Well, I asked for it…

Like most of you, I spend most of my sleepless nights agonizing over the question: “Which meme is right for me?” I mean, I can’t just jump on every bandwagon that comes rumbling down the yellow brick road in front of my house. So, I’ve avoided this “Interview Game” like the chicken shit discerning consumer that I am.

Alas, my dream of making it through life without succumbing to the temptation of answering five pointless questions with equally pointless answers has come crumbling down in a screaming hissy-fit of reality. ‘cuz, if my evil twin falls for it, the cursed bond betwixt us means I am fated to follow her down into the garbage disposal of life. It’s like I’m crazy glued to her butt or something.

There are worse things. Trust me.

And so, I will participate in the dreaded Interview Game. The rules of which are:

1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I’ll ask you five questions.
3. You’ll update your website with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You’ll include this explanation.
5. You’ll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

My responses to the queries of Branalicious follow.

1. what does your ideal t-shirt or bumper sticker slogan say?
Hmmm… it’s either “I’m really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.” or “You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.” I can’t decide.

2. situation: your house is on fire, and you know Dave Barry is inside. (your family and pets are safely huddled on the lawn.) the fireman tells you that you’ve got time to save him. do you a) dash back in, calling his name while stamping out flames on your bathrobe, b) dash back in, roast a marshmallow, and wonder if you’ve got time to save your Revolver photos, or c) dash back in, throw him a cell phone, and laugh sardonically on the way out?
Who’s Dave Barry?

3. let’s say you have the chance to BE either Charles Lindbergh or Orville Wright for a day. which man do you choose? (and why?)
That’s easy. Orville.

Besides having a cooler name (I mean Orville or Chuck? C’mon!), he had someone there with him while he was pioneering flight. His brother, Wilbur (another cool name), got to say stuff like, “Shit! That wasn’t flying! You were only up there for 12 goddamn seconds! What have you been eating, fat bastard?” And Orville could reply that he was the one risking his neck trying to get a paper mache-covered bicycle off the ground, so shut the hell up!

By contrast, the best Lucky Lindy could do was look out the window and wonder why the flight attendant hadn’t brought him his damned peanuts, yet.

Of course, if I were Lindbergh, I’d get to have Jimmy Stewart portray me. The best I could do as Orville would be Rowan and Martin.

Life’s complicated like that.

4. your house is on fire again, and you have time to choose only five movies from your collection. what are they?
If I can cheat and count all the Lord of the Rings movies as one, then I will. If I can’t, then I will anyway. So:

1. Lord of the Rings
2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (though I don’t know why…I’ve got the darn thing memorized already)
3. Raiders of the Lost Ark
4. Young Frankenstein
5. The Wizard of Oz

My Top 20 Movies List is online (duh).

5. Kid Rock: stud, or dud?
Ewww! Anyone who likes Kid Rock (even secretly, as a guilty pleasure) has issues, man. Worse than admitting you like Bread (no, not Bread, Bread!)

There! I’m done. That wasn’t so bad. Now, it’s your turn. All the cool kids are doing it. And, now, so am I!