June 30, 2003

Happy Birthday Daddy.

Yes, we got him the Clash Album...I made him a card. We went to Melting Pot and nummyness. On a side note, I got a cool Invader Zim windows theme.

Posted by Pepperkat at 10:12 PM | Comments (2)

June 29, 2003

Bouncy bouncy happiness!

Graham and I are back...I think. We are speaking without yelling. I wrote him a lengthy e-mail explaining my feelings and uncertainties and he explained his feelings as well. Somethings in my e-mail I hope HE NEVER REPEATS! I hope he understands how much I care about him and how hard I try not to hurt him! But, I think I'm good for a while! YAY! Now I can leave the country but I don't have to change my name!

Posted by Pepperkat at 09:06 PM | Comments (4)

Life like a toaster

Life is like a toaster. A big, shiney, disturbing toaster. Its making the bread just the way you like it, you fuck with it, and nothing can be done to fix it. Stupid toast...

I had a HUGE row with Graham. Why am I so freaking stupid? I can't go more than 2 months without screwing things up...

I'm leaving in like 6 or 7 days and I have a huge pit in my stomach. I don't want to leave on bad terms with him. I care about him so much. I was really starting to believe the mindless dribble about love you hear in all those stupid fairy tales. I was really starting to believe that I might have found the guy I want to be with the rest of my life. I was starting to believe that I wasn't alone. That someone might actually care about how I feel. I went soft on myself. I never should have written about him all that time ago. Thats how this all started. I've had crushes but none were as strong as 5th grade. I have a couple of good friends but I don't even open up to Ashley enough for her to know what really goes on inside my head. I refuse to open up myself for pain, but I got soft and tried my best to show Graham what was inside my head. He got hurt by something I put in some stupid online quiz. Now he thinks I hate him. I can't lie and say I've never in my life hated him even a little bit. I mean, you can't love someone all the time. Yes, at times I have hated Graham more than Mike S. And Mike S. is a moron. But I care about Graham more than anyone in my life. He is the only person whose opinion about me I care about. The only person who I really feel meant something to me a bit more than my gal friends. The only person who I thought might understand what I am so confused about. I don't know what my feelings are exactly. I'm at a really confusing stage in my relationship with him, I don't really know what love is, and I always thought that 13 was a bit young to say you love someone. But I really started to believe that maybe...just maybe I could be in love. Love and Hate are strong words. Words capable of destroying everything. So, right now, as I wallow in self hate and pity...I want to die. I don't want to think about anything at all. Ever. Nothing. but I can't, I can't stop thinking about him. No matter what I do, how hard I try, nothing is changing my mind. Why can't I just forget how I feel...or felt...

Maybe it just...wasn't meant to be...

somebody kill me...

Posted by Pepperkat at 01:48 AM | Comments (1)

June 21, 2003

I've been really scared today

Graham posted something really scary in his blog, about suicide. He told me that he was going away this weekend but I can't help but wonder if hes coming back. No, Graham is coming back. He can't be suicidal. He just can't be. All day I've been trying not to think about him dying. If you read this Graham, know that Ashley and Your Parents and Orion and I all care about you! Please don't die...please.

Posted by Pepperkat at 11:09 PM | Comments (0)

Three words. Harry, Potter, Party. Lets see what happens when we put it togather...

Harry Potter Party- at least a hundred kids running around screaming worshiping the fictional character we only know as...Harry Potter.

To celebrate the debut of the 5th Harry Potter book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix If you don't already know) Barnes and Noble (B&N) decided that they would throw a party for thousands of kids at midnight (some really young, I saw 3 year olds!) in just about every store including the real little one my mom works at.

So, they had games and stuff, I got to the last round of the trivia contest. I helped Prof. Flossy Slapcabbage take pictures and collect the final exam report cards. I also assigned myself to clean-up crew and picked up trash and put books away. It was pretty fun.

Posted by Pepperkat at 02:09 PM | Comments (0)

June 19, 2003

Children today.

