January 31, 2003

What? Not Weird Enough?

Entry #62

It has come to my attention that I have again become not funny. I sincerely appologise for the absence of funny crap on this blog.

It was largely due to the fact that I haven't been at prime levels of happiness recently. However, Godzilla cannot be ignored as a factor in my lack of weird.

You see, when that rather large radioactive beast showed up at my door and said she had left her boyfriend Mark, I had to offer her a place to stay. Having been her close friend since that 'dung monkey appreciation' seminar in Detroit a few years back, I couldn't resist helping out.

Mark ran off with Mothra...I knew it, just like him to run off with the first chick with a colossal wingspan. I hate to say it, but I knew he'd break Godzie's heart.

Posted by Paul at 10:51 AM | Comments (0)

January 27, 2003

Solowhore

Solonor is a contestant in Blogwhore 2...

They're first assignment is to pimp blogwhore, so he asked me to put this link on my blog and say that he told me to put it there:

Blogwhore

Don't get mad, Solonor told me to.

Posted by Paul at 08:12 PM | Comments (0)

January 26, 2003

No! Not again!

I'm getting sick again...currrses!

Time for another OD fest...

2 Echinacea caplets, 1 vitamin C tablet, and a glass of orange juice later...

Those vitamin C tablets are awesome!
They have 800% of the daily requirement
They're so strong that you have to drink something right afterwards to prevent what's left over in your mouth from burning through your enamel.
There's enough citric acid in 'em to kill a horse!
If the horse was really small...and already dieing.

So anyway, I'm getting sick and thus incoherekdjsfndsfnklsdfjkfsdnnnzzzzzzz

Posted by Paul at 11:10 PM | Comments (0)

Super Bowl!...yay?

The average American loves football.
However, if you walk up to one and ask them, "Do you like to see large men in uniforms roll around on top of each other?" they will probably say, "NO! I'M NOT GAY! STOP ACCUSING ME OF BEING GAY, YOU'RE SICK! I CAN'T HEAAAR YOUUU...LALALALALALALALAAAAA"

Isn't it funny how some of the most homophobic people in the world also love to watch football? I think it is...

I'll continue NOT watching the Super Bowl now.

Posted by Paul at 12:48 PM | Comments (5)

January 25, 2003

Two Movies in Two Days

Roight...

Last night, ThEaNiMeDuDe and I saw National Security. I went in thinking it would be a fairly funny movie. I walked out thinking I had underestimated it.
That's pretty much all I can say about it.

Then tonight I saw Catch Me If You Can.
Very good...funny.

Sorry about the lack of rave in the last reviews...I used it all up for Gangs of New York

Posted by Paul at 11:52 PM | Comments (0)

January 20, 2003

Pretzels...sooo many pretzels

WTE: Now that I've finished purging my mouth of any moisture it once held, I'll put the pretzels back and get a drink.

Pepperkat: Don't tell me you ate all the pretzels.

WTE: Not ALL of them.

Pepperkat: Mom said there was about half a bag in there.

WTE: Well, now there's about a quarter of a bag

Pepperkat inspects the container. "Jeeze! There're barely any in there!"

Mom: There's enough to last until we get more.

Pepperkat: It looks like about two days.

WTE: No way...more like a week. OH MY GOD! I JUST ATE A WEEK'S WORTH OF PRETZELS IN ONE HOUR!!

Well, I thought it was funny, anyway.

Posted by Paul at 10:05 PM | Comments (12)

January 19, 2003

Ouch

15 hours of DDR later....

I have some news
The Good:
I don't suck as much as I thought I would...By that, I mean I can do five foot songs.

The Bad:
OUCH!!! The human body was not meant to bounce up and down for seven hours then get up the next morning and go for another eight.

I thought I wouldn't be able to walk today, I was wrong...that'll be tomorrow.

Posted by Paul at 07:41 PM | Comments (3)

January 17, 2003

Doofus Dances Reallybad

I'm going to place that has an actual DDR machine tomorrow. I can see the headlines now:

Local youth kills seven in freak DDR accident...film at eleven

22 blinded when local boy's pants fall off while playing DDR..."I knew they were too loose"

DDR outlawed due to the suckiness of one

In case you can't tell, I haven't played before and I'm fairly sure I'll suck.
Y'see, I have played Stepmania with a keyboard for months, therefore I have gotten used to using my fingers. I fear that I may end up just standing there watching the arrows while my right hand wiggles around searching for the buttons.

Hey, I just noticed something...none of those headlines involved MY death...
FWAHAHAHAAAA, I've nothing to fear, for I am invincible!

