Gnomedex 3.0: The True Story, Part 1

Chris Pirillo Exposed!
Ewwww…
Sure, it sounds like fun and games, but have you ever stopped to wonder why a powerful media mogul like Chris Pirillo would hold his annual “tech conference” in Des Moines, Iowa, when with a snap of his fingers he could command any venue on the planet? Could it be that something other than a harmless gathering of so-called “geeks” was taking place? What sinister plot was Pirillo setting into motion? I had to find out. So, with notepad in hand, this reporter set off for Gnomedex.

Mission At Risk
The reporter almost blows his cover.
I got into Des Moines early Thursday afternoon, hoping to blend into the crowd before the festivities. I dressed like a complete nerd and carried my passkey to the secret world of the geeks: tech toys. From the lab, I borrowed a communications device called a “cell phone” and a new kind of camera that (if you can believe this) does not require film! My disguise was foolproof. Or so I thought…

I went down to the lobby to try to register early, and who walks in the door? You guessed it. It was the uber-geek himself, whining to his bodyguards and the rest of his entourage about the heat. I tried to duck behind a potted plant, but somehow he spotted me and approached, obviously wanting to add me to his list of celebrity contacts. Damn that Pulitzer!

I was mumbling some half-witted acknowledgment that, of course, it was hotter in Iowa than Florida and trying to ease my way out of the growing circle of reporters and autograph seekers when Mrs. Pirillo herself entered the lobby and approached me. Stunned by her elegant beauty, I almost forgot why I was there. But I came to my senses, wiped the drool from my chin, and tried to remember that this was no simple trophy wife for Pirillo. My sources said she was the real brains behind the operation. Whatever foul scheme they were hatching, she was right in the thick of it. I steeled my will and escaped her clutches.

It took a couple of hours of walking around the skyways of Des Moines to clear my head after that. Obviously, I was dealing with powers beyond measure. I would have to be on my guard the entire weekend. I was in enemy territory now. Surrounded by geeks as they began to trickle into the city at the call of their master, I shuddered and began to wonder why I ever left Orlando.

to be continued…