There is nothing to be typing about. Why am I typing? Because, I have no life.
There once was a man from Nantucket…
No way! There are no men in Nantucket. There are only women.
I am sure men would like to live in Nantucket. Unfortunately, men are not allowed there. If they are found there, they will be captured. If they are captured, then they will have electrodes attached to their testicles and have their heads shaved. Then, they will be sent to the squirrel pit. (The name “Squirrel Pit” is really quite misleading, because the Nantucketians keep any rodent in there, as long as it is irate and rabid.)
So anyway, they are thrown into the “Squirrel Pit”–nude–which wouldn’t make much of a difference to them, if only the rodents weren’t fed on hot dogs…Well, its not a pretty picture.
The women of Nantucket worship cheese. Hence, there are a lot of cows there.
The reason they worship cheese is because it comes from cows, which are sacred to people in India, but not in China. (In China, they are eaten pretty damn quick!) Anyway, cheese is sacred to them because it represents the circle of life:
Cows give milk.
Milk becomes cheese.
Cheese is eaten by rats.
Rats are eaten by dung monkeys.
Dung monkeys are eaten by bigger dung monkeys.
Bigger dung monkeys are eaten by the women of Nantucket.
And a yearly human sacrifice is made to the cows by the women of Nantucket.
The women of Nantucket believe that if they do not sacrifice one woman a year to each cow then they will not give milk. Thus, no cheese–breaking the circle of life shown above. So, they do this without question.
Which brings up another point. One question you should never ask in Nantucket is, “What about goat cheese? Isn’t that eaten by rats too?”
Most likely, if you ask this question, you will be thrown to the cows. After all, goat cheese is sacrilegious…
For some reason (even though they live with only women and sacrifice hundreds of themselves every year), the women of Nantucket are growing in number. They have plans to take over Wisconsin.
Once they accomplish this, they are going to move all of Nantucket to the center of Wisconsin, and from there execute the rest of their evil plan of world domination.
They are going to use Wisconsin as a breeding ground for their army of irate and rabid rodents.
Stop the Nantucketians before it is too late!
The Squirrels, THE SQUIRRELS!!!