April 05, 2004

New Story

I started writing a story at around 1 o'clock. Yes I know I should be sleeping but see heres the thing: I couldn't sleep and I was struck by inspiration. You know how it is...

So yeah, if you give a crap go ahead and read it. I'd like to see some reviews and if anybody thinks I should continue, since this is just the prologue. (spelling)

PS- Please ignore the spelling mistakes as I dont really have a spell checker as of right now.

Title: (uhhh I dunno yet)
Rating: PG for now I guess. It will definately raise.
Warnings: Bad writing/spelling (-.-) Yeah, that'll change later.

Please R&R!!

Saturday mornings usually found Aiden outside, possibly in the park playing a game with a random group of children. This Saturday was different. Certainly it was a lovely day. The sun was shineing happily in a clear blue sky, rivaled only by the bright cheery effect this morning had on all who took part, all except for one. Aiden woke to the sound of chirping birds and new instantly that today, today was the day he'd been planning for. The day he would start his new life.

+++The day before+++

"Why would I except an offer of such unfathomable stupidity?!" Aidens voice is raised as he speaks to the person on the other line, nearly screaming into the phone.
"That matters not. You will be escorted to headquarters within the hour," the steely voice on the other end replies.
"I refuse to take part in this!"
"That is not up too you. Guida has decided your fate, you accepted the minute you agreed to stay in the country." The voice may have been female but it had a sharp tone to it, and she clearly didn't intend to continue the conversation. Aiden slammed the phone into the cradle and stalked out of the house, to the arcade across the street. A few games of Mortal Combat will make him feel better. It always does.
After only 3 short rounds of play two large men dressed in black enters the arcade, followed by a young woman with neatly braided redish-brown hair and sea-green eyes. They walked up to the very frustrated looking Aiden.
"Are you Aiden Loki?" The woman asks skipping right to the point.
"yeah," Aiden replies bluntly, his eyes never leaving the screen of the game machine.
"No thank you. I'd rather not."
"You *will* come Aiden. There is no use resisting."
"I dont think I'd like to go with you."
"Au Contrair, you know that what we offer is what you really want more than anything."
"And what is that?"
"The power to decide." Aiden is silent as he lets the digital opponent beat his player mercilessly. He sighs and follows the three out.

So, what do you think? Continue? Or is it just plain stupid?

Posted by Pepperkat at April 5, 2004 02:02 AM

Hm, interesting. I wish you hadn't stoped before giving us more information. I can't give too much of an opinion, as it's so incredibly short, but it definately has potential. Would you like me to beta read it (for spelling, grammar)?

Posted by: Sky Rat on April 5, 2004 05:28 PM

Yeah, I know its pretty damned short and I have more I just didn't put it up because it was early and I wanted to sleep.

I would really appreciate you beta-reading it, when I actually get something done... -.-''

-Pepperkat (Jack)

Posted by: Pepperkat on April 5, 2004 07:12 PM

Good!! My work sucks too much to post it... But that's good!!! YAY!! MY FRIEND THE AUTHOR!! Ooh.. and then I can be a poet and be in "Connected Readings" of your book, k? Cos by that time I'll be a homeless blues singer... so I'll need cash...
So it's pretty good.. in some parts it needs to be explained more... and needs more description.. but other then that, GOOD!! YAY!

Posted by: Lil robbie on April 8, 2004 10:55 PM

Damn you for the cliff hanger --' other than a few grammer errors(which are inevitable when its just the first copy) Its really good, girly girl. ^^ Keep writing it!

Posted by: Kimi on April 8, 2004 10:56 PM
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