I warned you about the Dave Barry threat. I told you that he would soon overtake poor Gretchen in the Blogrolling Top 100 and that soon we would all be ground ‘neath the boot heels of his manic tomfoolery.
Little did I know how far the conspiracy went…
While I focused on that upstart, the al-Qaeda of Blogdom™ has been scheming all along to dethrone the Princess of the Blogiverse™ from her lofty perch. Their plan was nearly flawless: distract the masses with a flashy celebrity blogger while the heads of the Axis of Blogger Evil™ slowly crept up from behind to snatch her hard-won crown.
And just who are the ringleaders of this nefarious scheme?
Wil Wheaton. Fanatical religious followers. The only position left for me to put him… He’s Iran.
What really surprised me, though, was the exposure of Christine as the Osama bin Laden of this villainy. “Not my Spork Queen!” I thought. But the evidence is too damning to ignore:
- She’s from Texas. (According to Robyn, that’s all the evidence required.)
- SxSW is in Austin.
- Christine is at SxSW!
- Hackers broke into the University of Texas database.
- Search warrants were served in Austin AND Houston.
- Christine is from Houston.
Now, I have to wonder about Houston-ite Laurence. Did he show up as Number Two on my referral list by accident? And what about Jack? Or the rest of the H-Town Bloggers, for that matter? I swear there’s a guy with horns on that page… [update: Their evil HQ has moved to http://www.htownblogs.com/.]
Linking al-Qaeda to Iraq was easy. Just one word: SPORK!
Look what they’ve done already!
wKenShow is closed. Surrealy bloggers are living out of the back seat of D’s car. Hoopty is gone (don’t click on the link unless you want to see Night of the Living Pop-ups). Dick has lost his monkey powers. Even the Queen quit for a time.
So, what are we to do? Lock our doors? Seal off our windows with duct tape and plastic sheeting? Yes, well, that’s a good start. But it’s even more important that we remain vigilant. Pass this poster around. Make sure everyone knows who’s on it. (Oh no! et tu Statia?)
This is happening right under our noses, people! The threat is not going away just because I jump up and down like a loon and scream about it. It takes all of us, together, raising our voices in a cacophony of lunacy to finally defeat blog terror.
Remember, if you don’t panic, the terrorists win. Do it for the children.™