Whiny the REALLY Elder

I would erase the previous entry, except it’s a useful reminder not to blog when I’m having a bad day.

What I meant to say was that I am going to try to step away from the PC for a bit and concentrate on finishing at least one music CD. It’s not that I can’t blog and record; it’s that I don’t. I find a thousand excuses (aka, hyperlinks) every time I sit at the computer. Plus, I’m wicked bad at resisting the urge to make snarky comments on other blogs. So, I just need to turn it off and focus.

What happened was I got that message mixed in with some general blahs, a bit of overtiredness, and melancholy from looking at old photos of my kids. Then, I just went over the top with that “my whole blog world is falling apart…waaaah” crap.

Oh well, I’ve done it before, and I’ll probably do it again. You’re the idiot that keeps reading my spewage (and thanks for the encouraging words, by the way).

So, for real this time, I’m getting off this sucker until I can produce something worthy for you to listen to.

But before that happens, I found the following little passage at Orange Haired Boy. It sums up my feelings for a certain blogger quite nicely:

You befouled, vitiated poltroon. You blighted, malodorous, mephitic recreant. You are a festering boil on the ass of all humanity. You have all the backbone of a jellyfish. You moribific, feculent simpleton. Would that I could change my species, just so that I might not be associated with you. The stupendous, confounding magnitude of your insipidness astonishes me.

I cannot believe that anyone could muster such a prodigious, astounding level of stupidity. If you were any more asinine or incogitant, you would surely have been put to death long ago. Your vapidity has gone so far beyond any previous boundaries of puerility and nugacity as to banish any and all chances of an intelligent thought from your head. Even the most hardened of regulars unquestionably cannot believe your fatuousness and illogicality.

Your opinions do nothing but lend credence to the overwhelming fact that you are such a driveling simpleton that you cannot find your ass with both hands and a road map. You are the very pinnacle of insensateness. You are the model of banality and subnormality. I am aghast at your apparent ability to insert your head into your own rectum at will.

There cannot be even a fragment of intellectuality or perspicacity to be found within the gaping void which should contain your brain. It amazes me that you are able to perform even the most facile of everyday functions with your exorbitantly disadvantaged and gormless lack of intellect.

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don’t you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, “I’ll bet you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel”. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum, and I wish you would go away.

You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

If you aren’t an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You’re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won’t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I’m sorry. I can’t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don’t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners.

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9 Responses to Whiny the REALLY Elder

  1. Susan says:

    Oh man. Can I use that at the in-law Thanksgiving Dinner?

  2. Ric The Schmuck says:

    The only thing missing is something about your mother being a hamster, and your father smelling of elderberries…

    Pick up that gee-tar, and get crackin’, you!

  3. I blog my nose at you! I fart in your general direction! You kinikit!

    Such a great movie…

  4. Lisa says:

    Ha! That was a riot. Happy music making and we’ll be waiting for you when you get back. 🙂

  5. dragonleg says:

    Heh, heh, i’m an idiot, heh, heh…..

  6. Sunidesus says:

    Wow, now that’s an impressive description of a person!

  7. picklejuice says:

    Wait – who are we talking about here? Let me in on the joke so that I can mock whomever is the subject of your vitriolic spewage!

    Come on, who is it? Let me guess…it’s Ric, right? No, no wait – it’s dragonleg! Sunidesus, perchance? Nah, it’s TOTALLY Susan! Am I right? No? It can’t be Lisa, can it?

    Ooh, come on, let me in on the joke, too! I wanna mock some lame-azz suckah! Don’t make me pout.

    Is it Orange Haired Boy? It’s him, isn’t it?

    I’m just gonna keep on guessing until you tell me.

  8. Solonor says:

    Somehow an insult war loses its point when you don’t reply for 3 days, monkeybutt!

  9. Jason Stare says:

    Snarky comments? On other’s blogs?I don’t believe it. Not one bit! /sarcasm


Comments are closed.