I Know How You Emulate Me

So, I knew you’d want to have a headache just like mine.

This ought to get you started:

  • A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  • What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • A backwards poet writes inverse.
  • In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
  • She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  • If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
  • With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
  • Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
  • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  • You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
  • Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
  • He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
  • Every calendar’s days are numbered.
  • A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
  • A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  • He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
  • A plateau is a high form of flattery.
  • The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  • Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
  • Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
  • Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done.
  • Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

[ Thanks Patrice. Really. ]

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10 Responses to I Know How You Emulate Me

  1. Ric The Schmuck says:

    Somewhere, there is a man smiling…. and saying
    “You don’t know? How long have YOU been wallowing in the muuuuuuuurky depths of ignorance?”

  2. Solonor says:

    You know what gets my goat?

  3. Domino says:

    No, what gets your goat?

  4. Solonor says:

    Ticks, fleas… the occasional wolf…

  5. Domino says:

    OK, I’ll keep setting ’em up, you keep hitting ’em home.

  6. that was beautiful solly.

  7. Sunidesus says:


    and yet they made me laugh!

  8. jewdez says:

    Hey — those are cute 🙂
    thanks for the picker upper

  9. theresa says:

    ahhhh corny jokes.. from you? i should have known better 🙂

  10. Scott says:

    And yet you ignored my Amish joke the other day. Yeah, I know, lost in the clutter of a thousand posts on Iraq, but still.


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