First we have barney teaching our children the parts of a bird by singing a french song about ripping a bird apart and now this...

Of course I've known this ryhme for years, but it has come up in conversation 2 or 3 times recently so I might as well post it.

Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother 40 whacks.
when she saw what she had done,
she gave her father 41.

this is spookyfied

Posted by Pepperkat at 03:55 AM | Comments (0)

Go Go Gadget Ugly.

The crapiest crap anime ever to crap its way out of a crap machine, as Whiney put it.

Kikaider is an anime Cartoon Network recently put on Adult Swim. I like it enough to watch it and make fun of it but seriously, its a cross between Inspecter Gadget, Megaman, and Ultraman.

Its an anime made from a live action japanese show much like PowerRangers only with Jiro instead of 6 or 7 people.
They must have people with very different styles drawing it. look at this:

omg, its so bad nobody has pictures of the bad stuff on the internet... I did find one of the good drawing:

Posted by Pepperkat at 03:43 AM | Comments (2)

Liberal? WTF?

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (95%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (92%)
4. Mahayana Buddhism (73%)
5. Theravada Buddhism (73%)
6. Neo-Pagan (73%)
7. Reform Judaism (72%)
8. Bahá'í Faith (69%)
9. New Age (69%)
10. Sikhism (67%)
11. Taoism (66%)
12. New Thought (64%)
13. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (63%)
14. Secular Humanism (56%)
15. Jainism (55%)
16. Scientology (55%)
17. Orthodox Quaker (50%)
18. Hinduism (47%)
19. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (47%)
20. Nontheist (38%)
21. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (37%)
22. Orthodox Judaism (35%)
23. Jehovah's Witness (31%)
24. Seventh Day Adventist (31%)
25. Islam (30%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (23%)
27. Roman Catholic (23%)

This is from: http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

Liberal and buddist...not that those are bad but I can't see myself like that. Oh and Quaker. I just got back from the Amish.

Posted by Pepperkat at 12:43 AM | Comments (3)

June 18, 2003

Life Without the Internet. Excerpts from the Diary of Pepperkat.

Day 1.
The modem has died in this dreadful thunder. It won't be fixed until Saturday. I can beat it no sweat. I'll just sit here and wait.

Day 2.

I couldn't sleep last night, I just kept watching movies...this is harder than I thought. BillyJoe has eaten his entire body, including his head. We were sad to see him go. Paul and I are all thats left. Life with a dead Modem is hard. We searched for other things to do with our lives...I tried Video Games, Crosswords, Word Searches, and even Grammar Worksheets. This is becoming to much for my nerves.

Day 3.

I was on the verge of annoyance...well, actually I was past it. You couldn't come within 4 feet of me with out becoming instantly annoyed. But today, at roughly 6:45 the internet was descovered to be back up! and All is well with the world.

Posted by Pepperkat at 08:38 PM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2003

The Lighthouse's Tale Continued

Well, writing that story was not as hard as I expected. I used the same lyrics from the song as the other story but the story itself is different.

The Lighthouse's Tale by Nickel Creek lyrics

If you want to read it, do so, and tell me what you think. Little Robbie, please don't bash it just because its romance. I know I don't write that much but I can just see you doing that. So, don't bother. If you do, I will be forced to change your comment...heheheh

The Lighthouse’s Tale
By: Emily Norton
Based on a song by Nickel Creek

I am a lighthouse, worn by the weather and the waves.
I keep my lamp lit, to warn the sailors on their way.
I'll tell a story, paint you a picture from my past.
I was so happy, but joy in this life seldom lasts.

Jordan sat with his back against the brick sides of the white lighthouse. He stared out at the ocean with deep brown eyes. His brown hair swayed slightly in the salty breeze. He stared out into the horizon and thought of his sweet Sherryl. He smiled seeing her happy face and her vibrant blue eyes sparkling in his thoughts. “Soon we will have another here…” He whispered to the lighthouse. “And she is the most beautiful of all creatures. And we will have beautiful children who will run and play under your watch.” The light swept across the waters reflection of the moon and Jordan stood. He slowly turned and walked inside whistling a tune he’d known forever. It was slightly haunting and sad yet beautiful and enchanting. As he lay down to sleep he sent a mental ‘I love you’ to Sherryl. He slept peacefully dreaming of their wedding day.

