Chuggin’ ice cream shell is one of the greatest joys in life!

So far, the surgeon general has issued nothing to do with ice cream shell. Not a warning. Not a reccomendation. Not a casual remark to a relative that they are out and therefore need more. (If you are out of ice cream shell then you should immediately go get some. FASTER MAN! DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT WITHOUT IT YOUR ICE CREAM WILL BE bum, bum, bumMmMmM…..CREAMY!)

If I were the surgeon general I would issue the following statement. “Falling into a pit of irate rattlesnakes while humming the tune to ‘Girls’ by the Beasty Boys or ‘Squirrels’, which most people haven’t heard but has the same tune, may be hazardous to your health.”

But more importantly I would have studies conducted on ice cream shell. Then, despite the results I would issue this official statement. “Studies have concluded that chuggin’ ice cream shell is the most hazardous thing you can possibly do. It has been shown to cause the following: Cancer, Gingivitis, Arthritis, Apendicitis, Diahrea, Monkey Attacks, Mime Attacks, Armadillo Attacks, Vole Attacks, Sloth Attacks, Orangutan Attacks, and Bitter Irony. IN THAT ORDER!

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