September 26, 2002

MY banned books list

During banned books week there was so much bashing on the people who keep this great country safe. God bless 'mer'ca.

Despite this, I think they didn't go far enough.

The following is a list of books that should be banned:

1. Curious George Series
Summary: Curious George is a satanic little monkey that runs around naked getting into trouble.

Reasons for Banning: Curious George is a satanic little monkey that runs around naked getting into trouble. And just what is his relationship with the man in the yellow hat?

2. Any book with the letter X in it more than three times.

3. Any book not written by a Baptist.
Reasons for Banning: We gots ta keep all them unsaved folk from spreading their heathen gonna-go-straight-ta-helledness around.

4. This list.
Reasons for Banning: This is obviously a guide to smut. It is an aid to anyone looking for smutty books. All copies of this list should be burned immediately.

Posted by Paul at 11:13 AM | Comments (9)

Whale Sacrifices

Thanks to Kamila for the new idea. Don't know what I'll write about but OK.

Save the Whales MAN!
Just think about what they do for the environment.

What do they do? You ask?
Why, they...they.

Nevermind, destroy the WHALES!
Whales must DIE, DIEEEEEEEEEE!

This wake up call that whales are pointless brought to you by Finland.

Posted by Paul at 11:05 AM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2002

Car Tapping

"Hey kids, why do you eat bologna? It doesn't taste like pig intestines."
"Jeeze, dad, for the last time, stop asking us that!"

"We eat what we like!"

Ok, that was fun, now on to a darker subject...

Look at your car. Beautiful, is it not? How would you feel if someone were to walk up and maliciously poke at it with his grubby little finger?

Just as you thought it was safe to park your car...
When you thought the advent of computer hacking had made street punks obsolete...

Car tappers!

They're everywhere, just waiting to strike.
"What do they do exactly?" You ask.

They tap cars, you idiot, they walk up to your car and poke it with their fingers.
What did you think they would do, break into your house and steal your Richard Simmons limited edition commemerative plates!? (Yes, I know about those. Don't ask me how.)

Studies indicate that after 200000000000 taps in the same spot, your car may sustain minor damage.

The only way to guard yourself and your car from this menace is to never let your car out of your sight. Don't turn your back, even for a second.

THATS WHEN THEY STRIKE, YOU FOOL! In fact, scientists estimate that in the time it takes you to read this sentence scientists will have estimated 325 things based on no data at all.

More importantly, car tappers may have gotten to your car 5 times.

Woops, there they go again!

Posted by Paul at 10:20 PM | Comments (0)