The Bloggers Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even my mouse.
I sat at my keyboard in the rare quiet air,
The first chance I’d gotten to sit in my chair.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Zip Zaps danced in their heads.
Mamma, exhausted, was off to her nap,
So I settled down for one more blog rap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a noise,
I sprang from the desk, knocking over my toys.
I ran to the window; I ran like a fop,
Waiting to see if I should call up a cop.

Something tripped the floodlight outside in the yard,
To see some intruder, it wouldn’t be hard.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a minvan, with bloggers, and two kegs of beer!

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it just must be Dick.
More rapid than Sooners these bloggers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Statia! now, Kim! now, Scott and Jason!
On, SpaceBran! on Michele! on, Stacy and Gretchen!
To the party on the porch! See the writing on the wall!
This night is not about Peace at all!”

As drunken hoards that before the wild turkey fly,
When they trip on a sprinkler, look up at the sky.
So out to the back yard the bloggers they flew,
With the sack full of goodies and Billegible too!

And then, like a nightmare, I heard on the roof
Three kat’s–her, her, her–had climbed up for a goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Hoopty came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of skateboards he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just dealing some crack.

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses; His nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
This dude, he was wasted; He’d been hitting the snow.

He came into my dump; He invited himself,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had mucho to dread.

But he wasn’t alone, as he invaded my home.
He brought friends inside with him from that damned LockerGnome.
Cheyenne, she was there, with a laugh and a smooch,
But not Chris Pirillo (he was walking his pooch).

They spoke not a word, but went straight to the TV,
And turned on the PlayStation, in spite of my plea.
They played all my games for hours and hours;
Even Lisa joined in (after watching Two Towers).

There was Becky and Kamel and, yes, three Christines;
A bastard who’s evil and a bug from RHZine.
I even saw a doctor and some guy they call wKen.
They’re running for President; They’re so gonna win!

Annessa, Andrea and Dragonleg, too;
Ruthie, Annette, Brian and Mark Lane–all made it a zoo.
Dave ate some nachos; PromoGuy sat in a chair;
Tim, Mordant, Yvonne and Theresa, they were so there.

Then the party was over; the booze was all drunk.
They packed up the Princess, put her back in her trunk.
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight:

This entry was posted in Carnival of the Vanities, Strangeness. Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to The Bloggers Night Before Christmas

  1. JustAGirl says:

    God bless us, everyone!

  2. Becky says:

    Awesome Solonor. I loved it. And I’m even in it…:D. You’re either really creative or have too much time on your hands…LOL.

    Happy Holidays…
    Becky (aka WxGal)

  3. statia says:

    Me? Drunk? I find that very hard to believe. :oP

  4. Annessa says:

    Beautimous! Bravo!

    And this explains my sudden hiccupping, I’m drunk and don’t even know it.

    Merry Christmas Solonor. May it bring you every good thing!

  5. Les says:

    Best. Christmas Story. Ever.

    I about fell outta my chair and I believe this is the first time, ever, that I and my blog have been used in such a story! I am so flattered to be included amongst so many great blogs. Thanks!

  6. The Bloggers Night Before Christmas.

    Continuing with the theme we come next to Solonor’s twist on a Christmas classic. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even my mouse; I sat at my keyboard in the rare quiet air, The first chance …

  7. Chari says:

    Merry Christmas, Solonor!! And have a fantastic New Year!

  8. michele says:

    That was wonderful!!

    Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  9. hoopty says:


  10. IS that what I did last night. I wondered where the g-string, the handcuffs, and the leather mask came from… I didn’t remember asking Santa for them this year…

  11. wKen says:

    Very cute. Happy Holidays!

  12. Kim says:

    Hee. That was great, Solonor!

  13. Scott says:

    That was bodacious! Er… happy holidays!

  14. Gretchen says:

    Wonderful! 🙂 Happiest holidays to you!

  15. Rachel says:

    A standing ovation pour vous. Merry Christmas

  16. theresa says:

    Hehe! I think you have a future in Hallmark cards 🙂 Very impressive! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  17. Only from the mind of Solonor

    The Bloggers Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even my mouse; I sat at my keyboard in the rare quiet air, The first chance I’d gotten to sit in my chair. The children w…

  18. robyn says:

    *sniff* That was just beautiful, man!

  19. Gnome-Girl says:

    Solonor’s Story

    The Bloggers Night Before Christmas The Bloggers Night Before Christmas

  20. Lisa says:

    That was fantastic! Merry Christmas to your bunch. 🙂

  21. Solonor’s “The Bloggers Night Before Christmas”

    Solonor put together a great story. Read it. Really. 🙂

  22. suzie says:

    that was great, merry christmas to you and yours!

  23. Not a Creature Was Stirring…

    Kudos to Solonor for the delightful Bloggers Night Before Christmas! Absolutely wonderful! My kitchen counter is clean! No more fragrance

  24. Christine says:

    Ooooohhh…I’m in it!

    Merry Christmas, Solonor! 🙂

  25. The Bloggers Night Before Christmas

    Check this out: The Bloggers Night Before Christmas. :meowycatmas This

  26. yvonne says:

    solonor!!! that was so creative and entertaining! and you remembered me! how about you and i share a double 151 in celebration? hehe… merry christmas to you and your beautiful family!!

  27. kat says:

    Solonor!! that is so great!! I love it. Merry xmas to all !!!

  28. Domino says:

    Polite Golf Applause.

    “clap, clap, clap….”

  29. munin says:

    That is just awesome!

    Merry Christmas to all of you! Hope you have a stupendous holiday!

  30. Da Goddess says:

    Beautiful, babe. Just beautiful!

  31. Joanie says:

    Merry Christmas, Indeed

    Solonor’s got a nice little tale to tell. And, you know, I think I’m really a redneck at heart. Damn.

  32. The Bgu says:

    Im’ so ohnored. hApppy hoildays to you, too.

  33. julie says:

    that was awesome!
    hope you’re having a fabulous holiday! : )

  34. Jack Cluth says:

    It’s not very often that a sequel improves on the original, but this is a classic! Feliz Navidad, y’all….

  35. The Bloggers Night Before Christmas

    I forgot to link this one — Solonor re-wrote the classic poem, mentioning his favorite bloggers in it. Kim and

  36. Solonor’s Poem

    If you haven’t read Solonor’s New Classic, I think you should. It’s priceless.

  37. Ruthie says:

    how DID i miss this? That TOTALLY rocks!

  38. BKO says:

    Christmas Day 2002

    Solonor was very kind to include me in his little yuletide salute to bloggers. Thank you, Solonor. Our Christmas Day was a quiet one. Quite literally the calm before the storm, as we’re currently being blasted with the first Christmas…

Comments are closed.