Posted by Paul at 11:08 AM | Comments (1)

January 16, 2003

FIRE!! YES!!

Just got back from the circus...I've only been to one, and that was a small one in Bangor when I was really young.

This one was The Circus
Anyway, the highlights:
Globe of Death - I saw the globe at the beginning and I'm so glad it wasn't some wussy 'Globe of Wonder' or 'Globe of Beauty', 'Globe of FIRE' would've been alright but it still wouldn't beat six motorcycles in a little cage.

Bailey's Comet - Glorified 'human cannonball'...basically a huge build up for "DUDE, HE'S ON FIRE!!!"...needless to say, my sister thought it was the best part

Bello (Bobbo? Whatever) The Clown - The most talented clown I've ever seen. The best part is that he can actually DO stuff. He got into a lot of other people's acts in addition to starring in his own.

Some things I would've liked to have seen included:

More fire!!
Y'know used in more clever ways...like:
Pyro The Clown - Hey, it's Pyro The Clown!!
What does he do?
What do you mean, what does he do? He's on fire! It's awesome!!
He runs around screaming through the entire show...

That's all I've got....

Posted by Paul at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

January 11, 2003

Is Awesomenity A Word?

Gangs of New York, see it...period.

I cannot possibly describe how much that movie rules...I'll try anyway

Two words: KICK....ASS

108 words:
I just got back from seeing Gangs of New York. The reason why I went into the theatre already loving it so much is unclear to me.
The only actor I'll go to see a movie for is Jackie Chan, he wasn't in it. The only directors I'd see one for are Gilliam, Miyazaki, or Anno, they weren't directing it.
All I do know is that I was right. It was one of the best movies I've ever seen. Both Leonardo DiCaprio and Daniel Day-Lewis did excellent jobs of portraying their characters. I think I'll add Scorsese to my list of directors I'll see a movie for.

Posted by Paul at 11:58 PM | Comments (0)

January 07, 2003

The Titleless Horror From The Grocery Store

Do you love the taste of Spam and Velveeta so much that you stay home simply because you might get a craving?
Are you ever caught in the middle of an important meeting when you suddenly NEED some spiced ham and cheesy goodness?

Well, NO MORE!

Now there's pocket sized Spam and pocket sized Velveeta! Just put one in each pocket and you'll be ready for anything.*

Also available: Spam in a tube with velveeta chunks.**


*Anything does not include pigeon attacks, air raids, aerobics instructors, your PhD, or anything other than being hungry and having a craving for some nasty goodness.

**Whiny The Elder takes no responsibility for the fact that this is probably the most nasty thing ever thought of. He inwardly goes, "EEWWWWW" whenever he thinks of it.

Posted by Paul at 10:37 PM | Comments (8)

January 06, 2003

Scary

I NEVER take online quizzes...never. The only times I HAVE taken them I've gotten answers that seem completely wrong. Another thing I never do is tell people the answers on my blog...as long as I'm doing things I never do...

What genocidal maniac am I? I'm Saddam Husein.
How dumb am I? I'm stupid.
What annoying b-list celebrity am I? I'm Regis Philbin.
What kind of drunk am I? Why an angry drunk, of course.
What colossal death robot am I? I've always wanted to know the answer to this one. I am, apparently, Megatron
Another one I've always wanted to know. If I was a horrible affliction (other than the one I already am) I would be rabies.

Aside from these, my sister showed me a 'Which Gravitation Character Are You?' quiz.
Would you consider a quiz accurate if you and two other people can guess beforehand and be correct?
My sister, one of my friends (who still doesn't have an alias), and I all took it...we could guess, correctly no less, what the others were going to get.
I got Yuki. My sis got Ryuuichi. And my friend got Shindou.

Hey, be glad I didn't put all the pics and information up here...

Posted by Paul at 01:25 PM | Comments (2)

January 03, 2003

Okay, to break yet another long silence

I haven't been posting much and, even though it's not really true, I'm gonna blame my severe lack of spewage on my aunt and uncle being here. They left this morning but I'll probably continue with my laziness.

I watched Gravitation this week and it rules! Even though it seemed a little rushed at the end, I still liked it.

I can't get the soundtrack out of my head! AAAAAUUGGGGHH!

Nooooo, wanna sell your soul shareta kiiroi tacchi de......Nooooo, forget smile again itsumo odotte itai dake
...
nee oikakete oikakete siroi kaze...nee koi ni natte ai ni natte hane hirogetai

God, I love that song...

Posted by Paul at 09:21 PM | Comments (4)