Chuggin’

Chuggin’ ice cream shell is one of the greatest joys in life!

So far, the surgeon general has issued nothing to do with ice cream shell. Not a warning. Not a reccomendation. Not a casual remark to a relative that they are out and therefore need more. (If you are out of ice cream shell then you should immediately go get some. FASTER MAN! DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT WITHOUT IT YOUR ICE CREAM WILL BE bum, bum, bumMmMmM…..CREAMY!)

If I were the surgeon general I would issue the following statement. “Falling into a pit of irate rattlesnakes while humming the tune to ‘Girls’ by the Beasty Boys or ‘Squirrels’, which most people haven’t heard but has the same tune, may be hazardous to your health.”

But more importantly I would have studies conducted on ice cream shell. Then, despite the results I would issue this official statement. “Studies have concluded that chuggin’ ice cream shell is the most hazardous thing you can possibly do. It has been shown to cause the following: Cancer, Gingivitis, Arthritis, Apendicitis, Diahrea, Monkey Attacks, Mime Attacks, Armadillo Attacks, Vole Attacks, Sloth Attacks, Orangutan Attacks, and Bitter Irony. IN THAT ORDER!

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The Road to Wealth

You’ve probably seen this bit of investment advice passed around the Internet, but I like it:

“If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1000.00.

With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Budweiser beer, not the stock, one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 5 cent deposit, you would have $75.00.

My current investment advice is to drink heavily and be sure to recycle.”

[Forwarded by Ric the Schmuck]

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Earl Vickers: Supra-Genius

And I wonder why I never get anything done…

I was sitting at my desk today, mindlessly whacking Ichiro Suzuki upside the head, when I thought I’d see what other millionaire baseball players I could get to take out my frustrations upon. Ichiro was added to my collection of desktop toys (“More toys = less room for work.” – Whiny the Elder) by my thoughtful wife, who bought a box of Alpha-Bits cereal just so she could give me the bobblehead doll inside. (OK, so she probably didn’t think that, but it scores brownie points, and she did agree to give it to me if I stopped whining.)

Anyway, I typed “Ichiro bobblehead Alpha-Bits” into Google and found the Raving Toy Maniac. Talk about tons of cool toys! If it is or was an action figure, you can find something about it here.

But that’s not the strange, mysterious and ultimate time-wasting part. That came when I looked for a link to Alpha-Bits to post here and ran across this letter. Never one to pass up reading the bizarre, I went to its source. But before I give you the link, please, swallow any liquids you may be attempting to consume. Failure to do so will cause major spewage.

Ready? It’s The Earl Vickers Museum of Conceptual Art.

Now, I know what you’re saying, “Drop the damn remote, cat!” (or maybe you’re not. what am I? psychic?) But this is not your typical art museum.

For example, one of the newest exhibits is on crap circles. No, I didn’t mis-spell it. CRAP circles. As in, “…mysterious circular feces formations discovered in remote fields, back yards and litter boxes all over the world…”

Continue reading

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Blogrolls Are Back

See? Go out to dinner. Enjoy real life. And when you come back, thor is all finished!

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Blogrolls Are Down

Per thor’s previous announcement, blogroll server is down for upgrade. I’m too lazy (or inefficiently organized) to update all my pages to comment them out. So, don’t bother clicking on Permalinks or Archive pages for the next few hours. The pages won’t finish loading. Sorry about that.

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Hey! Gimme Back the Remote!

That’s just great. Not only do I have to fight for TV time with Whiny the Elder and the Playstation, Pepperkat and Nick Toons, and Mrs. R and Changing Rooms, but now I’m gonna have to wrestle with the felines: Purr-fect TV: Company developing show for cats. Vanilla Bean’s already a couch potato…she doesn’t need more incentive.

[Dumped in the litterbox by CTS]

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Dive Right In

What a long, strange trip…

Click 1
I started the day with an e-mail from CTS, asking me how I put the “customize font” section on the blog. Well, at that point, I told him I couldn’t get into it, since this was a piece of javascript that came with the original Blogger template. I would e-mail it to him this evening.

Click 2
Later in the day, I was looking through my favorite links at the Daypop Top 40. Curiously, even though I had blogged about some of those issues, the Ink Well was not listed as a citation on anything. I just assumed they had some ranking criteria, and I fell outside their radar screen–which is really odd, especially with the blogChalking link. So, I did a search for “solonor” and found the Ink Well. But, mysteriously, their cached version of the page showed a blank section for the posts! I e-mailed Daypop to ask what I did wrong. They immediately responded with some questions, but were just as perplexed.

Click 3
One of the Daypop Top 40 was 30 days to a more accessible weblog from Mark Pilgrim’s dive into mark. Sounded interesting, so I went there.

Click 4
While reading today’s entry on labeling form elements, I remembered something I saw at scriptygoddess that referred to an entry in Mark’s blog. I had already gone through and tried to make sure I was using real links and removed ‘javascript:’ links. Now, I was reading about using relative font sizes.

Click 5
Semi-secure in the thought that I was doing my part for usability, I e-mailed Mark to ask him if the “customize font” thingy met the guidelines for accessibilty. He replied. (It never ceases to amaze me how accessible busy people like Daypop and Mark are to dweebs like me). The answer was, basically, “No, for two reasons: 1. It’s javascript, which not everyone runs; and 2. It forces the user to stop browsing and modify the page, rather than the page modifying for the user.”

Click 6
I thanked Mark (cursing him for making me have to go and change my blog) and asked him if there was anything else unsavory about it. He replied (again with amazing speed) that, for some reason, in the text-only Lynx browser none of the main content was appearing. DING!

Click Click Click Click Click
Mark researched it for me and found some stupid comment tag in the center content that I didn’t have closed properly (all this for a pair of dashes!). So, now my page shows up in the Lynx Viewer, and I’ll bet it shows up on Daypop again. I wrote CTS back and gave him the javascript, but I think I am going to go through the entire “30 days” tutorial pronto!

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In the Year 2525

For a mere $10, you could be living the life of Riley–500 years from now. The Time Travel Fund[tm] proposes to invest your money (less expenses) and let the power of compound interest do its magic. Then, if time travel is ever invented and is legal, they will whisk you away to the future to collect your booty.

The scary part is…they’re serious…

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Operation RATS

Operation RATS – Retrograde Activities and Treachery System

That’s more like it!

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Resistance is Futile, Pt. 3

Sign up today! Make sure your neighbor’s not a terrorist! War is Peace! Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance is Strength!

We don’t have to have terrorists take away our freedom and way of life. We’re going to do it ourselves: Operation TIPS – Terrorist Information and Prevention System.

Not to trivialize this, but do you Babylon 5 fans see any parallels to the Nightwatch? Nah! Me neither.

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