Arise in Defense of the Blogosphere!

Thanks to the obsessive (some say paranoid) watch being kept on the Blogrolling Top 100 by The Amish Dude, our offices have been alerted to a threat to the blogosphere more insidious and vile than a Wil Wheaton thong!

It appears that this Barry guy – besides becoming my instant nemesis – has a following. It’s true! Apparently, he writes a fashion column in some podunk newspaper in Florida, and all his little minions are linking to his blog like it was fresh fish in a cat store.

Forget about the fact that one of his typical entries is about five words long and consists of things like:

My pants have been invaded by large rodents. And they charged me sixty dollars to have them pressed!


Stayed inside with the lights off today. Must beware of badgers.

Yes, it’s sad, but the little snozzberries are still linking to him! So much so that he’s moving up the ladder faster than a frat boy outside the girls’ dorm window.

He’s just passed Laurence, and he’s just 24 links away from Kymberlie, bearing down on the likes of Kristine, Christine, Michele, Mr. Gretchen and Robyn. What’s more he made The Dark Mistress of the Blogosphere doubt her evil powers.

This cannot stand!

Thus, I declare that until such time as Gretchen either gets the 170 links it would take to put her on par with the Princess of the Blogiverse (or at least the 130 she needs to go ahead of her funnier-than-Dave-Barry hubby) or until the Patron Saint of the Internet rigs the Top 100, every day is her day to command minions.

So, get out there and get linking, people.

If you don’t link to Gretchen, shame on you! Get it done.

If you know people who don’t link to Gretchen, hack into their systems and get it done.

If you know people who don’t have a blog, start one for them and make the first link to Gretchen. Get it done.

We’re counting on you. Don’t let the big media star with his fancy newspaper-reading flunkies win!

Do it for the integrity of the blogiverse!

Do it for the Dark Queen of the Blogosphere!

Do it for the children!

Update: In response to this threat, Gretchen (that’s has responded with the traditional blogger fare of boobies and pie. Thus, her new tagline: “Come for the tits, stay for the wits. (And now with pie!)”

That Barry guy don’t know who he’s messin’ with…

This entry was posted in Yo! Listen Up!. Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Arise in Defense of the Blogosphere!

  1. Gretchen says:

    Do it for the pie!!

    About damn time you give me a day for my minions, Solonor. On your knees! *whip crack*

  2. Jason says:

    Take the session ID out of that link please.

  3. Solonor says:

    Gotcha. Figured it out about 2 milliseconds after sending the stupid “Duh, which one?” message.

  4. Scott says:

    Barry’s blog is a gas. Nice to see he’s pinging now.

  5. Solonor says:

    BLASPHEMY! Plus, you have the temerity to go about the blogosphere un-Gretchen’d? You are tainting the title Baron of the Blogosphere!

  6. Scott says:

    Hmph! I will not be badgered! We’re in Code Orange, Man! Code Orange!

    I’ll have to report you to the Ministry of Peace if you keep this up!

    (Psst, Gretchen, ignore these posts; my blogrolls have been in flux lately, with yours one of the ones meant to be added when I get to it)

  7. Solonor says:

    Peace schmeace! We’re talking the sanctity of the Blogospheriversazoid!! Are you going to stand idly by while this upstart Barry character takes over completely? Soon we’ll all have to emulate him just to survive:

    “I saw shaved ice the other day. I am not making this up! That’s what they call it ‘shaved’ ice. Like when was the last time your ice had stubble on it? The people of the FTC (motto: You shave our ice, we’ll shave yours) is even putting up a web site devoted to this crazy phenomena…”

    Is that what you want, Baron??? This is Code Orange for the Blogosphere, man!

  8. wKen says:

    Brown nose (which is a bad thing when it isn’t my shade of brown).

  9. Solonor says:

    You’ve had your plugs, Mr. Soon-to-be-President. It’s poor Gretchen’s turn. Besides she’s got the tasty treats I like… PIE!

  10. Gretchen says:

    I’ll make you any flava you want, Solly baby… 😉

  11. Scott says:

    Code Orange of the Blogosphere? Is that the buttpucker he was talking about the other day?


  12. Speaker says:

    Hey “Solonor Green IS PEOPLE!”, Did you ever stop to think that this …might not be a bad thing. I mean Dave Barry IS funny, and he’s JUST mainstream enough to draw media attention to the blogoverse . . . meaning more hits for everyone. I mean I do LOVE whip cracking and all . . . but it’s DAVE BARRY!
    Besides “Code Orange of the Blogosphere” would make a great name for a rock band.

