The Secret Handshake

I know this might sound heretical, considering I’m sitting in the heart of the “Red Sox Nation”, but I really don’t like either of the terms “Red Sox Nation” or “Cowboy Up!” The former sounds like a marketing gimmick, and the latter reminds me too much of that stupid “tomahawk chop” in Atlanta.

No, I know how to identify a true Sox fan without resorting to silly catch phrases or looking at their shaved head. It’s easy. I just have to say one of the following lines and watch their reaction:

  • “1972. 1/2 game. What a ripoff!”
  • “Remember how Yaz used to barehand the ball off the Monster and gun down any idiot dumb enough to try for a double?”
  • “They wouldn’t move over from first to third on a single like that on Dewey’s arm!”
  • “Bryce Florie. Ow.”
  • “How come Nomar ain’t got a cool nickname like the Rooster?”
  • “Tony C. God rest his soul.”
  • “Looo-ie. Looo-ie.”
  • “Hit another tater for us, Boomer!”

If they’re a poser (ya know…the ones that know about the Fisk homer and the curse of the Bambino and that’s about it), they’ll just stare blankly or maybe fake a little “Yeah, that was cool.” But if they start tearing up or smiling widely at the appropriate place, then I know I’m talking to a bonafide membah of the Red Sox family.

On another note: Jorge Posada is on my list of Yankees I’d least like to see at the plate with the game on the line. He joins the likes of Graig Nettles, Lou Piniella and Roy White. Congratulations. *grumble*

I promise I’ll be off this baseball drug in a week or two.

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12 Responses to The Secret Handshake

  1. Linkmeister says:

    I have a problem with 1972 and with Florie. Yasztremski, sure. Evans, yup. Burleson, Conigliaro, Tiant and George Scott, fine.

    (Everything I know about the Red Sox I’ve learned from Roger Angell). 😉

  2. Ric The Schmuck says:

    Another way to differentiate is to ask who hit the home run which kept the game alive for Fisk to hit “the Home run”? (Bernie Carbo tied the game, sending it to extra innings. Bernie Carbo was awesome, for you non-believers. Or Johnny-come-lately band-wagon-jumper-on-ers….)
    And as for “Cowboy Up”, I don’t have a problem with it, coming from Kevin Millar (who didn’t originate the phrase among the Red Sox, it was actually Mike Timlim, Millar just ran with it), because it’s genuine (genuine redneck, but genuine nonetheless). It’s no more goofy than “Taters”, when you think about it. And I’m not too proud to consider myself part of Red Sox Nation, because they’ve been using it locally for years, and years (for those of you who MOVED AWAY!!!!!! For those of who who can’t hear Joe and Jerry, because they MOVED AWAY!!! heh heh heh, evil snicker) before it got any of this national exposure. When they kinda sucked, or at least weren’t in contention every year.
    I’m simply enjoying it all, for as long as it lasts. Which may be all the way, and it may not, but with these guys, it’ll be fun till it’s over, because these guys are easy to root for. Go Sox!
    (I’ll now return to crying in my beer over the fact that for two consecutive days I didn’t win the Red Sox playoff tickets that my company gave away as incentives. Which REALLY SUCKS! wahhhhh)

  3. Scott says:

    Here’s one:

    Watching Spaceman confound White Sox batters one summer series so badly that they nearly charged the mound due to his blooper pitches.

    Ahh, memories. Yaz was Da Man in so many ways…

  4. Scott says:

    Oh, and iffen folks don’t know who Spaceman was, then they’re true poseurs.

  5. Linkmeister says:

    I know who Spaceman was (and still is, judging from some quotes I saw in SI this summer). Still puzzling about the other two.

  6. Linkmeister says:

    Ok, I now know who Florie was, but I don’t get the pain, unless it’s the salary he got for being pretty mediocre.

  7. Ric The Schmuck says:

    No, it was true, serious PAIN, as in painful to watch, let alone what he must’ve gone through….
    Put it this way, it makes that collision that Damon and Jackson have look a bit tame (I did say “a bit”… it still was nasty, but the Florie thing was far worse to watch. Even though they didn’t play it OVER and OVER again like Fox….)
    And the Spaceman is awesome. Thanks for reminding me of those silly lolly-pop curves… funny stuff, then and now. Did you see him on that goofy trial that one of the stations ran, ESPN, methinks? He was an “expert witness”. Ha!

  8. Linkmeister says:

    Ah! Did what happened to Kaz Ishii of the Dodgers last year also happen to Florie? Ishii now has the same artificial addition that Zimmer has.

  9. picklejuice says:

    Oh, this sentiment is silly.

    If someone said to you, “Oh, I like Weird Al, too…’Amish Paradise’ was fantastic!” you’d give that person all of your pre-“Fat” stuff that you had. You’d be happy to have another fan, even if they’re late-coming.

    Andy watched baseball for the first time last week but he jumps and cries for the Cubs like my dad does (dad is a life-long, hard-core fan).

    Just because he’s fresh doesn’t mean he doesn’t mean it. I’m happy to have him on my side, personally.

  10. Solonor says:

    Stop raining on my parade. I wanna be a crotchety old Sox fan. *grumble*

  11. Kathy K says:

    Oh. Baseball? Is that what all this ‘Red Sox’ and ‘Cubs’ stuff is about?

  12. Christine says:

    I saw that Bryce Florie thing. It’s a miracle that he was able to come back at all…I’d have thought that he’d be permanently blinded.

    I LOVE the Spaceman! I read his first book, “The Wrong Stuff” (out of print, but maybe it can be found at a used bookstore), and I bought his new one “The Little Red (Sox) Book”. It’s on my list of *to be read soon* books!


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