Respect the Jart or it will destroy you!

Kids these days. Wotta buncha wimps.

OK, well, maybe it’s not the kids so much as their do-gooder, paranoid parents. Just because some toys happen to wind up on the CSPC list of Toy Hazard Recalls, they think they’ve got to “protect” the children from “choking hazards” and “serious injuries” and “death”.

Puh-leeze. What’s childhood if not Darwin’s proving ground? And how is a kid supposed to learn that lead paint is toxic, magnets taste bad (and cause intestinal perforations when swallowed), and that you should never choke on a Lego without first making sure at least one of your playmates has completed a Red Cross CPR course?

Back in my day, most states required by law that at least one child per neighborhood owned one or more of the toys on this list of the Ten Most Dangerous Playthings of All Time. How many did you own, good citizen?

1. Lawn Darts – definitely!
2. Atomic Energy Lab – I wish. Though I did have a chemistry set with lots of toxic elements.
3. Mini-Hammock – Not in Maine. We had the mini-Haddock (uh-haaa).
4. Snacktime Cabbage Patch Doll – uh, no.
5. Sky Dancers – Not me, personally, but between those and the various rip-cord helicopters and other pieces of plastic, spinning death, we had the sky covered.
6. Bat Masterson Derringer Belt Gun – OMG! That would have ruled!
7. Creepy Crawlers – Oh yes. And a hot plastic injector set where you could make your own army men (and get 3rd degree burns)! Fun times.
8. Johnny Reb Cannon – Holy crap! I want one now!!
9. Battlestar Galactica Missile Launcher – Meh. There were plenty of toys you could shoot your eye out with, kid.
10. Fisher-Price Power Wheels Motorcycle – There was a Power Wheels that had a real engine?? Awesome!

[ via Kat ]

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5 Responses to Respect the Jart or it will destroy you!

  1. geeky says:

    we didn’t own any of these, but i think some of my friends did. either way, i think safer toys explains a lot about why there seems to be more stupid people around now!

  2. Ric the Schmuck says:

    And of course, in Maine (where you belong, chummy! HA) we had all kinds of goodies that don’t make your list.

    BB Guns, of course! (If you were extra cool you had one that would shoot pellets, as well.) Until you were old enough for your own .22 caliber rifle, which varied but was usually arrived around 10 years old.
    Shotguns soon followed. Various knives would arrive in your stocking, from basic jack-knives through 6″-8″ sheath knives.

    Dirt bikes/snowmobiles. Yup. Usually before .22’s, but sometimes the same year.

    Zippo lighters? Oh hell yeah. You needed those for the potato guns you spent all that time making. (How many people are going “potato gun?” right now…hee. Talk about dangerous!)

    And you’ve never played lawn darts until you used them on your old man’s horseshoe court. With opponents standing at each end, natch.

    I never did get one of those Creepy Crawler ovens, dammit.

  3. Sgt.Grump says:

    I had a couple Gilbert Chemistry Sets; I could make the greatest stink bombs in the world!

    “Bat Masterson Derringer Belt Gun – OMG! That would have ruled!” Heh- it DID! I had one of those! The derringer also detached from the buckle so you could fire it normally.

    Also had a couple Thingmaker/Creepy Crawler sets. Stick a hook in while it was cooling and you had a fishing lure.

    A neighbor friend had the Johhny Reb cannon. I had the Remco Bazooka. Oh, the wars we had!

  4. sgt.grump says:

    Oh- instead of Lawn Darts, we had bows and arrows. Shoot the arrow straight up as high as you could and see how close you could get it to stick to where you shot it from. (Of course we ran for cover after shooting it- otherwise I wouldn’t be posting this…)

  5. MJ says:

    Lawn darts – most definitely! With my brother it was a serious blood sport…

    I have to agree with Rick on a couple of things, I was on a machine (snow mobile) and had fired my first weapon before I even got close to a chemestry set.

    And Zippos… I still have all 8 of my grandfathers which he used to “let” me fill for him. Ah, those were the days!

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