Please Refrain

We’re tired of seeing these so-called computer geeks get away with offensive behavior. That’s why we applaud the County of Los Angeles, as they crack down on hardware vendors. In the latest move in the War on Remotely Offensive Language™, they have outlawed the term Master/Slave for hardware.

It’s about time.

We at hope that this will be carried to its logical conclusion, and that the following terms will also be outlawed:

  • “burn in” – misleading, as no fire is involved, causing pyromaniacs to become disappointed and possibly depressed
  • “chip” – misleading, as no salty snack is involved; may lead people to attempt to consume
  • “server” – demeaning to computers; replace with “Computer or application designed to supply access to legally shared electronic files, as defined by the RIAA”
  • “UPS” – copyright infringement claimed by United Parcel Service
  • “customer support” – misleading; may lead to depression and suicide for both parties involved
  • “RAM”, “Hard Drive”, “Floppy” – sexually suggestive

Thank you for your help. Together, we can make sure that not a single person on this planet will ever have the opportunity to be offended again.

Those alien bastards living on other planets need to get the hell over it.

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10 Responses to Please Refrain

  1. jadedju says:

    “bytes”-misleading, as actual consumption of your computer could lead to major indigestion.

    Very funny, Solly.

  2. Don says:

    What? They didn’t do anything about the sexist “Male” and “Female” ends to cables??

  3. GeekMan says:

    So, when do you think they’ll outlaw the usage of ‘Web’, ‘net’, ‘cluster’ and ‘hot sync’?

    Sometimes people are so stupid I actually contemplate irradiating some roaches in my microwave to help them along the evolutionary path to total world domination.

    Then again, LA isn’t known for it’s intellectual contributions to the world, now is it?

  4. hoopty says:

    I just got a hot flash.

  5. Busy Mom says:

    Serial bus? Can’t ride it or put milk on it(if you still want it to work). Misleading to me.

  6. Brian says:

    In related news, LA County has also demanded that all roosters raised in the county be retrained to crow “penis-a-doodle-doo!”, but only every other day, alternating with “vagina-doodle-doo!”. Farmers are further advised to anticipate a third alternative for transgendered individuals.

    Governor Schwarzenegger had no immediate comment.

  7. Not So Red Menace says:

    Where are the fatherboards? Do those RAID drives really kill bugs? Is memory offensive to altzheimers patients? I never feed my mouse, am I supposed to? Joystick, nuff said.

    And what about those slots?

  8. You left out my favorite sexually-sounding periperal of all… THE DONGLE.


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  10. David Moisan says:

    A few years ago, Xircom had a hilarious series of ads in Data Communications for its laptop network cards. The first ad featured a classic sculpture of a god (looked like Neptune) with its “member” missing. The caption read: “Lost the Dongle”. The next ad in the series asked, “Dongle caught in your zipper?”

    That year seemed to have a run on risque ads, with one vendor claiming its servers could “make interdepartmental quickies a regular occurence!” (don’t remember the vendor, probably a white-box.)

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