Last night Whiny’s bedroom was attacked by the invasion of the carpenter ant people. We tried to keep it conventional by squishing them with shoes and such, but in the end we resorted to the use of chemical weapons. Thus, the boy wound up sleeping on the couch.
This morning as we headed off to church, we tried to tell him to open his door and let the room air out. But the response from the drooling wad of flesh that represented our son was the suspiciously noncommittal: “szzzzkkkkzzzzzz…”
That gave the Mrs. a great idea. Why not have answering machines for sleeping people? I should not be telling you this before the patents have been secured, but it’s just too exciting! Can you imagine it?
Sleeping Dude: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sleeping Dude’s Answer Buddy: I’m sorry. I can’t wake up to listen to you right now, but if you’ll leave your name and a brief message, I’ll try to get back to you when I become conscious. BEEEEEEEP!
Someone Who Needs To Talk To Sleeping Dude: Dude! Get the hell out of bed! The frickin’ apartment’s on fire.
We could even have one for party animals:
Drunk Dude: Aaslkjfaa…hahahahah… I love you maaaaan…
Drunk Dude’s Answer Buddy: I’m sorry. I’m busy making an ass of myself right now, but if you’ll WHISPER your name and a brief message, I’ll try to get back to you when I get over the embarrassment. BEEEEEEEP!
Someone Who Needs To Talk To Drunk Dude: I can’t believe your doing that, man. And with the boss’s girlfriend, too…. You are gonna be sorry tomorrow, dude!
We’re so gonna be rich.
I need one-a those!
And oh man…joys of living in Florida, huh?
Ahhhhh…. the answering machine message. That was my “Eric craves attention” grab in the days before blogging. People tuned in just to hear my outgoing greetings. My most popular ones was “The Weekend of Death” where I threatened to commit suicide if 50 people didn’t leave a message on the machine; and my celebrity impersonations (Jack Nicholson announcing I was being committed, a classic!).
Good thing I’ve grown up, and don’t go to outlandish lengths to get attention anymore, huh? People would think I’m , uh, nuts. heh heh.
One of each, please. Do you take Paypal?
Leave A Message At The Beep
Solonor’s Ink Well: “I should not be telling you this before the
patents have been secured, but it’s just too exciting.”
1) I used to record my answering machine messages while drunk. Boy, was THAT ever a bad idea!
2) My family has discovered that if they call while I am sleeping, I will agree to anything they say in order to get them off the phone. They use this for their own evil purposes.
When you live in Florida, you must learn to accept the rule of the Insect People. They are our overlords.
You’re funny as ƒuck.