In which the author attempts to avoid work as long as possible and remind his loyal minions of his upcoming birthday…

Home from work today, I’m trying to get a bunch of junk together for a yard sale we’re having… um… today. So, we’re behind schedule. Bite me.

The house we bought in 1997 had its garage converted into a large bedroom/laundry/bath with its own outside entrance. There’s even a separate refrigerator in there. And it’s right off the kitchen. It would make a pretty cool mother-in-law apartment, actually. I could live there. Just sneak into the kitchen for food and never have to interact with the family again. Brilliant!

Well, it would be except for the fact that we piled every ounce of crap in there that could possibly fit.

It started off as our master bedroom, because that was the only place our king size water bed would fit. But apparently a garage still knows it’s a garage even when you disguise it as a bedroom, because it started to gather junk from day one. When we decided to fix up the place a couple of years ago, we planned on having a yard sale. So, we shoved all the yard sale stuff in there, too. (The yard sale never happened.) Then, we needed a place to put all Dad’s instruments and amps and junk when he died–not to mention my own guitars and crap. And, finally, the garage evicted us completely when the waterbed heater died, making it impossible to sleep on without fear of frostbite.

Some friends of ours gave us a new bed a couple of weeks ago, so at last we’re cleaning out the place. V has spent two weeks doing laundry, getting all the old clothes ready for sale or to take to Goodwill. You can actually see the floor! All I have to do is tear apart the waterbed and find a way to get rid of the old refrigerator.

Of course, I can’t do any of that until I’ve spent an appropriate amount of time sitting on my butt in front of the PC drinking coffee. (It’s the law.)

While doing my blogger duty, I ran across a cool site called Welcome To The Retro Future. It’s a collection of articles from the past about the future. You know, like “in the year 2525…” (God, I hate that song.) One of the articles is about Telstar, the satellite and the song.

“Telstar” was from 1962.

I just finished a song swap with some fellow Lounge Lizards where we were supposed to come up with a CD of songs from our birth year. I got stuck with that suckiest of years: 1962.

1962 was in that no-man’s land between the cutting edge of rock-n-roll and the Beatle Era. Elvis was reduced to putting out one single with a couple of cute ditties (“Good Luck Charm”/”Return to Sender”). Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis… all gone from the charts. Ray Charles had the great “I Can’t Stop Loving You”. But the Beach Boys hadn’t really gotten started yet. Neither had Motown. Love Me Do was the only Beatle song available in 1962, as it came out in England in October. But it wasn’t until January 1963 that the tidal wave got cranked up.

I was born in the middle of a rock-n-roll desert.

All of this is, of course, to remind you that with this upcoming birthday, I will be THE ANSWER. (Anyone who doesn’t get that needs to step to the back of the Heart of Gold and wait for something improbable to happen. Like me making sense.) So, you have but a short amount of time to shower me with prezzies. And I don’t want a drizzle, people. I need a shower! Wait. That didn’t sound right…

I suppose I’ve wasted enough time drinking coffee and making strange double-entendres. I gotta go drain the ole waterbed.

Wait… um… yeah…

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11 Responses to In which the author attempts to avoid work as long as possible and remind his loyal minions of his upcoming birthday…

  1. Susan says:

    Oh thank goodness. I thought I was the only person out there with a King Size Waterbed. 😉

  2. jr says:

    Don’t forget the ice pick in case the water froze. I know how cold it can get down in the south.

  3. Busy Mom says:

    We got plenty of time to make plans for your birthday (mwah hahahahahah!). Save me all the tote bags from your sale.

  4. MJ says:

    Hey old man – don’t forget that 1962 was the year of Green Onions – Booker T & The MG’s and Little Eva brought the world a taste of what was to come from Motown with Loco-Motion (a dance song but still).

  5. GeekMan says:

    I’d give you a shower but your body has become so dependant on its protective outer layer of dirt and grime that should it be washed away you might go into shock and expire. Plus, it’s only by digging through those layers of dirt and doing carbon testing that archeologists are able to verify your age.

    Happy B-Day, old man.

  6. Ric The Schmuck says:

    You are getting ahead of the game, aren’t you? Isn’t your birthday, like, a couple of weeks away?

    I suppose that gives your minions enough time to get the prezzies to you via the US Postal Service…. it woul dtake that long, methinks.

    OK, monkey-boy, there were some pretty good songs in 1962. No, you don’t have the big guys, like the Beatles, but Elvis wasn’t exactly past it yet.
    (“Return To Sender”, “Can’t Help Falling In Love”…wouldn’t brother Jeff be proud of me?)
    The original “Twist and Shout”, like earlier stated “Green Onions”, “Up On The Roof” and several Ray Charles songs…. (sigh)

    And as a personal correspondent of the good Doctor, don’t forget that you had “The Monster Mash”, and “Ahab The Arab”…

    OK, there was a lot of drek in 1962. But since you’re so much older than I am, I don’t remember any of it! ppppppthhhhhhhhhhhtttttttt

    Happy Birthday (when it finally comes!)

  7. Linkmeister says:

    SAVE the FRIDGE! Where will the beer live?

  8. Da Goddess says:

    Happy 42nd! When exactly is it? You’ll have to spank me and remind me, hon!


  9. Ric The Schmuck says:

    “SAVE the FRIDGE! Where will the beer live?”

    Linkmeister, that is the quote of the year!

  10. picklejuice says:

    Oh man, I thought you were kidding about draining the water bed. When you told me that, I laughed my ass off, but now I’m just kind of sad for you.

    I’m not going to say happy birthday to you until the day after your birthday, just like last year. How can I keep forgetting about you if you’re all up in my face reminding me about stuff?

  11. Lambchop says:

    Well, I suppose you can look at it as they were waiting for you to be born before anyone could write any really decent music…

    And I REALLY need to reread Hitchhiker’s! I keep meaning to, but I just started a re-read of LOTR so it’ll have to wait a week!

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