I’ll take a bit more Imaginary TV, thanks.

Until now, Fox had the most offensive reality show premise yet. But it’s ABC’s turn to wear the back end of the ass costume!

Not satisified with losing the battle for the hearts and minds of the moron demographic, ABC decided to promote an upcoming 20/20 segment by hyping it as an adoption competition.

It’s this week’s edition of the ABC News program “20/20,” a show titled “Be My Baby,” which chronicles what anchor Barbara Walters has called an “extraordinary competition” among five couples hoping a teen mother in Ohio will choose them to adopt her baby. The “20/20” promo that aired on ABC over the weekend described the show in this way: “Five couples desperate to adopt, all competing for her baby. Four will lose, one will get the baby of their dreams.”

While it may be true that the segment itself won’t be nearly as tawdry as the promo makes it sound, this is one of those times for which the phrase “what the hell were they thinking?” was invented.

I can hardly wait for more of this stuff. Shows like…

“The Amazing Race”
A caucasian, a black and an oriental compete to see which race will be allowed to breed… only one skin tone wins!

“Kill Bill”
Each week viewers select the method of execution for a random person named “Bill” and watch it live! (I’d be looking into a new pseudonym there, missy.)

“The Swan, Starring Miss Swan”
Three hot cheerleaders get complete makeovers by Mad-TV character, Miss Swan.

“Forever Eden”
Six couples get stuck on an island with aging sitcom stars like Bob Denver, Estelle Getty and Jamie Fox and can’t leave until they convince one of them to have sex with them live on TV! Hosted by Barbara Eden (duh).

“Plastic Surgery Idol”
Watch as the five finalists let viewers pick their nose!

Quick! We need us some more reality shows afore our brains start gettin’ all smartified.

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11 Responses to I’ll take a bit more Imaginary TV, thanks.

  1. chari says:

    Ummm… the pick their nose thing. Do you mean like finger in nostril? Heh.

  2. Bill says:

    Dude. “Bill” isn’t a pseudonym.

  3. Kim says:

    Yeah, I was really shocked to see a preview for this episode. And what kills me is that Barbara Walters is an adoptive mom! She should really know better.

    I emailed ABC News to protest it and demand that Baba make a public apology.

  4. Linkmeister says:

    A few months ago we were a Nielsen “family.” Now Nielsen is asking us to do it again. I devoutly wish we’d be rating shows when this one comes on, so I could mark down “3 seconds and switched to The Learning Channel.”

  5. Jenn says:

    Apparently, they are changing the promo now because of all of the outrage. Baba insists that it isn’t like a reality show competition, but shows how intense an open adoption can be etc.

    My opinion, it is just a bunch of ratings grabbing crap! I am appalled by it and think that it is a shame that they would exploit the families like that.

  6. xade says:

    Changing the promo? not a competition? but… but…

    I was imaging imunity challenges and the like.

    “Who can put the baby to bed the fastest.”
    “How many dipers can you change in a minute.”
    and the always telling:
    “Put the four couples in four corners of a room, put the baby in the middle. whoever the baby chooses wins.”

    Fine. I’ll just have to live with paradise hotel for a while then…

  7. Sunidesus says:

    “The Littlest Crocodile Hunter”

    Midgets wrestling various reptiles, last one not eaten wins.

  8. Christine says:

    Friggin’ wonderful. Let’s glorify teen pregnancy by having shows like this.


  9. Lambchop says:

    I despise reality TV, and sadly, it’s just everywhere. (I went into mourning when even the Sci Fi channel jumped on the bandwagon. *sigh*) For a while, I was feeling like I was in the minority – I don’t even watch American Idol. In fact, except for the occasional local news broadcast, (I usually watch CNN, MSNBC, Fox News or Euronews on cable) I don’t even watch network television.

    I hadn’t seen the promos or even heard about the 20/20 hoopla until I watched The Daily Show last night after South Park (quality TV at it’s finest! *g*).

    I blame the OJ Simpson Freeway chase for igniting this ridiculous reality trend. But I admit that I do miss the days of “Battle of the Network Stars.” Ed Asner vs. Robert Conrad, Kristy McNichol vs. Erin Gray. Now THAT was entertainment! 🙂

  10. domino says:

    “Real Fear Factor”

    Just like Fear Factor, but up the prize to $1 million dollars. However, use no safety ropes and helmets, have them eat actual rotten food, and use real dangerous live animals. So if you fail a stunt, you DIE! Talk about motivation.

    As a twist have “theme” shows:

    “3rd World Night”, where contestants from various 3rd world countries struggle to stay alive and win $1 million and change the lives of their families. Have their families there to watch mommy or daddy struggle to stay alive. For example, when daddy gets mauled by the 20 foot great white shark, the camera can zoom in on the faces of the family members as they watch daddy being eaten.

    “Model Night”, watch as beautiful women struggle against each other to stay alive. The winner gets to be on “Extreme Makeover” and gets a role on a sitcom. The losers get designer coffins and they got to die young and stay pretty.

    “Outsourcing Night”, watch as white collar workers struggle to increase productivity and keep their jobs. They compete against offshore workers who do to same job for 1/3rd the money. Losers don

  11. Andy says:

    The plastic surgery thing already exists as a drama. Have you seen “Nip and tuck?” Utterly bizarre and sickening.

    I’d missed the adoption thing on the radar. How low can you go? Apparently there’s always a subsequent nadir.

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