  13. You know, my boobs have been all over the blogosphere. I need more links too!

  14. Gretchen says:

    Speaker, I’m not saying that Dave Barry is a bad thing, by any means. I just want to protect/increase my own standing. 🙂

  15. Speaker says:

    Well considering how much I love your Hubby on TV (almost up to leo status, and I’ve have a man-crush on him for years) and how I’m slowly starting to read you guys blogs more and more . . . you will soon have a link on my site. So all of 4 people will see it and not click on it because they either a) already link to you or b) don’t blog and don’t care cuz their my real life friend and not someone who I met online. See I’m knew to the blogoverse. I started it in November, but I didn’t really start reading other people’s blogs until recently. That’s why my links are kinda small. But Dave Barry, I don’t even consider that a Blog. I mean it is, but it’s Dave Barry! I mean, I’ve had a man-crush on him for like 10 years now! He deserves what he gets, but if he ends up becomming top blog or something, I don’t think it should count . . .cuz he’s not a blogger he’s Dave Barry. Is any of this making sense? No? Well I’m sorry! I’m at work and my mind NEVER works at work….maybe this was just a reason for me to talk aobut my man-crushes(numbers 30-32 . . . by far not a complete list), I don’t care! YOU ALL RULE! Besides, it’s probably just a passing fad and will die down once people realize it’s not a Blog and more of a “Quip-a-Day” thing. I love Quips-a-Day though so that’s a-o-k-with me!

  16. Solonor says:

    Speaker. Ritalin’s newest spokesmodel.

  17. Speaker says:

    OK, I caved Gretchen . . . I linked both you and your hubby on my main page . . . ABOVE DAVE BARRY, but below my two parent Blogs and Brian Peace (“we come in peace” BP:”I don’t think so!”)! It was the boobs and pie what did it!
    THERE you HAPPY! I at least deserve a GuestBook entry for that one . . . if not a Forum Visit wouldn’t you say!? I won’t hold you to the forum visit though, cuz that’s just shameless plugging! *blush*

  18. Solonor says:

    Hey you! Get the heck off my blog! You want your IP banned?

    What’s the big idea puttin’ Wheaton at the top of your list and ME below Dave Barry??? Of all the…

    Just because this is a Gretchen party, it doesn’t give you free reign to mess up the proper order of the Blogosphere. Your links should go in this order:

    Inside Gretchen’s Head
    Solonor’s Ink Well
    Random Ravings
    Gamer’s Nook
    Surfing on Brain Waves
    Chris Pirillo
    Wil Wheaton
    Dave Barry

  19. Mmmm . . . pie!

    Is Dave Barry a threat to the fabric of the Blogosphere!? Only boobies and pie will decide!

  20. SPEAKER says:


    -Speaker 😉

  21. 7 months later,and we FINALLY get our wedding/honeymoon photos!

    Anyone care to see them? GOOD! P.S. The site is only links because I promised my wife I would wait

  22. Solonor says:

    Hee. Hee. You got Barry above Wheaton, but that’s ok. Brownie points scored, young Jedi. You may command minions one day.

  23. speaker says:

    And beCAUSE you’re such a BULLY! I’m going to force you to look at my wedding/honeymoon photos!
    They’re HERE!!!

  24. Brian Peace says:

    Ummm…you seem to have put y site below you in this little equation. You deserve a truly vicious wedgie, Solly.

    I can handle being under Gretchen & Kim, though.

    (Did I just say that aloud? Eeep!)

  25. speaker says:

    YES YOU DID! AND YOU SO SUCK! I was just WAITING for the right moment to make that joke!

  26. Solonor says:

    Oh, good grief. This is turning into an episode of Campus Cops.

    “Frat boys! Frat boys! Whatcha gonna do…”

  27. Brian Peace says:

    Damn you. Now you got that song stuck in my head. I had “Big Yellow Taxi” there, but not it keeps getting replaced by “Bad Boys”.


  28. Speaker says:

    and now GRETCHEN has bullied me into using Blogrolling!

  29. Solonor says:

    You shouldn’t have had to have been bullied for that. The Patron Saint of the Internet commands that sacrifice be given willingly (and via PayPal, hint, hint).

  30. Speaker says:

    The patron saint of the internet . . . you mean Scott McCloud? Well ok then!
    OH and I set the blogroll to put the most recently updated at the top so there 😉

  31. gnome-girl says:

    omg you have no shame when it comes to pie do you? 🙂

  32. Scott says:

    Okay, okay, I caved, finally.

  33. statia says:

    You want me to hate him for you? You want me to start an anti dave webring?

  34. Solonor says:

    Oh no! Don’t unleash that awful power!! Save it for someone who deserves it (and if I see an anti-Solonor webring show up, you’re in trouble).

  35. We Need More Pie, Cap’n!

    In spite of our raising the Dave Barry Threat Level to Code Orange, the little monster is still climbing up

Comments are closed.