“Cool,” says I. “A visit from my favorite red-headed, hula hoopin’ baybeeee.”
But then I saw that it wasn’t her and that it was aimed at a specific archive post.
“Hmm…wonder what that was,” thinks I. So, clicked the link, did I. (And immediately quit the bad Yoda impression.)
It turned out to be a little bit of silliness from last December 24, called The Bloggers Night Before Christmas.
The point of this post is not to highlight my incredible prose or my Seussian gifts (copies are available for $19.95, and the DVD version with James Earl Jones doing a dramatic reading will be out by next year). It’s not to highlight all the bloggers I think I know, either. Hell if I can remember what the point was, actually…
Reading it made me a little sad or wistful or some such overly sentimental crap. For those no longer blogging. For those I never hear from anymore. For the petty squabbles we let ourselves get dragged into. For how fast time passes.
It also made me grateful for everyone who takes the time to read this drivel–old and new.
God, now I sound like Buzz… ;p
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even my mouse.
I sat at my keyboard in the rare quiet air,
The first chance I’d gotten to sit in my chair.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Zip Zaps danced in their heads.
Mamma, exhausted, was off to her nap,
So I settled down for one more blog rap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a noise,
I sprang from the desk, knocking over my toys.
I ran to the window; I ran like a fop,
Waiting to see if I should call up a cop.
Something tripped the floodlight outside in the yard,
To see some intruder, it wouldn’t be hard.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a minvan, with bloggers, and two kegs of beer!
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it just must be Dick.
More rapid than Sooners these bloggers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Statia! now, Kim! now, Scott and Jason!
On, SpaceBran! on Michele! on, Stacy and Gretchen!
To the party on the porch! See the writing on the wall!
This night is not about Peace at all!”
As drunken hoards that before the wild turkey fly,
When they trip on a sprinkler, look up at the sky.
So out to the back yard the bloggers they flew,
With the sack full of goodies and Billegible too!
And then, like a nightmare, I heard on the roof
Three kat’s–her, her, her–had climbed up for a goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Hoopty came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of skateboards he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just dealing some crack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses; His nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
This dude, he was wasted; He’d been hitting the snow.
He came into my dump; He invited himself,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had mucho to dread.
But he wasn’t alone, as he invaded my home.
He brought friends inside with him from that damned LockerGnome.
Cheyenne, she was there, with a laugh and a smooch,
But not Chris Pirillo (he was walking his pooch).
They spoke not a word, but went straight to the TV,
And turned on the PlayStation, in spite of my plea.
They played all my games for hours and hours;
Even Lisa joined in (after watching Two Towers).
There was Becky and Kamel and, yes, three Christines;
A bastard who’s evil and a bug from RHZine.
I even saw a doctor and some guy they call wKen.
They’re running for President; They’re so gonna win!
Annessa, Andrea and Dragonleg, too;
Ruthie, Annette, Brian and Mark Lane–all made it a zoo.
Dave ate some nachos; PromoGuy sat in a chair;
Tim, Mordant, Yvonne and Theresa, they were so there.
Then the party was over; the booze was all drunk.
They packed up the Princess, put her back in her trunk.
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight:
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!”