April 11, 2004

The Super Awesome Mixy-Story Thing...Yeah

What is it that makes me only write somewhat well at night?

Click below to read the story Ashley and I wrote about say 10 minutes ago.

Ashley: I'm still recovering from it.
Emily: .:is hit with water bottle:. ow... .:again:. ow... .:to the third power:. ow...

Click it...NOW!!

The Super Awesome Mixy-Story Thing...Yeah...
By: Emily Norton and Ashley Proulx
(Emily is first because its her computer! nyah!!)
Rating: PG-13 (foul language, misuse of childrens stories possibly scarring them for life, and Ashley rapping.)


There once was an angry gnome who lost his son, Aplidabusha. But...well, nobody really gives a damn do they? The Chair of Cheese may be important to all of you readers, I know it is important to me as well, BUT because of the stupid “law-suit” against Miss Proulx and Miss Norton, for breaking the cheese labor laws, this has nothing to do with it, nor does it have anything to do with one Sexy Shirt-less Cheeseman or his dairy-composed compainions. And now... the story:

Once upon a time, wait? What? what time? Its like 11 o’clock!! Fuck you time. Time is only a state of mind... yeah... A pure figment of our imagination. Anyways, back to the story

Once upon a state of mind, there were two girls. They were bored out of their minds so they decided to write a story. Their previous story writting experiences led to many a lawsuit (Usually involving cheese labor laws and austrailian disney world.) Well, there was this one time when Miss Proulx attempted to rap, I use rap in the loosest term possible, it was really more of uh...er...crap. “Hey, my anncestors are from canada, what do you expect? Eh?”

“riiiiight....moving on...”

So one day in April, well into the 2004 presidential election, they recieved a letter from one George “Dubbya” Bush. They burned it in a sign of affection, or maybe they just wanted to roast marshmellows, we may never know. Well, we actually might, since we are the ones who are writing this. So we’ll go with Miss Proulx’s wording instead:

So one day in April, well into the 2004 presidential election, they recieved a letter from one George “Dubbya” Bush. They burned it as a sign of affection, you know, the evil kind...that burns stuff... yeah.

“I like mine better...”
“Screw you Miss Norton.”
“meh...”

So then one day Conan O’Brian came to proclaim his undying love for Miss Proulx. And then Miss Proulx woke up.

“ow she hit me...and then bit me...”

Okay, forget the missus crap. I’m Mayo, shes Ketchup.

“ow”

Sorry, forget the missus crap. I’m Jack, shes Robbie

“that doesn’t clear it up at all you know...”
“I know...”
“whatever”

So one day this witch lady was flying outside and suddenly everything was all...technicolor... but I digress, the witch lady must have been PMSing really bad because she was all mean and crap. So we threw a house on her, She had shiney shoes so we took them to hawk on Ebay. Then this huge pink bubble just kind of floated around so we popped it. A little dude came out of a bush and said in a really high-pitched voice, “oh my god! you killed the wicked witch of the west! but...you also popped the good witch of the North...”

“Woah, that guys tiny” Said Jack
“yeah...” Said Robbie, before stepping on him “oops”
“Hey, you’ve got something on your shoe.”
“Must’ve stepped in some midget gum or something.”

All of a sudden they were surrounded by angry midgets. Three of them started hitting Jack with a lollipop claiming they were to lollipop guild. So she took the lollipop and started beating the midgets senseless. Once the midgets were gone Robbie and Jack surveyed the damage.

“uhhh, I think you’re bleeding” said Robbie who has a pair of ballet slippers sticking out of her leg. Jack had a lollipop embedded in her shoulder. “well, you know what that means...”

“WE’RE....OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF GAUZE!!”

Well about an hour down the mauve brick road, there was a yellow road but it was kinda tacky so the homeowners association took it out, we came across a cornfield. At which point I seem to remember a scarecrow, but Robbie screamed “CHILDREN OF THE CORN! RUNN!” So they kept going leaving the scarecrow screaming “Come back here and free me so I can be a real boy!” Then the corn-shark came and ate him. That was the end of the scarecrow.

