Vanity, Thy Name is Lestah

I have a package of M&M’s on my desk. It’s one of those fund raiser things for the daughter of a co-worker. The last of five packages, actually.

It is mocking me.

Since Sunday, I have been on a too-cheap-to-buy-the-book-so-I’ll-figure-it-out-myself version of the South Beach Diet. No carbs for 2 weeks. No pasta. No potatoes. No soda. No sugar. No M&M’s. And do you know why I’m doing this? Frickin’ Gnomedex. Like anyone but me cares that I’m a fat slob when I meet them in person. Me’s bad enough, I guess.

But Jehosephat this is tough! If it weren’t for the fact that I feel better than evah just from getting off the caffeine, I’d zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…huh? whuzzat? Oh, yeah. M&M’s…

I’ll be back to chocolate and other delectable goodies in a couple weeks. I just want to transform myself from gently caressing the candy wrapper like Gollum (“My preciousssss”) to casually tossing aside the temptation like Aragorn. I will rule chocolate. It will not rule me!

I think the M&M’s are laughing.

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17 Responses to Vanity, Thy Name is Lestah

  1. Zuly says:

    I’ll eat the M&M’s for you. I have no such qualms. Oh, and I’m not going to Gnomedex, because I have yet to find my Gnome-daddy. 🙂

  2. Brian Peace says:

    My philosophy on the weight issue…


    Since you are such a language prude, I’ll just leave it at that.


  3. Hey Lisa says:

    M&M’s do indeed laugh. And the green ones laugh the loudest.

  4. Christine says:

    If you can hang in there, you are WAY stronger than I am! I was thinking of joining that “Curves” thing. But as I was looking through the new book they have out (no, I didn’t buy it), this is also a temporary low-carb diet.

    I can’t do it! I love my pasta and bread too much.

    Yes, and M&M’s, too!

    Good luck!

  5. robyn says:

    No doubt — I could never, ever give up bread. The new purple M&Ms frighten me, though.

  6. robyn says:

    Oh yeah, d’oh — be strong! And congrats on takin’ charge!

  7. Becky says:

    If you make it through, could you send me some of your left-over motivation? I thought about going on the Atkins diet after seeing the results my cousin-in-law had, but I can’t go without pasta, spuds, bread, and fruits. I guess I just need to limit my portion sizes (easier said than done for me) and just eat healthy stuff. Good luck on your “quest”.

  8. skits says:

    I’ve been doing the Atkins Diet (no carb/low carb) for the past two weeks, and I’ve already dropped a pant’s size. I totally love this diet–but I’m a great big carnivore, so anything that lets me eat lots of meat is ok by me. hee.

  9. Ric The schmuck says:

    How do I find a beer without carbs?

  10. Gretchen says:

    Hey, I’m not the only one trying to get in shape for Gnomedex. 🙂 Cool. Fight the good fight, brother… together we shall triumph!

  11. Kim says:

    I did SugarBusters for a while. It’s easier than Atkins because you don’t have to give up bread and pasta completely, just switch to whole-grain versions and keep them to a minimum. It worked pretty well, although I’m thinking it was probably slower than Atkins.

    Don’t give in to the M&M’s, Lestah. You’re stronger than they are. You can resist.

  12. Domino says:

    Well, you know about MY weight issues. I’ve gotten thin twice in my life. Both times it was the “Eat-Like-a-Bird” diet. The trouble with
    that one is that it requires lot

  13. Solonor says:

    Not totally off caffeine. Just limited to 1 cup of coffee in the morning, as opposed to carrying around a cup of coffee with me all day at work and drinking nothing but Mountain Dew the rest of the time. It hurt like hell the first couple of days, that’s for sure.

  14. Ric The Schmuck says:

    One cup???!!!???
    That’s un-American! Having only one pot is a good day for me, these days. Then I thought i was getting tricky. Ya see, Maxwell House has this new blend, Lightly Caffeinated, approx half the caffeine. You by now know how this ends, right? Yes, twice the coffee. Which is kinda like Lite Beer, now that I think about it, as I drink my Mich Light….. 🙂

  15. Nice to find a fellow Orlandoan’s blog. I was hoping to also be a Mouseville representative at Gnomedex this year but, alas, it is not to be. I hope you’ll bring home a full report.

  16. Marshall says:

    I kicked soda. My replacement: Seltzer water. And mmm mmm, how I love it.

  17. Dania says:

    I’m so glad i’m not the only one suffering for Gnomedex..

    I’ve been eating salads and freakin’ peaches for almost a month…ya i’ve lost 16lbs but that isn’t the freakin’ point. I need sustanance and i’m so gonna be a HUGE pig at GD I know it lol

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