bombadil has made some changes with his ball club. First announced was the number...

When asked about the dissention among their race, Kigush Eyeslobberer and Pikar GoblinthrottlerPikar, the team's only two goblins, explained why they could not agree on which numbers to wear.

"Why should I agree with an idiot whose name suggests he throttles fellow goblins," Eyeslobberer wrote - his throat being too swollen to speak.

"It ain't no big thing," GoblinthrottlerPikar responded, sporting a black eye. "He wanted one thing, I wanted another. We came to an understandin'. What we're really wonderin' is why we're the only two goblins on the squad - don't they like goblins in the Merry Forest, or whatever it is they call it?"

Team hitting coach George Drain laughed at the notion of racism being a factor in the players drafted.

"Of course not! In the game of baseball, it don't matter what you are as long as you can play the game. We have a variety of young gobbo prospects in the system, and I'm sure that as they develop you'll see them take their rightful place on this team."

In other Merry Fellows news, the team signed veteran second baseman Golluma Galándir to a major league contract yesterday. Galándir is far older than most of the players and was named Team Captain out of hopes that he can provide a leadership not seen among the youngsters.

"Well, I hope I'm merry enough for the job, if you get my drift," Galándir said. "What I do know is that I've beat around the basepaths all over middle earth. I've played in dark, dank corners, and in pleasant valleys, but I've never seen a place quite like Old Forest and I hope I'm here contributing for a long time. And I do hope I can help the younger guys along."

Also the squad made a variety of minor league moves, demoting and promoting more than a dozen players, including three new players to the major league roster. One surprising move was the refusal of the squad to promote A-ball coach Fred Hansen, widely toted as the most talented manager in the organization.

"We felt that he's best placed with the youngsters," Bombadil said. "Hopefully he'll turn them into great baseball players. As they develop we may promote him should we find reason, but for the time being we're just anticipating the start of the baseball season."

April 11, 2003

Bombadil Blasts Opponents

Merry Fellows Taunt League by Kurt Evans Old Forest - Through a variety of songs and dancing, the coaching staff of the Old Forest Merry Fellows launched a barrage of insults at the other teams in the Elf Division. "They...

"I think it's a positive step," said analyst Friggo Footstench, 78. "Their aura of sheer confidence could be a very influential aspect toward acquiring future draftees and free agents for below market value. Players coming here have always known that there is a very positive attitude associated with the team, but now they know that there's an underlying confidence as well."

The merriness lasted well into the night, when finally Tom Bombadil himself, older than all creatures and trees, joined in to sing a rousing tune.

"Old Tom Bombadil, he always seems to find the time
To sit behind home plate and watch the Old Forest nine,
They hit, run, throw and catch better every day,
You might as well give up before you even play!"

When asked if they thought they were acting arrogantly since the draft is yet to even occur, pitching coach Michael Coria, 56, laughed merrily.

"Of course we're not being arrogant! We've already got our greatest weapon - Bombadil himself! Can you imagine the course of a game with Old Tom singing the Old Forest Anthem before each start, or with him singing during the 7th inning stretch? Enemies beware, Old Tom's songs are stronger than anything THEY have ever heard!"

The comissioner's office could not be reached when asked if Bombadil would be banned from singing at games, as it presented an unfair advantage for the Merry Fellows.