I’d Rather You’d Hate Me

Ever since the Banned Books Project, about once a month I get an e-mail that goes something like this:

You fucking moron! How can you sit there all smug and self-righteous and advocate banning books? Just because you have a bug up your ass about a book, it doesn’t mean you have the right to keep me from reading it. Just crawl back into the right-wing, Bible-thumping hole you crawled out of, you slimy bastard!

Most of them are nice like that. It’s good to know that people still have passion about things. I almost hate calling them illiterate jerks who wouldn’t know sarcasm if it ran around naked and screaming, “Look at me! I’m sarcasm!”

But today I got one that was a bit more disturbing. I think I can handle people taking my silly comments seriously when they’re not quite so happy about it:

I’m happy to have found this site! Any thoughts on Angela’s Ashes? It seems that I am fighting this battle alone and I’d like some information, if possible. I don’t want my sophomore son reading this as a required assignment this summer. Thank you and God Bless you.

Not daring to believe that this person was serious, I replied: “Why don’t you want your son reading Angela’s Ashes?”

I don’t care for the premarital sex, adultery, masturbation, contraception, alcohol abuse, profanity, anti-religious theme, and I think that covers it. I feel it is more appropriate for a more mature audience, perhaps college age.

My wife stopped me from sending the reply I wrote, so I’ll just put it here instead.

“Right on! I won’t let my kids read the Bible either! It will still be there for them when they’re 18 (if they make it that far). Keep up the good work.”

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18 Responses to I’d Rather You’d Hate Me

  1. kat says:

    lmfao!! hahahahahaha

  2. Maria says:

    LMAO!!! Can people BE any dumber?? I just love email, it allows even MORE mindless idiots who can’t read the ability to try and communicate with you!!! ;o)

    I have actually begun to ignore the email I get from my Graphics site. No one reads the terms, so I just don’t read their emails requesting graphics! :op

    I am a BITCH!!! ;o)

  3. theresa says:

    lol. Seriously. Does she think her son doesnt know what that stuff is? If he doesn’t get it from reading a good book, all he’s gotta do is turn on the TV or talk to his friends. Geez.

  4. Scott says:

    I have yet to read it (Kim has), but by all accounts, “Angela’s Ashes” is supposed to be spectacular.

    Small minds in this country.

  5. Kim says:

    What are you all talking about??

    dont u no u shoudl distroy everyting u dont agree with?

  6. natalie says:

    Oh, she was talking about Angela’s Ashes? I thought she was talking about the nightly news. Whoops.

    (Your Bible comment made me squirt coffee out of my nose – I should know better than to drink anything while reading you.)

  7. dragonleg says:

    Au Contraire, natalie…
    When i read Solonor, i find myself wanting to drink everything and anything i can…

  8. Solonor says:

    I do what I can to promote alcoholism among the easily misled, draggy. Hark! Is that Ric the Schmuck I hear?

  9. Nicole says:

    Angela’s Ashes? I can understand maybe not wanting a 10 year old to read it, but a sophomore in high school? That’s exactly the kind of stuff he should be reading, along with some James Baldwin and Thoreau! Argh!

  10. Christine says:

    I feel sorry for that poor kid, with such a moron for a parent!

    Thanks for the laugh, Solonor! 🙂

  11. bigwig says:

    Never ask your wife for permission.

    It’s far more efficient to just beg for forgiveness.

  12. His parental unit has just about guaranteed that their precious, protected offspring will not only read this book, but all the other ones they have no doubt banned. In fact, I’ll bet he has a nice stash of pr0n somewhere. If they were clever instead of overbearing and clueless, they’d push this book on their son, telling him how wonderful and character-building it is. That would make it radioactive in his eyes.

  13. Ric The Schmuck says:

    Did someone mention alcoholism? And me, in the same sentence? Right on, brother, right on.
    So now you’ve added a book that I need to read to my list of things that I need to do. Sigh.
    Because I really do want to read it, since I heard about it, but it had slipped my mind. Curse you, owner of my tagboard! 🙂

  14. DaProber says:

    Here’s an idea: start a new section on the site, ONLY for people to post an absolutely stupid reason to ban a book, and see how many people flame. the ultimate in sociological and psychological experimentation (without harming any killer coding ninja monkeys).

  15. DaProber says:

    I’ll even volunteer my site to host it.

    Here’s an example:
    REASON: If reverse engineered, a guide for underachievers throughout the world for getting better at it. (overachieving at underachieving, FWA!)

  16. pippa says:

    Does not compute. From my limited experience, the Thumpers who usually want books banned and send emails like that are NOT Catholic, and don’t LIKE Catholics. Therefore, a book like Angela’s Ashes which shows Irish Catholics at their finest, should be pushing the book on their young with the admonishment “See what could happen?”

    And it’s required summer reading now for high school? Whatever happened to the sheer debaucher of Lord of the Flies and I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings?

  17. -e- says:

    The Bible has all that stuff in there… not to mention incest, adultery, a couple of rapes, and some of the most creative murders I’ve ever seen.

    Stuff a guy in a hollow log and saw him in half (Isaiah)… how come I never see that on the Sopranos????

  18. tanya says:

    gawd. i wouldn’t let my kid read angela’s ashes either. especially if he was a sophomore in high school. sixteen year olds have a high rate of suicide, and that’s one of the most depressing books i’ve ever read. probably because i’m irish catholic, but jeez. i was in a blue funk for like three weeks after i read it. it still makes me cringe, and that was three years ago. beautifully written, but brutal.

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