My Hero

I have found the ultimate combination of three of my greatest passions: lists, blogging, and being a sarcastic snot. The Book of Ratings is exactly what it says it is (um, other than being a book). Since the dawn of time (1997), Lore Sjoberg has given letter grades and snarky comments to just about everything imaginable. Here are some examples:

Superfriends – “Wonder Woman was kind of a grab bag of powers and equipment, as if she had picked everything up from the superhero equivalent of the Sharper Image Catalog. She had the Bullet-Reflecting Bracelets ($29.95), the Mind-Control Lasso ($38.95) and of course the Invisible Plane ($150,000 plus taxes and license fees). That last one always got to me. It’s like a regular plane, only it’s invisible. It doesn’t make HER invisible, though. So instead of this big plane, you see a nice, inconspicuous, flying, squatting woman. Huh. B-”

Visions of the Future, Circa 1953 – “It’s a good thing that laser guns are going to be around in the future, because so far the uses of lasers have been universally disappointing. Instead of blasting the heads of mucus-filled aliens, we’re correcting vision, pointing to things in office presentations, and making security systems look cool. What happens if aliens invade right now. What are we going to do, viciously and savagely cure their myopia? B”

Apes and Monkeys – “Someday I hope to be known – like the noble baboon – for my large, razor sharp fangs and colorful buttocks. “That Lore,” I want to hear people say. “He certainly has strikingly vibrant ass-cheeks, but he’ll flay you with his fangs if you cross him.” Not that I’d actually flay anyone. I’d probably just use my fangs to open beer cans and make indentations in the soil for planting pumpkin seeds. A-”

He’s also covered such diverse topics as D&D Monsters, Wart Remedies, Refrigerator Magnets, Slang Words That Mean “Good”, Canadian Snack Foods, Dante’s Inferno Punishments, French Food You Suck On, Wedding Traditions, Plagues of Egypt, Greek Gods, Marvel Superheroes, Dog Tricks, He-Man Characters, Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavors, and Kitchen Appliances That Only Do One Thing.

The Internet is a wonderful thing.