“Thank god, he was freaking wierd”
“Shut up Robbie...”

Well, they kept walking and after a while they came across this statue. So they made faces at it and moved on.

“Wasn’t that the tin man?”
“Yeah, but he was ugly. Nothing like Spot Collins and Jack”
“Thank you!”
“Not you JACK!!”

Then this other witch lady came and said something about a little dog.
“You mean Toto?” Asked Robbie, “we kinda...sent him to the fishy heaven...meaning the toilet...”
“Isn’t Toto a dog?” Asked the witch.
“yeah...but the glue factory wouldn’t take him and all we had was the toilet back at your tower. By the way, you should call the plumber, I think something clogged your tiolet.” At this point the witch was so disgusted that she just kinda left. In her place we found a lion screaming at a bird about some guy named Simba...beats me. Then Robbie took out her handy shot-gun and killed that kitty. When it was dead some indian, sorry native savage-

“ow! stop hitting me Robbie!!”
“well, be respectful damnit!”

Moving on, some Native Ozian came out and started singing about how otters were her brothers so we pushed her into the boat and sent her off a waterfall. This guy, apparently John Smith as the papers said the next day, started crying so he picked up her body. “Dude, shes still alive...” Robbie said. But he paid her no attention as he burried her in the sand and jumped off a lighthouse.

“thats terrible we just mixed up two disney stories and a song! Not to mention history, now there will be no peace between the natives and the british...”
“God Bless America.”

So this other Ozian, some prince of darkness or something, started talking about how he was iron man. So they told him about a tin statue they saw. He ran off in the direction of the statue, and Robbie and Jack continued on their quest, rapidly losing blood. Years later they saw him on MTV and couldn’t understand a word he said. Oh well, moving on. Soon they came to a field of poppies poppies poppies. “Is there an echo in here?” Robbie asked.
“I dont see how, its just a field of poppies poppies poppies.” Jack replied.

So they ran through the field and nearly tripped over all the sleeping orange midgets with green hair. Well, Robbie nearly tripped. Jack...tripped, several times. Quite a few of the midgets woke up and started singing. What is it with singing and these Oz inhabitants.

“well, I see you’ve met the oompa loompas,” said some guy in a really gawdy purple suit.
“OH my GOD! Its the wizard of Gauze!!” Said Jack happily.
“Well actually I changed my name to ‘The Candy Man’ didn’t you get the memo?” replied the wizard.
“what memo?” they asked perplexed.
“wow, I haven’t been the wizard of gauze since before I was willy wonka and before that I was Earl.”
“Were you the Earl that was a missing person that nobody missed at all?”
“Thank you for bringing up such happy memories, while you’re at it why dont you give me a papercut and squeeze lemon juice in it.”
“oh well do you have any medical gauze we could have?”
“no, but I have these Everlasting Gobstoppers.”
“sweet!” exclaimed Robbie, grabbing it and shoving down her throat proving that it wasn’t really everlasting.
“heheh” The Candy Man laughed nervously and ran away, far away. A few minutes later a group of people drove up in a car screaming “chitty chitty bang bang.” they pelted Jack and Robbie with an assortment of tasty treats with holes in them. Toot-sweets or something of the like.

We would like to add a note here stating that Jack was the best plate spinner at clown camp.

Jack and Robbie eventually found a roll of gauze in Tijuana and used it to save thier lives. Well only Jacks because Robbie rather liked having the ballet slippers inbeded in her leg.

And so they returned to their own time. A time with 2000 TV channels with nothing to watch, and where people considered yogurt so much of a hassle that they packaged it in small plastic tubes proclaiming it ‘Fun!’

And now...the story!

.........The End.

The hippie says: "wow...that was trippy...but I DO like yogurt!"

Posted by Pepperkat at April 11, 2004 01:02 AM
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