When he awoke the next day he went through the normal routine, put out the light, breakfast, clean, and get the mail and newspaper. When he came in with the mail he noticed a note on the top of the stack. He read it and bit his lip knowing what the weather was like this time of year. Sherryl had gone away on urgent business and would be back in a few days. Immediately Jordan knelt down and prayed for her safe return. As the days past and her return inched closer he prayed more and more. All he wanted was to have her in his arms, to kiss her soft face, to see her beautiful eyes.

Finally the night she would return came. He lit the lamp and stood eagerly watching for her ship to pass. As the sun set he noticed swirling grey clouds above his head, and the waves slightly rougher. He prayed one final time for her safety. Soon he could make out the shape of a ship fighting the waves. He pressed his face against the glass unable to look away. The rain was pouring and the wind shaking the lighthouse. He stared as the ship sailed closer to the rocks below and the two lovers caught each others eye before the ship was dashed to pieces on the rocks. They whispered their goodbyes and Sherryl met her end. Jordan fell to his knees sobbing. He felt himself slipping between dreams and reality and slowly fell asleep.

The next morning as he went out for the mail something caught his eye. He looked over toward the sea and dropped the letters in his hand. He ran to the shore and kneeled beside the one he loved so dearly. He felt salty tears well in his eyes once again as he stared at her lifeless blue eyes. He held her to his heart as if promising they would soon be together, he dug a grave in the sand and before burying her he gently kissed her cold lips and closed her eyes. He covered her and stood over the grave crying softly. He turned and looked up at the light, still flickering, at the top of the tower. He dashed up to the top of the tower and jumped of the edge crashing against the rocks below like the ship did before him.

And the waves crashing around me, the sand slips out to sea.
And the winds that blow remind me, of what has been, and what can never be.

The End

Posted by Pepperkat at 02:49 AM | Comments (0)

The Lighthouse's Tale

Ashley showed me a song yesterday while I was at her house. The Lighthouse's Tale by Nickel Creek. Its beautiful but very sad. I've listened to it almost non stop for several hours. I read a really sad story/fan fic/thing on the internet that was sort of based on it. I've always wanted to write a story based on a song. I think I'll give this song a try. I just hope I don't accidentally base it on the other story! -.-'

Posted by Pepperkat at 01:43 AM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2003


I got back from my girl scout trip...yup. I'm back. I got some koo crap. I've been awake for say 7 and a half hours now. I need to rp.
My trip to the docter that lives in a hole in my head that has a sign over the door that says: "010001000110100101101110011001110010000001100100011011110110

Docter: "Hello Pepperkat what can I do for you?"
Me: "Whazslup mi g hommie diggity dawg in da hizzah?"
Docter: "nothing much and you?"
Me: "same here yo."
Docter: "what seems to be the problem?"
Me: "well, the problemo seems to be that I have to pee. but thats just the way I stand so get ova it!"
Docter: "I mean what ales you."
Me: "I'm 13 doc! I can't have beer!"
Docter: "when I say what ales you I mean why did yo-"
Me: "I dont care what j00 mean! It don't matta what choo call it its still booze"
Docter: "WHY ARE YOU HERE!?"
Me: "jeez choo dont gatta yell. My brain hurts..."
Docter: "what do you mean?"
Me: "I don't know whaz wrong wit me doc. my fingers keep twitchin and my mind races while hurtin."
Docter: "ahhh, how long has it been since you rp'ed?"
Me: "11 o 12 days"
Docter: "I believe that you are rp deprived."
Me: "fo shizzall?"
Docter: "fo shizzall. SO SAY I THE GREAT DOCTER FIZZLE!"

so, yeah, I think I'll go rp...

Posted by Pepperkat at 07:27 PM | Comments (3)