Bad Steward! No cookie!

What a strange coincidence. The same day Peat from DiVERSiONZ directs me to his post about The Bible (and Tolkien) For Lazy Or Busy People, I get an e-mail from Lambchop with a link to the Thumbnail Guide to RotK.

Just how lazy do you guys think I am?

Anyway, I am determined to top them both. Inspired by the Lord of the Rings haiku contest (but too late to enter it myself), I tried to write the entire plot in a haiku, then turned around and did it as a limerick.

Too bad they suck.

Ring must be destroyed.
“Get a hobbit to do it.”
What is a hobbit?

There once was powerful ring.
Could be used to destroy everything.
Some folks went to melt it,
But a creature who’d helt it
Was determined to steal back the thing.

Can you do better? Lemme hear it.

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4 Responses to Bad Steward! No cookie!

  1. *** Dave says:

    The One Ring must be destroyed.
    I’m not touching it! Nor you!
    Use doughty hobbits!

  2. Speaker says:


    I’m a happy boy!
    OH Great! Adventure ahead!
    Sod it! Had to split.


    Orcs attack the men.
    Frodo Paralized! Oh no!
    Orcs eaten by trees.


    More Orcs but no trees.
    That’s okay! We got dead guys!
    Ring destroyed, GO HOME!

    Gollum (since he was left out):

    They stole our precious!
    We hates hobitses a lot!
    Nice ring! Hot magma!

  3. Lambchop says:

    *giggle* They don’t suck. I’m leaving to go skiing in a few, but I’ll think on this one. I’m not much of a poet because I have an innate tendency to babble endlessly and ever since I learned about the old bugger from Nantucket, the concept of a “clean” limerick is a bit foreign to me.

  4. xade says:

    Bilbo has a ring
    Destruction this ring will bring
    Give the ring away.

    Frodo has a ring
    everybody wants to take it
    Run Frodo Run, away

    Frodo has a friend
    His name is Samwise Gamgee
    Samwise is a tool

    This is too painful. I’m gonna stop. (away is 2 sylibles right?)

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